need help undersatnding the trans gender mind

a reply to: Zrtst

Yes very good point. Suspect being in mindset of one sex, their mind might see any transformation to alternating sex, as an attack on their being. But their is a third option that many might not see as its contradicts the "norm" at even a higher level and that is to remain true to both their mind and body and not class themselves as either a he or she. As discussed in the following video by a person called arrow...

a reply to: KansasGirl

some transgender people are attracted to the opposite sex and some to their own sex... pretty similar to the rest of the population percentage-wise, i would think.

a reply to: glend

interesting vid, thanks for sharing. they've definitely put a lot of thought into who they are and are feeling good about that.

and you can definitely be non-binary, that's how i am. but other people are trans and do identify with a gender and that's valid too.

a reply to: fiverx313

Yes the mindfulness of arrow in that vid wiped me out. To tell you the truth, I really didn't understand non-binary or trans before watching that video. So made a point of undertsanding the best so I could to correct any negativity in myself.

Thanks for claryfying.

originally posted by: glend
a reply to: fiverx313

Yes the mindfulness of arrow in that vid wiped me out. To tell you the truth, I really didn't understand non-binary or trans before watching that video. So made a point of undertsanding the best so I could to correct any negativity in myself.

Thanks for claryfying.

thank YOU for trying to understand. a lot of people don't want to so i appreciate everyone who does.

originally posted by: fiverx313
a reply to: KansasGirl

some transgender people are attracted to the opposite sex and some to their own sex... pretty similar to the rest of the population percentage-wise, i would think.

That makes sense 👍🏻

a reply to: HODOSKE

So judging by your thread heading you are accepting that he is infact trans gender and you need help understanding said mindset.....very difficult considering the nutshell info provided.

Some questions comes to mind -
1 : have you ever noticed what you might consider odd behaviour from him? i.e - behaviour that made you wonder if he's gay, different, unusually unhappy or uncomfortable in his own skin...etc
2 : is this a complete surprise to you?
3 : what are your parents take on his confession?
4 : how old is he?

Hes either being very brave and finially deciding to embrace who he thinks he really is or is a very confused individual.

Or

He realises that this is a womens world, they have all the rights and are pushing for legislation that amplifies those rights to the point where men are pritty much obsolete gender nessessaties and is just preparing/ positioning himself to take advantage of all those advantages.

End of day all you need to understand is regardless of who he presents himself to be he will always be the individual you have fond memories of and your unconditional love is all he requires from you.

Everyone has the right to be whoever they want to be.....but i will say i watched a couple of documentaries a couple of years ago that stipulated that the vast majority of reasigned surgery recipients wished they'd never gone as far as the chop.

I agree with other posters in that it is a mental illness and treatment should be sought wholeheartedly before any scalpel is taken to the body in unreversal surgical manners.

originally posted by: CthruU
He realises that this is a womens world, they have all the rights and are pushing for legislation that amplifies those rights to the point where men are pritty much obsolete gender nessessaties and is just preparing/ positioning himself to take advantage of all those advantages.

i do not believe i have ever met or heard of a single transgender woman who made the change because women have it so very good, to be honest.

End of day all you need to understand is regardless of who he presents himself to be he will always be the individual you have fond memories of and your unconditional love is all he requires from you

absolutely beautiful sentiment

Everyone has the right to be whoever they want to be.....but i will say i watched a couple of documentaries a couple of years ago that stipulated that the vast majority of reasigned surgery recipients wished they'd never gone as far as the chop.

do you have any sources you could link for that? from what i've read, the % of transgender people who regret any part or try to detransition is more on the order of 5%, definitely not a majority.

a reply to: dug88

Indeed, we also know someone with BD who transitioned (male to female) They're the people I'm more than happy to advocate understanding for, because they truly do feel a complete disconnect from their "host" body, and never had it to begin with. I'm more than willing to entertain the notion of a botched Soul Download as much as the next guy.


But this recent Trans fad is hinky. Something doesn't sit right with it, and even our MtF friend agrees it does not seem like true trans issues, but attention-seeking in an extreme manner. I have to give her credit here, she was the one who pointed out they're much closer to Body Modification folks, as in the weirdos who bifurcate their penises and so forth (if you go search engine that one up, it's a rabbit hole, I warned you fair & square)

In hindsight, I agree this is a very reasonable root of fixation and have no reason to discount it.


As to the actual OP question, dude, just sit & talk. If you haven't already, just be honest and tell him you're having difficulty making sense of what doesn't outwardly make any. There's really no shame in being honest about it, despite what others would browbeat you over. Honestly matters more than white gloving, really, it does. From there, then you can really get the chatting going.

originally posted by: Tekaran
Sadly, this is trying to be "normalized". Roughly 1.2% of North America is trans. That is not a number, that I think, makes transgender'ism normal.

All I can say, is show love to your brother, and hope he doesn't regret some life changing decisions.

