Need some advice on a strange situation

a reply to: Flyingclaydisk

She maintains that she does not believe the child is mine, I did not press the miscarriage and the time frame. She volunteered me the information without speaking about the miscarriage that it was a difference in a month and 3 weeks etc. I did not press the issue because I didn't want to derail swap test or no swab test. To me the DNA test is what ends all the BS one way or the other.

Believe me I was civil and it wasn't a bad experience over all, she almost seemed puzzled when I started asking questions so I was not very stern doing such and payed careful attention to answers. She is confident in her assertions and is very angry her parents contacted me. She went as far to say that her parents hate the other guy etc etc. she never said though that I may be a better father etc. the ball is in her court now though.

Your advice is some of the most I have taken close to heart too btw. I really appreciate it friend!!!

a reply to: Brotherman

This is beginning to sound like the parents are possibly trying to drive her towards you, and away from this dude they don't like. If true, that does not bode well at all! Further, (if true) this has nothing to do with her feelings, or yours...but purely a selfish motivation on their part. Bad, bad, bad...oh so very bad!

I'd be very, very, careful how you engage with the parents! If they're up to some kind of 'matchmaker' game, and meddling in their daughter's personal relationships space there could be much bigger issues than you know.

P.S. I'm about this close (holding fingers up 1/4" apart) to jumping on the "Don't walk, but RUN.." bandwagon. (trying not to go there, but this is getting weirder by the minute).

a reply to: Flyingclaydisk

At this point I hope I have done what the thinking man would do, everything was entirely awkward, I am also hoping that because my initial contact didn't make me seem crazy seeing I have no idea what ma n pa said to her. What I mean by that is I did call her about wild claims I got from her parents, she did ask about and I did provide the initial texts and all that.

It is a mess in my life right now I want resolve to for sure brother.

a reply to: Brotherman

I for one, and glad to see you decided to stand on your hind legs like a man and try to sort through this.
Running is for cowards.

a reply to: angeldoll

I only run for exercise or for my life sometimes, depends on the shooter.

originally posted by: Flyingclaydisk
a reply to: Brotherman

This is beginning to sound like the parents are possibly trying to drive her towards you, and away from this dude they don't like.

I'd be very, very, careful how you engage with the parents! If they're up to some kind of 'matchmaker' game, and meddling in their daughter's personal relationships space there could be much bigger issues than you know"

I agree.....parents don't like the new guy .....so now they're pushing towards you .....not good. ......the parents just basically mind fuc*** you by putting these thoughts into your head....You also need peace of mind if the child is yours or not....you may have to get an attorney to help you if she won't do a paternity test . Do not contact the parents, keep contact between you and her and your attorney.

I'm in a similar situation and I definitely want to know the truth and if the kid is mine. Hope you find out the truth.

a reply to: Slickinfinity

You too my friend!!!

Dang OP, that is a heavy situation you're in. I feel for ya, I couldn't imagine having to go through what you are.

I think she owes you 100% confirmation of who the father truly is. Given the suspicious timeframe, and if her only alibi is that she was cheating then it is my opinion you deserve an honest explanation.

If there is the slightest chance that is your kid you need to fight your ass off now.

Regardless, I feel for ya, I hate stories like this....I hope it all works out.

a reply to: GoShredAK

we will see what happens no new information as of yet...

Unfortunately, in this day and age, there are many people willing to exploit a young man into providing for a child that is not theirs.

Here is what you NEED in this situation:

You need to refrain from contact with the grandparents until you know for certain. You can't allow yourself to be manipulated into a position it'll be hard to tear yourself away from if the answer is not what you want.

Don't even think about WHAT the answer is right now, just focus on getting the answer as quick as possible. When you know what the answer is, you can move accordingly from there.

If it was me (and to some degrees, this situation is similar to my own) I would want them to be cooperative. If she cheated on you, right now, sorry to say, is not the most pressing matter, it's the paternity of this boy. So if she's hiding behind parents because she needs to know, but she has also cheated, that needs to not be a thing, because it will make it all so much easier.
If she cheated, unfortunately, sith happens, but that shouldn't be to focus of your attention, it should be getting to the bottom of the paternity. If you can communicate that to her, that it'll make things easier if she's just up front and then you can tackle it and move on appropriately, it makes for way less intrusion into your life. Plus, you get to throw it all away as a bad lot. Just, a bad lot you kinda have a kid with now.

