Covid-19 Community Support and Mental Wellness Thread

a reply to: Hefficide

Heff, I can't thank you enough for setting up this thread and for being brave enough to discuss what you've been through.

I too have had several mental health diagnoses. I have depression, anxiety, OCD and PTSD. I have other health issues too. I had cancer in 2004, two hernias, one in 2009 that nearly killed me and another one in 2011. I'm on my 3rd hernia that makes me look pregnant on my left side w/twins. I don't have the money to get it fixed. I have diabetes, uncontrolled asthma, etc.

So COVID 19 - my latest worry that I've been obsessing over - has turned my already-messed up world upside down. I'm in a wheelchair at home and use a mobility scooter to get around town. I was hoping to wean myself off of these things and walk again like I used to. But now that I'm scared of getting this virus and dying from it, I lost the will to even try.

I started a diet last year and was hoping to lose alot of weight this year, but I lost the will to keep up with my diet. I'm afraid of getting on my brand-new scale that I haven't used yet because of what it may tell me.

I was hoping to get a motorcycle endorsement this year, but now that's off the table. I was going to take classes in Syracuse and get my endorsement sometime this Summer or Fall. I can't do that now.

I was hoping to move from my apartment that isn't too far from Syracuse in Oswego County, but that is off the table too.

The one thing that kept me going, pre-Covid 19- was being able to take my scooter around town and socialize with people. I did this nearly every day, even in the Winter. I can't do that anymore except for urgent trips to the store or bank.

I've been self-isolating to prevent myself from getting sick and if I was exposed to Covid 19, to not infect others. I haven't had a fever - yet- and keep checking all the time.

I have symptoms that can be similar to Covid 19 though, and have had them for years. My asthma is not well-controlled and I can't afford controller medication. I have lots of nebulizer solution. I need another rescue inhaler but the nebulizer works better anyway. And is more affordable. Sometimes I get this cough that for the most part, is not dry but if I'm exposed to temperature extremes it can sound like a Covid cough.

I have IBS and Diverticulosis and my gi symptoms - which I won't get into here - plague me every day. I heard that one of those symptoms can come with Covid so I obsess over that too. Stress makes my g.i issues and asthma worse.

I'm scared to go out but I must return to the store twice next week. I'm going out on Monday - which will be the 15th day of my self-isolation - to get some groceries and other necessities. I have to do so again on Wednesday because I get paid then. I am worried sick that I might be exposed to Covid 19 if I venture out but I have no other way to get these things done because I have no car. I have a delivery coming today and am worried that if I forget to sanitize something ENOUGH that I will catch Covid 19.

In other words, I am very paranoid about Covid 19 to the point where I can barely function.

I worry about being able to take my cat to the vet and a diabetic appointment for myself. I refuse to use public transport and will not ask my father or brother to take me because they'd be put at risk.

I heard that testing for Covid 19 is free but I'm still toast because if I was diagnosed with it, I'd have no way to pay for treatment. It would be a death sentence for me.

That's basically it. I'm doing my best to keep my post as short as possible but so much is going on. I don't see how I will get throught his pandemic. If Covid 19 doesn't kill me, a heart attack or stroke from the stress most certainly will. My anxiety has been off the charts.

Let's all hope we aren't adding Cinco de Mayo and 4th of July to the list.

a reply to: Hefficide

Thank you Heff, for this thread. It is both a beautiful gesture to do, and i believe this has great importance to many. Now it is my turn, i am starting to take some serious mental punches from all around.

I am a 38 year old male, in a Covid-19 risk group due to asthma. I also have severe mental health issues and problems with binge drinking. There is depression, and then there is anxiety. And if i drink, i know things will haunt me multiple times worse the morning after. And i am often more than willing to pay that price for a short moment of calm breathing. It is a stupid thing to do, but it is a thing i do. But this is not about me. I am not afraid of death. Or being dead. The process of dying, turning from alive human being to a dead human being worries a bit, and the possible pains involved.

My mom is old and fragile. Last summer we had a stupid argument over some minor issue and afterwards i drank an insane amount of booze. Ended up in the hospital in an ambulance. Woke up a couple of hours later, refused all treatment, wandered into the night in my hospital outfit. The morning after, mom being the closest relative and therefore informed about the incident, broke all contact with me. I love her and i miss her. It was that way even before the corona pandemic but now i am worried and crying even more.

My mom is great. She taught me good values and raised me all by herself. I made stupid choices in life and didn't even learn anything about those mistakes. And therefore, i deserve this pain.

Thanks for letting me share.

Stay safe everyone
-Fin

a reply to: Finspiracy

Fin,

Call your mom.

If that's impossible, call somebody that's a step nearer and tell them what you just said here.

I was the child of a parent who estranged from me. I am currently the father of a child who is far too distant and nearly estranged as well.

I can see it from both sides and what I can say for certain is that she's having the same sorts of thoughts as you. Even if the wound is still too fresh to heal, I think she'd at least find comfort in knowing that you're thinking about her.

Just my .02 c on it.

a reply to: dianajune

Hi dianajune, and welcome!

