Girl Scouts warn parents about forcing kids to hug relatives for the holidays

originally posted by: AugustusMasonicus

originally posted by: mamabeth
Just because a man spends his hard earned
money on a date...that doesn't mean the girl OWES him something in return other than a thank-you,I had
a nice evening.

In my world 'thank you, I had a nice evening' = lay down dancing.

Since you are one of the 3 idiots this behavior*may be acceptable.



* Do you really believe you should expect some girl to lay down dancing to pay you
back for buying her dinner?

originally posted by: bigfatfurrytexan

originally posted by: Gargamel
a reply to: bigfatfurrytexan

I guess in my case my kids don't see it as unwanted physical contact. Again if it was brought to my attention that one of my kids does not like to be touched by other people I would take appropriate action but I would also wonder how they got to the point that having physical contact with loved ones is causing them anxiety. I don't think this is something that comes naturally to people but something that some sort of event triggered or maybe it comes from learned behavior by noticing that their parents don't like physical contact. If it is the case that it is learned behavior are you now responsible for your childs phobias and would you want to do something to ensure that your own issues aren't made into your kids issues?

If you've not noticed it, then your kids likely have no issue with it.

As an example, autism exists on a spectrum. I'd suspect many people dwell on that spectrum somewhere. A trait of autism is to not like physical contact.

You may feel it is natural to want these things, but that is due to your own personal human experience. There are some people who just don't like it, and the reason has no external causation. Its foreign to me, too. Im a fairly affectionate type of person with family and loved ones. That said, the female family members get much less frequent touching all in all. The last thing I want to be is Creepy Uncle Bigfatfurrytexan

Definitely food for thought. I hadn't thought about the spectrum of Autism as I have not had to deal with that issue personally. Thanks for the thoughtful reply.

originally posted by: mamabeth

originally posted by: AugustusMasonicus

originally posted by: mamabeth
Just because a man spends his hard earned
money on a date...that doesn't mean the girl OWES him something in return other than a thank-you,I had
a nice evening.

In my world 'thank you, I had a nice evening' = lay down dancing.

Since you are one of the 3 idiots this behavior*may be acceptable.



* Do you really believe you should expect some girl to lay down dancing to pay you
back for buying her dinner?

If you will forgive me speaking out of turn....after sharing these boards with this user for about a decade, I can honestly say that I'd be shocked if that is what he believes.

He may be a jerk, but not that kind of jerk.

originally posted by: bigfatfurrytexan
I didn't make my 2 boys hug family members, etc. Unwanted contact is unwanted contact, even if its grandma/grandpa.

Well good on you! You must have saved your boys a lifetime of mental health issues...we are so delicate these days...

originally posted by: bigfatfurrytexan
a reply to: Gargamel

Consider the message you are teaching a young child: to be polite you have to accept unwanted physical contact, and allow yourself to be passed around as a token of affection.

Yes, seems like hyperbole....but there are a few decades of case history now showing that family tend to be the biggest sexual predators.

Seems like you are thinking too deep into all this...

originally posted by: trollz

And how do you know that "Aunt Mildred is weird & I don't want to hug her goodbye" isn't the child's way of saying they're very uncomfortable with being touched? Children aren't always the best at expressing themselves. I think we need to listen to children when they indicate that something makes them uncomfortable instead of dismissing their discomfort and shaming them.

You see that is the problem. When I was a kid they used a backhand and typically first even before they told you what they wanted you to do. Shamming is so wrong....

originally posted by: Xtrozero

originally posted by: bigfatfurrytexan
a reply to: Gargamel

Consider the message you are teaching a young child: to be polite you have to accept unwanted physical contact, and allow yourself to be passed around as a token of affection.

Yes, seems like hyperbole....but there are a few decades of case history now showing that family tend to be the biggest sexual predators.

Seems like you are thinking too deep into all this...

Please explain.

From my perspective, teaching a child that they are autonomous over their own physicality shouldn't have stipulations. It creates points of demarcation that are too subtle for a child to navigate, and open the child up for abuse.

originally posted by: Xtrozero

originally posted by: bigfatfurrytexan
I didn't make my 2 boys hug family members, etc. Unwanted contact is unwanted contact, even if its grandma/grandpa.

