I need some advice....

hmmmm, well I'm sure it will blow over but I'm kinda surprised. I actually got a bit of the cold shoulder from them just the other day. I'm not too worried, time heals, I'm sure things will blow over. But at least right now they're not a happy camper. It's so dumb though, they're fully grown adults. Like they think just because I'm not gonna bail them out that they're problems are my fault or something? It's nuts. But I suppose when your stressed out you might act a certain way due to the stress. But I was thinking about it yesterday and really I'm not sure why I'm surprised. When I really think back there has been a long term pattern of irresponsibility on their part. Like I'm not saying I'm that much better either. But still they've constantly done a lot of things that were really out in left field. This again being one of them. The really insane part of all this I haven't even mentioned. Which is "they have money" of their own. But it's locked up in investments and they're scared to cash those in early to bail themselves out. Like seriously, isn't that NUTS??? Like if they had nothing, that would be one thing, but they do have means. They could bail themselves out. To make matters worse I know they got themselves into this problem by overspending on needless totally wasteful things. Things that I even told them back at the time "not to do"!!! now they're in hot water and they give me the cold shoulder because of their own irresponsibility. It's just nuts. Like in reality when i think about it, I'd probably be doing myself a huge favor by trying to distance myself from these people to some degree if this non sense keeps up. Because they're not gonna solve any of my problems I know that for sure. And I'm not asking them too. Even though the problems I have sort of came out of left field, I don't expect anyone to handle them but me. So I don't get why they figure someone else is gonna bail them out and handle their problems for them. It's so stupid. Anyway I hope this stuff gets sorted out. Like I hope they get there issues dealt with. But ya I really didn't have too many people to turn to to get advice on this. But ya this cold shoulder business is pretty stupid. If that keeps up then I seriously dont' want anything to do with them.

a reply to: lavatrance

The person giving you the cold shoulder may be making an effort to protect themselves from you mentioning the previous loan.

That's always the problem when someone owes you money - they'll be trying to avoid you altogether or their little brain will be working feverishly trying to work out ways to avoid the subject cropping up.

Also, they are trying to justify to themselves the fact that they haven't, can't or won't pay you back. To accomplish that they need to paint you as a villain.

'So and so is a right b*st*rd so they don't deserve to have the money back'.

I've seen all this, plus 'well, they can afford it anyway'.

The sense of entitlement in other people when they think you have a little more than they do is horrifying.

Stay strong.

a reply to: berenike

Sad but true

a reply to: lavatrance

Your situation is not uncommon and I am glad you have made a stance and seen the pattern allwing you to nip it in the bud early as it were.

Make sure to remember that others will attempt the same trick and stop it happening at all.

a reply to: lavatrance

distance....yes. the reason i quit bothering having friends.

a reply to: lavatrance

So you're saying they have money but just don't want to access it??? Plus they never paid you back on the last loan and want another???

Screw that. I'd tell them GTFO of my face with that sh*t. Sounds to me like they just over extend themselves and want someone else to pay for their Lifestyle of Overspending.

I thought they were broke or something and just needed some temporary help. Sounds to me like they're just selfish pricks.

I wouldn't give them anything and on top of it I'd start asking what happened to the other money they were supposed to pay back now.

originally posted by: mOjOm
a reply to: lavatrance

I wouldn't give them anything and on top of it I'd start asking what happened to the other money they were supposed to pay back now.

Sounds about right to me.

a reply to: lavatrance

Do like I do: Have them sign an agreement that they will pay you back, in full. It seems crude, but this will help farther down the road if you decide to take a legal route.

Another thing I do is that I don't remind them they owe me money beyond that agreement. Granted, I'm in a position that I can do that, and I know that my family will eventually give me my money back.

Finally, if you aren't comfortable with doing the above - then maybe it's best you cut them loose.

Honestly, if this happened to me, I'd first make them sign the agreement, agreeing to pay me back by the end of the year. They forget, it falls on them to come up with the money. If that failed, then there is no more chances on my end.

-fossilera

originally posted by: nonspecific
a reply to: lavatrance

Your situation is not uncommon and I am glad you have made a stance and seen the pattern allwing you to nip it in the bud early as it were.

Make sure to remember that others will attempt the same trick and stop it happening at all.

true enough