7 and a half years then its all over ;(

a reply to: Deetermined

Thank you from that perspective x

a reply to: Cymru

As hard as it is, you really need to distance yourself from her and let her see what it's like without you. There's always the chance that she'll realize later than no one else is willing to be there for her as much as you were, but then you have to weigh whether or not you'd be willing to wait for her to come to that realization and whether or not it truly has the possibility of developing into the kind of love relationship that you want and deserve.

If you ever find yourself in the position of being able to take her back, I would suggest professional counseling before you actually marry her, just to make sure that it has the long term potential to work. It's hard to listen to an outside professional in these situations (when emotions are so strong), but it finally helped me to realize that they knew what they were talking about when the relationship ended up fizzling out just as they had predicted a year later. Luckily, we sought counseling before getting married and I was so relieved that we never went through with it. Any regrets I had at the time all but vanished within less than five years. I am thankful that it never happened, especially when I look at how rewarding my current marriage is.

a reply to: Deetermined

I'll take that on board with thanks.
I would love to think we could get counselling.
If She agrees I'll let you know.
Much appreciated x

originally posted by: Deetermined
a reply to: Cymru

As hard as it is, you really need to distance yourself from her and let her see what it's like without you. There's always the chance that she'll realize later than no one else is willing to be there for her as much as you were, but then you have to weigh whether or not you'd be willing to wait for her to come to that realization and whether or not it truly has the possibility of developing into the kind of love relationship that you want and deserve.

If you ever find yourself in the position of being able to take her back, I would suggest professional counseling before you actually marry her, just to make sure that it has the long term potential to work. It's hard to listen to an outside professional in these situations (when emotions are so strong), but it finally helped me to realize that they knew what they were talking about when the relationship ended up fizzling out just as they had predicted a year later. Luckily, we sought counseling before getting married and I was so relieved that we never went through with it. Any regrets I had at the time all but vanished within less than five years. I am thankful that it never happened, especially when I look at how rewarding my current marriage is.

Life is too short to waste your time waiting on the fickle minded.

a reply to: eXia7

Are you still here?

a reply to: Cymru



I'm puzzled that in seven years you didn't get married?

Seven years is a long time?

originally posted by: eletheia
a reply to: Cymru



I'm puzzled that in seven years you didn't get married?

Seven years is a long time?

Why should somebody be forced to marry? The girl I dated for 5 years or so bailed on me for that exact reason. she couldn't be happy to have somebody love her despite not being married.

Marriage is a scam, it doesn't benefit the man in any way possible. The system is biased against men, so can you blame men for not getting married when they could get divorce raped?

originally posted by: CulturalResilience

originally posted by: KansasGirl

originally posted by: CulturalResilience
Listen my friend, you may not like what I am going to say to you, but is a genuine attempt to save you from further pain. Your former fiancée has been exercising the modern Alpha F..ks and Beta Bucks strategy and you have been on the sh.ty end of it. Lift heavy weights often and work on being a total jerk boy douche bag. You will do much better with women if you adopt that winning strategy.

Cymru: about the advice above, I need to say ignore the "be a douche bag" part, becUse you sound wonderful! Do not change. You sound like a wonderful man that some woman is going to be so lucky to have, whether it's this current one if she comes to her senses, or someone else, even though I know you can't picture that right now.

Going to the gym is totally great advice though- that's always helped me through breakups.

Only ignore the bit about being a douche if you are happy with a low notch count. And, by the way, never under any circumstances take dating/relationship advice from women or girls. Instead disregard what they say and learn to watch closely what they do. You will soon learn that the two things are very different.

It sounds like he isn't looking for a high notch count, which is why I suggested he keep the traits he has now. I may be wrong but I think OP isn't looking for a string of one-night stands.

About women wanting assholes even though we say we don't: I can see why you would say that, and there ARE women out there who want the "bad boy" even though they may not realize it. But not all of us.

And it sounds like you've only been dealing with women who are either immature or who have no self-awareness, if your knowledge of women says that what they say they want and what they do is totally different. Sounds like you've been with some dumb women.

originally posted by: CulturalResilience
I will help you if you want to improve your situation. There is nothing more I can say to you if you do not want better than this for yourself.

The best of luck to you.
a reply to: Cymru

Cymru: listen to CulturalResilience!! This person gets it- he/she gets you, the situation, and how to make good out of it. Listen to him!

I say this because I've had the experience you're going through, except that I'm a woman. And I DID make it through and came out on the other side in a much better place, and even came to realize how much the man I was so broken up over, and thought was my one true man, didn't deserve me. I never thought I would feel that way when it was happening. it's possible for you too, and I have a feeling that (if you listen to the above member) you will find someone who fits you so well and you for her so well that you'll be amazed that you ever thought there was anything special about this current mess of a lady.

Have faith!!!!!

a reply to: Cymru


Hey man, if you guys weren't even married do you really think counselling is such a great idea?

If there is this many problems so early on, it can't possibly end well.

The people posting before me got it right, someone great will come along for you. Someone that doesn't necessitate counselling and all that other rigmarole.

I know it is tempting to try and get something back out of all that time you spent, but don't go down that path. It is endless, and you'll be way better off down the road.

a reply to: eXia7


Agreed. There is not really much of a point other than officiating something that doesn't really need officiated/sanctioned.