Well good on you! You must have saved your boys a lifetime of mental health issues...we are so delicate these days...

Try again, but this time drop the sarcasm and be meaningful.

I couldn't help but think of this scene from Bill and Ted's Bogus Journey.

Anyways. Yeah, it's pretty ridiculous. Just another attempt by social engineers to destroy western families.

originally posted by: mamabeth
* Do you really believe you should expect some girl to lay down dancing to pay you
back for buying her dinner?

Do you really believe that's never happened to me before? And by 'before' I mean this weekend?

originally posted by: bigfatfurrytexan

Please explain.

From my perspective, teaching a child that they are autonomous over their own physicality shouldn't have stipulations. It creates points of demarcation that are too subtle for a child to navigate, and open the child up for abuse.

Depends on what you all mean by forced... Are you dragging your kid up to grandma screaming and kicking all the way or just saying "give grandma a hug" ....

As I said you think too deep in all this... Don't want to hurt these delicate little flowers...lol Your little statement above could go down 100 rabbit holes....

"creates points of demarcation that are too subtle for a child to navigate, and open the child up for abuse" Ok whatever lol

originally posted by: bigfatfurrytexan


Try again, but this time drop the sarcasm and be meaningful.

The meaningful part is kids are not that delicate...

a reply to: Xtrozero

Are you saying 5 year olds can navigate the subtleties of adult life?

Holy crap, I'm siding with a few members here I don't think I've ever agreed with before on anything.

My folks, conservative rural family aside, never forced me to hug anyone. They trusted my judgement in people and honored my boundaries from as young an age as I can remember. My wife and I extend the same honors to our children. We demand that they are polite, respond when a family member addresses them, but forced hugs? No way.

I don't often agree with the Girl Scouts, but on this matter I agree 100%.

originally posted by: Xtrozero

originally posted by: bigfatfurrytexan


Try again, but this time drop the sarcasm and be meaningful.

The meaningful part is kids are not that delicate...

Your position on this sure makes their boundaries and resistance to physical contact they don't wish to experience delicate, though.

I musta been strange as a child.

(((hush)))

I never had an issue with hugging adults that I knew...family, close friends of my parents that I saw a lot of.

Other kids, on the other hand...I had real issues with that. I got along with all my cousins, but hugging them was not something I was at all interested in doing--and I was never forced to do either.

Man, the girl scouts have sure changed a lot since my mom was a troop leader for my sisters.

This thread is getting me depressed.

I come from a family of huggers. That was how affection at Hello/Goodbye was shared. I still hug my sons who are bigger than me.

In no way, shape, or form was this ever confused with letting creepers touch you.

Am I to believe now American parents are incapable of teaching their children the two things in parallel? Am I to believe American kids are too stupid to understand the distinction?

How does one develop situational awareness and self assertiveness when taught to apply black & white controls even with family members? When it comes to hugs, a smelly old Aunt now falls in same category as a stranger on the street with ill intent?

a reply to: bigfatfurrytexan

And you are assuming this is unwanted affection.

He has never expressed anything of the sort.

It's just a gently reminder to go hug grandma and grandpa as we are getting ready to leave.

Kids also need to learn to think of others besides themselves and sometimes that's part of it. If we didn't remind him to say good-bye, he wouldn't do it at all and I'm not talking about just the hugging but even saying good-bye. Kids at that age can be very self-centered.

originally posted by: bigfatfurrytexan

Are you saying 5 year olds can navigate the subtleties of adult life?

Hell I'm 57 and I can't "navigate the subtleties of adult life"

What I'm saying is if you asked your 5 year old to give grandma a huge he will run over to her and give her a huge...

I'm not saying this is correct with 100% of all kids, nor am I suggesting you physically or mentally force your kids as they break down into a crying mess, but I think there are bigger issues with waiting in line for Santa than with grandma...

originally posted by: burdman30ott6

Your position on this sure makes their boundaries and resistance to physical contact they don't wish to experience delicate, though.

As a parent you should already know those boundaries long before old Grandma's hug comes into play. That is what I see as wrong with the article...It suggests you do not know and maybe you should figure it out on old grandma.....