Can we expect a typical beautiful woman to be normal?

originally posted by: antiantonym

a reply to: Bluesma

This is tough because everyone is damaged in different ways. I didn't specifically write this in the original post, but the particular damage I was talking about is becoming narcissistic, egocentric, and developing a feeling of being entitled to special treatment. I wrote the following on the third page of this thread, but it was ignored. I hope you'll comment on it.

I want to make it clear that I'm not complaining about any of this or "bashing women." I'm just trying to gain an understanding.

If a boy grows up looking like Justin Bieber then it will probably cause him to develop some narcissism. That's similar between the sexes.

Let's face it; it's not nearly the same overall. Gender roles are an important factor as I'll explain below.

A gorgeous girl is treated better by everyone basically. A gorgeous boy gets treated a lot better than the average boy, but it's not so much better than the average boy that it's necessarily life-changing.

Here's a metaphor that explains how I see it:

If the average boy skins his knee, someone washes it off, and he's told to be more careful. The gorgeous boy gets the same treatment.

If an average-looking girl skins her knee, she gets it washed off with a bandage put on it. She also gets a warm hug.

If a gorgeous girl skins her knee, she gets it washed off with a bandage put on it with a warm hug. She also gets enough cookies and candy to make her feel all better.

Imagine that metaphorical situation being repeated for most of the gorgeous girl's life. How can that not produce narcissism and other problems?

I get what you are saying, and that's what I meant to respond to. What you are not factoring in is the large number of adults tht are making the same assumption as you there, and purposefully make an effort to counter it. Like the adults who see a little girl who they think is gorwing up to be extremely beautiful, so they make sure to be unusually harsh to her to make sure she dosn't get narcissistic. She falls down and skins her knee and the adult will ignore it, or mock her tears, while being affectionate and caring for another child in the area who falls simply because they assume they need the positive reinforcement more.

Your assumption is very common, and it influences how people react. This has an impact on the developing child and their self image.
There are also stereotypes that go with perception of physical beauty - like that one who is beautiful cannot be intelligent or strong - these also impact the child and their self esteem and image.

Then, as they get older, struggling with their self image, they run into young men who feel intimidated or distrusting of her, which gives the idea that they don't like her. I remember a friend my mom had since her teens years, who was still a virgin at 25 simply because she was dead gorgeous and men were intimidated by that. She was gentle and a bit shy, so she just didn't get dates.


One of the things I became aware of with the beautiful models I knew when young was that a whole lot of us had an incredibly harsh inner critic, to the point of sometimes being self hatred and self destructive tendencies. The jealousy and cruelty of women around (which often includes best friends and family members) become part of the deep seated sense of not being loved.
The little girl knows when she is being given a special treatment because the person is focusing on her looks. She KNOWS it is not because she is actually loved.

Women considered extremely beautiful by their society can be just as screwed up as anyone else, and it does not necessarily go in direction of narcissism.
They can be totally screwed up in the opposite direction too. They can end up very insecure about their self worth.
_so between the two extremes, and the few in the middle who are actually just healthy and balanced,
it isn't rational to make conclusions about one until you get to know her.

Is there any irony in the following statement?
"you are a unique and exceptional individual, just like everyone else in the world."

a reply to: Bluesma

I'm sorry it took me so long to reply here. I needed time to contemplate what you wrote.

"What you are not factoring in is the large number of adults tht are making the same assumption as you there, and purposefully make an effort to counter it."

I wasn't factoring that in because I've never seen it or heard of it. Do you have any sources other than yourself to support the conclusion that that's happening?

Even if that's happening a lot, I still think it's mostly irrelevant. Beautiful women get special treatment nearly 100% of the time in my experience. If your quote above is true, does it bring the percentage of special treatment down to 95%? I don't think that really matters.

"They can be totally screwed up in the opposite direction too. They can end up very insecure about their self worth."

That's an excellent point.

Can we expect a typical beautiful woman to be normal?

I think you've answered the question thoroughly...

No!

Typical rule thumb with women is, that the hotter they are, the more crazier they are.

What we know from research is there exists the “halo effect” cognitive bias, in which people repeatedly tend to associate positive personality traits with physical attractiveness.

What makes this relevant in this discussion is the rule of expectation – the impact of suggestion. People tend to respond to others according to expectation. This has an impact upon personality development.
“Normal” refers to “average”, or “common”.

Look at this study-

Socially desirable attributions increased and the attribution of psychological disturbance decreased with targets' increasing attractiveness.The attribution of negative or egocentric qualities increased with targets' increasing attractiveness, except for targets of moderately high attractiveness, who were described as significantly less egocentric than targets of average and very high attractiveness. Targets of moderately high attractiveness were the overwhelming favorites for interaction

journals.sagepub.com...

People who are seen as very highly attractive are saddled with thesame level of negative expectation as those rated average in attractiveness! The positive correlation applies to moderately high attractiveness. Think about that. If you are “good looking” , (at the high end but still remaining within the average mean), then you get special and positive reinforcement. If you are knockout gorgeous, you don’t. You face the same expectations and treatment as those in the middle of the mean.

Furthermore, studies show that:

The scores of those physically attractive are higher than less physically attractive people on measures of affect and mood.
www.jstor.org...

Physically attractive people are more sociable and less socially anxious and lonely than less physically attractive people
psycnet.apa.org...

Is the woman you have your eye on beautiful, or like, a knockout? If she’s just more beautiful than average, she might have a personality that is better than average (normal).

If she is outlandishly gorgeous, she has as much chance of having an “abnormal” personality or disorder as the average looking female.

a reply to: antiantonym

Hot men get the special treatment too you know?

originally posted by: ketsuko
Beauty is in the eye of the beholder.

Are you talking about a woman who is beautiful to everyone else or is convinced of her own beauty?

Actually there is a scientific definition of beauty (which mostly comes down to how symmetrical your face and body are)

What makes a pretty face?