Where do I go from here?

a reply to: BeyondBlessed

I was also like you, didnt really go out, just work and home. On a lark i joined facebook dating, and within a day of that i met the woman i would end up marrying.

I understand there are a lot of crazies on dating sites, but i got lucky.

a reply to: putnam6

I heard a story one time and I don't know if it was true but it was funny.

A guy was messaging a girl on an online app and she asked him how tall he was..

He asked why she wanted to know and her response was that she wouldn't date a man under 6 foot tall...

He then asked how much she weighed since he won't date a woman over 125 pounds...

Funny stuff.

a reply to: Allaroundyou

Of course that’s a joke, but if I can help someone start a cult I feel I’ve done my part.



To OP: I met my current girlfriend when she randomly DM’ed me on Instagram. We started talking, and moved in together about a month later. I know it may sound counter intuitive, but the secret to finding someone is to stop looking.

Stop concentrating so hard on finding someone, and just leave it to the universe. As soon as you genuinely stop caring, someone will pop up in the strangest place. It’s weird that that happens, but it does.

Or you could do like one of my my role models, Jack Parsons. And be an overbearing asshole and start a cult. Do what thou wilt is the whole of the law.

a reply to: BeyondBlessed

I'd agree with the confidence advice. It not only attracts women, but it makes you likable to males as well. As long as you don't over do it.

Also, 2 things that worked REALLY well for me when I was looking:

1) Act disinterested. Not too disinterested but don't be needy.

2) Do a "Columbo," as my college roommate and I named it. Make up an innocent and platonic contact with the female of choice. Ask for directions or maybe a light if you smoke. Thank them and start to walk away. As you're leaving turn around and say something that Columbo would. Like, "Oh, one more thing..."

Then invite her to some activity that is non-threatening. Like a group get together or a park or something. Just say, "Oh, by the way. I was headed to -insert thing or place- maybe you'd be interested?"

I'm very happily married now but back in the day, I... Well. You know.

I realize I'm an old guy so some of you younger people may not know Columbo

a reply to: BeyondBlessed

Looks like you’ve received some good advice already. I’m just going to chime in and summarize this useful echo chamber.

1. STOP thinking so negatively of yourself. Women have an instinct to smell out confidence, or a lack thereof. If you’re a good person as you state, use that to build your self esteem.

2. DO give a fu## about what you look like (Cleanliness, grooming, workout cardio and weights). You will get natural confidence from feeling better off the workouts and looking better.

2. Don’t give a fu## about much anything else. Be calm. When men are calm, their voices tend to deepen — which is also something women like. Many times I’ve walked into an establishment, not receiving any recognition. Then I speak, and heads turn. Women are very attracted to cool calm and collective. Most importantly, have a good sense of humor (trust me, this will come if you truly DGAF).

3. You seem lonely. Do you have a dog? Dogs are not only a great companion for you but also — Women LOVE dogs. Go to dog parks with your dog. Take it for regular walks in your neighborhood. You instantly have a connection with a person then. You will find it EASY as hell to talk to women with a dog next to you. In fact, they will approach you. When they do, make it light. Talk about the dogs and make some funnies.

4. Friends, got any? Women aren’t particularly attracted to loners (for the most part). I’m sure you’ve got to have at least one. Go out together, AKA wingman. Make sure this person has some level of confidence. Or else it won’t look good on you. Find a local neighborhood bar. Start going somewhat frequently. You’ll make other friends there that will widen your sphere of influence (more girls to chose from).

5. Absolutely STOP going in to this endeavor with the thought of finding a wife. Test drive some cars (get laid) before you buy them. This will also really build your confidence. You’ll also be able to discern what personality types you’re attracted to. It’s not about just finding a woman. It’s about finding the right women. Trust me, locking yourself into the wrong woman — is a trillion times worse than being alone!

6. You’re not old. Have patience (which is also a form of confidence). I’m 40 and dealing with this new world of dating. It’s a sh!t show. For the most part, You’re not going to find a quality girl on a dating app. Meeting someone organically is the only way to go. You just have to put yourself in the position to do so.

7. Oh yeah, if you’ve got any hobbies, seek those out. Maybe join a group geared around your interests (not geared around dating). Most the women that are REALLY searching for a relationship— you don’t want to be in a relationship with. We must first be comfortable being alone, before we can truly give in a relationship.

Be happy. Smile alot. Be healthy. Smell good. Let the ladies come to you. A bald head can be sexy. Have pride in yourself.

No dating apps. No desperation. No negativity. No judging yourself.

Pursue your dreams.

Life happens as you are living it.

Start jogging by a home for unwed mothers. Waive to them, smile. Strike up a chat one day.

Quit looking.

Quit trying to force it.

Work on yourself.

It will happen, good luck.

originally posted by: FlyingSquirrel

originally posted by: Oathkeeper73
a reply to: BeyondBlessed
Go to the gym and get big and ripped. It will do wonders for your confidence and women will instantly be more attracted to you.

Ripped bank account > ripped muscles

Trust me, you can be overweight and/or balding, is not problem.

