It would be nice sometimes to not have to deal with everything alone

originally posted by: Brotherman

originally posted by: ancientlight
I'm reading a novel right now at night in bed, and I'm alone plenty, I'm used to that. I've no issues with being by myself, I prefer it.
There are gators, mountain lions and whatnot in the woods here . Nope would never go by myself.
I have no gun , do have some pepper spray but in these situations that's useless.

This was more about being 100% about feeling stressed with all responsibilities. To de-stress is highly needed, but the things that would be de-stress me are not possible.
I have social anxiety as well, so going to an amusement park by myself is out of the question.

I used to live in the Netherlands and would go out seeing movies by myself often, but not since the last 15 or so years.
Living in the US doesn't help for doing these activities , especially trying them alone.

You sound like you need a German Shepard Puppy =D

Dogs stink, would be a fancy rat for me

originally posted by: pheonix358
a reply to: ancientlight

Question if I may?

Do you trust other people?

Members here think they have the solutions, but perhaps the issues are a little different than they percieve.

P

Mostly I don't no, I expect them to judge/laugh at me. Good observation

originally posted by: Ksihkehe
a reply to: ancientlight

For some it's easier to be alone than others, but it's never truly easy.

Especially in times like these. There's no mirror to bounce things off. Just small things that people that aren't alone much wouldn't think are important. They add up and start to manifest as worry. Did I turn off the stove or pay the insurance, how bad is gas going to get? You're bouncing things off yourself because there's nobody else.

I can't pay bills with you or take a hike, but you aren't alone by any stretch. There are plenty of people that share your feelings. COVID really amplified existing social isolation.

Exactly, I have nobody to bouncy my worries of , it's all 100% on me. It's mostly about these worries/stresses that's bothering me.

originally posted by: surfer_soul
a reply to: ancientlight

I used to feel alone in life, then I realised I had me, myself and I.

Seriously though, you might find new friends or some group but the chances of them thinking like you and seeing things the same way are slim. It’s possible to be lonely even amongst friends. Embrace your own company and do the things you want to on your own.

I think people expect to much of others. I'm okay being alone. I prefer being alone 90% of the time.
Unless it's nearest & dearest. But , I'm human, at times that extra support/company would be nice.
I'm really a loner, but do get lonely at times, I'm not some statue.

originally posted by: MiddleInsite
I don't mind being alone. I try to actually make time to be alone away from people constantly. I don't worry too much about anything. Why? Worry doesn't solve the problem. Let some of the worry go and try and do your best.

The times I've always felt most alone, were in large crowds and at parties. So, more people around isn't necessarily the solution.

I agree with the person who said get a pet, and a dog is an excellent suggestion. They MAKE you get outside. They make you go for walks. And they are a great tool for people to interact with you, especially if the dog is adorable.

And while it seems cliche, find a hobby or something that interests you. You need something to occupy you mind.

And DON'T SHUT DOWN PEOPLE BECAUSE YOU DON'T AGREE WITH EVERYTHING THEY BELIEVE. Writing people off because they support Juneteenth isn't helping. EVERYONE SINGLE PERSON believes in something you don't.

The only thing that I wish, is that living alone, doing everything myself, didn't COST SO MUCH! and didn't leave me with so little time after the laundry, shopping, lawn, gardens, dinner, and all the rest, to relax. And know you are right. IT IS HARD TO DO IT BY YOURSELF.

And sometimes you just have to admit, even though you've tried hard, that life delt you a rotten hand. And then move forward from there. It sucks, but a rotten hand is better than not being in the game. If you're not in the game, you can never win a hand. So stay in the game, and hope for better cards in the future.

Life is nothing but a series of ups and downs for most people. Without low points, you'd never know when you're on top. Keep that in mind. So hang in there.

And finally, and many will tell you this, IF YOU HAVE YOUR HEALTH, YOU HAVE EVERYTHING!!!!

All my best for better days.

Thank you for your perspective. You and I don't always agree , but we're all human and all at times struggling. I am thankful for things that are going well in my life, including health of loved ones , and I am able to appreciate and love the little things , like playing a card game with loved ones

Maybe I could get a ferret, they can be walked on a leash as well

originally posted by: putnam6

originally posted by: MiddleInsite

I don't mind being alone. I try to actually make time to be alone away from people constantly. I don't worry too much about anything. Why? Worry doesn't solve the problem. Let some of the worry go and try and do your best.

The times I've always felt most alone, were in large crowds and at parties. So, more people around isn't necessarily the solution.

