I'm watching my Mum die.

My mum has been ill with cancer.

This weekend it all went tits up. Horrendously.

She's in a hospice. I've been with her for two days, she's on morphine and obviously not feeling pain. But we're feeding her water from a sponge, she's terribly thin, pale, half conscious and doesn't look like my mum.

I knew this was going to happen. I was prepared.

But Fk me it's intense.

I don't want stars and flags. I want to write down here what's happening and see what you guys can say.

She'll be dead by tomorrow. I've come home.

I know death comes to us all. I'm being strong for my family. There's a load of us so we can support each other.

But ATS, I think I need some positive vibes.

Many of you have gone through much worse. I feel for my stepfather, he's there on his own, but we'd do the same for our wife wouldn't we.

I dunno ATS, I kind of hope she goes tonight. I kissed her goodbye and she knew I was there.

This sort of stuff makes us stronger and is natural.

Jesus ATS, I'm strong and weak.

Sorry for hitting heavy here tonight but usually you guys really help.

I think I'll be ok, it's been a long day.

a reply to: and14263

I am truly sorry for your angst.

I went through the same (not cancer) with my Mom in August of 2014.

Dreadful for her.

It is an experience that will rattle you to your core, or at least it did me.

It is difficult, uncomfortable, horrific and every other word you can think of to sit beside and hold someone as they are leaving this earth and if the death is wrought with pain and resistance...it can be almost too much for either of you.

Strength to you and your Mom.

You will need it.

Rest if you are able although I am imagine that rest will not come.

It didn't for me and hasn't yet.

Good luck!

I watched my mother fight cancer on and off for ten years.
I watched my dad waste away over the last two years.
Believe it or not sometimes death is a blessing.

Best wishes

originally posted by: and14263
My mum has been ill with cancer.

This weekend it all went tits up. Horrendously.

She's in a hospice. I've been with her for two days, she's on morphine and obviously not feeling pain. But we're feeding her water from a sponge, she's terribly thin, pale, half conscious and doesn't look like my mum.

I knew this was going to happen. I was prepared.

But Fk me it's intense.

I don't want stars and flags. I want to write down here what's happening and see what you guys can say.

She'll be dead by tomorrow. I've come home.

I know death comes to us all. I'm being strong for my family. There's a load of us so we can support each other.

But ATS, I think I need some positive vibes.

Many of you have gone through much worse. I feel for my stepfather, he's there on his own, but we'd do the same for our wife wouldn't we.

I dunno ATS, I kind of hope she goes tonight. I kissed her goodbye and she knew I was there.

This sort of stuff makes us stronger and is natural.

Jesus ATS, I'm strong and weak.

Sorry for hitting heavy here tonight but usually you guys really help.

I think I'll be ok, it's been a long day.

She will be a peace soon and she wont even know it. No more suffering. She will be with you always in mind! Be strong its what she would want! Best wishes.

a reply to: and14263

I see this on a regular basis in my career...

My condolences... Just KNOW she will be in a much better place then this crap heap of a world

My thoughts are with you having gone through it with my Grandad some years ago.

The thing is, with all the preparation in the World, you are not fully prepared. I know what you mean about the strong and weak feeling you have, I had the same feeling, but try to stay strong for now.

All the best dude.

a reply to: and14263

It's okay to be angry.

** Tears. The most difficult thing to go through. It's been 24 years since I went through the same with my mom. I held her hand as she passed, and will never forget her last words to me. I cannot give you any advice to make it easier, because there just isn't any. Just know that we are all here, should you need shoulders to lean on.

a reply to: and14263

There is not a lot anyone can say other than there are a lot of people both in the real world and this anonymous loony bin to be there for you and help you through it when your ready to talk.

Try not to be so strong for everyone else that you do not allow yourself to show your emotions at least for a moment at a time.

Just know that her suffering will be over. My grandmother fought cancer on and off for about 10 years. It would go into remission and then come back. She finally got to a point where she didn't feel like fighting it anymore with chemo and other drugs. She died peacefully in a hospice of sound mind. I recall traveling to see her as I lived half way across the country and she looked in good spirits and fairly healthy for a woman her age who had late stage cancer. She looked nothing like you expect of someone who is in a hospice.

When I Ieft her room she started crying kind of like she knew that would be the last time she saw me. Sure enough, the following week my mother called with the news that she passed.

Even though it is painful to see your parents and loved ones suffer, you also have to be thankful that you at least have some time with them remaining. I lost my father unexpectedly to a stroke and that was the worst because you really don't get to say good bye or any of the other things you just never got around to doing because life gets into the way and you always think there will be a tomorrow.

I wish you well.

Sorry to hear, sending regards to you and yours.

Comfort her, let her know you are there, as you seem to be doing well with that so far.

Give yourself time to cope, as much as you need. Realize there are steps in the grievance process that are different for everyone.

Talking about it is a good start as is surrounding yourself with the ones you love. Also, don't be afraid to seek help otherwise if you feel extreme depression has set in.

I'll tell you from loss of my mom as a teenager, that things will never be the same after such a loss-but like the rest of us, you have to keep going to make your loved ones proud.

Do what so many don't...
See a psychologist or a psychiatrist.
Go for just one appointment if it seems weird.
Your local doctor can refer you to either.
It's the right decision to make when you are in the middle of a situation like this.
This is important advice.

a reply to: and14263

Your tears will flow no matter how strong you are. Don't stop those tears, just let them flow. You don't have to stay strong, it is your mother. This intense emotional pain will stay for a couple of weeks but after that all you'll remember are those good memories you had with her. When we lose some1 we love, we only remember their good side and that's also how it is supposed to be imo. All I can say is, after hardship comes ease...

I'm very sorry to hear this,I was in the same
Situation you are last year when I took my daughter to see my father on his deathbed in hospital due to cancer

My thoughts are with you,will be a hard time
For you all but your memories together will never die and those will bring back a smile In the future

I am so sorry for your loss.

Personally, while it is so hard for those of us left behind, I am happy for those whose suffering has ended. I believe they find unimaginable happiness and peace. I also believe they can watch over us, if they feel we need it.

a reply to: and14263

Much love to you and your family .

Tough times.

Love never dies.

I am so sorry you are going through this!!!!!

a reply to: and14263

I'm looking at the thread title now and wondering if it looks like I'm attention seeking.

Thanks guys, those posts are golden. I'll get some sleep now I think.

I'm regularly derogatory about this place but I've taken for granted a community that has accepted me.

a reply to: and14263

I grant your mother strength beyond strength-I lost my mother when I was young and having a place to vent your anger or sadness is helpful. Laughter is a good medicine and that's a fact, Put a smile on You and your mothers face and find a place of comfort and find a healthy way to grieve, What am I saying? my aunt is the shrink and i'm the one who needs one lol.

It will hurt but Dr Cake prescribes comedy three times a day. For someone who was orphaned and lost a sibling, laughter helped lift my spirits. Perhaps a good chuckle and fond memories could make you feel better. I think i've been watching too much frasier. Good day and good mental health

I'm crying as I'm reading. It wasn't that long ago that I posted here as my father was the same. Not cancer, but started with a stroke and went downhill for a year and half from there. In the end he wasn't eating or drinking. It's beyond painful to see people you love that have always been strong... Become so weak.

You feel strong, weak, sad, angry, guilty at the thought that you would be relieved if they were out of pain. Too many feelings at once. A storm of them to be sure.

I still close my eyes at night and see him to this day. It will be a difficult image to get out of your head. All of your feelings are normal and we are all here for you.

I'm so sorry that you or anyone else ever has to go through this. My PM is open to you always.