Girl Scouts warn parents about forcing kids to hug relatives for the holidays

originally posted by: ketsuko
a reply to: bigfatfurrytexan

And you are assuming this is unwanted affection.

He has never expressed anything of the sort.

It's just a gently reminder to go hug grandma and grandpa as we are getting ready to leave.

Also, what is the situation? Is grandma a complete stranger to the children? Did she just happen to show up out of the blue and 5 seconds later old dad yells go give grandma a hug and pushes his kids towards this complete stranger?

The whole scenario is ridiculous to say the least...

If they actually want to use a correct scenario that is inline with the holidays then use the Mall Santa. How many kids do we see kicking and screaming as their parents drag their kid to the Mall Santa with the "we been waiting for 2 hours, you WILL sit on his lap!!! attitude.

Now that is mentally scaring and scary....

originally posted by: Painterz
This is about teaching young girls that nobody has the right to demand or expect any physical contact from them that they do not fully consent to.

While I 100% agree with your post, why did you limit it to young girls? What if I, as a man of any age, don't wish to be touched? Why it is always an appeal to little girls? Nobody should be touched unless they are ok with it, period, exclamation mark, etc... I feel bad calling you out since you're not the only one, but it hits a nerve sometimes.

As to the op, nobody deserves anything from anybody not willing to give or receive it.

Extra: That tea thread was hilarious.

The Girl Scout message is bunk, but I firmly dislike being forced to hug or kiss anyone. Family or not. Especially if it's a relative I barely know or have never met at all. Strangers? Nah, mind the personal bubble folks. It's not about being self-centered. It's about anxiety and being shoved into a far too personal contact when there isn't any sort of bond or trust developed. Being related by blood doesn't mean beans if they're a stranger to you. I have blood relatives I wouldn't touch with a 10 ft pole because they're not good people and there are people not even related to me by anything but friendship or work that I adore and trust.

a reply to: Nyiah


We have always been if the kids want to hug then hug if not then not. If aunt whoever has a problem then that's her problem. My nephew hates his grandma because she is whacked in the head religiously. So when she comes a visiting he hides in his room. They don't hug and his mom doesn't make him hug. It is funny how he explains it though.

a reply to: trollz

If a kid doesn’t like touching a pencil, then they shouldn’t be made to do their homework?

Then a kid shouldn’t be given a vaccine which requires physical contact, being held down, pain, and bodily penetration against there will. What is that teaching kids?

A parent needs to have discernment. But kids need to be guided into socially graces that have nothing to with sexual contact.

a reply to: Subrosabelow

Sad you don’t understand grace. If you only love those that are lovable, even the pagans do that..... yes slight change in wording....

Sometime Grace starts with you.

originally posted by: Xtrozero

originally posted by: burdman30ott6

Your position on this sure makes their boundaries and resistance to physical contact they don't wish to experience delicate, though.

As a parent you should already know those boundaries long before old Grandma's hug comes into play. That is what I see as wrong with the article...It suggests you do not know and maybe you should figure it out on old grandma.....

Perhaps the article is making to assumption, and is intsead presenting a complete story for the reader to take from what they see as valid?

Its not like we live in NOrth Korea, and the Girl Scouts are Jim Jong Thinmint handing down edicts that are punishable by death.

RE: your prior comment....were I not to have heard cases of family members molesting kids who thought they were supposed to tolerate it being naive 6 year olds, I might find a middle ground of agreement with you.

The one thing I know for sure: jsut because someone is family doesn't mean I have to like them. Being polite doesn't mean physical contact. Being polite means not being ugly and hateful.

originally posted by: Sillyolme
No one should be forced to hug anyone.
If there is genuine affection sure. If it's a relative you only ever see on holidays and have no relationship with and you don't want to hug them you shouldn't have to.
Women and girls need to know this. No one is allowed to touch you without your consent. No matter what special day it is.

We didn't have holidays that included strangers. My brother and sisters and cousins were all friends growing up. The aunts and uncles were people we saw all the time. Sunday's were on a constant rotation from aunts uncles and grandparents hosting dinner for the hugh crowd. There were over twenty grandchildren in my generation. I understand that's not everybody's experience.

My dad had one friend who always patted my ass when he hugged me when I was a young girl. When he tried when I was a teenager I pulled away and that was the last time I even got within arms reach of him. After that I'd just wave and say hello from a distance. But I never told him off or told my parents because I was never given permission to confront adults.

Predators know this about kids so teaching them that it's okay to tell on a grown up is very important.

I wholeheartedly agree with this. Forcing kids to hug or kiss, or allow hugs or kisses from, people when they don't want it is a bad idea. How many women do you all know with the same story--the creepy family member or friend who took liberties when they hugged you but you didn't tell anyone (because probably no one would believe you if you did)? I had one, and so did/do most of the other women I know. Forcing kids to hug or kiss when they don't want to teaches them that it's ok for the creepers to do this. And like it or not, most molestation is done by family members, not strangers. It's a bad lesson.

oops! replied to my own post by accident.

originally posted by: Sillyolme
a reply to: trollz

And they need to know it's okay to say no and it's okay to tell. Predators tell kids it's their fault and their parents would be disappointed in them or what ever they need to to keep a kid quiet. I think that parents are probably more aware now then when I was a kid. Then no one thought that could happen in their circle. It was something that happened to other people.

