Softball with AugustusMasonicus

Once again, I’d like to remind you that there are posters on this site from countries other than the United States, while their opinion is obviously less valuable than ours they still get to post here for some strange reason so we might as well pretend to understand them. We previously had a Canadian and a Brit, we now get to welcome someone from the bottom of the world, from a mythical and magical place called ‘Oz’.

Our guest will be easily recognizable if you’ve had any participation in discussions about his paymaster, Al Gore’s, pet cause, Global Warming. He’s constantly trying to educate you non-believers with science-y stuff and fancy words like ‘mate’. Please welcome our next guest, all the way from the other side of the world, Chadwickus.

AM: Australia is loaded with things that can kill you, what’s the deadliest creature ever to come from Oz and why; the salt water croc, the eastern brown snake, the redback spider or Zazzafrazz?

CW: Zazz is a close second to the most deadliest creature here, surprisingly not on your list either, is the fabled Drop Bear, a rum fuelled killing machine that targets camera wearing tourists.

AM: Who represents Australian culture more, Crocodile Dundee or Steve Irwin?

CW: Hmm tough choice, both have done a heap for the country, probably Steve ahead of Mr Dundee. If I had a choice of another, it would be Steven Bradbury. You might have to google him, but he in my mind represents our have a crack, underdog culture.

AM: Why are Australian beers the size of 55-gallon drums?

CW: Because 40 gallon drums just aren't big enough?

AM: Interviewer's note: See what I mean about science? The guy is brilliant. Would you rather eat your own foot or vegemite?

CW: Vegemite all the way. It's fantastic.

AM: Be honest, can you understand anything anyone says down there?

CW: I can, because I speak "strayan" too. Everyone else? Nah. I work with a German guy and he has no idea what we say, sometimes I like to load up on all the clichés in conversations, you know like struth, Sheila, crickey flamin' mongrel and stone the crows!

AM: I wish someone would translate that. Why do you people feed your offspring to dingoes?

CW: Population control? But seriously we don't.

Fun fact: I have met the eldest son of the Chamberlains, he's a dick, but I guess he's got a good excuse for it.

AM: How aggravated are you that when you flush the toilet the water goes in the wrong direction?

CW: Not at all, as it goes the right way, how aggravated do YOU get when yours goes the wrong way?

AM: Science. Again. When you fly around on Al Gore’s private jet what type of champagne are you drinking and how hard do you laugh at the rest of us?

CW: Such a random question, but I certainly wouldn't be drinking champagne, that's for sure.

(Interviewer's note: The interviewer does not share the despicable manner in which the interviewee is described in the intro, but methinks he'll find out.)


 

AM: Do Aussies think of Kiwis as their backwards cousins?

CW: Pretty much, but we need them, as Aussies are terrible scaffys, Kiwis are born with a scaffold wrench already in their hand!

AM: Where is the Australian government hiding MH370?

CW: Clive Palmer's basement.

AM: Other than the debunking paycheck, what brought you to ATS?

CW: The Haitian UFO actually, and have never looked back... the pay check is pretty low too by the way, there's a 10 year apprenticeship. If I knew that I'd have just stuck to thinking chemtrails were real

AM: Alright, time for the obligatory Softballs. Soccer, cricket or rugby?

CW: Cricket and Australian rules football.

AM: Favorite television program?

CW: Forged in Fire.

AM: Favorite American film since there aren't going to be any more Crocodile Dundee sequels?

CW: Guardians of the Galaxy I and II.

AM: Band or group?

CW: Not a band but Paul Kelly.

AM: Favorite thing with writing inside?

CW: Non fiction...currently reading a book about Lasseter's Gold, most Aussies probably haven't heard of him, let alone the rest of the world, but it's an amazing story.

AM: Do you think you could take on a kangaroo in a boxing match?

CW: Pure boxing, probably, but they'll gut you with their claws...so pass on that thanks.
When I was younger, I used to chase roos for footy training.

AM: Member you’d most like to grill some shrimp with?

CW: There's a few, particularly from the good old days, but I reckon it would have to be Kandinsky, just an all round top bloke. And it's prawns not shrimp...bloody yanks.



