reply to post by shadow watcher
I have this attachment to "home" also. It started over 10 years ago. I thought it was because I lived so far from my family and only saw them
twice a year. But four years ago I was so inclined to go "home" that I jumped at the very first chance to do so. But when I got here I found my
instinct to return home had not diminished at all. If anything it grew stronger.
But the attachment of sadness or loneliness that I feel seems to be only because I cannot go there yet. I have to wait as there are things yet to be
done. I can't explain why but I know we all must wait and be ready. That we must understand our positions in the coming events. A day doesnt go by
that I don't ask to please go home.
I have never felt "in time" with this world. I often think I dont belong here at all but that I must stay because I chose to help. I often ask
what can I do how can I help. I suspect every little thing counts and often we do not even see how these little things affect the whole or bigger
picture.
I hear voices constantly - especially when I focus on them. Its always a chorus of people talking at once. Once, about a year ago, a voice woke me
from sleep. It sounded female but seemed to echo as if the one female voice was louder than the rest. Whenever I wake I feel as if there are people
around me watching but I am not ever afraid.
I dont even fear what is coming but rather rejoice in it. The more this is discussed, I think, the more people will be open to those things they
cannot see or touch in the "waking" world.
I wrote this about 3 years ago and continue to change it as I progress in life (which has been a lot in the last few years).
I traverse these wastelands… weary and worn. Through a menagerie of timeless souls do I seek refuge but find only endless torment. Alas have I
found myself abandoned in this desolate sanctuary when so recently I am arrived… From these forsaken passages of time shall I seek worth… to find
mine own worst enemy is but my very soul?
Upon my knees… cast out and down, my fingers find the very soil to which I must return. So shall this be my worth? Left at last to feed those same
carrion beasts that circle now abiding their own moment when at last they will vent their fury upon my soulless flesh.
Closing my eyes, I at last see salvation… Yet death in its Infinite wisdom comes not for those who are blinded by their own indiscriminate passion.
Death knows only torment and suffrage, cursing my own blind faith by whispering as a shadow on the very edge of my enduring visions. Therein lies the
beauty of truth and wisdom withstanding.
Passion, fear, love, hate, truth, denial, beauty, honor, and horror… How then is understanding and wisdom so ascetically beyond my reach? When
will this lesson be learned that I may free myself of this burden borne? When shall I find my worth in this world? Where shall my path lie?
Forgive my Byzantine worries… My troubles are not hazard for your soul and I’ll trouble you not to weep for mine, for it has long since been
condemned to this purgatory we call Earth. Shed not one tear for yours are forthcoming, but I beg you bare your soul that you may light this world;
or hold onto yours sins and scar your tiresome soles.
When my time is done in this place, then shall I be light, borne upon the places of sweet, sweet savory love. Blissfully bound in eternal peace and
free, dare I say free, from this earthbound pain. Then shall I pray for you. Then shall I beg the light be shed upon you and yours. Then shall I
be able, ever willing… So inclined shall I be to make you divine.
[edit on 10/23/07 by rezial666]
[edit on 10/23/07 by rezial666]
[edit on 10/23/07 by rezial666]