It would be nice sometimes to not have to deal with everything alone

Hi all.
Just feeling like a rant or support. I have nobody to seek support with , other than my elderly mom who I don't want to burden, or my ex but he lives in another country and has his own life.

I'm sure I'm not the only one , if you're alone as well, dealing with all the day-to-day stresses every day alone , with all the worry and stress that comes with that?

I'm often obsessing over stuff because I'm so stressed and overwhelmed worrying about bills/accounts stuff. I just think it must be lovely to do these things together, so you're able to discuss issues/concerns , it's never 100% on your shoulders. I worry that accounts get shut down , that I forgot to pay a bill, or that some automatic payment didn't go through and I missed it , stuff like that.

agh. Just feeling that all I do is worry/stress nowadays.

Can't remember the last time I went on a rollercoaster or the last time I took a hike through a forest or mountains
I wouldn't do these things alone, there is really no inner circle to do these things with.

I had joined meetup.com to try out groups for connections, activities etc, but when I got an email from them praising Juneteenth (or whatever) I had to delete my account.



oh well carry on I guess .

a reply to: ancientlight

a hike through a forest or mountains

I wouldn't do these things alone

Why? pepper spray and a gun are the only companions you need. I assume it's another anxiety issue?
Would do you good I bet, nature is great fuel for the soul.

For the second time today, but for different reasons, read a novel.

It’s a task best done by yourself

Or if you have a pet or a favourite plant, read aloud to them, It’s good for your soul to hear your own voice using language for pleasure and quite relaxing.

Hope you get a grip of the blues and shine again soon.

a reply to: ancientlight

I'm reading a novel right now at night in bed, and I'm alone plenty, I'm used to that. I've no issues with being by myself, I prefer it.
There are gators, mountain lions and whatnot in the woods here . Nope would never go by myself.
I have no gun , do have some pepper spray but in these situations that's useless.

This was more about being 100% about feeling stressed with all responsibilities. To de-stress is highly needed, but the things that would be de-stress me are not possible.
I have social anxiety as well, so going to an amusement park by myself is out of the question.

I used to live in the Netherlands and would go out seeing movies by myself often, but not since the last 15 or so years.
Living in the US doesn't help for doing these activities , especially trying them alone.

Bummer.

I hope you cheer up and that the rant helped.

a reply to: ancientlight

Good about the novel though a good book never hurt anybody.

originally posted by: ancientlight
I'm reading a novel right now at night in bed, and I'm alone plenty, I'm used to that. I've no issues with being by myself, I prefer it.
There are gators, mountain lions and whatnot in the woods here . Nope would never go by myself.
I have no gun , do have some pepper spray but in these situations that's useless.

This was more about being 100% about feeling stressed with all responsibilities. To de-stress is highly needed, but the things that would be de-stress me are not possible.
I have social anxiety as well, so going to an amusement park by myself is out of the question.

I used to live in the Netherlands and would go out seeing movies by myself often, but not since the last 15 or so years.
Living in the US doesn't help for doing these activities , especially trying them alone.

You sound like you need a German Shepard Puppy =D

a reply to: ancientlight

I'm sorry can't say I understand more than that enjoying being alone. Because I kind of have to go outside and just automatically have to do more small talk, or meet people, than I'd want to.
Are you going outside at all? Do you take your time to be when you're outside, to look at people and smile? Or are you just pushing through eyes on the floor like a rat on the run?
That could maybe make all the difference you need.
Stop to smell the roses and smile.

a reply to: ancientlight

What do you think about getting a part time job or volunteering?

Have you completely scoped your local area for the spots, towns, outdoor museums and parks, activities that feel right to you and then spend free time there exploring, walking, shopping. You never know what the universe has for you when your energy is where it belongs.

a reply to: ancientlight

Question if I may?

Do you trust other people?

Members here think they have the solutions, but perhaps the issues are a little different than they percieve.

P

a reply to: ancientlight

For some it's easier to be alone than others, but it's never truly easy.

Especially in times like these. There's no mirror to bounce things off. Just small things that people that aren't alone much wouldn't think are important. They add up and start to manifest as worry. Did I turn off the stove or pay the insurance, how bad is gas going to get? You're bouncing things off yourself because there's nobody else.

I can't pay bills with you or take a hike, but you aren't alone by any stretch. There are plenty of people that share your feelings. COVID really amplified existing social isolation.

a reply to: ancientlight

I used to feel alone in life, then I realised I had me, myself and I.

Seriously though, you might find new friends or some group but the chances of them thinking like you and seeing things the same way are slim. It’s possible to be lonely even amongst friends. Embrace your own company and do the things you want to on your own.

I don't mind being alone. I try to actually make time to be alone away from people constantly. I don't worry too much about anything. Why? Worry doesn't solve the problem. Let some of the worry go and try and do your best.

The times I've always felt most alone, were in large crowds and at parties. So, more people around isn't necessarily the solution.

I agree with the person who said get a pet, and a dog is an excellent suggestion. They MAKE you get outside. They make you go for walks. And they are a great tool for people to interact with you, especially if the dog is adorable.

And while it seems cliche, find a hobby or something that interests you. You need something to occupy you mind.

And DON'T SHUT DOWN PEOPLE BECAUSE YOU DON'T AGREE WITH EVERYTHING THEY BELIEVE. Writing people off because they support Juneteenth isn't helping. EVERYONE SINGLE PERSON believes in something you don't.

The only thing that I wish, is that living alone, doing everything myself, didn't COST SO MUCH! and didn't leave me with so little time after the laundry, shopping, lawn, gardens, dinner, and all the rest, to relax. And know you are right. IT IS HARD TO DO IT BY YOURSELF.