That being said, I am happily married. Of course this was a totally different time. People aren't the same as they used to be, that is for sure.

when i break up, i change my number and never look back. i never give the girl the satisfaction. no breakup sex nada.

if i see a chick later on (which is odd, because like the last time this happened i had not seen a girl in 2 years and it felt like it was yesterday i broke up with her) for sure its ok to one night stand it.

but at least for me, i would never rekindle anything. especially if i broke up with the chick because what if its all a trick to get revenge on me lol!

but never looking back is awesome but difficult. yes i think about the past chicks, but never indulge.

there are reasons why we break up. you only break up if those reasons become unbearable. rekindling years later is a dangerous game.

there is no 'one.' do we have 7 billion on earth? that means there are at least 1 billion girls in 18-40 range.

one thing i also do is hook up as much as i can after a breakup. lots of sex. does not help heartbreak BUT for sure it helps physically with much needed endorphins to help restore your objectivity.

a reply to: Cymru

Didn't mean to offend you. I really care that's why I said take care of yourself-hope you can heal, adjust, and move on. Time will help. I only hope for a balm for your hurt soul; truly.

originally posted by: KansasGirl

originally posted by: CulturalResilience

originally posted by: KansasGirl

originally posted by: CulturalResilience
Listen my friend, you may not like what I am going to say to you, but is a genuine attempt to save you from further pain. Your former fiancée has been exercising the modern Alpha F..ks and Beta Bucks strategy and you have been on the sh.ty end of it. Lift heavy weights often and work on being a total jerk boy douche bag. You will do much better with women if you adopt that winning strategy.

Cymru: about the advice above, I need to say ignore the "be a douche bag" part, becUse you sound wonderful! Do not change. You sound like a wonderful man that some woman is going to be so lucky to have, whether it's this current one if she comes to her senses, or someone else, even though I know you can't picture that right now.

Going to the gym is totally great advice though- that's always helped me through breakups.

Only ignore the bit about being a douche if you are happy with a low notch count. And, by the way, never under any circumstances take dating/relationship advice from women or girls. Instead disregard what they say and learn to watch closely what they do. You will soon learn that the two things are very different.

It sounds like he isn't looking for a high notch count, which is why I suggested he keep the traits he has now. I may be wrong but I think OP isn't looking for a string of one-night stands.

About women wanting assholes even though we say we don't: I can see why you would say that, and there ARE women out there who want the "bad boy" even though they may not realize it. But not all of us.

And it sounds like you've only been dealing with women who are either immature or who have no self-awareness, if your knowledge of women says that what they say they want and what they do is totally different. Sounds like you've been with some dumb women.

True, but the dumb and immature ones tend to be the young, feminine, and slender ones, so its a worthwhile trade off for my particular taste.

originally posted by: Skywatcher2011

originally posted by: eXia7

ETA: Nothing is ever good enough for a woman btw.

Unfortunately, the case is to keep a woman interested you have to do a lot of the hard work to keep her.

Whoever wrote that has no understanding of natural female Hypergamy. Women love to chase a man. A man who does not chase women sparks off the high status attraction trigger in the female hind brain and causes them to desire him.

These things usually don't hurt my feelings but damn now I'm upset.



I'm sorry. Maybe she will be willing to go to therapy with you or just sit down and talk it out.

If not I'm sorry, it's hard but at the end of the day you just can't control someone elses actions/reactions whether it's pleasant or not.

-Alee


Ps.... been in a relationship 10 years. We have a son together, and most days I don't think it's going to last. I know he's cheating on me anyways I just haven't said anything yet so..... I hope your boat keeps going but if it rocks, just know you're not alone in the void!!!! And it isn't the end of the world. Just feels like a lot of time stolen.

Your tune selection got me, I don't have anything to add but I thought i'd add another classic to your selection ...

Duet version ... coz it's the best one

Since you sound British

a reply to: Cymru

So sorry for the in you are surely feeling! It stinks when that sort of thing happens, and not much anyone can say to make it better. Nothing we can do to change how someone else feels, either. All we can do is offer sympathy, and that, you have. I don't blame you for feeling used, either, and wonder if that wasn't always her intention. If so, doesn't hurt less, but you can take some comfort in knowing you helped her child, and that is a good thing.

originally posted by: CulturalResilience
Only ignore the bit about being a douche if you are happy with a low notch count.

That's about the lowest POS I've read this week.

And I guess, highlights so much wrong in the world. It's all about how many women the man beds. Notches on his belt. Otherwise, he's a weak beta male, taking scraps off the alpha dogs.

Pathetic.

I was with someone who I though was genuinely interested in me. She was housebound, in pain, unsure why. Turns out she needed spinal fusion surgery. Which she had, and within 6 months she was back to her old life, sans me, because I was nothing more than a distraction while she was all boo hoo woe is me.

I don't give a rats about notch count. And frankly, at this point, there is no such thing as love. It's all artificial lust and to keep the notch count growing, bed hopping all over the place because people are just crap.

Relationships can bite me. the entire pointless "happily ever after" bollocks can sod off...

sorry OP, it sucks to be used and then discarded... I know that all too well.