Don't feel bad for getting lawyers involved. It doesn't matter how much you think you know someone, they will ass# you at any opportunity they can get if they're able. My ex has tried to bully me with solicitors to sign away my parental rights to our son after I broke up with him for cheating on me. I've had to document all the times I've asked questions and they've gone unanswered, I've had to back up years worth of one-sided text conversations from me to him asking for news about my son and whether I can make arrangements to come and see him. He won't even answer the phone to me. People. Will. Ass#. You.

Protect yourself at all costs. Kids aren't weapons of war, but it frigging hurts when they're used against you.

The sooner you know whether or not the baby is yours, the sooner you can move on.

Sorry its happening to you buddy, I hope it comes to a clean and simple resolution for you.

a reply to: Lulzaroonie

Yeah, getting ass#ed isn't exactly my thing for sure. I am doing what I think is necessary to protect myself and also get things answered.

If thats you in your avi pic who would cheat on you, your cute

originally posted by: Brotherman
a reply to: Lulzaroonie

Yeah, getting ass#ed isn't exactly my thing for sure. I am doing what I think is necessary to protect myself and also get things answered.

If thats you in your avi pic who would cheat on you, your cute

All kinds of great advice in the post above yours.

I once faced the prospect of infidelity within my marriage, as well as an ugly custody battle. I will tell the story as best as possible in my next thread, hopefully to be completed by tonight.

It was one of the hardest things I have ever been through, and I have been through some miserable times.......It was especially hard for me because I was fully in love, and I am extra sensitive when it comes to Love and betrayal.

Looking back I can say with absolute certainty that It was a time period where I grew up A LOT, and became far more mentally strong which has stuck with me ever since. I also learned a lot about my own flaws, gained a clearer perspective on life, and what is truly important.

If you can manage your way through the hellish journey of coming to terms with the betrayal of someone you love, Witnessing just how far people we once trusted are willing to sink in order to win, appear superior, and inflict pain. This combined with not knowing if she is pregnant with Your child, or not, or if she is being honest about the miscarriage..........If you come out of that intact you'll emerge a far stronger version of yourself and you will be happy.

Again, because I don't know the entire set of circumstances, I say this after settling on my own assumptions derived from my own intuition. Also taking into account my Wife's opinion which I happen to agree with.

However, I am going to go over the OP once more to see if I missed any important details...........and to realign with the topic.

No longer applicable, removing to prevent derail.

No longer applicable, removed to prevent derail.

a reply to: Brotherman

I can't add anything that hasn't been said so I am posting in support of you Brotherman. I hope you are able to do right by yourself and your child. Your beautiful child who does look just like you.

a reply to: GoShredAK

What I am saying is that an ex girlfriends parents called me out of the blue a year and 5 months after their daughter had a baby and said they believe it is mine. The ex girlfriend I was with was pregnant and I was away when she claimed she misscarried but the time frame between mis carry and birth is something like a month to a few weeks. The Ex girlfriend never accused me or asked me anything, I approached her because her parents said her baby is mine more or less.

A lot of things don't add up

a reply to: Brotherman
Oh.......:/ my bead.....I was way off....sorry about that, I hereby declare complete ownership of the next level fail I just committed.....lemme reevaluate my next post now that I have my brain turned on................I guess all that other stuff could have been potential advice from a guy who has been married for a few......Though, I prefer to delete most of it for being so far off topic......

originally posted by: Brotherman
a reply to: GoShredAK

What I am saying is that an ex girlfriends parents called me out of the blue a year and 5 months after their daughter had a baby and said they believe it is mine. The ex girlfriend I was with was pregnant and I was away when she claimed she misscarried but the time frame between mis carry and birth is something like a month to a few weeks. The Ex girlfriend never accused me or asked me anything, I approached her because her parents said her baby is mine more or less.

A lot of things don't add up

Did you and the Ex break up when you were away? Were you already separated before the pregnancy?

If my reading comprehension is functioning now, I think I am starting to get it.......maybe.......

If you two broke up before the the pregnancy or sometime during that time frame I suspect she cheated and wasn't decent enough to at least own up to the fact. She knew the kid is yours but would rather fabricate a miscarriage in order to avoid you're rightful involvement. She then admitted to the boyfriend at the appropriate time so she could create a believable explanation for having a child whose time of birth correlated with you possibly being Dad, Nevermind the inconvenient fact (for her) that the child looks like you.

Giving you the benefit of the doubt, and I do, I think she is in fact doing this because she fears you will have the power and incentive to initiate a custody case.

That would also help explain why it is the parents who got ahold of you. Perhaps they have been aware of what their daughter is up to and possess the basic humanity to know how wrong it is, not only to you, but to the child.....

a reply to: GoShredAK

your all good bro