People still think that. No one wants to believe it could happen in THEIR family, only to other people

originally posted by: odzeandennz
a reply to: Irishhaf

because this is how it is in real life, in the perfect world you live in in the woods.


i won't ask you if you never had insecurities growing up or if your parents ever made you embarrassed, because you'll just say what you need to to prove your point.

but reality is, parents are humans, just like the child, they don't always spot certain things, or dont acknowledge some behavioral issues with children until many years later.
otherwise we'd be living in some utopia where mental health doesn't have a stigma attached to it, or be seen as simple as a parent being able to 'spot' anxiety issues which medical professionals themselves sometimes misdiagnose . if mental health wasn't seen as 'not a big deal' more topics like this would be taken into consideration..

Amen to that. And I'd like to add: in that Utopia we'd also always be able to spot the molestors before they get to do any damage, too. There'd never be a child molested by a relative or family friend because we'd spot them right away. But we don't live in that Utopia and we too often have no clue when the creepers are creeping on our kids.

There is a proper hug method which includes no groping or chest contact....every girl should be taught her true value as a woman and this confidence will help her overcome this issue completely.....it is up to men to help instill this confidence in all women..... I was taught to hug girls properly and I have taught girls that a man should hug them properly.

No more dirty olde man chest crushing groping hugs.....not on my watch.....I dont care if its POTENTIALLY senile Grandpa pedophiliac Uncle or rapist Cousin........the games are over......and its a 2-way street where the exact potentialities with the opposite gender attachment must be realised and considered......this is a gender neutral issue.....its about self-respect and being proper,and not only on Christmas but ALL the time.

originally posted by: ketsuko
I also think there is a huge difference between "forcing" a kid to hug someone and simply saying, "We're getting ready to leave. Time to hug everyone good-bye!" too.

Yes! Thank you There's a HUGE difference. The latter is perfectly ok, and most kids are happy to comply most of the time. The former is not.

originally posted by: burdman30ott6
Holy crap, I'm siding with a few members here I don't think I've ever agreed with before on anything.

I don't often agree with the Girl Scouts, but on this matter I agree 100%.

I'm in the same boat. It's a strange feeling, isn't it?

-----

On topic--I'm amazed at how many people here think forcing your kids to hug people is ok, and how many think disapproval of this idea is some kind of assault on the fabric of the family. It's even more interesting to see who is taking which position--it's given me a different perspective on a lot of users on both sides of the issue.

If they actually want to use a correct scenario that is inline with the holidays then use the Mall Santa. How many kids do we see kicking and screaming as their parents drag their kid to the Mall Santa with the "we been waiting for 2 hours, you WILL sit on his lap!!! attitude.

Now that is mentally scaring and scary....

Hear, hear! I've never understood that whole thing either.

I think about this in terms of my 4 yr old grand-daughter. Four year olds can be fickle people and moody. Sometimes she very affectionate towards me, like today at Thanksgiving, she came and gave me all kinds of hugs, and wanted to sit next to me to eat and we played hide and seek. But on Halloween, she was moody. I asked if I could have a hug and kiss goodby when she left my house. She said no. So I respected her and just told her I loved her and said goodby. I want her to know she has a voice in saying when someone can hug and kiss her. Letting me hug or not hug is not a reflection of manners. She says Please and Thank you. But this is about her personal space. Children are not objects. They are people whose feelings should be considered.

I want her to learn she has a voice in saying who can touch her. We cannot expect children to feel like they have let people touch them, but then to have the skills and courage to tell someone NO. I think that's confusing.

a reply to: Nyiah

They may actually have a point however going about it the way they are is the wrong way and deliberately so I would suggest.

A better way to deal with the situation is through education. All during the 1980s and 90's if you wanted to change behaviour was to 'educate" them.

Since more recent times this has changed to " this situation is some important we may need to look at legislation'

Legislation has now become the norm and has become "normalised' as the accepted way for government to deal with unwanted or undesired behaviour or activity by the public.

This has resulted in the public accepting this as governments role in solving 'public issues' It has been so successfully normalised that the public is now demanding it.

I think it was Dr Delgardo of Tavistock who once said that torturing science has now become so advanced now that that the tortured will grow to love their torturer.

In respect of the matter which is the subject of this thread, the public are the tortured and government is the torturer.

a reply to: Lynzer

You didn’t get your child vaccinated? Doctor visits? Hold a child against its will because they want to run in a parking lot?

But you are teaching a child to withhold from what should be a nonsexual expression of pure love.

What are you really teaching your child? What should be a normal social grace is assault?

Do you at least teach them to do a hi five or a fist bump? Something to acknowledge the other person as a person?

originally posted by: neutronflux
a reply to: trollz

If a kid doesn’t like touching a pencil, then they shouldn’t be made to do their homework?

yeah cause thats the same as having some uncle you dont even know or barely know come in for the big squeeze
hahahahahah


some people dont like physical contact. that includes kids
social graces lol

originally posted by: TinySickTears

originally posted by: neutronflux
a reply to: trollz

If a kid doesn’t like touching a pencil, then they shouldn’t be made to do their homework?

yeah cause thats the same as having some uncle you dont even know or barely know come in for the big squeeze
hahahahahah


some people dont like physical contact. that includes kids
social graces lol

So that person is taught to be shunned?