And sometimes you just have to admit, even though you've tried hard, that life delt you a rotten hand. And then move forward from there. It sucks, but a rotten hand is better than not being in the game. If you're not in the game, you can never win a hand. So stay in the game, and hope for better cards in the future.

Life is nothing but a series of ups and downs for most people. Without low points, you'd never know when you're on top. Keep that in mind. So hang in there.

And finally, and many will tell you this, IF YOU HAVE YOUR HEALTH, YOU HAVE EVERYTHING!!!!

All my best for better days.

a reply to: ancientlight

There are gators, mountain lions and whatnot in the woods here .

There may be those things but that doesn’t mean their out to get you. IMO you need to stop living in fear, your probably going through a spiritual transformation too. Listen to your heart only you can provide the answers for you.

originally posted by: ancientlight
I had joined meetup.com to try out groups for connections, activities etc, but when I got an email from them praising Juneteenth (or whatever) I had to delete my account.

I'd be prepared to be alone if every time you see something that doesn't fit your myopic worldview you continue to isolate yourself.

originally posted by: MiddleInsite

I don't mind being alone. I try to actually make time to be alone away from people constantly. I don't worry too much about anything. Why? Worry doesn't solve the problem. Let some of the worry go and try and do your best.

The times I've always felt most alone, were in large crowds and at parties. So, more people around isn't necessarily the solution.

I agree with the person who said get a pet, and a dog is an excellent suggestion. They MAKE you get outside. They make you go for walks. And they are a great tool for people to interact with you, especially if the dog is adorable.

And while it seems cliche, find a hobby or something that interests you. You need something to occupy you mind.

And DON'T SHUT DOWN PEOPLE BECAUSE YOU DON'T AGREE WITH EVERYTHING THEY BELIEVE. Writing people off because they support Juneteenth isn't helping. EVERYONE SINGLE PERSON believes in something you don't.

The only thing that I wish, is that living alone, doing everything myself, didn't COST SO MUCH! and didn't leave me with so little time after the laundry, shopping, lawn, gardens, dinner, and all the rest, to relax. And know you are right. IT IS HARD TO DO IT BY YOURSELF.

And sometimes you just have to admit, even though you've tried hard, that life delt you a rotten hand. And then move forward from there. It sucks, but a rotten hand is better than not being in the game. If you're not in the game, you can never win a hand. So stay in the game, and hope for better cards in the future.

Life is nothing but a series of ups and downs for most people. Without low points, you'd never know when you're on top. Keep that in mind. So hang in there.

And finally, and many will tell you this, IF YOU HAVE YOUR HEALTH, YOU HAVE EVERYTHING!!!!

All my best for better days.

I agree with MI completely here, get a dog, and get outside. Sounds crazy but depending on where you live check out

nextdoor.com...

You can get a feel for your neighborhood, and perhaps find activities or persons in your area. Search specific activities

Hiking for those with social anxiety

people with social anxiety

I also know sometimes people don't get social anxiety, and it's degrees. Full-blown social anxiety can be downright debilitating it has many forms. Honestly, these last 2-to to 4 years probably have pushed more people towards social awkwardness.

As for talking and meeting people, don't overthink it. Most are so wrapped up in their own lives, so don't sweat those initial meetups it's no big deal.

Depending on where you are consider finding a church, especially if you are in a smaller town or area. Great place to meet mostly decent people and they do activities and keep you going to something that's scheduled.

Also DM some of the people you come across on threads here on ATS, for help and advice on a particular activity that interests you that they have been discussing.

I just searched social anxiety and there are loads of threads, but I know it can be very specific sometimes.

Lastly don't stress doing any of this, it's gonna sound like a joke and it is, but it has some truths. Try and remember your mindset and what you used to do when you felt this way? what coping skills did you use to use but now don't?

Good Luck, LOL I got more questions DM if you want to hear them?

Have a good day ancient light you got this...

a reply to: ancientlight

I had joined meetup.com to try out groups for connections, activities etc, but when I got an email from them praising Juneteenth (or whatever) I had to delete my account.

What's up with this....

a reply to: ancientlight

Stressing about money is such a waste of energy. If a bill doesn’t get paid, does worrying about it get it paid?
If an auto payment doesn’t go through you’ll get notice and then act from there.

If you can’t remember the last time you took a hike, today is the day. It doesn’t have to be a mountain. Go to a local park, get some sun. Bring yourself a little lunch. Be your own company and make it good and soon you will be a magnet for people.

If you can’t find a group of like minded people, create one!

a reply to: ancientlight

Hey. Don't ever feel alone. Your inner voice is God. In essence, we are God, you know?

Therefore ..to worry is human, you are not alone...ever.

God bless you ( and in Mom's trials). I cared for n buried mine..and I had a stroke because).

Ever need to talk? Am always here...best
(Except when I die someday, hopefully not anytime soon!)

I had to look up juneteenth.
hmm

I second Peeple's idea - get out there in nature! It doesn't need to be totally wilderness. most hiking trails have people randomly.

a reply to: ancientlight

originally posted by: Peeple
a reply to: ancientlight

I'm sorry can't say I understand more than that enjoying being alone. Because I kind of have to go outside and just automatically have to do more small talk, or meet people, than I'd want to.
Are you going outside at all? Do you take your time to be when you're outside, to look at people and smile? Or are you just pushing through eyes on the floor like a rat on the run?
That could maybe make all the difference you need.
Stop to smell the roses and smile.

I go for walks often around here , there's a nice trail. I used to always look and smile at people, but much less, as it doesn't get the same back, then I think why bother anymore. I wear a cap with the US flag, so that's probably 'oppressive to some' . Some smile, but mostly not. I'm curious about other's so look at them in passing, it's not me.