As is likely obvious to anyone who has ever read a post from me that wasn't a one liner... I struggle with racing thoughts. Always have. Brain always going a million miles an hour on multiple levels at once.

I have a feeling you might know what that's like?

If so... Breathe.

That's the only thing that helps me get out from under the racing thoughts... To release it all and just breathe for a minute.

a reply to: ketsuko

If it makes it that far my birthday is in mid July, I haven't had a drink in about ten years and St Patrick's Easter deMayo Of July on Bastille Day seems like the perfect excuse to pour a Crown and Coke.

FTR folks, I honestly don't think highly enough of myself to feel like my advice is anything other than my honest feelings. I'm not particularly smart nor do I think I'm even all that good of a person.

I just care, want to help and hate uncomfortable silences.

So take what you wish, discard the rest and basically I'm just happy y'all came to my crappy Ted Talk.

a reply to: dianajune

All of these goals that you have, that can't be acted on now.... would it be possible to think of them as only postponed, not destroyed forever?

originally posted by: Hefficide
a reply to: dianajune

Hi dianajune, and welcome!

As is likely obvious to anyone who has ever read a post from me that wasn't a one liner... I struggle with racing thoughts. Always have. Brain always going a million miles an hour on multiple levels at once.

I have a feeling you might know what that's like?

If so... Breathe.

That's the only thing that helps me get out from under the racing thoughts... To release it all and just breathe for a minute.

I understand what you're talking about. Maybe that's got something to do with my OCD? I tend to overanalyze things and worry in advance about what can happen. I've been doing this long before Covid 19.

I managed to get that delivery taken care of w/o any problems. At the moment I'm having a very late lunch and am trying to "breathe" like you said. Sometimes watching tv helps, sometimes music does too.

I hope you're doing ok. Thanks for listening!

originally posted by: drussell41
a reply to: dianajune

All of these goals that you have, that can't be acted on now.... would it be possible to think of them as only postponed, not destroyed forever?

You're right, they can be postponed. I've been looking at the negative side of things. Hopefully I'll have a better idea of what the near future holds when I venture out next week. I'll get my supplies then stay put at home for a couple of weeks or so. Repeat as necessary.

Today was a good day.

I stood in a small closet all day and coughed and reinfected myself over and over and over and over...

a reply to: drussell41

I love my 76 community, but man, there are some real winners there too. You nailed it!

a reply to: BoscoMoney

…. and watched Woody Allan movies on your wee screen..

Yesterday was tough. I found out the grocery store opened again, so went there. All the empty streets, it seems like the end of the world sometimes.
It's so quiet out there.
I started crying in the car. I don't know why exactly, choosing not to intellectualize it too much. Just let it move through.

I need a haircut so bad! I am into styling historic wigs, so I have this collection of wigs for future projects and decided I am going to wear them. A different one each day. For some reason this is helping. Looking in the mirror, I can pretend there is someone else here!

We're going on two weeks now and they just announced it will be at least 2 more. Geezus....

originally posted by: Bluesma
Yesterday was tough. I found out the grocery store opened again, so went there. All the empty streets, it seems like the end of the world sometimes.
It's so quiet out there.
I started crying in the car. I don't know why exactly, choosing not to intellectualize it too much. Just let it move through.

I need a haircut so bad! I am into styling historic wigs, so I have this collection of wigs for future projects and decided I am going to wear them. A different one each day. For some reason this is helping. Looking in the mirror, I can pretend there is someone else here!

We're going on two weeks now and they just announced it will be at least 2 more. Geezus....

I really like the wig idea.

I wonder how ragged we're all going to look before it's over. Home haircuts..... shudder.

Letting the emotions move through seems like a good strategy to me.

a reply to: Navieko

ROTFL! Priceless. Thanks.

originally posted by: Hefficide
Or maybe it's one of those ironic things where when I was 13, in 1980, all I wanted to do was go to the arcade to play Pac Man, Defender, Centipede, Missile Command and Asteroids...

Oh man, I can't tell you how many quarters I dropped on Galaga... loved Asteroids and Centipiede/Millipede, and occasionally Defender, but Galaga was like a drug for me... strangely I never really liked Pac-Man much, though I did play it some.

a reply to: tanstaafl

I didn't love Pac Man ( actually preferred Ms Pac Man after it released ) but I did enjoy Pac Man on a certain level. It was one of the games, along with Donkey Kong Jr, Asteroids and a few others, where if somebody else walked up and slapped their quarter down on the edge of the screen - the universally recognized arcade "dibs" signal...

I could side eye that person with a smug "It's gonna be a long, long, long wait dude" look on my face.

originally posted by: Hefficide
a reply to: Finspiracy

Fin,

Call your mom.

If that's impossible, call somebody that's a step nearer and tell them what you just said here.

Heff is right - and if calling isn't a viable option, there is always that old fashioned snail mail.

Write her a letter. But don't type it on a computer, write it by hand. There is something about a hand written letter.

But regardless, do it now. Regrets over something that cannot be changed are a really nasty burden to bear. I know, I'm carrying a huge one to do with my Grandfather, who died many years ago, when I was too young to know what I was missing or doing.