Well. That's that.

a reply to: Bluesma

I only comment to offer support, whether he has betrayed you or not. I will be an echo of some. You are obvious to me going through a rough time. Tiger's words above were so insightful and intelligent.
Try to stay calm and rational until you know the truth. Although never having lived in a foreign country I feel that I can relate to your words and not having 'folks' of your own to talk to and bounce thoughts and ideas (advice?) off of is difficult. To feel alone, is difficult.
From your posts, in the past, it seems as if you have (other than this perhaps) an honest relationship and when he looks you n the eye and gives you a response, you will know one way or the other.

Only you know what you are willing to tolerate. Perhaps he doesn't love the other person (if there is another). I believe, sometimes, infidelity isn't an immediate relationship destroyer but, if the romantic love is gone...I don't know. If he's been living a secret life and taken from the relationship with you to give to another well...that can be the deciding factor.

When survival mode kicks in (if necessary), you seem intelligent enough to be calm with a game plan. Don't just abandon things you've worked for and don't allow yourself to be ruled by emotions and hurt feelings. If he's abandoned the relationship then you must protect yourself and your future. I believe you have an older child (children?) so thankfully that may not be a consideration. Not speaking of their feelings here but rather a place to live, security, future etc.

Of course, all of the above could be unnecessary as it could (IMO) be easily an error or there could be a reasonable explanation. It could be something completely innocent and I hope for you and your husband the best. Either way, the feelings that this situation has brought to the light should be dealt with and, again, when he looks you in the eye and tells you you will know how to proceed.

Good luck!

originally posted by: Bluesma
My husband had told me he had to go on a business trip for four nights this weekend, until Wednesday. I never thought anything of it - he must travel a lot for his work.

Until tonight, I received a confirmation from a four star hotel in Bourgogne for TWO adults those four nights. It's a great place, spa and all.

I am in shock. I am crushed. I am an idiot. A naive idiot.

I was supposed to meet him tomorrow, as I am working at a convention for two days where he will be working- luckily I have colleagues I can bunk up with.
But My life has just turned upside down. I'll be single again, and I don't know how to deal with that.
I'm old, and I don't think I ever want to be with anyone again. Damn. # just got real, but it feels so unreal...

Not sure if this has been said, but are you POSITIVE that he's ACTUALLY meeting someone? I travel for work a lot. I probably spent 50-60 nights in hotels each year and I handle all my own bookings. I usually book online, and it asks me how many people are staying, and a drop down menu lets me select 1, 2, 3, etc adults, and another for kids. The adult box usually defaults to 2, and kids to 0.

Secondly, when I book over the phone, I often arrive to find the reservation says two adults, even though that was never discussed and it's only me.

Having said that, if you're sure he's up to no good, sorry. I've been there. That's why I left my wife.

Well, as several others have said, I'm not so sure I'd jump so quickly to conclusions as you seem to have over just one event. Certainly not this one.

If you have 26 years together as you say, don't you think he might deserve the benefit of the doubt?

Why not just ask him, point blank?

I mean, if you're tired, don't care and just want to throw it away then I suppose there's nothing left to be said. If, on the other hand, your relationship means something to the both of you then why not try to at least confirm what is going on (or not going on)?

a reply to: stolencar18

The adult box usually defaults to 2, and kids to 0. 

^ this.

Every time I've ever booked a flight/hotel/reservation online it automatically specifies 2 adults.

Hopefully this is just a booking error OP, but either way best wishes.

a reply to: Bluesma

Two other thoughts...

You have over 6,000 posts here and nearly 6 years of membership. I would think your husband knows where you post your thoughts, and I wouldn't be at all surprised if he checks ATS periodically, if not actively. If he's truly up to something I would think this doubly true. To this end, you might be telegraphing your 'punch', so to speak. At very least, you are giving him a head's up to start covering his tracks.

On the other hand, if there really is a harmless explanation for this, and the above is true, he might well be none too happy about you jumping to this conclusion. I'll speak for myself when I say, if I read something like this posted by my wife I'd be plenty PISSED! In fact, I'd probably be so mad I might want to re-evaluate the relationship as a whole if my wife was so willing to S#-can the whole relationship and bolt over such a silly thing (were it not true).

Just sayin'...

a reply to: Bluesma

To me, if it is true and not a hotel error, that is a very underhanded and selfish way of dealing with problems (if there are any) instead of being truthful and making a clean break before looking around for whatever needs to be had.

a reply to: Bluesma

He's on a business trip for 4 days, Saturday - Tuesday coming home on Wednesday. Your his wife and you make a statment "he must travel a lot for his work". So you don't know then.

Then you received confirmation for 2 adults with this 4 star hotel with spa and all. And at the same time you were to meet up with him the next day as you are working a convention for 2 days that he will also be working at.
So if you're to meet up with him, that would be Sunday. Then you'll be working the same area as he is for the next two days, that would be Monday and Tuesday. Then he'll be home on Wednesday, same time you would be coming home?

And from all that... You came up with the conclusion that you're going to be Single?

Did you even talk to your husband? Did you go meet up with him? Why would you receive confirmation of hotel if you were not supposedly staying there?

Sorry for your lost!
Your post is very confusing.

P.s. Being Single in the first place, and this would never of happen!

a reply to: Famouszor

"He must travel for work" as in " he is required to travel by his employer... He must or get fired", not like "he's gone alot, I assume its for work,".

To Bluesma, others have said anything that needs saying... Just popped in to say, no matter what, we're around for moral support. Good Luck!

a reply to: ksiezyc

IF her husband HAS shacked up with another female for the time frame she mentioned, then YES, she is indeed a victim. She's victimized by another woman's unforgivable play for her husband through deliberate, uncaring choice, as well as being victimized by her husband for putting her through the pure agony she's obviously in...something I can easily relate to.

