My exgirlfriend, turns out she's pregnant

In my previous thread I said that my girlfriend broke up with me, Well the story doesn't end there.

So about a week after she broke up with me a second time, she im's me. Now my plan was to not talk to her ever again but I caved. Well we get to talking and she wants to get back together and I said no. She says she loves me and I said then whyd you break up with me. She says that Ronald hit her and made her say it. I dont believe her, because I think she's just making up excuses. After I deny her again she says she's pregnant. Which I thought was impossible at the time, because like the day before she broke up with me, she said she had her period (the first time we did it I didnt use protection, she says she just told me she got her period because she was afraid). Well yesterday she calls me on the phone and she keeps saying that she is and how ronald hit her.

Well I cant tell if she's making it up, but she convinced me. She's been living with her grandma all her life and she kicked her out. So now she's living with her aunt.

I dont know what to do. Im only 17 and I have a baby on the way. I suggested adoption but she's adamant about wanting to raise it. I dont know how Im gonna tell my parents. What about college? Should I get back together with her? these are all things that I have to deal with now.

For all the younger kids that are reading this; please abstain until marriage, and use a condom everytime. After all the first time I(did) it, just to see what it feels like, I end up changing my life, forever. Dont make the same mistake

Advice? Comments? Questions? Please just talk to me

[edit on 9-17-2007 by worldwatcher]

That's tough, I feel for you I really do. When I was 16 my girlfriend(at the time) got pregnant, and we both decided on getting an abortion. We both knew we were really to young to have to worry about raising a child. Also, she had been abusing drugs at the time, so it would not be best to bring a child into the world in that situation.

All I can is, the baby is just as much yours as it is hers, and she should hear your side of things and take them to heart. This is a decision you must both agree on, because it involves drastically changing both of your lives.

Also, not to make things crazier, but a friend of mine was in a similar situation. His ex told him that she was pregnant, even told her whole family as well. Yet, she knew that she wasn't, and her friends later told my friend the truth, because even her best friends thought it was messed up (who wouldn't?). If you are unsure, just take her to a doctor to get a real pregnancy test, that should clear up anything in that realm.

If someone is abusing this girl, you should report it to the authorities immediately. If an individual is abusing a woman, who is possibly carrying your son, then you should have reported it to the authorities the second you heard of it.

If you question her motifs for a second, you should ask her to go to the hospital with you, to have medical confirmation that she is in fact pregnant.

As for getting back together with her, just ask yourself one question: "If she wasn't pregnant, would you even have to think about it?

You should not go back with her because she is pregnant. You should go back to her if, and only if, you actually want to share a relationship with her.

A child is better served growing up with a single mother, and a dedicated father in his life, rather than a set of parents that despise one another. If you can not get along with the mother of your child, you should not be with her. Whether you try it or not, the resentment that will develop for the mother, it will trickle to the child. And I'm certain that nobody involved wants that.

First things first, pick up the phone and contact the authorities. Abusing women is absolutely despicable. Abusing a woman who is pregnant is beyond comprehension. If you do not contact the authorities, you are enabling this violence and unfortunately, guilty as well.

I'm not sure of your state laws, but where I come from, you are mandated by law to report the abuse of any child. If this woman is pregnant, and is being abused, connecting the dots is not very difficult.

Pick up the phone.

Keep us updated and speak your mind. We are here to support you, even if that just means listening.

Good luck.

To AceintheHole

Yes true, but I saw her today and she has these large bruises all over her arms, so she definitely wasn't making up the whole hitting part. In retrospect I prolly should of had her take the pregnancy test two months ago when we first we're worried. But yes, I would definitely like proof

[edit on 16-9-2007 by Vegemite]

To Chissler

I agree with you about the whole authorities thing. When I first heard it, I asked her if I should call the cops but she refused. So theres not really anything I can do there.

As for her, its not that I dont like her or that I despise her, its just that she already broke up with me twice. Once for guilt over this guy kissing her and again, possibly motivated by fear. So I dont know what to do, normally I wouldnt, but this is a unique case, seeing how she might have been coerced into it. I think I have to wait a while and then reevaluate my feelings about her

Originally posted by Vegemite
I agree with you about the whole authorities thing. When I first heard it, I asked her if I should call the cops but she refused. So theres not really anything I can do there.

Nothing you can do?

Dude, the mother of your child.. the child that she is currently carrying, is being physically abused by another man. Does it not scare you that your child can be born with some sort of physical or mental disability, due to this abuse? Can you live with yourself knowing this? Because, "there's nothing that you can do!"

Yes there is. Pick up the phone and contact the authorities.

Will she be mad at you? Probably. She might be pissed off at you. She might be royally pissed off at you. But you will get the satisfaction of knowing that your son or daughter is going to be safe. That is what a good father would do.

If you're going to be a father, it starts today.

Pick up the phone.

Youre right chissler. I havent even thought about that. Im going to bring this to her attention tonight. And if she doesnt like it. Well thats too bad

You're making the right decision.

While she may not support you, it's not solely her decision. You have an obligation to this child. Personally, I would make the phone call now. But if you choose to wait until this evening to discuss this with her first, then so be it.

But do not allow this to go unnoticed. Whether she agrees or not, this is something you need to do. Her assurance that she will stay away from this individual is not enough.

Remember, this is not about you and her. This is about you and your child.

Please, keep us updated.

My heart goes out to you.