I agree with the person who said get a pet, and a dog is an excellent suggestion. They MAKE you get outside. They make you go for walks. And they are a great tool for people to interact with you, especially if the dog is adorable.

And while it seems cliche, find a hobby or something that interests you. You need something to occupy you mind.

And DON'T SHUT DOWN PEOPLE BECAUSE YOU DON'T AGREE WITH EVERYTHING THEY BELIEVE. Writing people off because they support Juneteenth isn't helping. EVERYONE SINGLE PERSON believes in something you don't.

The only thing that I wish, is that living alone, doing everything myself, didn't COST SO MUCH! and didn't leave me with so little time after the laundry, shopping, lawn, gardens, dinner, and all the rest, to relax. And know you are right. IT IS HARD TO DO IT BY YOURSELF.

And sometimes you just have to admit, even though you've tried hard, that life delt you a rotten hand. And then move forward from there. It sucks, but a rotten hand is better than not being in the game. If you're not in the game, you can never win a hand. So stay in the game, and hope for better cards in the future.

Life is nothing but a series of ups and downs for most people. Without low points, you'd never know when you're on top. Keep that in mind. So hang in there.

And finally, and many will tell you this, IF YOU HAVE YOUR HEALTH, YOU HAVE EVERYTHING!!!!

All my best for better days.

I agree with MI completely here, get a dog, and get outside. Sounds crazy but depending on where you live check out

nextdoor.com...

You can get a feel for your neighborhood, and perhaps find activities or persons in your area. Search specific activities

Hiking for those with social anxiety

people with social anxiety

I also know sometimes people don't get social anxiety, and it's degrees. Full-blown social anxiety can be downright debilitating it has many forms. Honestly, these last 2-to to 4 years probably have pushed more people towards social awkwardness.

As for talking and meeting people, don't overthink it. Most are so wrapped up in their own lives, so don't sweat those initial meetups it's no big deal.

Depending on where you are consider finding a church, especially if you are in a smaller town or area. Great place to meet mostly decent people and they do activities and keep you going to something that's scheduled.

Also DM some of the people you come across on threads here on ATS, for help and advice on a particular activity that interests you that they have been discussing.

I just searched social anxiety and there are loads of threads, but I know it can be very specific sometimes.

Lastly don't stress doing any of this, it's gonna sound like a joke and it is, but it has some truths. Try and remember your mindset and what you used to do when you felt this way? what coping skills did you use to use but now don't?

Good Luck, LOL I got more questions DM if you want to hear them?

Have a good day ancient light you got this...

I did at some point have a membership at meetup.com , groups specifically for people with social anxiety.
The two meetings I started, there was one man the first time , and two the second time. Which would have been nice but for reasons it was just awkward and weird.
I will look into other social anxiety groups around me , a good start

originally posted by: JAGStorm
a reply to: ancientlight

Stressing about money is such a waste of energy. If a bill doesn’t get paid, does worrying about it get it paid?
If an auto payment doesn’t go through you’ll get notice and then act from there.

If you can’t remember the last time you took a hike, today is the day. It doesn’t have to be a mountain. Go to a local park, get some sun. Bring yourself a little lunch. Be your own company and make it good and soon you will be a magnet for people.

If you can’t find a group of like minded people, create one!

I don't , luckily , have to worry about money. The problems mostly are magnified because of the last two years worrying about the stupid WEF etc, and they were magnified when I , forcibly , had to move to the US.
But , when I'm out going for walks, I try to look up at people and smile. Not as easy as it used to be because of all the worry.
Sorry, but I am happy to be in my own company. I never said I didn't like that. It's just to be responsible 100% for everything gets stressful/worrying at times. I'm a loner that prefers to be alone, but do get lonely at times because I am just human.

originally posted by: mysterioustranger
a reply to: ancientlight

Hey. Don't ever feel alone. Your inner voice is God. In essence, we are God, you know?

Therefore ..to worry is human, you are not alone...ever.

God bless you ( and in Mom's trials). I cared for n buried mine..and I had a stroke because).

Ever need to talk? Am always here...best
(Except when I die someday, hopefully not anytime soon!)

Thank you . I known, I worry about my mom and I'm almost everyday at her place. That's something that's always most important, the only thing that would seriously depress me. I'm sorry about your mom , it stays with you.

There are plenty of mountain lions and whatnot in the woods where I live too. That's not stopped the majority of people from hiking alone. Most predator animals avoid people.

It sounds like you are letting fear rule your inner desire to experience life.

