women hate nice guys

women hate everyone in my opinion

We don't hate nice guys... but we (some of us), don't like wimps. I personaly need a guy with strong charactar and alot of backbone. I don't want a 'yes man' or someone that will just do what ever they think I want. I want a man that is at very least my equil.

Is that why women in abusive relationships seem to stick with it no matter what?

Women like a man with backbone! whos not afraid to slap her when she deserves it !

I think it comes down to genetic memory or something to be honest. Subconsciously the brain is constantly looking for a mate thatr will be genetically adiquete and superior.

For the female, her mind searches for an alpha male with strong hunting characteristics. Someone whos fit, strong, and attributes a pack leader mentality. This means that his genes are good, and the best ones to pick for the survival of the nextgeneration.

wimpy, sensitive men, are not an alpha male type. They attribute more female traits and a less dominant trait. Theyre beta males to a pack leader, and not acceptable mates.

Nature is a harsh but functional mistress

Ok lets not beat our heads against the wall here people... :bnghd:

The reason women do this is very simple. Human beings are quite simple. They do what they feel.

Break it down -->

Women want strong men BECAUSE chances are they grew up where the male was dominant over the female. In other words, in the majority of households the male is the president and the female is the vice.

Most females have zero issues with this so long as you make them feel one thing... LOVE.

If you show a woman that you are indifferent to them (which can include some @sshole like behavior) they will work hard to gain your favor. If you respond by slowly giving them more of your time and recipricating their efforts (of niceness) they interpret this as YOU FALLING IN LOVE WITH THEM.

So what have we learned? Women trade s*x for love and men trade love for s*x. In its simplist form that's basically whats going on. Once you get into the details of it there are many "grey areas" and this is where relationships get tripped up and feelings get hurt.

I just turned 30 and my general recommendation would be that it is unwise for females to get too seriously involved before the age of 24 and males before the age of 27. If you plan on longterm relationships you need to understand that life is pretty f**king long!! Go out and explore, have fun, start your career, and basically figure out who you are and what you want BEFORE you get involved in a serious relationship.

Hope this helps!!

-Cheers

Some of the advice given in this thread is pretty good. I'll have to agree with those promoting the Alpha Male idea.

Most (not all by any means) women like to feel secure. They like to know that if a fight breaks out between you and some jerk, you'll end up on top. You don't have to be an a$$ to her, you don't have to neglect her, you just have to assure her that she won't have to be the one throwing the punches (verbal or physical) when if comes to a fight. A few women don't mind defending their man, but most women prefer to be with the winner, a perfectly natural feeling.
Unfortunately it is the a$$e$ of the world who usually give off the "winner" vibes. The women are attracted to this power (physical or financial), and don't realize until it is too late that they are stuck with the jerks. Sometimes they don't have the self esteem to move on (and the jerks aren't helping either), sometimes they are threatened to stay in the relationship, sometimes they stay for the sake of financial security (i.e. doesn't have anywhere else to go), and sometimes they stay in hopes that the person will change for the better (which rarely if ever happens).

You do NOT have to be a jerk to get a woman to love you, but you also cannot smother her with attention. Someone mentioned knowing when to put your foot down. Good advice. Some women don't enjoy being allowed all the freedom they want. In other words,.... if they feel like lighting your hair on fire ( Sorry, a friend's personal experience), you don't just sit there and take it, you let her know she stepped over a boundry you're not willing to take.
You can't give her everything she's ever wanted, or she'll grow bored with gifts in a very short period of time. Make her earn it, and she'll place value on your gifts. You don't give kids hundreds of dollars when they ask for it, you make them earn it, otherwise soon they'll never appreciate the value of money, or the value of hard work. What happens when you eat ten gallons of ice cream in a day? You pray you never lay your eyes on ice cream ever again. Moderation is the key here. For instance,....Calling her five times a day after the initial "crush" has worn down a little is insane in my opinion. Leave a little to be desired,.. a little mystery to keep her guessing.

How long did your relationships last? What was the longest relationship you've ever had, and was there something different about it from the others? Did you bore them? How's your personal hygene? Where do you meet them? What social class to they belong to? Do you introduce them to your parents right away? If so, do your parents make them feel visibly comfortable? (i.e. girlfriends don't complain about them afterwards). Have they ever witnessed you being humiliated by another man? Do you have any STDs? (maybe embarrassing, but a serious issue) There are so many different possibilities here to consider.

