7 and a half years then its all over ;(

a reply to: mysterioustranger

Blimey. Good on you Brother.

a reply to: Cymru

I thought I had found my keeper too. Married bought a house and 8 years later we were strangers living in a home together. I was lucky, we bith realized. When I finally tried to have "the talk" he was relieved.

Don't stop looking for your keeper. Mine blindsided me....im a good way. But I fought hard against it, I figured why bother.

15 years later my only regret is I didn't meet him sooner.

a reply to: Martin75

a reply to: Cymru

And on that Cheers I'm heading to the Pub.
Will check in later ....

Love of my Life

You got hosed dude. Sorry to hear that. You have learned a valuable lesson through this though, and that is to not try and date/marry single moms. They are single for a reason, and you aren't going to be the knight in shining armor to fix her problems.

As messed up as that may sound, its the truth. Do not date or get involved with single moms. First of all, its not your kid.. how can you be ok raising some other man's kid? Second of all, you'll never be #1 in her life, you'll never compete with her kid. And third of all, there is always a high chance that she will mess around on you with the kid's father.

Just find you a nice girl that is ready for a relationship, and doesn't have any kids(which seems to be a rarity these days)

a reply to: eXia7
Thats sound advice with 2 slight issues.
I know both Her exes and Little One's Father passed away just after She was out of intensive care. I went into this eyes wide open on this occasion. Before he turned up his toes, there was even a grudging respect between us.

Someone with eyes open to modern reality and the balls to speak out. I am impressed. There is no sadder and more pitiful sight than p.ssy pedestal polisher bemoaning his loveless fate.
a reply to: eXia7

a reply to: Cymru

I recognize this. This feeling you have towards "your angel" I have this same thing. And for me it is 5 years ago, when she left for the same reason. A skyhook. But I figured, it has nothing to do with me. I could analyze each and every tidbit, wondering at the beauty we both made, the depth of our connection, that we caressed each other's soul, laugh at all the fun we had, and then, all of a sudden, cry because it is gone, over, past.

The depth of our connection is perhaps best illustrated by the fact that after we had split, a couple of months later, I woke up from a dream in which I had to say "so long" to her in a hospital because she was dying. It was 00:30 AM. I could not get any more sleep. I decided to call, but no answer. a few days later I got this email in which she told me that at 00:30 hours she was being prepped for an ad hoc operation to her stomach because she had a half inch hole in there, and it was an escape by the skin of her teeth.

But I digress. What I found was, although I have had many encounters with women since, it has never been something quite profound like that. And that is what I truly miss and actually look for. And actually, I feel she is still the one girl and it still drives me mad she did not have the stamina to hang in there.

That being said: I am happy though to have known how intense, profound and fulfilling a relationship can be. And it is something that still makes me happy when I walk through the valley of death. ;-)

Perhaps you will get a lot of advice in terms of keeping in touch and bla bla. I do not buy into that. If it is meant to be ... she will come around .... for the right reasons and will find you, if you want to be found. And during this time you have the opportunity to consider yourself. Enjoy your life, and live good,so you have stories to tell.

O and if you want to you can always view the movie: The Notebook. ;-)

Wishing you all the best!

originally posted by: CulturalResilience
Someone with eyes open to modern reality and the balls to speak out. I am impressed. There is no sadder and more pitiful sight than p.ssy pedestal polisher bemoaning his loveless fate.
a reply to: eXia7

Meh cut him some slack, we all get overwhelmed by the p*ssy pedestal. I haven't been in this guy's exact position, but I've been in a similar situation which I gave up 5 years of my life for her to just bail on me after we had a pretty good relationship.

I think women these days aren't loyal, and don't want to be loyal. They will either endure being a single mom, or just screw around behind your back while you're out working your ass off to earn a living. I'm 31, and I've had many relationships, and I don't even think I plan to get married just for the sheer fact that I don't want to get hosed when a woman decides to leave on a whim. They are just too unpredictable, and too high maintenance these days. Even the most mediocre girls demand more than they should, or deserve.

I'm sure this view will piss off female ATS members, but I don't care.. its not like I'm trying to date them.

Look you guys, it doesn't have to be like this. Get back out there and start interacting with the opposite sex. Don't be outcome dependent and then you won't suffer from approach anxiety. Work on yourselves and improve in every way. Getting fit and lifting heavy will improve your physique and your confidence. Be smart and don't drink to much, eat well, sleep a minimum of seven hours a night. Copy the things the people you want to be like do and don't let anyone or anything prevent you from being the best version of yourself you can be.

