married to a narcissist?

a reply to: JAGStorm

wow 40 years. Thanks for the advice

a reply to: Fools

thanks

a reply to: BrianDavis

Mate, I don't usually post in non-conspiracy thread but here we go:

So what if she is a narcissist? You have been with her 20 years already.

Are you scared of her or are you scared of change? If she is not posing a direct threat to you physically or financially I say let her do whatever the truck she wants.
I understand she would emotionally pose a threat still, but if you love something, let it go. One of 3 things will happen:
*She stays true
*She fools around, learns a lesson and come running back
*She decides she wants a big change in her life

I think the 3rd one is the one your are actually most scared of.

The thing is, if she chooses that option, it means she isn't really happy and if she is not happy I can almost guarantee that you are not either. We get one life, it is too short to waste it yearning for something we could easily have. Let your love for her put her needs first but don't neglect your own.

You are likely scared of being alone, I get it, it is a horrible thought when we have been in a relationship for a long time and conditioned ourselves to being 'attached' to that other person. But you only get one life too my friend, don't waste it settling.

Take some time to remember who you are and everything amazing about you that you have to offer this world and anyone who chooses to share their life with you. Reconnect with old friends, go and do something that pushes you out of your comfort zone, enjoy doing the things you would not normally be able to do.

Don't chase someone who is pulling away they will come back if they are worth your time and energy. Don't let yourself be taken for granted Life is a journey and irrespective of how far down the path we are, sometimes the path goes a different way to what we thought it would, but one day you could look back and be thankful it did.

PS: Ignore the trolls

a reply to: BrianDavis

You sound unhinged. I would 100% leave you. Maybe look at yourself first.

a reply to: BrianDavis

Have a friend kidnap you.

Live on an island.

a reply to: byteshertz
Some great advice, beautifully written.

Thank you for taking the time to add your thoughts !

Sounds like she having a mid-life an a half crisis man.

a reply to: BrianDavis

(To the covert narcissist their image is more important than who they really are)
(They know their public behaviors are different than their private, if they didn’t know it was wrong they would be like that all the time. Why doesn’t she swear in public or snap at the dog or me in public? ) (they know what they’re doing and they don’t want to change)
From link:
(Narcissists use sex as a bonding tool to hook you on their energy. Sex can be an excellent instrument for inducing trance states, which is how they seize control of your attention.
Naturally, during deep sharing all of your attention is on your partner. Using a method called bait-and-switch, they amplify intensity and then quickly withdraw. It gives them a way to test how deeply invested you are in them.
If you are hooked, the emptiness that ensues as a result of their sudden retreat will make you crave more. This gives them a huge bargaining power over you. Now they are free to start making demands and dropping suggestions. If you don’t comply, you’ll be starved of their sweet poison.
Many victims of severe mistreatment who stay in abusive relationships admit that the reason is because the sex was so good)

Unfortunately, that's just most women. I don't think a man could pull that one off and have a woman craving their "sweet poison" while they act not interested in having sex, or unless she does certain things.

Their image is most important, obviously. Consider the make up, hair styles, jewelry, even facial surgery. Don't see a lot of men doing that. They're known to act different in public, seeming polite, sweet, even extra good to you and as soon as you get in the car on the way home, it's a rap. Then again, so do a lot of people. Not cursing in public is normal.

The N word gets thrown around a lot, especially in the world of relationship analysis based on emotions coupled with it. I think much of our current society in people under 30 especially classify as one, some more so than others.

Instragram or any social media profile with selfies. They take and post endless amounts of selfies, some habitually daily for seemingly no reason. Hundreds, thousands over time. Those are usually females too but are they all narcissists?

a reply to: Sheye

Thanks Shaye, nice to have some positive feedback on here for once

a reply to: BrianDavis


Brian, my ex was diagnosed with NPD. I have experience with this.

I may be wrong, but this is what I read.


She should make a list for you of her friends?

You don’t like how she parents; sounds like her kid; if that is the case her kid, her decision. There are worse kids out there.

In all honesty, I think you are feeling lonely and insecure, although I get that because of her infidelity statements.

It seems she doesn’t value her time with you or respect you.


To summarize: She is warning you that things are about to collapse.