If you can go to the movies alone in NL you can do the same in US. I have done the same in both countries...

best of luck to you.

a reply to: ancientlight

a reply to: ancientlight

Why did you have to move to the US if you don’t mind me asking.

Where is your home? I’ve moved around a lot and I know sometimes not being home makes a person lonely no matter where they are, even with good company.

a reply to: chris_stibrany

Speaking of feeling lonely, When I was single and lived alone I was often lonely, but what I liked to do was go out on weekends and just sit at the bar with a book and generally speaking within a few minutes there is always someone interesting to talk to. Just shooting the # for an hr with a stranger and saying have a nice weekend can be really nice . No strings attached. People need to talk , physically.

hey. go to the gym everyday. i use gym as a soc!al hangout now.
everyday.

also, im a guy, i indulge in 'arrangements' lol. it is what it is. i have auto immmune issues, i do not like to show weakness. this is the best option. hang out, get the fun in, get out. if i was normal, i would just hit bars like i used to.

but if you are a girl, no joke, gym EVERYDAY. anyone who works out everyday, starts seeing the OTHER gym peeps who work out everyday. then you easily make friends.

i get invited to all kinds of crazy shinanagins from the gym. but i look way younger than i actually am, so when people invite me to dinner parties and adult kind of things, i pass.

if i go to a bar, i am much more successful at chatting with girls when i am solo. if i am with friends, they block girls from chatting with me.

being single is tough. being in a relationship is tough. life is tough. it is what it is.

gym everyday has gotten me thru everything in life, i will do so forever.

originally posted by: AugustusMasonicus

originally posted by: ancientlight
I had joined meetup.com to try out groups for connections, activities etc, but when I got an email from them praising Juneteenth (or whatever) I had to delete my account.

I'd be prepared to be alone if every time you see something that doesn't fit your myopic worldview you continue to isolate yourself.

Lol! So you would stay around and chat with people adoring on the new beloved holy day?
I wouldn't! if you need people so much you socialize with those who follow and believe things that disgust you, you have to be desperate for people!

originally posted by: chris_stibrany
There are plenty of mountain lions and whatnot in the woods where I live too. That's not stopped the majority of people from hiking alone. Most predator animals avoid people.

It sounds like you are letting fear rule your inner desire to experience life.

If you can go to the movies alone in NL you can do the same in US. I have done the same in both countries...

best of luck to you.

a reply to: ancientlight

I kind of get the impression the OP is saying they would like to share some things and NOT do them alone.
Seems everyone focused of why they don't just go ahead and do things alone. Lol!

a reply to: ancientlight

Your last sentence? Sounds like you were actually reaffirming your own point!

"It stays with you". Yes. It does.

originally posted by: SeaWorthy
Lol! So you would stay around and chat with people adoring on the new beloved holy day?

One, it's been around since the 1800's, and two, my buddy's family who celebrate it make some mean soul food on that day, so, yeah, I don't have an issue with it.

This is the kind of dopey mentality that I'm talking about.

originally posted by: SeaWorthy

originally posted by: chris_stibrany
There are plenty of mountain lions and whatnot in the woods where I live too. That's not stopped the majority of people from hiking alone. Most predator animals avoid people.

It sounds like you are letting fear rule your inner desire to experience life.

If you can go to the movies alone in NL you can do the same in US. I have done the same in both countries...

best of luck to you.

a reply to: ancientlight

I kind of get the impression the OP is saying they would like to share some things and NOT do them alone.
Seems everyone focused of why they don't just go ahead and do things alone. Lol!

Loloolollol. You don't know sh*t about me so stop being so damn judgmental. I don't owe you any explanation , but for my own sake, I used to do these things all the time alone living in the NL, but not since I moved here.
Social anxiety and general driving anxiety don't help. I love being alone, in fact I prefer it as most people are a**holes, but because of anxiety it's easier to do these things with people I feel comfortable with.
Things have changed a lot too over the years , that doesn't help, I would prefer things staying the same (movie theaters etc).

a reply to: ancientlight

I'm single mum, the father of my child doesn't pay child support, my daughter only get's minimum amount from the gency/bureau and that isn't much, until they found a way to make him pay. He stays under the minimum amount somehow, I haven't figured out why he does it because before that he earned a lot more.

That means I have to work fulltime and still educate and raise my child. The secret is, I just don't allow myself to fall into pessimism and similar helpless thoughts. Currently I can't work though because of my heart and still waiting for the rehab (not drugs, body/heart) place. The secret? IDGAF! It's something I can not actively change currently.