Women find it very hard to resist a charming and playful sh1tlord. Remember women pass the time waiting for Prince Charming in the company, and the beds of Black Knights.

a reply to: CulturalResilience

No animosity please. We all have opinions and experiences. Appreciate the defence though.
I can see how it was meant and given the lack of background from me I take no offence.
I did walk into this early 2010 with my eyes wide open.
She and I had an affair early 2000s. Life kept us from being together then but decided to push us back together when we both needed someone for various reasons. We both went back to our respective toxic relationships and the eventual fallout they were bound to end up with.
If we had made a go back then She would not have been blessed with her Daughter. Maybe she might have been mine but She is an absolute delight and we got on like a house on fire.
Coming round from intensive care and being rushed to Bristol, the crash team said it's ok, Mum and Dad are here.
In spite of being off her face and being kept half out of it she shot a bleary-eyed stare and Dr. Dom and said "Stepdad!"
That memory brings a year to my eyes every time.
The unconditional love of a Child is priceless.
And I was more than happy with the distinction before and for the years after.
She was even the one to ask when I was going to marry Mum.
I did something right if only in her eyes ;(

I'm on your side mate. You deserve better than you are currently going through and it is not beyond you to achieve it. Sometimes a good hard kick up the ass is what it takes. With the "stepdad" comment she subconsciously or otherwise disqualified you from real intimacy. She is not good for you, get out of there friend. Still see the daughter if you can, but don't let it be at the expense of your personal fulfilment and happiness. PM me if you like and I will link you to helpful resources.
a reply to: Cymru

originally posted by: Cymru
a reply to: CulturalResilience

No animosity please. We all have opinions and experiences. Appreciate the defence though.
I can see how it was meant and given the lack of background from me I take no offence.
I did walk into this early 2010 with my eyes wide open.
She and I had an affair early 2000s. Life kept us from being together then but decided to push us back together when we both needed someone for various reasons. We both went back to our respective toxic relationships and the eventual fallout they were bound to end up with.
If we had made a go back then She would not have been blessed with her Daughter. Maybe she might have been mine but She is an absolute delight and we got on like a house on fire.
Coming round from intensive care and being rushed to Bristol, the crash team said it's ok, Mum and Dad are here.
In spite of being off her face and being kept half out of it she shot a bleary-eyed stare and Dr. Dom and said "Stepdad!"
That memory brings a year to my eyes every time.
The unconditional love of a Child is priceless.
And I was more than happy with the distinction before and for the years after.
She was even the one to ask when I was going to marry Mum.
I did something right if only in her eyes ;(

I don't see how you can say you went into it eyes wide open when you actually first interacted with her during an affair. That was the first major red flag.

a reply to: CulturalResilience

Thanks Butty. It is appreciated.
But remember, there were wrongs on both sides that we have both admitted (to my surprise.)
She might be breaking my heart at the moment but she will always be my Angel. If with small horns on her head lately

a reply to: Cymru

I'm sorry to say this-she used you. And you were a willing culprit.

In the extreme crisis of her daughter's severe illness, you were the guy that loved her and stood by her. You were her rock. I am quite sure her daughter appreciates all your love and giving nature.

Once she didn't need you anymore, she dumped you.

I get the feeling you like to be needed and that's dangerous. You need someone who fills your needs as much as you fill theirs. You read this relationship wrong-she was a taker and you just didn't realize it. And tht hurts.

Biggest hurt in the world-unrequited love. Most of us know about it and have experienced it. Takes alot of time get over being sucker-punched. She's not worth any effort at all. Stay away-she's poison to you.

Get off your parents' couch and find yourself again-as a single, strong man-don't fall for needy women-you have too many needs yourself you need to work on like being a strong man who needs to find his own wants and desires-quit caring too much about what others need-that's your greatest fault. Learn to be a strong man-hang around men-and stay away from hospitals.

You need time to heal and grow-big changes needed-be the man.

a reply to: eXia7

We were both in the same situation and both cheated.
I knew exactly where I was headed and there is absolutely no infidelity here at all.
We had many many discussions before getting back together about that and other things we were aware of about eachother.
Red Flag flamed.

originally posted by: Cymru
a reply to: Justoneman

Thanks Guys.
As for feelings, I'm talking about the only Woman I have ever wanted to Marry.

I've had offers in the past but they were never "the One." She however, is exactly that. Hell I'm grinning at the thought of her face, sat here with a pint and the Sunday Paper. Shoot me now lol.

Offers you say? Hmm, you must be a catch for someone then. I second the suggestion above about letting her know how you feel about her and her child . They have become family to you.

a reply to: Justso

Seriously? I have been successful with Women for years. Highly qualified and with a successful career. I have no problems socially, I'm known as the life and soul of any get together.
We all have needs but being needed is not one of them. I have left partners because we didn't gel so that comment is a bit off centre.
This is about a Woman who I fell in love with , heart and soul. No BS needs. Prior to illness it was wonderful.

I will help you if you want to improve your situation. There is nothing more I can say to you if you do not want better than this for yourself.

The best of luck to you.
a reply to: Cymru

originally posted by: Cymru
a reply to: eXia7

We were both in the same situation and both cheated.
I knew exactly where I was headed and there is absolutely no infidelity here at all.
We had many many discussions before getting back together about that and other things we were aware of about eachother.
Red Flag flamed.

I don't think that's a good way to start a relationship. If she cheated once, I'd be paranoid she'd do it again. Don't take the advice the wrong way, the other users that are giving you what seems like "harsh advice" is really what you need to snap out of your love sick mentality.

You got used man, and you need to be pissed, not sad. Another person used you for their own personal/emotional gain and literally dropped you like a bad habit when she was bored or whatever her reason might be.

If you continue to wallow around in misery/depression it will cripple you for a long time.. not weeks, or months, but years. You have to get control of your emotions right now. Own that sh*t and move on. Tough love my friend, but it's needed.