I don’t know enough to ascertain whether she is a narcissist or not, she could just be a workaholic to
avoid family life, or her job may just require this.

You need to really think about complaining about things that don’t matter and address (with her) the
Things that do. If she still doesn’t care, or won’t go to marriage counseling, you should really think
about what you want out of life. Good Luck!

My ex stole my sons savings bonds and drained his savings account; that is a narcissist.

OP, judging by your post, the counselor/therapist may or may not be of help. It does sound like your wife has narcissistic tendencies, and quite possibly other mental health issues, too. The therapy will help you, certainly, but it will only help her and your marriage if and only if she wants that help. The only way to know for sure if it's wasted effort is to do it anyway. If NOTHING else, it could help you greatly, even if your wife is not receptive at all to it. That's benefit enough right there if it helps you in some manner, right?

originally posted by: Boadicea
Devastated? I wonder how your wife would feel about you airing her dirty laundry on a public discussion forum... Would "devastated" cover it ya think???

Here's a thought... just show your wife this OP and I'll betcha she leaves your sorry whining ass. And rightly so. She deserves better than a husband trash talking her on a public discussion forum for the whole world to see. If you've got problems, work them out. If you can't work them out, get a divorce.

Problem solved.

You're not helping. Someone comes to the forum for advice and gives sufficient backstory for people to work with, and ALL you care about is the wife in this. I seem to remember you being of little to no help in another previous thread dealing with a member whipping out a weapon on someone, too. Coincidentally, the weapon wielder was also female.
I sense a theme with you here. You only care about the woman's side of a story.

originally posted by: Nyiah
You only care about the woman's side of a story.

Not a fan of the ladies, are you?

originally posted by: AugustusMasonicus

originally posted by: Nyiah
You only care about the woman's side of a story.

Not a fan of the ladies, are you?

I lure enough of them your way, you should know the answer already

a reply to: Nyiah

Point well taken.

a reply to: BrianDavis

It doesn't sound like a narcissist, it sounds like a crazy bitch. You may have chosen poorly, man.

originally posted by: burdman30ott6
a reply to: BrianDavis

It doesn't sound like a narcissist, it sounds like a crazy bitch. You may have chosen poorly, man.

Actually, it does sound like she is, to a sizeable degree. it ALSO sounds like she's seriously Bipolar, too, which can account for much of her behavior. The two combined would make for one hell of a piece of work...

a reply to: Nyiah

Darn me... I should have looked at the topic before clicking on it. Oh well, I'm here...

You're not helping. Someone comes to the forum for advice...

Not helping who? The guy talking trash about his wife -- in very intimate detail -- behind her back? Yeah... no... I'm not helping him do that...

But I defy you to find anywhere in that pathetic OP that even hints at requesting advice. That was nothing more than a vile and hateful rant.

...and gives sufficient backstory for people to work with...

Yes, he gave more than enough "backstory" for all of ATS to pile on the wifey hatefest! Let's all say mean and hateful and hurtful things about a woman we don't even know! What a guy!!! Husband of the year!!! Nay -- CENTURY!!!

And for what it's worth, I'm not taking his word for any of his spewings. If his own wife can't trust him, I sure can't.

...and ALL you care about is the wife in this.

Interesting that you just see sex and not spouse. As I noted in a subsequent comment to the one you quoted, there is no good reason for either a husband or a wife to do this. If I'd seen a woman trash talking her husband the same way, I would have had the same reaction. Because marriage vows are sacred. I've been hear a while. I defy you to find even one comment in which I've trash talked my husband. You won't... because I don't.

I seem to remember you being of little to no help in another previous thread dealing with a member whipping out a weapon on someone, too.

Again, no help to who? The drunk guy mauling and molesting a lone woman??? Damn right I won't help creepers being creepy -- before or after the fact.

Coincidentally, the weapon wielder was also female. I sense a theme with you here. You only care about the woman's side of a story.

Interesting take... drunk creeper molests armed woman... woman fights back... SURPRISE!... I condemn creeper and commend woman for having the means and opportunity to protect and defend herself... and that means I ONLY care about the woman's side of a story? No. It means that I don't make piss poor excuses for men doing crappy things to women.

I'm good with that. Quite good.