Chadwickus is 35 years old, he likes short walks on the beach, steak sandwiches, beef and vegemite pies (yes it's a real thing!) and cold coffees. Having been a member of ATS for nearly 10 years, he is quite frankly shocked how he hasn't gotten himself banned yet despite pissing off just about everyone on ATS.

Playing devil's advocate is fraught with danger not unlike the Australian outback, a familiar place for Chad. Growing up in the bush, he didn't wear shoes until age 6, drank rain water laced with dead possums and had a pet magpie named Arnold, a galah named George and a sheep named Anne.

Thanks to Augustus for asking me to do this, if only to bring to my attention that this thread even existed, it's been a good read and I hope I added something to it.

Well, that wraps up another very interesting session of Softball where we learned next to nothing, I mean honestly, what the hell did he say!? I have no idea whatsoever. We basically found out that Australia is kind of like the West Virginia of the planet and that it’s also not at all safe for human habitation.

Chad, thank you for joining us today, I would tell you we appreciate all that you do for this site but we’re just dumb Americans and we’d be lying. Your parting gifts are a pair of neon green budgee smugglers and a Kylie Minogue CD so you can locomote around the outback like a fashion icon. Watch out for the dingoes. Until the next time.

a reply to: AugustusMasonicus

You didn't ask him all the hard questions, mate. I feel like you gone over soft lately. I stared it but it was more out of pity...

a reply to: Peeple


I don't ask anyone hard questions, that's pretty much the point.

a reply to: AugustusMasonicus

But the ball was definitely harder with these other two. No science questions and you got him in your hand we didn't got any news on his tight connections to "reazon" or what's it called. Lokig? Lawchick? The climate in the weather can, nothing.
You've let us down on this one bro'!
Just saying...

Oh I just got it, you were afraid of him, right? Because he's from down under? Not want to be dragged there, I can understand... sorry

originally posted by: Peeple
No science questions...

Science isn't real, why would I ask him about it.

a reply to: AugustusMasonicus

Everyone is entitled to their own version of reality. Chadwickus thinks it's real we could have gotten an unique inside into an abstract mind like that.

Another stellar interview, Augustus.

I wish you had asked CW: Whats Al Gore really like---His G6 or G7?

I thought Australia was next to Germany and had alps and stuff.


Science!


Another great job!

originally posted by: Peeple
Everyone is entitled to their own version of reality. Chadwickus thinks it's real we could have gotten an unique inside into an abstract mind like that.

He'll probably beat your ass with a didgeridoo if you keep it up.

Another fun filled interview!

Thank you Augustus and Chadwickus!

Now let's gets cooking on the barbie. That was prawns and not shrimp, right? Ummm...I want shrimp.

originally posted by: IAMTAT

Another stellar interview, Augustus.

I wish you had asked CW: Whats Al Gore really like---His G6 or G7?

Hopefully he comes in and answers that excellent follow up.

originally posted by: DBCowboy
I thought Australia was next to Germany and had alps and stuff.


Science!


Another great job!

This thread is mostly your fault since you helped kick it off so you better friggin like it.

originally posted by: Night Star

Another fun filled interview!

Thank you Augustus and Chadwickus!

Now let's gets cooking on the barbie. That was prawns and not shrimp, right? Ummm...I want shrimp.

Chad will be the official cook in the green room for all you past interviewees.

a reply to: AugustusMasonicus

Rrrh that's freaking sexy!
I guess a didgeridoo would go a loooong way....

a reply to: AugustusMasonicus

Oooooh, I feel so special!

Im way behind on the reading, I guess its 2 bottles of wine tonight.

originally posted by: IAMTAT
Another stellar interview, Augustus.

I wish you had asked CW: Whats Al Gore really like---His G6 or G7?

He's getting round in an old Kombi now, it blows more smoke than Augustus does at a toasters convention..



I mean, thanks for the interview Mr Augustus

a reply to: Night Star

Thanks Night Star!

Plenty of Prawns and snags to go round

a reply to: Chadwickus

Thanks.
BTW...great job. Enjoyed your interview.