My exgirlfriend, turns out she's pregnant

are you for real???

jesus, i feel for you man...

i see the results of your predicament at my part-time job: young teens are forced into working in order to pay for the family that they have been forced to have...

well, either they chose to have kids or it was by accident...

additionally, i know young teens that got married already...

having these kids at early ages and / or getting married at young ages is a big minus...

yes, one must go to college to insure success in life and one must save money even before having a child and / or before getting married...

well, that's just my opinion...

anyway, back to your problem...

firstly, sorry i call it a problem (i hope you don't take offense to it)...

while i read your opining post, i really felt bad for you...

sure having a child can be great (and a blessing and all that good stuff), but only if the parents are willing and ready...

so, what i would suggest you do is seriously consider if you want to get back with your ex-girlfriend...

having two loving and caring parents is the key to raising kids, right???

if you want to, then just prepare to have the child by saving up money and planning for the future...

if you do not want to get back with her, then you can support her and the child while you are separated (if you want)...

or you do not have to do anything at all...

but, what do i know, i am only 19

good luck!!!

Originally posted by chissler
Like I said, this isn't about being right or wrong.

Don't delude yourself pal, when it's about someone's life it is most certainly about what is the right or wrong thing to do. What if the OP had taken the advice you were so adamanently insisting he take... things could have went from bad dream to nightmare in about ten seconds. If he'd made police reports based on the accusations of someone whom has already proven they're a liar, the situation would have been escalated to something far, far worse. You were wrong. Period.

You can continue taking your own bad advice as much as it pleases you to do so, personally I wouldn't consider a single word you ever said because you assess situations from a standpoint of blind emotion rather than sensibility and self-preservation.

Now now freshcoffee and chissler. Settle down. You both were right

So, Im pretty sure now that its mine. You see I called one of her girl friends. and she knew about the whole thing. I dont really know how to explain, but Im pretty convinced.

Im gonna stay her friend. Not only iss it my obligation but also she's going to be going through really hard times, and hopefully I can help her out. Im a Christian, and although my previous actions werent all that holy, its time to make amends. I dug the hole I have to climb out of

Originally posted by fweshcawfee
Don't delude yourself pal, when it's about someone's life it is most certainly about what is the right or wrong thing to do. What if the OP had taken the advice you were so adamanently insisting he take... things could have went from bad dream to nightmare in about ten seconds. If he'd made police reports based on the accusations of someone whom has already proven they're a liar, the situation would have been escalated to something far, far worse. You were wrong. Period.

If that makes you feel better about yourself, then yes. You were right, I was wrong. Can we move on?

Originally posted by fweshcawfee
You can continue taking your own bad advice as much as it pleases you to do so, personally I wouldn't consider a single word you ever said because you assess situations from a standpoint of blind emotion rather than sensibility and self-preservation.

Self-preservation? Exactly. I had the best interests of the unborn child at heart, not myself. Apparently you were looking out for number one.

For a moment I thought a positive discussion was possible. Apparently this is an ego-boost to you, where you need to constantly remind everyone about how right you were, and about how wrong I was.

If you're happy, I'm happy. Let's move on.



Vegemite,

Please distance yourself from this person. You seem like a good person who will sacrifice his own well being, for those that he loves. Someone who will take advantage of you like this, does not have your best interests at heart. You are a good person who does not deserve to be treated like this.

Continue to be yourself, and you will find the right match. Clearly, this isn't it.

Stay strong dude.

reply to post by Vegemite


Chis was wrong, you need to realize that and admit it to yourself. I say that not out of anything against him but with the intention of helping you get your head on straight. You need to be more aware of things Veg because being unaware of things is what got you into this mess to begin with. There is a very large turd hanging under your nose and you need to start smelling it.

Also by staying her friend, you aren't climbing out of anything, you're only sinking yourself further into it. Can't you see that when it comes to this girl your instincts are screwed up? You're young and impressionable, the perfect candidate for someone like her to toy with. You're susceptible to her manipulations, she's lied to you and played off your gullibility before and she'll do it again.

Bah! Do what you like, I'm done with this thread, no one is listening to me anyway. Good luck to you regardless, I'm out.

Well today, she gave me this letter that explained everything. Turns out she lied about the pregnancy, but Im gonna have her take a pregnancy test anyway. If she isnt I can sleep easy.

I have trouble abandoning her, she's having a really hard time at home, and I feel bad just forgeting about her in her darkest hour. But in a way I want to move on and get back on with my own life, but I feel guilty

Originally posted by Vegemite
Well today, she gave me this letter that explained everything. Turns out she lied about the pregnancy, but Im gonna have her take a pregnancy test anyway. If she isnt I can sleep easy.

I have trouble abandoning her, she's having a really hard time at home, and I feel bad just forgeting about her in her darkest hour. But in a way I want to move on and get back on with my own life, but I feel guilty

Well, Kid, you're not really abandoning her, you're not married to her. If she did turn out to be preg I was going to suggest helping her financially but doing so thru a neutral adult 3rd party. Why don't you limit you communications with her to correspondence and run that thru your parents ? They may be a lot of help as they'd surely, (I hope), have a lot of compassion for the both of you. You have a lot ahead of you and need to avoid further heart breaking mistakes.