However I understand exactly what you mean. A better half. Someone to lean on, hearing the heartbeat. Someone to share thoughts with, someone to love and care about too. It's most evident when I go out buying groceries or the few times I go drink a coffee in town. Couples strolling along, it's beautiful and not like I envy them. It's more like getting aware of being hungry when someone else eats food but you have none and remember you had none for a long time.

The bitter thing is, the way I am, what makes me...me, seems to be the problem. See, like that scene in transformers, where it is revealed that -forgot her name- is into cars and knows #. Guys dig that in a way that is strange, because women like me both scare and attract them.

"Oh you're engine mechanic and don't mind getting dirty, love the smell of gasoline and arent too fine and picky to beat with the flat hand on a pile of # when it's necessary*? That's something being a women. You can drive and do other manly things, I am interested! Women of my dreams! What you're into women too? We should get a coffee"

And then I hear how the one said to a friend how my hands are not as soft as others and that I have stained fingers often because of fluids that won't wash off completely without getting abrasive on the skin. And other stuff that suddenly is realized comes with the price of being an engine mechanic, what was cool to brag about before but sooner or later the realization set's in and they settle for someone more womanly.

And that's why I absolutely loath it when online people tell me how badass they think I am.

But back to the part where I don't stress myself about it and be like "Meh, I have me and my daughter, I stand up for us because no one else will do, I have no time to stress myself".

It actually works, I am surprised how good denial works even with my current health condition. I can be pessimistic about our future, or I just fight every day to make a change. Partner or not.

*a saying here for not being princess like

a reply to: ancientlight

I think you misunderstood SeaWorthy. I understood it like:

You say you want to have another soul to share your experiences with and others here are like:

Why don't you go hiking alone or read a book alone and stuff?" "It's your anxiety" and focusing on whatever they think they know about you. Actually he kind of got your back with it, by pointing that out.

Just my 2 cents.

originally posted by: TDDAgain
a reply to: ancientlight

I'm single mum, the father of my child doesn't pay child support, my daughter only get's minimum amount from the gency/bureau and that isn't much, until they found a way to make him pay. He stays under the minimum amount somehow, I haven't figured out why he does it because before that he earned a lot more.

That means I have to work fulltime and still educate and raise my child. The secret is, I just don't allow myself to fall into pessimism and similar helpless thoughts. Currently I can't work though because of my heart and still waiting for the rehab (not drugs, body/heart) place. The secret? IDGAF! It's something I can not actively change currently.

However I understand exactly what you mean. A better half. Someone to lean on, hearing the heartbeat. Someone to share thoughts with, someone to love and care about too. It's most evident when I go out buying groceries or the few times I go drink a coffee in town. Couples strolling along, it's beautiful and not like I envy them. It's more like getting aware of being hungry when someone else eats food but you have none and remember you had none for a long time.

The bitter thing is, the way I am, what makes me...me, seems to be the problem. See, like that scene in transformers, where it is revealed that -forgot her name- is into cars and knows #. Guys dig that in a way that is strange, because women like me both scare and attract them.

"Oh you're engine mechanic and don't mind getting dirty, love the smell of gasoline and arent too fine and picky to beat with the flat hand on a pile of # when it's necessary*? That's something being a women. You can drive and do other manly things, I am interested! Women of my dreams! What you're into women too? We should get a coffee"

And then I hear how the one said to a friend how my hands are not as soft as others and that I have stained fingers often because of fluids that won't wash off completely without getting abrasive on the skin. And other stuff that suddenly is realized comes with the price of being an engine mechanic, what was cool to brag about before but sooner or later the realization set's in and they settle for someone more womanly.

And that's why I absolutely loath it when online people tell me how badass they think I am.

But back to the part where I don't stress myself about it and be like "Meh, I have me and my daughter, I stand up for us because no one else will do, I have no time to stress myself".

It actually works, I am surprised how good denial works even with my current health condition. I can be pessimistic about our future, or I just fight every day to make a change. Partner or not.

*a saying here for not being princess like

Thanks for that. And yes, I can relate to watching 'the couples' go by. The remembrance of something that was at one time a part of my life, but now likely never again.
I know being pessimistic is not helping, but I'm also weighed down by OCD (about accounts/bills/stuff in general)

I don't know, I will be home-schooling my son as well when he comes here , finally for good again. So that's another daunting task.

It just would be so lovely to be carefree child again, those were the days
Life is too much from one extreme to another, there's no in-between.