It started to be a fad in the schools a number of years ago. I have three friends whose daughters all realized, apparently, around 8th and 9th grade, that they are really boys. So they are all in various states of transitioning, and I tell you what, their parents support them 100%, and still none of these girls are happy.

What are the chances that I would have THREE friends, all in the same area (DC/northern VA suburb) whose kids all were transgender? I don’t think the statistics are truly that high. In MANY cases these days, it’s a fad. And now, media gives trans people hero status; a special protected class. So kids are going to be attracted to that. The media tells us that trans people are even morally superior to everyone else.

I’m grateful that this issue isn’t one I’ve had to deal with in myself or a family member. People going through this should be given love and compassion. But glorifying it does no good.

a reply to: HODOSKE

I’ve got a lot of thoughts on this.
If you look back in history it was accepted for a long time that some people, usually men were born in the wrong body and ended up being more female.

Sometimes I wonder if people are regressing into their past lives or something like that.
Maybe some people are more spiritual and they truly feel things some of us don’t,.....more female than male or male to female.

Even in nature there are odd things that happen, people with albinism, rare deformities etc. So who is to say there aren’t people that really are born in the wrong body.

Right now, I think we are heading into another kind of sexual revolution. I think there have always been people like your brother but they were very repressed in the past. Now as things become more acceptable people are living their true identity.

You mentioned the whole thing about him removing his male parts. It’s no different than a woman getting plastic surgery, getting a boob job, getting a nose job. They aren’t happy with themselves and believe that cutting this, or adding that will make them more whole.

I do draw the line at a certain point. I believe that people should be free to be whatever they want as long as they do not make others share that same belief. For example, my son was told he is not pro-transgender because he would not date a man that had gender surgery. To me that’s just crap and doesn’t help their cause...

a reply to: Nyiah

Not getting too much into the offsettling and nightmare inducing specifics of your post...seriously people...why..why do such things to yourself...

My not so politically correct observation has been...

The most vocal and pushy in the trans 'phenomenon' are men. Men who want to use girl's washrooms, men who want to play girl's sports, men who want to feel special.

Not to push any of that pro man stuff, but honestly, being a man is #ing hard, I know things suck for women, but straight up, being a man, you get zero sympathy, near to zero support or help in life unless you've got good family, and essentially, being a man...if you don't

'Git gud'

You're pretty much #ed.

Again, women deal with their own issues, and being a woman, at least as far as I can tell, would be hard as #.

But, again in my not so politically correct opinion based on observation...

A lot of trans issues come down to.

'Being a man is too hard, I need help, I want to feel special, give me special privilege, I deserve it.'

Again, I respect those real situations where someone is actually dealing with some fundamental issues about their existence, it just seems to me, though, overall as far as all the political issues.go, to be a whole lot of confused #ed up men hoping for an easy break in life and some sympathy for the rigors of the actual #tiness of being a man.

That part of it that requires you to try hard, or you might as well not exist.

yeah, you should ask him. I would imagine there are myriad reasons why a person will be motivated to do it.

Was your brother a naturally feminine/girly person as a kid?

originally posted by: dug88
a reply to: Nyiah

Not getting too much into the offsettling and nightmare inducing specifics of your post...seriously people...why..why do such things to yourself...

The Body Mod/bifurcation mention? Yeah, it's....those are some seriously off-kilter folks, there's just no other way to describe that kind of willing deformation. Why split the dong in half tip to base like that, the hell is the point?

My not so politically correct observation has been...

The most vocal and pushy in the trans 'phenomenon' are men. Men who want to use girl's washrooms, men who want to play girl's sports, men who want to feel special.

Actually, I disagree & I find it to be the opposite, that the women activists are mouthier. Not the trans women, the Born With Vaginas women. I'm not sure what's so attractive about the movement as something to vehemently cling to for self-validation when you yourself are not even trans in the first place o.O There's a point where backing something turns into overstepping one's bounds & undue aggressive proselytizing, and that's what I see in other women as of late.

Not to push any of that pro man stuff, but honestly, being a man is #ing hard, I know things suck for women, but straight up, being a man, you get zero sympathy, near to zero support or help in life unless you've got good family, and essentially, being a man...if you don't

'Git gud'

You're pretty much #ed.

Again, women deal with their own issues, and being a woman, at least as far as I can tell, would be hard as #.

You don't need to defend guys having it rough socially, I'm well-aware of how you're all supposed to functionally exist between a rock and a hard place. I'm so sick of these goobers telling guys to do this or that, then denigrating them for even trying at all. This whole dual-working/career households debate, for example, you men are supposed to wrangle the job(s) and home front tasks like a champ daily without complaint, but UGH, you men, expecting the working wife to lift a finger, don't you know how hard it is for women to have energy left for house cleaning after still being unhappy clocking in at jobs that you must fawn over them getting, because if you don't, then it's not support and you are insensitive? AND you expect us to wash your laundry? Pfft, wash ours, lest you be castigated for not, you selfish, ignorant male /sarc

I am obviously not fond of this Pampered Princess gaslighting doublespeak bull# gender-stomp movement, but it's a rant for an entirely different thread.