You mention you've had a lot of girlfriends, some of them very attractive. This means that you make a great first impression. Whatever it is you do after that is what is to blame here, so you'll have to look back at your relationships, and determine what is signifficant/to be noted right before the break-up. I hope you don't ask women to move in with you after a couple of months, and certainly hope you don't start scaring them with even bigger committments (i.e. marriage proposals) any earlier than six months to a year. It is always best to wait for them to mention it if you're not sure how they will react.

Those are some things to consider here. I don't know you, and certainly there is no way for me to know what you're doing wrong unless I see it happen, so I'll have to rely on the fact that you give me accurate info, and don't leave anything out. One thing is for SURE. Being an a$$/ho-slapping pimp is NOT the solution to your problem. It might get you a woman, but not a happy long-term relationship. Remember that it is the outer appearance/illusion of power that draws women to jerks, not love/affection. Some just end up sticking to the jerks, because of what I described in the beginning of this reply.

I disagree with the theory that the caveman instinct still applies. I think that courtship varies from culture to culture as much as culture does. Like in India arranged marrages are still the norm, or in the 1800's men were supposed to woo women thru poetry and music, or in Romeo in Juliet, you could date anyone but were expected to marry someone to improve the familys power.

Originally posted by Vegemite
I disagree with the theory that the caveman instinct still applies. I think that courtship varies from culture to culture as much as culture does.

I hope you don't believe that arranged marriage is usually something desired by either the man, woman, or both. Arranged marriages had/have nothing to do with physical attraction, they had/have everything to do with money and land. It was a way of legally combining one large property/wealth with another. Also, people were not allowed to marry outside their social class, lest they be disowned. Physical and emotional attractiong has ZERO to do with marriage in these cases, and everything to do with wealth. It is a bonus when the two people end up loving each other, but not only does this take years, for some it never happens.

We're talking free society here, where men and women usually marry, because they are physically and emotionally attracted to each other. In other words; Animal/basic instincts.
Men can still use poetry and music to attract the female, but that alone won't keep most of them around. Besides, even in the 18th century basic instincts applied. Women of good social standing always aimed to catch the more influential men in society, not those below them. They still sought the Alpha Male.

Women don't hate nice guys. They just don't SLEEP with nice guys. It's the bad-boy jerks that make them wild. Nice guys get to be the "friend" that listens to them when they complain about those jerks.

Ask most women about their ex-husbands. They were all jerks. Proves the theory.

but the nice guys do end up getting the rebound sex in the end, so I guess it works out for the best.

I'm trying to stay away from the instinktive/human/nature/caveman stuff ... and I have an example.

Gray's Anatomy. (that tv show)
How can you not love George. He is the sweetest guy, sensative, careing, honest - you just want to keep him for yourself. BUT, no matter how sweet and wonderful he is, he isn't strong enough to take a stand. Too meek. How can I respect a man that won't stand up to me (not that anyone would have to 'stand up to me', but you know what I mean.)

Originally posted by WestPoint23
See MBF this is why you need to check out E Harmony. Haven’t you heard, they match you on 29 proven dimensions of compatibility

Those commercials just crack me up… But hey, who knows, it may be worth a shot.

My neighbor tried that one. He took about an hour to fill out the form and never got even the first response. Poor guy.

I have a cute cousin that keeps falling for trash that beats her and takes her money and runs around on her. I asked her why she thought that she had to have guys like that because she could do a lot better and she told me that you can't help who you fall in love with. I told her that in that case I was going to wait for a 20 year old supermodel to fall in love with me.

Here's what I like in a guy....

I like a take charge kind of guy, but I don't mean a guy that wants to Lord over me. I only want to be the boss 1/2 the time.

I like a guy who's protective...so when I mouth off the the neighbor guy... my guys gonna kill him if he looks at me wrong. Kill being a figure of speech, but you know what I mean.

I like masculine men, strong, confident, not overly sensitive, but not afraid to cry either if something horrible happens. Hairy chests are also a plus for me.

I like a guy who teases me, and jokes...but I hate a guy who's idea of joking is a wet willy in my ear.

I don't like a guy that is super, overly nice constantly. I do like nice guys, just not constanly nice....It's almost too sickening for me.

I like a guy that let's me have my way about all indoor household decorating.



***Edit*** And yes, AngelaladyS above is right...how can we respect a guy that let's us walk all over him??? Honestly It's back to that take charge kind of guy... Stand up for yourself

[edit on 8/25/2006 by jensouth31]

Perhaps it helps if you had sisters when you were growing up. I had 4 sisters while I was a kid and there were occasions where we had lots of arguing and verbal fighting. Even accusations that my younger brother and I conspired against one of my older sisters all the time. It wasn't true. Well it wasn't intentional if something happened.