Well kiddo you dodged a bullet here by all means have this girl take a test if you need it to give you peace of mind when it comes back negative grab your gear and head for the hills. You can not save her dont waste your time trying and please quit talking to her. This girl obviously has severe issues and i pray that she does get the help she needs but you are in no position to provide it, does it hurt yeah it does but you will get through it. Mourn the relationship and move forward you have a long life ahead of you and to be honest it is far to short to be spending it mired in drama after drama with this one, let it go if it is meant to be it will be when both of you are ready for it.

So let me get this straight, she keeps leaving you to screw other guys? She's supposedly pregnant, screws some guy to move to Mississippi, is this bitch bi-polar or what? Sounds like my ex. Brings back memories here. Dump her ass and never talk to her again.

She has issues that needs to be dealt with immediately. I would atleast find out if she is pregnant or not. ANd if she isn't never talk to her again, if she is and its yours try to take that baby from her asap. If its not yours act like you dont even know her. If you stay together, she will screw around on you and the same # will keep happening. She is just using you when she has nobody.

You ought to screw her again, and then tell her your through with her afterwards, so she will know how that # feels.

Vegemite,

You have some serious problems as well as does she.

You are not in the rescue me buisness. YOu are not in the lost puppy buisness. I have been in the rescue buisness...the drama buisness. The rescue me buisness is highly unprofitable as is the Drama buisness.

I can assure you women who are drama queens can bring up one drama after another faster than you can deal with them.

ON the topic of abuse...Has it ever occured to you or the other posters here that such mental drama is in fact abuse??? She is abusing you and you are allowing it because you feel the need to rescue...to save her.

We are so stupid today as a people that we think of physical abuse as the most severe abuse. It is not . Mental abuse can be just as bad or severe. Just ask any woman who has been lied to about a relationship.

Dont be stupid here Vegemite.

You should have reported this to the police and also gotten a pregnency test done..then if it went foreward ..a DNA test.

If nothing else doing this pregnency test and or a DNA test would illustrate to this girl that you are not a emotional pushover. That you are not a train wreck as is she. Believe it or not females respect a certain kind of assertive man that they cannot manipulate with their drama. It is obvoius that this female does not respect you enough to treat you with respect. You have brought most of this upon yourself with your ignornace of these concepts. Do not be a drama queen yourself. They feed off of this.

At your age there are lots of male and female drama queens who have mostly a television education and majoring in emotional satisfaction..providing someone else take the risks. Some people never grow out of this drama queen stuff into thier 50s. You need to be smarter than this. YOu also need to get out of your drama queen menu and start thinking not emoting. The price you will pay for living for your emotioins will be severe if you dont learn to manage it correctly.

IF you can ever get women to truely level with you they will tell you how manipulative some women can be. This is in fact abuse. Women can see other manipulative women naked...much faster than males. They are sharper in this arena than are males here. You need to be smarter than this too for your survival. Do you want a career in such abuse and drama??

Think ...dont emote.

Thanks,
Orangetom

[edit on 21-10-2007 by orangetom1999]

my apologies. I dont know why these boards sometimes double post but I have deleted it.

[edit on 21-10-2007 by orangetom1999]

reply to post by orangetom1999


Orangetom,

Would you care to give some specifics and examples so that people can better understand what you're actually talking about?

Because I've noticed, you have this strange.... almost hypnotic.... way of posting, where you make all these vague statements.... and generalizations..... so that people have to fill in the blanks, with their own minds.... because you never actually say anything of substance!

Some people may find it entertaining to read all this stuff and, just start daydreaming..............



But others have NO patience for that kind of thing!

MrdDstrbr,

Thanks for your post and reply..also your questions or desire for clarification. No problem.

The OP.....Vegemite goes through this long sequence of drama with this girl who claims she is pregnant. She does not want him to check up on her to the point he is questioning the validity of her pregnancy or her bruises from abuse. He complies. She wants to operate in the hidden arena. This is known as Occult,concealed...not seen outside of a selected or controlled group. She does not want the light of day to be shown or cast on this drama she is directing. He complies. He is a puppet on a string.

She enjoys the drama. She obviously has him ...Vegemite... pegged as needing attention as much as she. He needs to rescue so as to earn his way to a womans attention. He is willing to try out for her approval. She obliges him by keeping him further on the emotional strings. He complies again. In short ..she abuses him for attention and power ..female attention and power. This works well with many males because they actually are willing to stick their neck in the noose willingly so as to allow her to tighten up the noose. IN short...she does not respect him. She will use and control him with drama for attention. He complies because he thinks he is being and doing what men are supposed to be doing.
He is still so dumb he wants to remain friends with her so the he can get back on the puppet strings.
He will wind up rescueing her again because he thinks this is what men should be spending a career doing to stay within a females line of sight. He does not fully understand that her attention span is not long enough to keep him in her line of sight when she can do drama instead and direct the whole play.