Thanks chissler. I cant even believe Im in this situation. Im just waiting to wake up any moment now. Im catholic, and I always thought I would be strong enough to keep my morals straight. But its tough when theres expectations to meet from your peers.

Vegemite...

Man, thats a lot to have to deal with, keep your head up.

I agree with Chissler, if she is being hit or abused in any way, call the police. You have every right and responsibility to do so, please do it. No woman or girl deserves to be hit, ever.

The only advice I can offer about the baby is... I would ask her to take a pregnancy test and let you see the result.

If she is pregnant, then you have some decisions to make. You will have to talk with her, do so in a calm manner, it won't be easy, but try not to fight, you both should take the others feelings into consideration.

I won't say one way or another my thoughts on adoption, abortion, etc. That is up to you guys.

If this gets to be too much to handle, then I say don't try to do it yourself. Talk to someone, try parents or other family members, reach out to your church, if you don't have one, I'm sure there is one close by that would try to listen to you and help you out.

I don't really have much more to offer, but first, please don't let her be abused anymore, contact the authorities and get her some help and protection.

Good luck friend... God bless.

This is just my 2 cents.Definitely get her to a doctor to confirm the pregnancy...and an ultrasound..(sonogram) to determine the date the baby was concieved, as close as possible.You may also be looking at a paternity test if she has been with another.I also agree with Chissler.Terrible that this has fallen on your lap at your age. However you are not alone.My son was born when I was 11 days shy of my 16 th birthday.Yes shocking.My boyfriend was 19.I would definitely advise you to do what suggestions have been made to you first.And figure it out from there.It sounds like she is grasping at straws to keep you...and may not even be pregnant at all...or it may not be yours.Keep us posted. Will be here if you need anything.

I agree with AccessDenied,
definately get a paternity test even if she says she hasn't been with another man. She may just be telling you it's your because she knows you are/will be the better parent. Even if she "feels" it's yours. I've heard way too many stories of women lying to people saying the baby is there's when it isn't. While it is good if you can take care of her in case it is yours, just try to remember it may not be yours if she has been with another man. I would even go as far to say whoever is abusing her is probably making her sleep with them and may be the father.

Talk to your parents. They are older and wiser and will give you insight.
i suggest adoption. Of coures she wants to keep it, but it will be hard for you to to raise it.

I am sorry, hang in there! I understand your fright.

Bro i know exactly what your going through.An exgirlfriend of mine said the same thing to me about two weeks after we broke up for good and she new i meant it.I was going through a real rough patch at the time and she knew it and played on it.Believe me it really screws your head up especially if you want nothing more to do with them.Anyway long story short she was lying and her sister ended up giving her a hiding for stuffing me around haha.U2U me if you want some advice although i might not be that helpful or even just someone to talk too its weird but sometimes talking to a stranger works best trust me.

Originally posted by chissler
If someone is abusing this girl, you should report it to the authorities immediately.

Wow was that ever bad advice. Do you actually think the girl is telling the truth, didn't you read the OP at all? The girl has lied to him about things, she very likely is lieing about being hit by someone as well.

Teenage girls have a broad reputation for crying wolf and exagerating physical abuse to get attention, that may be stereotypical but it's still the truth, it happens every day. This girl has lied to the OP already, why should he believe her about this?

Taking someone like that at their word, which clearly is worthless, is a bad idea. The OP should wash his hands of her and let her sort out her own problems, if she's being abused by someone she knows how to talk to her family or get help on her own.

reply to post by Vegemite


The first thing you need to do is force her to have a pregnancy test.
The second thing you need to do, if she is "really" pregnant, is force her to take a DNA test to make sure it is yours.

'IF", it turns out you are a father, you need to do some serious thinking.
Unfortunately, if she is, she gets all the choice to keep it or not.
If she keeps it, you get to pay child support-wether you wanted the child or not.

For your sake, I hope she is not.
If you are lucky and this is not the case, for god’s sake, use "protection" every time-no matter what she says.
Protect yourself; no one else will protect you.

You also need to find a talk show on the radio or internet-Tom Leykis-
"DAD" will teach you what clearly no one else has.

Tom Lykis


[edit on 9/17/2007 by mrmonsoon]

i thnk shes lying about being pregnant..ask her to get a test and demand to see the results...chicks pull these kind of stunts to keep a man..and i would ask for a paternity test if she really is pregnant...call maury

thanks for the advice guys.
I definately think shes pregnant, but I dont know if its mine. When I asked her about it she said she couldnt talk about it, but she says she knows its mine. So I asked for proof.

She also said I should just forget about her, because she's sad when she's around me. Prolly her feeling of regret. But I told her she'd get over it

Originally posted by fweshcawfee

Originally posted by chissler
If someone is abusing this girl, you should report it to the authorities immediately.

Wow was that ever bad advice. Do you actually think the girl is telling the truth, didn't you read the OP at all? The girl has lied to him about things, she very likely is lieing about being hit by someone as well.

Didn't he say that he met with her and saw the bruises ?

Besides, even a rumor of abuse should be reported... don't take any chances.

Wouldn't you want someone to come to your rescue if you were being abused?

yes here it is..

Originally posted by Vegemite
To AceintheHole

Yes true, but I saw her today and she has these large bruises all over her arms, so she definitely wasn't making up the whole hitting part.

[edit on 17-9-2007 by elevatedone]