You heard of the Three Amigos, meet the Three Idiots...

a reply to: InTheLight

Thank you.

We're just teasing back and forth. At my age, it's the only activity left that won't wind me in 10 minutes.

originally posted by: AugustusMasonicus

originally posted by: DBCowboy
I'm not going to say my prostate is big, but is has a GDP twice the size of Vermont.

I honestly not sure if I want to know how it accomplished this feat.

It capped the minimum wage and lowered taxes for new businesses.

Duh.

originally posted by: AugustusMasonicus

originally posted by: DBCowboy
I'm not going to say my prostate is big, but is has a GDP twice the size of Vermont.

I honestly not sure if I want to know how it accomplished this feat.

Large Natural Gas deposits.

originally posted by: DBCowboy
a reply to: InTheLight

Thank you.

We're just teasing back and forth. At my age, it's the only activity left that won't wind me in 10 minutes.

Teasing but truthful

a reply to: DBCowboy
a reply to: IAMTAT

Both of those answers make so much sense.

My hair is getting too long.
I went to scrub a pot-sticker and dunked a lock into the pot.

originally posted by: skunkape23

My hair is getting too long.
I went to scrub a pot-sticker and dunked a lock into the pot.

How does someone's back hair get that long?

I slipped and fell flat on my face.
Lip busted and nose bleeding.
I was the only one in the room laughing.
Why is everyone so humorless?

a reply to: skunkape23


It sounds funny but I would have laughed more if you took a pic.

I WAS ROBBED BY DBCOWBOY AT GUN POINT!!!!!

There I was, minding my own business on Las Vegas Boulevard's Strip Burger when this huge, sweaty, menacing, Harvey Weinstein-looking mofo comes up to me, points what looks like a gun in my face and says, 'Give me your french fries!!!!'.

Now, as any red-blooded Freedom Fry loving American I was not about to hand over my hard fought side order of crispy, delicious fries to some creeper on the Strip with what was obviously just a finger gun, in spite of the fact that he kept going *pew* *pew* *pew* and making attempts to boost my fries.

Being the bad ass tough guy that I am I roundhouse kicked him upside his disturbingly large coconut and then sat down to casually finish my fries. Just then a pack of toddlers ran up, most likely paid by this fry-thieving gross bomb. So I did what any bad ass tough guy does when toddlers try to help some hairy monster steal fries; I individually punted them into the fountains in front of Caesar's Palace. The satisfying *plop* that they made as each landed in the shimmering water made me think how much I enjoy life at these moments and that all of you an ATS should here about my exploits.

I credit my ability to easily defeat a morbidly obese geriatric and his band of pre-school miscreant thugs on my years of growing up in the tough neighborhood of Upper Saddle River, New Jersey (median income: $175,000) where we would often have our au pairs fight hand to hand until one of them got their manicures damaged.

The moral of the story? There isn't one, unless it's don't mess with a man eating his fries on the Vegas Strip where he never ever goes, not even next week on Tuesday and Wednesday.

a reply to: AugustusMasonicus

Your robbery sounds more like several countsof assault

originally posted by: dashen
Your robbery sounds more like several counts of assault

Pretty much, yeah.

a reply to: AugustusMasonicus

How long till the ((Masonic incident clean up team)) got there to clean up the scene?

originally posted by: dashen
How long till the ((Masonic incident clean up team)) got there to clean up the scene?

We left the kids floating around in the fountain as a warning.

a reply to: AugustusMasonicus

You stonecutters and your symbolism

a reply to: dashen


Dilly dilly.

That's not how it happened!

I was wet-nursing a llama at the outdoor café' at the Bellagio in Vegas when I noticed someone looking suspicious and very weird at the sidewalk.

Suddenly a guy was waving a Masonic Assault Gun in my face and demanding that I fill his fedora with baggies of vanilla pudding.

I just happened to have several bags of vanilla pudding on me because I was there for the Vanilla Pudding Expo 2016, but they were my only bags.

So I flexed my thigh muscles instead (I had been doing Pilates) and he ran away.


True story.

a reply to: DBCowboy


Luckily Nevada is a vanilla pudding recreational use state, otherwise this story would have been way cooler with some sort of illicit drug reference.

a reply to: AugustusMasonicus

Don't get me started!

I'm just glad I had my Tapioca Medicinal Use Card at the airport!

a reply to: DBCowboy


I credit our badassery to having been raised in seedy neighborhoods like Rancho Palace Verde where we had to forage for sustenance in our Sub Zero fridges without a nanny.