I'm watching my Mum die.

a reply to: and14263

My dear - you are experiencing a terrible, terrible ordeal. You are watching your Mom pass on. Our bodies age, our minds start to weaken, systems shut down and we know it is inevitable but it's torture to watch. As much as one may be fine with it, accept it, understand it, it doesn't make the process easy. We remember our loved one in their prime, wonderful memories flash through our minds and we are left with the question of "Why?" Why does it have to be this way?

I think it's our minds that can go a zillion miles a second, aware of all the possibilities, a mind full of questions and then we are faced with that stunning realization over and over and over again: we are losing someone we love more than we can express. One is left with a bombardment of emotions and helplessness.

Your Mom is not in pain - that is the most important thing. You are having your goodbyes - this is such a gift, as much as most of the time it doesn't feel like it.

I am praying for you and your Mom, if I may. I wish I could say something that would help but I just wanted you to know that you are not alone. So many of us have experienced what you are going through and maybe just knowing this you will find our strength standing around you. And you will know that you are not alone in any way.

I hope this doesn't sound negative in any way. At a time like this you need to do whatever your Mom needs and know that inside she doesn't want to say goodbye to her family but she probably knows it is inevitable and so in her own mind all she wants is your happiness and to know that you are okay. You are capable of looking after yourself and that is what all parents want. To know that their children are capable of taking care of themselves, that they are happy and fulfilled. And so that may help during this time for you.

Cry when you need to. It's okay to be angry as well. Emotions will pour forth. Roll with them and know that it is normal. Also, I think the hardest part is knowing what is happening and being aware that life just carries on around you as if such a life altering moment and a loss is currently happening for you. It is a harsh time. But when you find yourself getting angry at seeing other people laughing, living their normal lives just remind yourself that even though that is happening we are all standing around you. We are supporting you, hugging you and helping take on the crushing pain and loss with you. You are not alone. You have arms holding you up on ATS. We are here for you.

Big hug my dear. I wish I could say something more inspiring. This is hard but just take it hour by hour, day by day and reach out if you need any support. xox

Aww geez ... I'm really sorry to hear of this. I lost my dad a short while back. It hurt. It still hurts. I went home a couple months ago and buried my stepfather. I could see my mom's not far behind him.

If you need to think positive, be happy that you've known her into adulthood. Be happy you made it home to see her before she passes. Show her the love she'll carry with her into the afterlife.

Cheers, brother.

a reply to: and14263
I'm so sorry you're going through this. Lean on your family if you need to. You have friends here if you need to talk. Take care.

originally posted by: and14263
a reply to: and14263

I'm looking at the thread title now and wondering if it looks like I'm attention seeking.

Thanks guys, those posts are golden. I'll get some sleep now I think.

I'm regularly derogatory about this place but I've taken for granted a community that has accepted me.

attention seeking in a GOOD way..you want to be with others when going through a time like this ...strength in numbers lost my husband to cancer a few years ago and my dad to caner a few years before that....

I give you a big ((((((((((hug))))))

remember everyone grieves differently...some longer some shorter,,,it's okay to be a little selfish and think of your self once in a while

a reply to: and14263

www.youtube.com...

a reply to: and14263

Jesus.

There is not much one can say, that will either be helpful, or has not been covered so far by others. Just know that we have our hands around your heart, so if it's breaking, let it break.

Sorry man, truly.

a reply to: and14263

Lost my mom 2 years ago to lung cancer and she was in hospice care at home and died with her family there. It was indeed a sobering and painful experience. Her cancer was a 6 year ordeal with ups and downs.

For me the pain faded in a few months, but certain things like spring gardening (mom loved gardening) brings back small doses of both smiles and tears. Stay strong but allow whatever outlet you use to relieve the pain and sense of loss. Your mom's suffering will soon end, and she will move on to the next great stage in our experience.

