Grief and the afterlife

youtu.be...

You might enjoy that as much as I do.

My deepest sympathy Randy. I do believe that loved ones can visit through dreams and I am happy that your dreams have brought you comfort.

It is my belief that we are so much more than just a physical body and that once we leave, we go on to a better place. In 5 days it will make 2 years since my Mother passed away and last May made 10 years since my Father passed away. I can only imagine how heart wrenching it must be to lose your spouse.

You sound like a wonderful Husband and Father. Your love and light shine brightly and I know she is smiling down upon you with love.

originally posted by: Village Idiot
a reply to: randyvs

My condolences too there Randyvs, haven't had a heated exchange about religion with you for quite some time now for which I'm glad, I always ended up loosing anyway.
If I remember right, you had a hard time through 2016 as well, I take my hat off to you to still keep the faith.... testing times indeed.

Rest assured, you will always have a family here on ATS as well!

That's a little odd to me because I don't remember ever winning not even
once.

originally posted by: adjensen
Logging back in after a while to say, I am very sorry for your loss, Randy.

I've been there, myself, after my wife died unexpectedly in 2010. The pain lasted for a long time, even though I knew she was in a better place, but eventually, I healed from her loss and have been able to continue my journey. I know I'll see her again, but in the meantime, I have a life to live.

Take care, brother...

I believe we talked briefly after your loss AJ.

Great to hear from you.

My faith may not be the same as yours. But one thing which is constant in this universe is that the soul has, is and will always exist. It may not be easy, but be content in the fact that no matter what happens, she will always exist.

a reply to: randyvs

Thank you for sharing this. I am experiencing "visits" in my dreams as well:

I've seen my big brother 5-6 times in dreams since last December. He has also been happy in every single dream. My mother, and sister have each had 1 dream with him as well since his passing.

The very last dream I saw him in was about a week ago. It was Thanksgiving or another event like that with lots of friends, family, food etc. He came down the stairs and everyone at the gathering stopped what they were doing and went silent, looking in awe at him.

He walked right up to me and I, like the others was flabbergasted. I couldn't believe it.

We briefly talked and he explained that he was "doing fine", had a smile on his face, and looked healthy and happy. It was so incredibly beautiful.

One of my first dreams ever with him since he passed was probably a few weeks after he passed away. In that first dream we had a more in-depth conversation, and again he explained that he was doing fine and he was happy, healthy-looking, etc.

I truly, truly believe these are not "artifacts" of my mind or a response to the grief. When I see him and talk to him in the dreams, I can feel his presence, it really is him!

a reply to: randyvs

I'm so sorry to hear that Randy.
My husband died suddenly at the age of 46, it absolutely destroyed my world. We were so in Love.
At first, he came to my dreams but I was so angry I would either wake up or yell at him.

But now, 8 years later I've calmed down and come to accept it. I quit being angry with him, and God. He still frequents my dreams and he looks great and happy and we just interact in the dream as if he was still here. I enjoy when he visits.
I look at my life as if in chapters now, always turning another page.
My thoughts are with you, and I certainly wish you the best on your next chapter...

My brother took his own life over 2 months but l just feel he has popped out somewhere plus had many a dreams but they seemed just dreams as settings and the way the dreams went are like most my dreams as don't make sense apart from one.

originally posted by: 808Funk
My brother took his own life over 2 months but l just feel he has popped out somewhere plus had many a dreams but they seemed just dreams as settings and the way the dreams went are like most my dreams as don't make sense apart from one.

Gobs of love your way my fellow member. What you are going thru
I have no idea. But my heart wants to put an arm around you and
walk for awhile.

It is better to have loved, then to have never loved at all.

My condolences.

a reply to: Specimen

Exactly why my OP is informative to the point as it parallels
a less needy topic. I have mourned bitterly in private even as
I thought of how lonely life must be for many peoples who
never have the luck of finding thier soulmate in this cake
mixer life. And that's all it is,,, just dumb luck.

Kind words are great and so appreciated but I should by no
means be here for pity.

Why would I even want that when I'm the luckiest man who
ever lived?

Excellent post!

Hey Randy...sending my heartfelt condolences for the loss of your beloved. Your testimony of Love for your wife was very touching and beautiful to read and also terribly sad too. I hope this thread will bring you some comfort and also provoke a meaningful conversation about the afterlife and the grieving process of those that still live on after loosing a loved one.

You and I spoke briefly in another thread after I lost my beloved on Aug.27th to complications due to his battle with Cancer, unlike you who lost your wife suddenly, we knew "Mathias" wasn't going to live to be an old man, but we thought he still had at least a few more years left, so in that way it was sudden for him too. I remember you saying you wanted to have your wife's memorial service on the eclipse and at that same time Mathias was in the hospital about to have surgery, I was SO Hopeful that the eclipse was going to be a good omen and that he would recover and come home. At first we thought the surgery was a success and I'll never forget the smile on his sweet face when he said to me, "I'm back baby !" He was only 45 yrs old and he wanted to live so much and fought so hard.

I Loved him so much....oh gosh....I'm crying so hard right now it's hard to type, Thank-You for giving me and the others in this thread a place to talk about our feelings with you....I'm going to take a break, and later I would like to share some of the dreams and downright bizarre things I've been experiencing since losing my best friend...

a reply to: randyvs

randyvs, I am sorry you have been separated from your love one. I wish you many blessings and strength as you adapt. Me being a believer and not saying I am always right but I believe you will reconnect with her beyond here. Just keep her close to your heart bro. And keep your faith.

Yes, I believe dreams are a potential doorway to the Paranormal Supernatural dimensions or realms...