But, again in my not so politically correct opinion based on observation...

A lot of trans issues come down to.

'Being a man is too hard, I need help, I want to feel special, give me special privilege, I deserve it.'

Again, I respect those real situations where someone is actually dealing with some fundamental issues about their existence, it just seems to me, though, overall as far as all the political issues.go, to be a whole lot of confused #ed up men hoping for an easy break in life and some sympathy for the rigors of the actual #tiness of being a man.

That part of it that requires you to try hard, or you might as well not exist.

The cross-dressing I can understand from this angle, it's not much of a commitment there to ruffle feathers or get attention with, just clothing and face paint. Usually, that's where the "I'm Trans, respect muh authoritae" cause commitments start stopping, those aren't Trans if they're unwilling to operate the rest of thew way to the "goal" line. That is just a cross-dresser. Maybe a gay one, maybe not. But still just a cross-dresser/transvestite. That trans, and the MtF/FtM trans aren't the same kind of trans at all.

I think that line has been deliberately muddled over the last few years. Aside from my deliberate use above, when was the last time you saw a deliberate distinction made, as in transVESTITE, and transITIONING MtF/FtM?

Chew on that. They're being pumped like a heifer's full udder for some reason.

"But I'm here in my mould, I am here in my mould
And I'm a million different people from one day to the next
I can't change my mould, no, no, no, no, no
Have you ever been down?
I can't change it you know, I can't change it."
- The Verve, Bittersweet symphony

a reply to: Nyiah

Actually, I disagree & I find it to be the opposite, that the women activists are mouthier. Not the trans women, the Born With Vaginas women. I'm not sure what's so attractive about the movement as something to vehemently cling to for self-validation when you yourself are not even trans in the first place o.O There's a point where backing something turns into overstepping one's bounds & undue aggressive proselytizing, and that's what I see in other women as of late.

I don't necessarily disagree with you, although I think there's a very big difference between the Trans Activists who actually identify as transgender, and the "Pick Me" Feminists who validate and champion them because they just want all the men to like them the best. It never really works out that way. But they think it does. But mostly, and this is the biggest and most important difference, these "Pick Me" women aren't threatening other women with their "lady dicks" and other violent sexual crimes as do too many men who identify as women.

But I'm seeing a new one to add to the list; we now have the oh-so-enlightened "cis" men telling women to shut up and be kind and just let all the men living as "women" pee in peace in our bathrooms... Of course, these men cannot and/or will not address their own, and tell their fellow men to be kind and let all the nice men dressed as women just pee in peace in the bathroom that matches their sex.

a reply to: HODOSKE


hey hodoske... just had one more thought i wanted to share. i was thinking about you and your sibling after i went to bed last night, and thinking about my own experience coming out to my loved ones as nonbinary. and with my loved ones... i could tell some of them didn't 100% understand what i was telling them. BUT they accepted it. they accepted that i was having an authentic experience, that i understood what i was going through, and that i was sharing something intimate and vulnerable with them. and because they accepted and supported me, our relationships are closer.

so i would just say... don't expect to completely wrap your head around all of it and then you can accept it. just accept that what your sibling is telling you is their experience and support them. you don't have to wait on understanding before you do that.

sending you both good vibes

reply to: CthruU
my brother is in his late thirties. Married to a woman who left him but then came back. He says he is not gay and still loves his wife and is not attracted to guys. We came from a very disfunctional family. No sexual abuse, just mental and physical. So it doesnt surprise me that he has some mental issues. My other siblings have issues also.He told me the desire started when he was young and he idolized me ( his older sister) He loved my clothes and wanted to be just like me when he grew up. Which makes me feel a bit guilty. I do not know how my parents have reacted since i do not speak to them anymore. a reply to: CthruU

originally posted by: HODOSKE

reply to: CthruU
my brother is in his late thirties. Married to a woman who left him but then came back. He says he is not gay and still loves his wife and is not attracted to guys. We came from a very disfunctional family. No sexual abuse, just mental and physical. So it doesnt surprise me that he has some mental issues. My other siblings have issues also.He told me the desire started when he was young and he idolized me ( his older sister) He loved my clothes and wanted to be just like me when he grew up. Which makes me feel a bit guilty. I do not know how my parents have reacted since i do not speak to them anymore. a reply to: CthruU

This does not ping as someone who's spent a lifetime in the wrong meatsack, but rather someone who's clung to an elder sibling who was their rock. In effect, you were his "safety blanket" growing up, and he never learned how to do without the blanket to cling to. He's trying to pull from that, by way of becoming what/who stepped in where the parentals failed in crucial childhood years. I think this actually might qualify as a learned coping mechanism, to be honest.

He definitely needs to invest in a good therapist, his root really does seem to be in that childhood family dysfunction instead of in being bestowed the wrong body.

a reply to: Boadicea

For once, on the genders end of a topic, we do agree for the most part. "Pick Me" is a very good way of quantifying a subset of folks I couldn't really figure out how to define any better