Thank God for Hospice.

a reply to: and14263

I am so sorry. Please know we're all with you.....

a reply to: and14263
The loss of a loved one is possibly the worst thing to occur, but with all the lost ones I love I remember the fact that death is never the end. For whatever you believe there is an after even if you do not believe in an afterlife or reincarnation do you not love them? Do you not have memories?

I feel your pain bro. Lost my mum, my last partner, my grandparents, and a few friends to cancer.
I felt like the victim for quite a few years afterwards, as in "All the important people to me have been taken away from me! "
So I decided last year I don't want to be a victim anymore, I want to do something to help instead of feeling sorry for myself. (I'm not saying you are!)
So I started volunteering for Macmillan (a palliative care hospital) and guess what? My pain has virtually gone now, I'm helping others who need it, that's my focus, and it's unbelievably rewarding.
I'm not saying this is the answer for you, I'm just letting you know I've been where you are now, and I'm ok with where I am now because I'm giving something back.
Keep your chin up ,and stay strong for those around you. I'll be thinking of you tonight x

Wow, just read the rest of the comments. Tearful and faith in humanity restored.

Look inward...you came from, and are a part of her body, literally. I went through something close to what you're going through. I spoke to my mom, told her things I should have said years ago and was answered by a tear that rolled down her cheek. She heard me, and for that I am eternally grateful. I do not look forward to my two sons i have left.. .I lost one last year.... having to go through this. It is a part of life, the worst part. My youngest has told me he will be there for me, walk me through it as it were, and I am grateful knowing I have that to look forward to even though it grieves me to think he has taken that burden on himself. At least I'm not afraid anymore. So, look at it from her perspective too. You have done what you can to ease her transition to another life, and I'm sure she is grateful for you and what you have done in talking to her. Please don't feel badly because when you do, it's only for yourself you grieve. She will be alright and will continue to love you till you reunite. Please, just be at ease, accept the inevitable and know you have done the absolute best you could do not only for her, but yourself as well.

And, my heart goes out to you. Sending you peace and strength as you send your Mum on her way. Take it one hour, one minute at a time, as necessary and be kind to yourself. I'm glad that you're with her.

a reply to: and14263

Deeply sorry for your situation! Lost my dad to cancer, and m mom passed on some years after that. Terrible thing to go through, whether sudden or expected. Hang in there. Cry when you need to, beat up a pillow, whatever. Talk to people around you. You aren't alone.

a reply to: and14263

You are a good son. Your mom is lucky to have you help nuture her passing. I have been in your shoes and, being honest, I wasn't a good son to her.

My deepest sympathies to you and your family.

a reply to: and14263

Cancer took my father and I'm with you aND understand your pain

Fook cancer

What you are going through is so, so difficult. I wish I had the words to make it easier. This will be one of the hardest things you ever have to do.

She's in a calm clean place. She's not in pain. She can see the ones who love her. She can touch them and be touched by them.

I doubt if dying is ever easy, but the way her ending has been arranged.... It's the best way to die. All of us will be lucky to be able to die like that. Safe and loved, free of pain.

I feel for you. I know how painful it is, and I am so sorry.

a reply to: and14263

So terribly sorry for your mum. Sorry for your family. And sorry for you. I have lost many people in my life, but my parents, in their 80s, are still here for a bit more I hope.

No words can help, other than behind those words are a thousand gallons of hugs and tons of virtual support.

Be strong, be weak, be authentic and be present for her and for you. I wish you peace my friend.

a reply to: and14263

All the best mate and I hope you find the strength to get through. A friend lost her dad to the same thing two weeks ago and it hit fast and was all over in hours. I still don't think it's hit her.

Nothing more to say apart from wishing all of you well and hoping she passes quietly and peacefully.

a reply to: and14263

I went through this same exact scenario a year and 8 months ago with my Mom.
It was tough to say the least. You learn a lot about yourself, for one thing.
I held her hand as she passed on and took her last breath. The one thing that stuck with me was the look of peace and happiness she had on her face when she passed. It silently made things a little less painful for me.

Good luck to you and your fam. Very sorry for your loss.