I Just Realized I Was Completely Wrong...

Here I was, Hopeless, just gave up on everything you know?

I gave up on everyone, on everything, on God too.
I've become so cynical and jaded, so full of contempt and disgust.
So damn disappointed with this life...

I was laughing about all of the chaos and misery, because that's all I know.
So why would I be upset that others got a little taste of it?

I was sitting there thinking...
"No one cares about me. I'm nothing. My life was a complete waste."

And then it happened, not one minute later.
My aunt and grandmother messaged my phone and said they cared.
I didn't ask them to, I have no idea why - it just happened.

Well I guess I was Wrong.
Someone does care.

How could that be a coincidence?
So I'm wrong about God too aren't I?
Maybe God does care??

I just broke down in tears...

You gotta understand, I only know suffering.
I can't find Justice anywhere. I outwit everyone yet still can't find it.
I always win yet lose every time. I try so hard.
Yet never get anywhere...

I've been completely destroyed.
I spent my whole life, 36 years, holding onto Hope.
I went years upon years refusing to give into the BS that everyone else gives into.
I refused over and over to become the things I despised.

Until recently.
These last few weeks, I've been surrendering to the evils of the world.
Instead of indulging in my primitive nature I just gave up on everything.
I gave up on ME.

I felt like my Spirit finally died after all these years of fighting my ass off to survive.
I always believed my better days were just ahead, that something great was on the doorstep.
Yet nothing ever came. Nothing I did ever made it happen.

I have nothing and am nothing.
But someone cared. My aunt and grandma.
I was right there...right there on the edge of the abyss.

But God caught me.
How's that even possible??

Ok...
I'll dust myself off, wipe the blood off my lip, and keep fighting.
I won't give up.

a reply to: muzzleflash

You sure have gone down hill...

At one time, a prolific poster with a mainstream Edge. Now, just a mess.

With that said, good luck chief!

a reply to: muzzleflash

God never starts something in someone He doesn't finish.

And yes, He loves you soooo much you can't even believe it.

Romans 8:38-39King James Version (KJV)

38 For I am persuaded, that neither death, nor life, nor angels, nor principalities, nor powers, nor things present, nor things to come,

39 Nor height, nor depth, nor any other creature, shall be able to separate us from the love of God, which is in Christ Jesus our Lord.

And it's sooo true.

For me? I was once where you were. So angry, so enraged, so wanting something I thought I saw in everyone else I couldn't find myself.

But I had to want Him, to ask for Him...

You know what did it?

A kid asked his Grandpa one time, 'Does God really love me?'

Grandpa answered, 'He loves you so much He can't take His eyes off you...'

I was there. A soul completely disfigured from what it was created to be.

But God never gave up on me.

Now, I will never give up on Him...

Peace to you...

a reply to: muzzleflash

I know exactly how you feel. Hang in there bud.

Just enjoy knowing you're loved.
No need to analyze it.

Just know.

hug for the OP. hang in there!

originally posted by: muzzleflash
Here I was, Hopeless, just gave up on everything you know?

I gave up on everyone, on everything, on God too.
I've become so cynical and jaded, so full of contempt and disgust.
So damn disappointed with this life...

I was laughing about all of the chaos and misery, because that's all I know.
So why would I be upset that others got a little taste of it?

I was sitting there thinking...
"No one cares about me. I'm nothing. My life was a complete waste."

And then it happened, not one minute later.
My aunt and grandmother messaged my phone and said they cared.
I didn't ask them to, I have no idea why - it just happened.

Well I guess I was Wrong.
Someone does care.

How could that be a coincidence?
So I'm wrong about God too aren't I?
Maybe God does care??

I just broke down in tears...

You gotta understand, I only know suffering.
I can't find Justice anywhere. I outwit everyone yet still can't find it.
I always win yet lose every time. I try so hard.
Yet never get anywhere...

I've been completely destroyed.
I spent my whole life, 36 years, holding onto Hope.
I went years upon years refusing to give into the BS that everyone else gives into.
I refused over and over to become the things I despised.

