I need some advice....

What would you do in this situation...

You loaned some money to a family member who you trusted whole heartedly. Like I mean, you had no question at all that they'd pay you back. So you loaned them a sizable amount of money. With no worries at all.

So time goes by and when it comes time to pay, the family member starts making excuses. And the excuses sort of get worse and worse. And you're a bit shocked by this. And you wish they'd just instead of making excuses be honest with you. Like say something like "look I know I promised to pay you back but just not doing as well yet. But I promise to pay you back by X date, or pay you X per month, and I will do what I can to pay you what I owe you".

So instead of that they're making up near lies to you about why they can't pay you, etc etc. Then later, to make matters worse in a round about way they flat out tell you that they have no plans to pay you back at all!

So you're perplexed. You feel betrayed. But you decide to just write off the loan. And just think of it as a learning experience.

So then the same family member who you still care about, ends up getting into some hot water again. And they now come to you again for another loan. This time claiming that they might not be able to make ends meet. They might not be able to pay they're rent, buy food, etc etc. But they have a reasonable paying job. This time they claim they will make it all official and they will pay you back ...etc etc.

So would you give them another loan? This is close family member. Like probably not ahh? ..... Like it just boggles my mind how crazy people can be with their money and or their responsibilities. Like doing get me wrong, I'm not perfect either but I'd rather die than ask a family member for a loan. And if I did I'd certainly pay them back, or make payment arrangements, not blow them off like some stranger off the street. Like it's nuts how quickly friends and or family can turncoat when it comes to money. It's just sad.

So loaning them money a second time would be stupid right???

Tell them to piss off! Or your going to be the mug!

a reply to: lavatrance
yes, if you loan them money again it wasn't much of a "learning experience" for you the first time.. I would tell them until they could pay you back from the first "written off" loan, they wont see a dime, but im an a**hole, and I need my beer money, especially if they will never pay you, but bum from you. goodluck buddy.

a reply to: lavatrance

never loan money that you aren't prepared to never see again. And if that is all it takes to be rid of a bum, then good.

If you need that money, you should never loan it. thats my opinion.

a reply to: lavatrance

Do not lend them the money, I have been there too many times and been taken for a fool. If they do it once they will do it again as they know you are a nice person and can be exploited.

If you still feel guilty then look at it this way.

By lending them the money you are not letting them learn how to look after themselves and one day you may not be there to bail them out.

If you lend them it this time you will not get it back and the time after that if you say no they will become angry as they will by then assume you will bail them and you will be portrayed as the bad guy.

Trust me on this buddy, just say no now and do not feel an ounce of guilt about it.

a reply to: lavatrance



you might need a written document
of some sort so they cant leave you high and dry

a reply to: lavatrance

I have loaned money and thought about it after, did I just help this person or hurt them in the long run. I too have barrowed money but paid it back, if I could not have paid it back on time I would have told the truth to you that I am sorry I can pay you yet I don't have to money.

I say to you it is in your heart what you do.

a reply to: lavatrance

"So loaning them money a second time would be stupid right??? "


That's an understatement. It would be really stupid, unless you have so much money you don't mind giving it away.......

a reply to: lavatrance

I'm kind of in line with BFFT's thinking.

I have a couple of relatives who are in constant need of money and many years ago upon realizing that there would never be a repayment I decided from that point forward it would be considered a gift.

If I have it and they really need it, I give it.

I won't take food out of my immediate family's mouth to do it though.

I suppose you will just have to reconcile it within yourself what is more important.

The money? Or helping someone you love who is in need?

It's personal, you'll figure it out.

Right - loaning them more money would be stupid.

I've learnt a couple of things from 'lending' people money:

Nobody hates you as much as someone who owes you money.

If someone hasn't got the wherewithal now for their needs they're never likely to have it.


If you've managed to gain peace of mind by writing of the first debt don't do anything to disturb your balance now. I can well imagine how hard you've had to try in order to come to terms with that situation.

You cant save the world, but if you are telling this to ATS then im sure you have already decided what to do

Fool me once, shame on you, fool me twice, shame on me.

Basicly id never ever give someone a second chance when it comes to money, take it from someone that has actually been the mug and done it twice because im a nice person.

Ive learned to not lend no one any money anymore, and likewise i dont borrow money off anyone either.

Its a shame that life is full of users and leaches that pray on the kind hearted, but its the truth and reality.
Learn to say no my friend, it gets easier the more you do say it

P.s this person has proved how irresponsible they are with money and likwise shown you disrespect by lying to you, making up stories etc this is a user in my opinion and experience, DONT DO IT!!

a reply to: nonspecific

I agree. I don't think I'm gonna loan any family members anything ever again. It's just sad though because you think you can trust you're own family but when it all boils down to it, money can sometimes bring out the worst sides of people.

a reply to: lavatrance

You have already answered your own question.

So you're perplexed. You feel betrayed. But you decide to just write off the loan. And just think of it as a learning experience.

Let them learn the hard way how to get out of trouble you get into. Consider it a learning lesson for them. Then, in your heart, you can reconcile with yourself that you are doing the right thing by NOT helping them out of a jam this time. IF you do help them, you haven't learned #.


ETA: if a member of your family was in dire straights and needed some cash to get by, and you can afford to give it, great, but consider it a gift. Banks loan money, people borrow money.

originally posted by: ParanoidCovKid
Fool me once, shame on you, fool me twice, shame on you.

Basicly id never ever give someone a second chance when it comes to money, take it from someone that has actually been the mug and done it twice because im a nice person.

Ive learned to not lend no one any money anymore, and likewise i dont borrow money off anyone either.

Its a shame that life is full of users and leaches that pray on the kind hearted, but its the truth and reality.
Learn to say no my friend, it gets easier the more you do say it

a reply to: network dude

ya good point, I'd sort of be robbing them of the lesson if I did them anymore favors. They'll actually benefit more by going through the fire than by getting anymore help.

I agree with everyone, don't lend them money if they made excuses the first time, instead of telling you the truth about the situation.

I lend my friend money all the time and he's always paid me back, if that wasn't the case I'd never do it again.

a reply to: lavatrance

Yes, it would be stupid to loan them money a second time.

You are not stupid.

Please don't loan them anymore money.

a reply to: lavatrance

I see everyone has this pretty well covered already

Family, friends and money DO NOT MIX.

I learned this the hard way as have many people I know.

I am glad you were mentally able to write this off as a learning experience.

Tell them if they are that desperate to go get a credit card, and that you are not a bank.

You have all your prepping to pay for anyway!

a reply to: stosh64

My dad used to tell me, "If you aren't willing to whoop their ass in front of their momma, don't loan them money".

That marked family and friends right off the list.