And just for the record, calling out the bad behavior of men when the situation calls for it does not in any way preclude me speaking up for men when the situation calls for it: What is a Man? A Response to Gillette

My words (and my record) will stand on their own merit. And I'm good with that too.

a reply to: Boadicea

I have to agree with you Boadicea.. it’s in very poor form to diss your spouse online when they cannot defend themselves.

I’ve also seen it done with previous relationships that failed. Why should we only believe one person’s side to the story.

Same goes for the “we have such a special and close relationship” folks who like to brag that their love life is the best.
Not buying it until I see it with my own two eyes.😆 Save it for fakebook because no relationship is perfect.

originally posted by: Boadicea
a reply to: Nyiah

Not helping who? The guy talking trash about his wife -- in very intimate detail -- behind her back? Yeah... no... I'm not helping him do that...

It wasn't trash-talking. Holy crap, you've never heard trash-talking before, have you?

But I defy you to find anywhere in that pathetic OP that even hints at requesting advice. That was nothing more than a vile and hateful rant.

By putting it out there in detail, he's inviting the opinions of others, which entails advice giving in and of itself there. You are not too dense to understand that much.

Yes, he gave more than enough "backstory" for all of ATS to pile on the wifey hatefest! Let's all say mean and hateful and hurtful things about a woman we don't even know! What a guy!!! Husband of the year!!! Nay -- CENTURY!!!

WHAT hurtful things? He details interactions and behaviors, I didn't see anything hurtful there. It's no worse than what any of our divorcing female posters have posted before. You are one hell of a hypocrite.

And for what it's worth, I'm not taking his word for any of his spewings. If his own wife can't trust him, I sure can't.

Having a BP individual in my extended family, and my mother having dated a textbook narcissist for over a decade before he kicked the bucket, I think the OP's well worth listening to. He comes off as emotionally worn out, lost and frustrated. Putting up with a spouse as he describes for so long is DRAINING. If this was the god damn reverse, an emotionally worn out, lost & frustrated woman writing about her husband, you would be mollycoddling TF out of her. Again, hypocrite you are.

Interesting that you just see sex and not spouse.

No, that's YOU that only sees gender. You have never shown sympathy to any male posters on here in crap relationships, you dogpile THEM instead of looking at the meat of the matter. The meat of the matter doesn't matter to you, it's whatever you can take advantage of the flap feminist gums over and denigrate a guy for. That's seriously bulls#.

As I noted in a subsequent comment to the one you quoted, there is no good reason for either a husband or a wife to do this. If I'd seen a woman trash talking her husband the same way, I would have had the same reaction. Because marriage vows are sacred. I've been hear a while. I defy you to find even one comment in which I've trash talked my husband. You won't... because I don't.

Neither I or anyone else gives a flying F what you do or don't say about your own husband. You do not get to walk all over someone else for opening up. That's being an asshole.

Again, no help to who? The drunk guy mauling and molesting a lone woman??? Damn right I won't help creepers being creepy -- before or after the fact.

Interesting take... drunk creeper molests armed woman... woman fights back... SURPRISE!... I condemn creeper and commend woman for having the means and opportunity to protect and defend herself... and that means I ONLY care about the woman's side of a story? No. It means that I don't make piss poor excuses for men doing crappy things to women.

The meat of THAT thread wasn't whether or not she was being molested (she was not, though) It was about who's stupid move was legal or not. She did not have any right to pull a weapon on someone armed with only a clearly busted Bic lighter.

I encourage folks to check that thread out, it's a real winner

And just for the record, calling out the bad behavior of men when the situation calls for it does not in any way preclude me speaking up for men when the situation calls for it: What is a Man? A Response to Gillette

My words (and my record) will stand on their own merit. And I'm good with that too.

Well congrats, you managed a little personal PR damage control. It rings extremely hollow when you s# on someone feeling very alone.

a reply to: Nyiah

Neither I or anyone else gives a flying F what you do or don't say about your own husband. You do not get to walk all over someone else for opening up. That's being an asshole.

Please speak for yourself and not everyone else. She has every right to express her opinions as well, and if that means stepping on a few toes to get the point across, so be it.

I think you need to take a good hard look at your posting history before you go calling others assholes.