NAMASTE
LOVE LIGHT ETERNIA*******

a reply to: randyvs

I also feel your pain and emotions are so mixed as when I'm busy I don't think about it and then when I see his van i expect him to be in it and then when I by myself with a glass of wine the tears will flow.
Time is great healer for us I hope.

a reply to: randyvs

So sorry to hear.

However, it also sounds like you were very lucky to have something many never have or will experience.

Best wishes to you and your family.

This post has made me cry!

To all of you--who have lost people so close to you---I am sorry. And I hope so much that the days ease your pain and that your good memories keep you wrapped in love.

This is the most beautiful way of looking at death. I hope it eases your pain. It's been around the internet and touches everyone:

Alright, here goes. I'm old. What that means is that I've survived (so far) and a lot of people I've known and loved did not. I've lost friends, best friends, acquaintances, co-workers, grandparents, mom, relatives, teachers, mentors, students, neighbors, and a host of other folks. I have no children, and I can't imagine the pain it must be to lose a child. But here's my two cents.

I wish I could say you get used to people dying. I never did. I don't want to. It tears a hole through me whenever somebody I love dies, no matter the circumstances. But I don't want it to "not matter". I don't want it to be something that just passes. My scars are a testament to the love and the relationship that I had for and with that person. And if the scar is deep, so was the love. So be it. Scars are a testament to life. Scars are a testament that I can love deeply and live deeply and be cut, or even gouged, and that I can heal and continue to live and continue to love. And the scar tissue is stronger than the original flesh ever was. Scars are a testament to life. Scars are only ugly to people who can't see.

As for grief, you'll find it comes in waves. When the ship is first wrecked, you're drowning, with wreckage all around you. Everything floating around you reminds you of the beauty and the magnificence of the ship that was, and is no more. And all you can do is float. You find some piece of the wreckage and you hang on for a while. Maybe it's some physical thing. Maybe it's a happy memory or a photograph. Maybe it's a person who is also floating. For a while, all you can do is float. Stay alive.

In the beginning, the waves are 100 feet tall and crash over you without mercy. They come 10 seconds apart and don't even give you time to catch your breath. All you can do is hang on and float. After a while, maybe weeks, maybe months, you'll find the waves are still 100 feet tall, but they come further apart. When they come, they still crash all over you and wipe you out. But in between, you can breathe, you can function. You never know what's going to trigger the grief. It might be a song, a picture, a street intersection, the smell of a cup of coffee. It can be just about anything...and the wave comes crashing. But in between waves, there is life.

Somewhere down the line, and it's different for everybody, you find that the waves are only 80 feet tall. Or 50 feet tall. And while they still come, they come further apart. You can see them coming. An anniversary, a birthday, or Christmas, or landing at O'Hare. You can see it coming, for the most part, and prepare yourself. And when it washes over you, you know that somehow you will, again, come out the other side. Soaking wet, sputtering, still hanging on to some tiny piece of the wreckage, but you'll come out.

Take it from an old guy. The waves never stop coming, and somehow you don't really want them to. But you learn that you'll survive them. And other waves will come. And you'll survive them too. If you're lucky, you'll have lots of scars from lots of loves. And lots of shipwrecks.

a reply to: randyvs


I'm truly sorry for your loss brother. I can't even imagine the pain you are having to deal with. We are here to listen if you need us.

I am pretty much a lurker but I feel compelled to tell you that I am so sorry for you, Randy, and share your grief, having lost my beloved just a few months ago, as well. Thank you for speaking about the dreams. I've always believed that my dream messages from the dead were unusual as I don't know anyone else who has them like I do.

I've had four significant dreams about my beloved since he died. He 'visited' me to help me cope with the sudden shock of losing him and to reassure me that he has family with him, and another 'visit' to help me find my wedding ring which I had 'put in a safe place'. I miss him dreadfully as I know you must do with your wife. Take care... one day at a time.



Thank you, MRuss. Beautiful words although I can't see the screen any more.

originally posted by: MountainLaurel
Hey Randy...sending my heartfelt condolences for the loss of your beloved. Your testimony of Love for your wife was very touching and beautiful to read and also terribly sad too. I hope this thread will bring you some comfort and also provoke a meaningful conversation about the afterlife and the grieving process of those that still live on after loosing a loved one.

You and I spoke briefly in another thread after I lost my beloved on Aug.27th to complications due to his battle with Cancer, unlike you who lost your wife suddenly, we knew "Mathias" wasn't going to live to be an old man, but we thought he still had at least a few more years left, so in that way it was sudden for him too. I remember you saying you wanted to have your wife's memorial service on the eclipse and at that same time Mathias was in the hospital about to have surgery, I was SO Hopeful that the eclipse was going to be a good omen and that he would recover and come home. At first we thought the surgery was a success and I'll never forget the smile on his sweet face when he said to me, "I'm back baby !" He was only 45 yrs old and he wanted to live so much and fought so hard.

I Loved him so much....oh gosh....I'm crying so hard right now it's hard to type, Thank-You for giving me and the others in this thread a place to talk about our feelings with you....I'm going to take a break, and later I would like to share some of the dreams and downright bizarre things I've been experiencing since losing my best friend...

Man, I'm sitting here with no words for this reply.
Only tears.

a reply to: randyvs

awww , I'm sorry...this is a good place to cry together, Thank-You so much for reaching out. MRuss sure had some words of wisdom. I really resonated with what you said about, keeping promises and taking care of business on behalf of our extended family's. This keeps us going, the people, animals, and lot's of plants need me to not fall apart, and in that task I find comfort. His / our little dog, she loved him so much, has been my constant companion, I think she might be as traumatized as I am.

I could pick up the phone and call several people that loved Mathias, that love me, and loved US, and they would do their best to listen and comfort me, but I don't want to visit this misery on to them, there really is nothing they can say and pretending to be OK is exhausting for me. So again, Thank-You for providing a safe place to NOT be OK for awhile....