I am usually nice to my sisters but I never believed in putting up with anything that I didn't think I needed to. Same thing with my younger brother. We were like best buddies but we often got in fist fights as well. He would never learn. I always won. Two years older and a bit bigger than him. We grew out of the fighting stage after a while. As a grown adult, he studied combat martial arts. I'm wondering if childhood memories drove him to study that. I think females just want a guy who is willing and able to take charge and defend them if need be and not be a wimp or appear desperate by trying too hard.

Originally posted by orionthehunter
I think females just want a guy who is willing and able to take charge and defend them if need be and not be a wimp or appear desperate by trying too hard.

Very well said! At least that's what I like in a guy

Thanks. It's nice to have females agreeing with me.

I seem to always get sidetracked on ATS/BTS but curiosity does that. I was just going to post something funny about kicking the dog out of the house (referring to kicking Pluto known as a dog, out of the solar system family of planets).

why dont you women stand up for yourselves? im telling you that you hate nice guys and your not prooving me wrong.

i know there are some women replying in here and it appears to me they also hate nice guys.

why dont you women stand up for yourselves? im telling you that you hate nice guys and your not prooving me wrong.

I totally agree. Of course there is the exception to every rule. Also, as women age they accept more "nice guys" as they begin to realize those men have value in that they will be around 20 years down the road.

For the average gal you don't necessarily want to be the biggest AHOLE. But any woman will tell you when walking the line of "niceness" vs "jerkness" it is ALWAYS better to error on the side of jerkness.

***NOTE***

This applies to the "beginning" stages of meeting the woman. AFTER you DO HER she will allow even more nice or a-hole behavior (your choice). The reason is simple psychology -->

After doing the girl she has 2 choices to believe in her mind.

1) That she was a bad judge of character, was drunk, was weak minded etc

2) That you are attractive and there was chemistry and that's why she spread her legz for you


When given those 2 options 9x out of 10 she will choose #2 because it ALLOWS HER TO FEEL BETTER ABOUT HERSELF.




End of Story

Originally posted by worksoftplayhard
why dont you women stand up for yourselves?

Suddenly it all makes sense. You're trying to swim against the stream, and you wonder why it's tough. If you plan on being a sensitive, passive metro-sexual, the women you've been dating might as well go out and date other women. If women enjoyed female characteristics, they would be dating each other. Understand? Even in lesbian and gay relationships you've got the two different personalities. One is always "stronger" than the other.

im telling you that you hate nice guys and your not prooving me wrong.

This is another telling sign as to why some may have broken up with you. You don't "listen". The women here have been telling you that they don't like guys who are too nice constantly, and all the time; men who never put their foot down, men who always say "yes dear", men who cower at the slightest sign of hardship. Being nice is wonderful, but you can't be passive and nice all of the time. Women don't want a meak slave, they want a protector who will respect them, who will have a mind of his own, and who will stand up for them when need be. They don't need some guy who hides behind them whenever someone raises their voice.

i know there are some women replying in here and it appears to me they also hate nice guys.

Good luck finding a woman who will stick with you. Although it may be difficult to find one of these, you still have a chance. Your attitude and lack of listening skill surely won't help you. :shk:

[edit on 25-8-2006 by 2manyquestions]

I think there may be a matter of perspective here. I think I have been a nice guy most of the time. If I didn't consider myself a nice guy, some people might be going the other extreme and calling me names like jerk, a mean guy etc. etc. Being nice to me doesn't mean you go head over heals in trying to please a girl to do whatever she wants to do. I think that is a wimp or pushover guy. I believe a few girls are looking for some guy to boss around and would be willing to marry that guy as well. Then he can follow orders all his life. Sorry about the little rant.

Being nice to me is like me being nice to one of my sisters. I've seen some other guys bringing presents to a girl he hardly knows in a night club and I just thought the whole idea of trying that hard would have repulsed me in that situation. By the way, I hardly knew that girl too but she came over and talked to me with a smile on her face as soon as she got away from the other guy. I never gave her a present. I think she was more comfortable talking to me.

For the last time I say....we don't hate nice guys!!!!!:shk:
We are explaining what we like to you guys.... I can see it clear as day, but you can't seem to see it... We like a well BALANCED guy. Tough when he needs to be...yet soft when he needs to be. Non emotional, but not-not able to show emotion either during a loss or tragedy. Confident & manly instead of mousey and whimpy. Nice is good... just as long as you don't have a ring in your nose. Non controling..I know that's hard for some of the young guys...I said "SOME" not all.

There are of course exceptions to every rule, and some of the things above...yes there are women who want a guy with a ring in his nose....I guess thats why women are wacked and you guys can't seem to figure us out...rofl