Horrible Advice

Horrible advice, when a person of absolutely any station in life, drunk or otherwise, says ''you have an ear plug in your ear'' run towards them, jump through the air and strive to kick their head area.
Then try to explain, it is a blue tooth?
Run for the wilderness after having grabbed a flag to where your next change of clothing is stashed.
Do not follow this advice!
In the future, either throw your cell phone away at the recycling center... after taking sim card out or not.
Bad advice, walk into portal potty and St down.

When you surreptitiously acquire any type of cut (from paper cuts to down to the bone) remember that vinegar is a natural antimicrobial. And if it is fermented even better! So grab some Tabasco sauce and apply liberally. White vinegar will work as well but the darker the better: apple cider or balsamic vinegar.

No vinegar product? In a pinch any acidic fruit will do: lemons or limes.

a reply to: TEOTWAWKIAIFF
Vinegar feels good on cuts. So does hot sauce.

a reply to: Skid Mark

Here is one I witnessed today...

Running across four-lanes of a busy street! South-north, traffic had the right of way; North-south the traffic was stopped. I watched a guy run out across the S-N traffic, run in front of a stopped bus, then keep on running through the last lane. He did all that with his hoodie pulled up and his hands in his front pockets! I am surprised I did not see somebody get hit by a car, a truck, or face plant in the middle of the road.

Also, always cut across parking lots that have the metal number signs being held up by cables at high speeds! Especially fun on a mountain bike! (I saw a guy take himself out that way. Man, that was an incredible sight then I felt sorry for the guy because it looked like it really hurt).

a reply to: TEOTWAWKIAIFF

When riding a motorcycle in the desert and approaching a gulley that you can't see the other side of, don't slow down to look, speed up so as to ensure you can make the jump to the other side.

originally posted by: pthena
a reply to: TEOTWAWKIAIFF

When riding a motorcycle in the desert and approaching a gulley that you can't see the other side of, don't slow down to look, speed up so as to ensure you can make the jump to the other side.

If you are ever driving through the desert and break down then take 3 things, food in case you get hungry, water in case you get thirsty and one of the cars so if you get hot you can wind the window down....

a reply to: pthena

Also can apply to the beach when in a jeep! Jump every dune like no ones watching, sing like no one's listening, and do so while naked! Here's how my buddy told the tale, "We were cruzing around the beach. Someone took their clothes off, then everybody took their clothes off! We came over a dune, landed, bounced once straight into a used fire pit from a few days before that swallowed the jeep. A$$ flying everywhere! The driver broke his sternum and had to be airlifted out..."

a reply to: nonspecific

Always bring a banjo with you! So when you find a shack at the end of the road you can have a duel with the teenage son before being told to squeal like a pig!

a reply to: nonspecific

If you're hiding your treasures in the ocean, be sure to clearly mark where you drop them on the side of the boat. As long as you use the same boat to retrieve them you will have no trouble finding exactly where you dropped them.

a reply to: TEOTWAWKIAIFF


I used to have a banjo, I loved the thing and played it a lot.

One day I should have earned some money but chose to play the bajo instead and when I had not money I sold it to teach myself a lesson.

True story that and I do still miss that banjo...

a reply to: nonspecific

I have one on "loan" as my buddy remodels his new house. Instead of putting all his guitars in a metal storage bin he dropped them all at my place! One was a second hand banjo that I am having a blast playing 90's grunge on (Nirvana on banjo is too much fun to plink through!). I haven't heard from him in a month so I have no idea how long the stash will be there.

I think it was Steve Martin who said, "You can never play a sad song on banjo" but I think I might prove him wrong! Then I break into Kermit The Frog voice... howls every single time!

* * * * *
(BA): Always be serious when making music! Never laugh and have fun and just kick back and enjoy the moment! Never smile!

Go to any and all convenventions with a gun. And say you are going to vote wth a bullet.

The worst advice anybody could give (i.e., do not do that!)

Sarcasm, irony is lost on some. Again, enough violence in the last 3 weeks... if you do not get my humor...

please do not do!

a reply to: TEOTWAWKIAIFF
That's got to be the most horrible advice yet lol. Wow.

If you're name is Kim and your a man. And if you are the leader of a country. And if you are continuously abusing human rights. Then send out one of your top diplomats and declare war on the US of A instead of responding to the alleged crimes.

CBSNews.com: link

a reply to: TEOTWAWKIAIFF that's a good one...
If you see a flower fairy...leave her alone or really the bad advice is to take away her flowers!
Bad advice, pretend females don't exist so their left to their own devices...
Bad advice, write your names in chemtrails in the sky as a romantic gesture.!

More horrible advice, pretend to be a psycho therapist looking for the Kodiak killer.... I mean zodiac killer.
More bad advice, try discussing the three magi and why women aren't to understand astronomy and astrology.
More bad advice, tell a gypsy your from the Church of Pinocchio ...and see what he said! Then run as fast as you can! Or tell him, you love him in the name of... The good Lord!
Bad advice, listen to what's under the house with your cat that got through a rabies vaccination and scream as loud as you can and see how many scratches your cat can inflict while your holding his leash!

a reply to: peppycat

Run around Chinatown putting up posters of your lost dog. Then after a couple days, go to the busiest restaurants at the height of dinner service with one of your flyers. Scream at the manager and accuse them of dog-napping! Watch the chaos ensue! Remember to leave before the cops show up!

a reply to: TEOTWAWKIAIFF yes, yes... just be sure to grab as many fortune cookies as fast as you can and that you hid a change of clothing in the free news stand... then find a bike...a yellow bike..(community property) and take off slow, so you don't get hit or fall over... or take the bus as if nothing is wrong...
Bad advice, drive around with no intended place to go in mind...
Bad advice, invent a pollution free car.

Marry a model ?

Name your kid Freedom ?

take your Morality from a book ?

Bad horrible advice, pass out bags of peanuts to one and all for Halloween... see what happens.... do not do that!
Bad advice... very bad, bad advice... give everyone plastic bags... for Christmas, instead of wrapping the gifts...stuff everything in plastic bags from super chain big box department stores...
Bad advice ignore you children emotions and make sure they all get soap, tangerines/oranges and Lego's for Birthday presents... or say x-mass instead of Christmas... or whatever time of year holiday, what not is for the spirit of exchanging gifts...I say everyone gets a new toothbrush and clean socks.

When going to the air show always pack heat and pepper spray! And leave your proof of car insurance safely at home. Try to be first in line too. The MPs will love you! So will those stuck behind you.