It's not being used if it makes you feel good.

I don't know, something about being a provider, it tweaks a primal spot in the man's brain. Alpha males aren't the ones with the biggest muscles or the toughest, they're the ones with the most money. The alpha male in the animal kingdom is the leader of the pack, the one who procreates with the female to make the most offspring.

A poor man cannot support a pack, much less one offspring. The wealthy man can support several and give them the best. The female wants the best for her offspring, it's one of the most important things to her and a driving force in her decision making. It runs deep into the subconcious. A woman who says she doesn't even want children right now will be completely influenced by these tendencies.

It's way easier to get ripped than get rich

originally posted by: Macenroe82
a reply to: BeyondBlessed

It doesnt matter what you look like - all you need is confidence.

....and money.

a reply to: BeyondBlessed
Friend? Got half way...and stopped reading.

You said you're always at: "School, work, home, Work, Home, Work, Store"...ok.

There are women at stores, to and from work...everywhere. And a "no"...even a bunch of "no's"...only yeilds to the law-of-averages.

A "Sure! Here's my #!" At this point...I'll yeilds to the female ATS membership.

These ladies will help you out. Don't give up....

Peace

You say you're worried about looks, but as we all know, looks don't matter. Everywhere you look, "ugly" people are getting laid, they're falling in love, they're having healthy relationships .

What people usually mean when they say this is that they lack confidence, like everyone has mentioned; OR, they're only attracted to people who are conventionally "more" attractive than them and don't have the social skills or standing to make up the difference.

Perpetually single people (who don't want to be single) also almost always lack in the social skills department (approaching random women to ask for their number). But, social skills are skills, so anyone can learn them if that's the issue.

Don't take advice from online strangers. Ask people you know, figure out what you might be doing wrong, see a therapist even to unpack your feelings about your looks (because they don't matter really).

And, if you aren't out and about in social situations, your only option is online, which works for some, but can be a crapshoot for people lacking confidence, or who don't possess the social skills to filter online conversation into real life meanings.

Not much to add, except

a reply to: BeyondBlessed


Just a Dumbass tip for dating online. Don't go for a date but be simply bored and want a convo.

Many times when the cloud of a potential date is passed in the beginning women start talking (as there is no intention to meet up anyway) and similar for you it takes the pressure away. This quarantine makes that even more easy as you can easily state (depending on your location of course) we can not meet anyway because of rule/restriction blahblah. You both can be open without shame as you're not gonna meet anyway. When they and you are open you can find out if there is a real connection or not. If there is it has a great potential. Because, believe this Dumbass, even when explicitly mentioned there is no intention of a meet-up when there is a click there is always potential for a meet-up. If there is no click, nothing is lost and no time wasted on a boring date.

For me it is the key to find the diamonds online.

a reply to: BeyondBlessed

I had the same worldview in my 20s after getting my heart ravaged. I'm 44 now. I've been thru 5 girlfriends and countless dates in between now and then and finally at 44 have found myself in a profoundly healthy relationship full of great chemistry and fun.

If I may offer up some life experience: The biggest problem I had to fix with myself was unwiring the social conditioning that I needed someone else to make me happy or 'complete' myself...we see this conditioning in movies, tv and social media. It's cancerous. It may take days, weeks, months or years for you to do this unwiring. There is no overnight magic pill.

6 Things you can do now (if you don't already)...

1) Give yourself credit for asking for help. That is a sign of growth. Most men never take this crucial step.

2) Find a hobby or something you love. Learn a new skill that gives your life purpose. Take a break from social media and reality tv/movies.

3) Live an awesome life in spite of having a mate. Learn to cook a great steak, an omellette. Go sky diving. Get in your truck and drive across country. Work on yourself and your growth. Learn to cultivate positive emotions in yourself

4) You can meet a girl anywhere. The grocery store, walking your dog. Anywhere. Girls love real, positive emotion. Learn to become a positive person in a real way. Not because you want a grifriend. Girls have a keen radar for fakeness and agendas. Learn to talk to them without wanting anything in return.

5) Realize that you will be a completely diff person 5 years from now, with new experiences.

6) Shift your world view from 'what can I get to make me happy' to 'how can I offer value to others.'

Also, watch Owen Cook vids on YouTube. He's a great friend of mine and self development coach.



I don't have it all figured out by a long shot but I do have a lot of life experience in this area. I hope this helps!

a reply to: BeyondBlessed

My advice?

Harden up.


Live life like a savage.

a reply to: NightVision

Dear GAWD that video was supreme cringe.

originally posted by: Lysergic
a reply to: NightVision

Dear GAWD that video was supreme cringe.

The short balding weirdo in that video dates prettier women than you can imagine.

a reply to: BeyondBlessed

Aslo: strippers everywhere are out of work, so there's that...

originally posted by: underwerks
a reply to: BeyondBlessed

Be rich.

If you can’t be rich, be funny.

If you aren’t funny, start a cult.

Worked for me.

If you can't start a cult go to Las Vegas?