You have to go to school and get educated into dumbness to get this naturally stupid. But drama and psuedo drama has become a important part or our daily lives when we are groomed in it by hour after hour after h our ad nasuem from movies and television ...which is where many of us today get our examples of what real life should be like.

Hence I use the example of puppet strings. Both of them are responding to puppet strings which are not their strings. They are attempting to live a false paradigm.

This OP ..Vegemite is very young. The younger he is when he finally learns this template or paradigm the better off he will be through life. I am not saying that all women out there are like this. Not at all. I am saying that you dont find poll numbers on this to illustrate that this is more common that most people realize. I have seen women in thier 50 trying to play variations of this game because they think that it will never see the light of day and they will never be held accountable. This game depends on the natural stupidity of a male and there are plenty of them out here...plenty.

Nothing wrong with Chivalry ...properly applied...nothing at all. There is something very wrong with stupidity...very wrong. both male and female. Understand now??
HOpe this helps clarify.

Alot of girls and women get away with this nonsense because most men or guys are way to stupid to force them into the light of day.
This girl is ignorant enought to get caught up in this drama scenerio in which she thinks she specializes and run into a real genuine abuser. Many have.

The fault here in this story or tale is primarily the fault of the male..

Thanks,
Orangetom

reply to post by orangetom1999


Are you male or female, orangetom?

I have a really hard time believing that a male would go ON and ON about how "stupid" men are, like you do....

You are VERY obviously female and fooling no one.

As for the emotional abuse and manipulation of men by women, well yes that is possible, but ONLY to the extent that a man is "stupid" enough to put all his eggs in one basket!

Focus on one woman to the exclusion of all others, and yes, she can choose to take advantage of that and string you along and abuse you indefinitely. But if you can recognize, "Yeah Girl A is stringing me along and making a lot of big promises that she never keeps - but Girl B and C and D and E are not!", then it becomes very easy to know which girl or girls to choose - and which ones to avoid.

It is not difficult for a man to avoid that trap at all. NEVER, EVER, EVER, EVER, EVER put all your eggs in one basket, that's all!

ALWAYS have options and choices - because options give you power.

MrdDstrbr,

Are you male or female, orangetom?

I have a really hard time believing that a male would go ON and ON about how "stupid" men are, like you do....

You are VERY obviously female and fooling no one.

Your deep ...no doubt about it ...very deep. I gotta hand it to you. Congratulations.

As for the emotional abuse and manipulation of men by women, well yes that is possible, but ONLY to the extent that a man is "stupid"

Thats what I was saying..precisely. Not that a man puts all his eggs in one basket but he does not put his eggs in a basket which is not worthy. If he puts his egges in a basket worthy ..fine ..I am glad for him. It is up to the individual men to educate themselves sufficient to pull his head out of his backside and get some fresh air...clean out his brain cavity. This requires clear thinking about the true nature of a thing..not the appearence of a thing or a deception. A counterfit ..which is what the OP had on his hands and didnt seem to undertand. To much emotional baggage blocking his thinking.
Do you think this is a concept for which a woman/female is likely to educate or invest in a man only to risk losing him to the next woman? Women dont tend to want to educate their man in the nature of a woman. They tend to want their men ready made..not a project in the making.

THe OP is not ready for this type of education as of yet. This is obvious to me. They would rather spend a career for now in rescuing females to the point that he helps the females like this keep his head up his backside and be proudful enough to post this stupidity on BTS.
The question for me is at what age will his head come out and the fresh air start working??

This is a male problem in dumbness. Lots of males out here like this...at any age. They just dont think things through ..but emote instead.

It is not difficult for a man to avoid that trap at all.

It is very difficult for a man/male to avoid this if they are not experienced in it or taught the fundamentals. Very difficult.

ALWAYS have options and choices - because options give you power.

This last statement of your's is a fundamental principle of female thought and power structure. It does not come naturally to most males.
Performing and doing for females comes more naturally to males without thinking about the value of their prerforming or the risks involved.
It is sort of like sports conditioninig for males. They know more instinctively how to carry out the play...and score the touchdown. Sports condititioning is conditioning to do ..to perform....even to thier expendability and disposability. Is this not what is concerning/worrying the OP??

Its very easy for some women to give the guy the clue and cue..the play to carry out and he will run for the touchdown for her. Understand?? Lots of women know this...they are not about to clue in the male to this kind of thinking but keep him running for her touchdowns. NOt all women do this ..I am not implying that.... but it is more prevalent than ever publically told. The OP is a guy who will standby to run the play and touchdown for her. She knows this. Just give him the clue and cue..the play and he will show up to run for the touchdown.
He has indicated this by his willingness to continue as friends when she has obviously deceived him about her pregnancy. She is a train wreck and he is willing to follow her into the crash site to score the touchdowns.

Thanks,
Orangetom

[edit on 22-10-2007 by orangetom1999]