The Shed 13

My first reaction was that I didn't care what others thought.
Then I started feeling hurt and alone.

I got mad and upset, I thought "I wanna burn all the bridges, every last one!". Then I thought "This'll be a scorched earth policy, the whole orchard is ruined!". Then I even got a little screwed up and thought "I'll pour gasoline on the shed and toss a zippo at it, that'll show them".

Then I realized, "wow, maybe I'm becoming as crazy as they painted me out to be, maybe I am losing myself in all of this madness".

Then I went back to square one, where I didn't care and I was just hurt, because I realized the ultimate Truth of the matter - that the bridges either never existed to begin with or they were already burnt down by the person at the other side that I tried to build towards. That the earth was already scorched and I didn't have to do anything. That the shed was already aflame before I got there. I was just caught in the middle of a conflagration that I had nothing to do with.

I woke up to the fire, someone already started it and it wasn't me.
I was upset because I found something I cared about aflame, turning to ashes.
I can't burn fire can I?

a reply to: muzzleflash

Dude!!

What's going on?

I have been following you since I have been here at ATS. (2010).

You have always been someone who has been admired.

When I see your posts, I always check them out.

I am sorry that someone here in the Shed hurt you or made you feel less than you are.

Please!!!

If you would like to U2U me and talk about this, I PROMISE you, I will not betray you.

I will do what I can to help you.

That's what we do here in the Shed.

a reply to: Night Star

I WILL SEE IF WE HAVE SOME THING LIKE THAT HERE...BUT I OTHER PROBLEM IS THE BEING AROUND PEOPLE..NIGHT I HAVE BEEN IN THIS TRAILER SINCE MONDAY...I HAVENT GONE ANY WHERE AT ALL...AND I AM THINK ITS GETTING WORST...AS WHEN SYX WANT TO A ROOM AT THE DR.PLACES AND I CAME BACK AND HE WAS GONE..I WAS CRYING AND FREAKING OUT I TOLD THE LADY I NEED TO BE WITH MY HUSBAND..I WAS HAVING ATTACK...SO I DONT KNOW...I WILL TRY TO USE A DICTIONARY I COPIED THAT WORD FROM YOUR POST..AS AGAIN I COULDNT SPELL IT THATS FOR SURE..BUT I WILL TRY THATS ALL I CAN DO..I LIKE READING KIDS BOOKS ANY MORE...

a reply to: muzzleflash

THANKS MUZZLE...I WILL TRY THAT..BUT WHEN I AM IN BED READING I AM NOT GOING OT COME ALL THE WAY TO MY PUTER AND LOOK IT UP..SO I NEED A DICTIONARY..I DONT EVEN THINK THERE IS ONE IN THIS HOUSE..BUT IF NOT I WILL GET ONE..THANKS...

I'm way behind in here and trying to catch up.

Wis, you speak so beautifully. Your words are poetic and wise.

Kat, yes, it sucks to get old. LOL!

Ok, lots of posts to catch up on.

a reply to: Night Star

I am here for the night.

I am very concerned.

Yea, this getting old stuff sucks.

Hey Night if your gonna be here all night, I will too.

I just have to switch to my phone. And that can be a pain in the arsh to post sometimes.

So please have patience with me.

Flash I'm sorry if you are feeling hurt. I remember one person commenting in one of your threads trying to help you by mentioning counseling and meds and you were pretty upset and even upset with people who starred the post. The person was just trying to help. I have mild depression and anxiety and meds help me. You seemed to be desperately trying to find answers and people were just trying to help in whatever way they felt they could. You didn't have to freak out on them. Your passion could easily be construed as obsessive and not everyone knows how to deal with that.

You are an intelligent man, but I don't always understand you. I'm sure there are others who don't either. I'm sure there are folks here who don't fully understand me either or even like me for that matter.

Pheonix, I have never heard a bad word about you from anyone.

It bothers me to see people hurt, but I am no psychiatrist. I am not perfect and will never pretend to be.

I'm getting confused and wonder if folks are upset with me for different reasons. I have always wanted this place to be great for everyone, but it seems impossible as we cannot please all of the people all of the time.

If anyone wants me to step down and leave the shed key. Tell me. I don't know how to fix things.

a reply to: SyxPak
Will do. She's on the phone now.

a reply to: Night Star
I'm fine. It was a long day though. How about you?

a reply to: Night Star

Oh for Heaven Sakes!!!!!

Do Not say that

Night, This is not about you.

We all have stuff.

You just keep doing what your doing. Never Change.

We all love you.

a reply to: Skid Mark

Hey Skid.

What ya up too.???

My day sucked. It started having to starve myself for 8 hours and then going to the Doc and getting a needle stuck in my arm.
LOL!!!

I then went and brought $80.00 worth of groceries. Hahhahaha. You think you have issues.....LOL!!!

I have been so busy, I haven't had a chance to keep up with what is going on here in the Shed.

I am glad to hear alot of our little family are doing well.

a reply to: muzzleflash
What's up, dude? Having a bad day? Need to talk?

I like your avatar, by the way.

a reply to: crappiekat
Howdy. It's going good here. I've been working. How about you? I hope whatever your doc is checking out comes back good. Get yourself something good to eat when it's over. You deserve it.

a reply to: crappiekat

I'm here and practically in tears. It's like the shed is falling down all around me and I don't know if folks are mad at me, disappointed in me or what is going on. I always wanted this place to be something wonderful, something special for anyone who entered.

It has been strangely quiet lately with a lot of missing people. I guess some are not happy. Maybe it's me they are not happy with. I don't know. I'm just sad right now and confused.

a reply to: Night Star

Oh stop it!

No one could be mad at you. You are just like the Shed Mother should be.

The place is not falling apart, but change is a part of life. The Shed has changed and some did not like the change. Other did and that is how it changed. It is still a magical place little Elfette.



P

a reply to: Night Star

Don't be sad.

Then everyone is going to be sad.

Keep a positive attitude.

It's all good.

a reply to: Night Star

Stop.

I can't bear you crying like this.
I am sorry I was so upset.
I was hurt.

I'm very sensitive about people thinking I have some sort of mental disorder because I don't believe in that at all. My entire concept of mentality revolves around the rejection of the theory of mental disorders and is (inspired by Carl Sagan) based on mathematics and computer analogies. It's "either I'm wrong or I'm right", or "I have poor data I cannot make an accurate choice".

I don't believe in "I guess I just have a mental problem". I could explain all night 100 points why that is not scientific nor is it logical or rational to even operate with.

That doesn't even matter right now anyways.
Please can we just hug and be better?

I Love you. It's ok.
I'm sorry.

It's 5:29am in Scottland...

GORDI< WAKE UP. WE NEED SOME HELP HERE!!!!

a reply to: pheonix358

10,0000 Stars for you

a reply to: Night Star

Hi Night. Hey don't go there! I was tryin to catch up and saw this! I sent You U2U's just now. Two were rapid fire accidents, sorry Those! Third has the message I intended!


Hi everyone else too of course!!

Awwww, thanks guys! Sometimes my self esteem isn't exactly up there and I doubt myself and what people think of me I guess.

I hate seeing anyone hurt and I hate thinking that I might be the cause of anyone's pain. It drives me crazy!

I start wondering what is being said in PM's and who is unhappy with what? I get frustrated not being able to fix things and not being able to keep everyone happy here. In my heart, please know that I want this to be a wonderful place where people can come and feel the love and magic. That is what I truly wish.

HUGS to everyone! I sure need one!