Why hate my own gender? Because I see women as supposedly being better than setting out to deliberately destroy another woman's marriage just because she wants that woman's husband. That's bad enough, but when there are children involved...it's absolutely criminal and speaks volumes about that female. THAT kind of disrespect from one of my own gender is unfathomable, unforgivable, and comes from the lowest of the low. Yes, alot of the fault is with men too. But, honesty, I can ALMOST feel sorry for men because they're made weak, blind and stupid by their own mindless testosterone. A fact that these kind of females see coming from a mile away and easily capitalize on. Though eons ago that kind of drive was needed when men HAD to fight for their place as an Alpha male to be strong, fearless, protective of what was his, as well as propagate...but, that's pretty much not the case today. For a man to allow himself to be sucked (apt description) into some POS female's little game, abandon the family he happily helped build is unforgivable and yet easily avoidable. If a man, or woman, sees a certain situation developing they need to put priorities in perspective. In other words, they have one of two simple choices...walk away from it for the sake of their family, or go with it for the sake of their d**k and VERY possibly destroy the people they walk away from. Either choice screams the character of the people involved and chisels it in stone. To me, thinking he could wallow around "in the moment" that darkened and dirtied my family's doorstep and get away with it was beyond belief. I was all but totally destroyed. However, I'm pleased to say that later on Karma raised it's ugly little head and delt him the EXACT hand he gave me. THAT spoke even louder and more clearly about the low, uncaring and heartlessness of the POS female who condemned me to an agonisingly long emotional death. I freely admit I wasn't strong enough to overcome those feelings, let alone forgive. I never will, even though he's dead and gone from my thoughts. That "thing", on the other hand is finally out of my conscious thoughts now, but nonetheless will be despised till the day I die.... What's NOT to hate? Those types bring shame, pain and disgust onto the heads of the entire female gender. Sometimes I can see and almost understand why there's so much evil and abuse heaped onto our heads...as we see with muslims and how an entire culture, or gender can be condemned by the actions of some because we know the shadow of the guilty blankets ALL with the POSSIBILITY that betrayal by a (case in point) fellow woman could happen at any time....

a reply to: Bluesma

Find out if the person he was with has assets, you can sue them for constructive abandonment. I remember reading about it a few years back, a woman found out her husband was cheating, and she sued her husbands lover and got quite a hefty settlement for it. Also in some states adultery is still considered a crime. If you break up someone's marriage now, you can be legally liable in civil court. I would see a lawyer. Good luck to you.

a reply to: Rubicon3

I'm sorry Bluesma.

In response to this post..... there is a lot of hate here. Not undeserved hate. But I wanted to say that I understand completely where you are coming from. There should exist a sisterhood among women.... but for many women, it means nothing. That's doesn't seem right. Alas, I'm an idealist and still have a hard time imagine why someone would do something that I couldn't imagine doing myself.

a reply to: Rubicon3

You fail to comprehend who I was responding to. Use paragraphs that wall kills and is unreadable.

a reply to: Rubicon3

Anyone is a victim when you only have one side of a story.

You know, so many on ATS complain that the media is such a problem....judge/jury/executioner mentality is the fuel that has driven the knee-jerk media because some of you people eat it right up.

a reply to: Bluesma

My husband had told me he had to go on a business trip for four nights this weekend, until Wednesday. I never thought anything of it - he must travel a lot for his work

He must travel a lot for his work? Don't you know?

I'm sorry, I do feel for your predicament.

But your lack of curiosity about your husband's movements I find astonishing.

The women I know have got their men all worked out - they couldn't have an affair, even if they wanted to. Their wives would know before they did.

originally posted by: CJCrawley
a reply to: Bluesma

My husband had told me he had to go on a business trip for four nights this weekend, until Wednesday. I never thought anything of it - he must travel a lot for his work

He must travel a lot for his work? Don't you know?

I'm sorry, I do feel for your predicament.

But your lack of curiosity about your husband's movements I find astonishing.

The women I know have got their men all worked out - they couldn't have an affair, even if they wanted to. Their wives would know before they did.

The sentence you underlined can be taken more than one way...unless I'm mistaken, I think her meaing is "he MUST travel a lot for work"...ie., he has no choice but to travel a lot for work. Not her questioning the fact that he MAY.

a reply to: alphabetaone

It doesn't sound like that.

Perhaps she can explain that one herself.

I go on business trips all the time and I always share a room with my fellow colleague who may be going with me. TBH, mostly so we can drink and smoke weed aka party.
But of course, as most women do, you'd rather assume the worse and begin acting on it as if your sure of it.
Stop overreacting and talk to the man first, good Lord.

I honestly think you got the wrong idea. I travel for work and these hotels are very unorganized. Make sure you know 100% before you do anything rash.

originally posted by: Dogo22
I honestly think you got the wrong idea. I travel for work and these hotels are very unorganized. Make sure you know 100% before you do anything rash.

This is true, the last time my husband made a reservation three months in advance, they got the dates mixed up and charged him two months earlier. If I didn't follow up just before arrival (because that is what I do) we would not have a room, and they do identify rooms as 2 occupants, 4 ...etc. which may not indicate if there were actually two people in the room. I hope this is the case in this situation because ending a long-term, 26-year marriage will be a very sad undertaking, although from the stats I am reading on divorce among the baby boomers, it will be within the new norm.

a reply to: WUNK22


Ummm...Questions...questions...questions...

1. Wasn't one deceptive jerk in that relationship...in a relationship with another man...?

2. Doesn't that make...you...just another jerk in that particular circle...?

3. You being the...boyfriend...?




YouSir