Until recently.
These last few weeks, I've been surrendering to the evils of the world.
Instead of indulging in my primitive nature I just gave up on everything.
I gave up on ME.

I felt like my Spirit finally died after all these years of fighting my ass off to survive.
I always believed my better days were just ahead, that something great was on the doorstep.
Yet nothing ever came. Nothing I did ever made it happen.

I have nothing and am nothing.
But someone cared. My aunt and grandma.
I was right there...right there on the edge of the abyss.

But God caught me.
How's that even possible??

Ok...
I'll dust myself off, wipe the blood off my lip, and keep fighting.
I won't give up.

congratulations

a reply to: muzzleflash

a reply to: muzzleflash

Adversity is a blessing in disguise. There are better days ahead, keep your head up.

There is no God of good, only a God of evil. So.. good luck with your new-found beliefs. You're #ed.

a reply to: muzzleflash

a reply to: muzzleflash

I have read your recent posts and have much respect for you. Not sure how you got to this place in your life but totally understand where you are coming from and how you feel. I am there as well but twice your age.

The confirmation from your aunt and grandmother is no coincidence. something in them understands and they were guided to express their love.

Don't know if you are alone or not but if so, this could be the path your need to continue that growth, grow yourself and find your path in life. Use the time well mussleflash. Folks on ATS love you.

Best of everything to you as you continue onward.

originally posted by: muzzleflash
I've been completely destroyed.
I spent my whole life, 36 years, holding onto Hope.

I wasn't really Aware until I was 42.

I met god at about 48 (you've got to be introduced ... and it's okay if you never do). I met him again on my own maybe a year or so later. It was a major confirmation for me. Then I met another deity. And then I ran into God again.

There's been a LOT of water under the bridge since then. I kind of wonder what I was doing up on the bridge ... instead of MOVING with the water. But ... that's life.

You're doing fine. I enjoy your company on the boards (even when you're being a s#-a$$). Hang in there.

a reply to: muzzleflash

im happy you had the experience. id love to experience stuff like that

Ppl, on the internet, wuvs u..

a reply to: muzzleflash

I feel you.

My life didn't really turn around until after 40. Before that, I was very self-improvement and individual competition oriented. I guess selfish and suspicous wouldn't be unfair descriptions of me at that time.

A combination of unfortunate circumstances and experiences showed me that, for some reason I can't really explain, my life works out a lot better if I focus on helping others whenever I can. I don't know if it's trickle-down good fortune or karma or what.

It turns out the previous 40 years of my life has made me a jack-of-all-trades, which is really convenient if someone I know has a problem. Plumbing problem? I can help. Electrical, electronic, computer, carpentry, automotive, whatever, I can help. The only skills I don't have I wish I had are welding and auto painting. Well, cooking and medical knowledge would also be nice.

Anyway, using all this knowledge and skill for just myself didn't seem to be bringing me happiness. Fixing my car just gives me a running car. Fixing a refrigerator for the poor mother of a friend's co-worker seems to pay dividends, even though I don't ask for a dime.

I'm not saying this is the path for you. I don't even know why it works for me. But if everything you have tried up to this point isn't making you happy, change everything. Eventually, you will find what makes you happy, even if you don't understand it.

a reply to: muzzleflash

Keep your lives free from the love of money and be content with what you have, because God has said, “Never will I leave you; never will I forsake you.” So we say with confidence, “The Lord is my helper; I will not be afraid. What can mere mortals do to me?”

originally posted by: VictorVonDoom
a reply to: muzzleflash

I feel..my life..

on the internet.

originally posted by: muzzleflash
Here I was, Hopeless, just gave up on everything you know?

I gave up on everyone, on everything, on God too.
I've become so cynical and jaded, so full of contempt and disgust.
So damn disappointed with this life...

I was laughing about all of the chaos and misery, because that's all I know.
So why would I be upset that others got a little taste of it?

Imagine how much you can change anothers life just by showing, doing something, saying something that makes them think you care

We all become cynical, jaded, so full of contempt and disgust and damn disappointed with this life...we become insular

Do something with what you have found, share it with others.
Be the person who cares

I get why Jesus said we have to love, love even when it hurts

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