need help undersatnding the trans gender mind

a reply to: Nyiah

Me too. First time I heard it, it fit perfectly. Not for everyone, but for that particular subset, yes.

I think we agree more than we disagree, but I respect your opinions because they are always thoughtful and reasoned. And that's more important to me than always agreeing.

a reply to: Boadicea thank you for all your words of wisdom. Appreciate it. I will always love my brother. Sometimes it just feels like my brother wants to erase his old self. It is like the person i knew is dead and new person took their place. I do not know if i can ever understand. I never feel like a girl or a boy. I feel like just me. I wish he / she could just feel comfortable being themself.I also worry so much about other people bullying him. He is a small guy. He is a teacher in public school. They seem to be more accepting nowadays but i am sure he gets lots of comments when he dresses like a woman. He does not look like a woman. no matter how hard he tries. But thank you. for your advice. I can tell you understand more than me.

a reply to: HODOSKE

hm.. i got a notification for this post so i don't know if it was meant for me or me in addition or what... i do hope you found my words useful.

i think the love and concern you have for your sibling is beautiful... and they may get harassed about their choices, for sure. your support and love will be a big help to them if they have to deal with that. if it helps to try this thought on for size, your sibling IS being themself when they do this. it's not the same as the way you experience your gender and want to express it, but it's still valid for them.

i really identify with you saying you never feel like a girl or a boy. not saying that YOU are nonbinary, just that it reminds me of my experiences.

i knew even from a fairly young age that the woman box wasn't quite right for me. some part of me just didn't fit, no matter how hard i tried. but looking over at the man box... that wasn't any better. seemed like it was even further off. there's just some part of me that is not either of those things. and it's very individual for everyone who doesn't identify with the gender they were assigned at birth. and it can be very hard to explain to someone else who doesn't have that experience in a way that they really 'get'. but you sound like you are very loving and patient with your sibling and i'm sure they will be the same with you while you guys go through this.

it was meant for you. You seem to inderstand more than anyone else.; Appreciate your thoughts. Just want him to be happy. Which he really isnt. He gets depressed alot.I am not sure why.When i ask him he doesnt really give me an answer. a reply to: fiverx313

a reply to: HODOSKE

it sounds like they are struggling with something really big. do you know if they are seeing a therapist at all?

a reply to: HODOSKE

You're very welcome and I'm glad if I could help. I have a "little" brother too, and I know and understand that instinctive protective instinct, even above and beyond just loving our sibs. It's tough to watch them struggle. And from your previous comment to another poster, it sounds like you've both been through quite a bit. I'm so sorry. It sounds like there may be an element of trauma at the root of this, and maybe a little Shero worship for the big sis that helped him get this far in life.

It might help you understand where he's coming from if you know where he's getting his information. For example, has he adopted the more militant and activist version of Trans ideology, demanding non-medicalization and preferred pronouns and absolutely no "deadnaming" (using his given male name)? Or is he more exploring this from a quiet personal place, still questioning and asking questions, looking at medical transition as well as social transition? If you understand where he is seeking and finding his answers, it might give you a better understanding of where he's coming from. If you have a good relationship with his wife, perhaps she can give you a little more perspective and information.

And of course keep talking to your brother and keep loving him and being his friend! Maybe suggest counseling to deal with previous abuse and trauma issues? That's something you could do with him, a shared experience then and now, offering even more support for him as he works through this. For whatever reason, he needs to explore this and maybe live this and learn and grow from this. I'm sure you'll learn much too about life and people and even yourself. Perhaps the journey is more valuable than the destination?

Wishing you both the best -- whatever that is!