Is it me who is old fashioned as a parent or just responsible?

a reply to: nonspecific

Especially when you get sniped from out of nowhere...

%#$#%$##$€¥#

Yeah getting sniped by a Ghost caught me at my most profane I must admit.

a reply to: anxiouswens

Keep doing what your doing!!! He will grow up being a more considerate, respectful and responsible young man. Today's kids are bombardon with poor role models in the media, the internet and in video games. I know it's tough to deny him things when his friends are probably doing the stuff you don't want to see him doing, but it will be worth it in the long run.

I have also brought him up to give up his seat on public transport to elderly, ladies etc and yet again I have seen many children sat with their parents on a train and the parents dont even prompt then when the train is packed.

This is BIG! My mother taught me to always open doors for women and always give up my seat for the elderly. The practice definitely drove home the importance of respecting women and the elderly. In fact my wife said when we were dating, I was the only guy she ever dated that would open the car door for her. She said it made her feel special and showed her that I respected her. Too many kids are disrespectful and inconsiderate today because chivalry is no longer viewed in the media or displayed much in public. The heart felt thank you and smiles I get from the young and elderly women when I open a door for them or give up my seat is worth every moment.

Here is some advice that may help your son stay clear from being pressured by peers to experiment with drugs. My son nor daughter never gave into the pressure of taking drugs. I always would talk to my son and daughter about the dangers of taking drugs (about once a month, lol). My son's high school had a big heroine drug problem. One day about a year after he graduated, I asked my son after hearing about the huge drug problem at his school, "what kept you from being pressured to take drugs?" His response, "dad, you always kept telling us not to give in when someone wants to give us drugs." That sure brought a smile to my face.

I also kept my son and daughter active in sports and organizations. I think that helped a lot in keeping them fit and kept them out of trouble. Parenting is a tough job today with all the temptations in the media and from their peers.

originally posted by: ketsuko
a reply to: nonspecific

I was an adult, and I think you get the wrong idea. I am not into games that have me killing indiscriminately. I don't play things like COD or GTA. I do plenty of research on games though because they are pretty expensive, especially triple A titles like those. So I am plenty familiar with the kinds of things in those games. Plus, there is always YouTube where any parent can simply go watch game play vids and see for themselves.

While I do play games with violence in them, I prefer games where the violence has context and reason and is set to a story I can agree with when I play it. I play the Mass Effect series for example because I get to be the hero who saves the universe and I am shooting bad guys and aliens. I do not indulge in wanton violence for no reason unless I decide to take that opportunity. The same goes with the Dragon Age series.

As far as affecting me personally? Nope. It's pixels on a screen. But I already had a well formed sense of reality and fantasy and a moral foundation laid in by the time I got to where I could indulge my gaming desires.

That makes a lot of sense but violence is violence is it not?

I am not arguing for the wanton violence of say GTA but some of the mythical sword and trebuchet games are pretty brutal none the less.

If someone is able to separate fantasy from reality does the environment and type of horrible violence really make a difference?

a reply to: nonspecific

That is why I want to make sure my kid is old enough to make that differentiation. What happens on screen IS NOT REAL no matter how real it might look. This process starts at a young age, and we are working through the first stages of it now when we explain to him that there really aren't giant mutant turtles living in the sewers (Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles) and that cartoons are cartoons for a reason - THEY AREN'T REAL.

Once he understands that and we have the all-important Santa Claus discussion, it's time to step up to meatier things.

It's also important because we are still learning that the things we see others doing and saying out in the real world and on TV or the radio are not always appropriate things for us to be doing or saying.

These are important lessons to learn and have well-ingrained before we start playing with fake guns and shooting fake people and interacting with video characters in adult ways.

Why do old farts have such a hard time differentiating between real life and video games? I guess playing 'soldiers' and using sticks as guns would be a horrific concept as well.

I wonder what causes more damage to a childs development, being socially isolated because of your nutbag parents or playing video games?

a reply to: anxiouswens

Don't feel bad for holding a higher standard for raising your son. Stay strong in your convictions, he's your son.
That being said , maybe I'm not the best person to speak up. I homeschool both of my boys, 5 and 10. When my oldest was in kindergarten in public school they were already playing HALO and killing zombies on the playground. It wasn't the reason I chose to homeschool but it helped reinforce our decision. We don't even own a gaming system, they go outside to play instead. Hahaha, don't worry about feeling old fashioned, just follow your heart and do what you feel is right in raising your son.

a reply to: anxiouswens

Saying no is the hard part of parenting, most will let their kids do what "all the kids are doing' but the correct thing to do is what is best for him. I think you are on the right track, but I'm and old bugger too and know no young parents.

originally posted by: TheVinylPollution
Why do old farts have such a hard time differentiating between real life and video games? I guess playing 'soldiers' and using sticks as guns would be a horrific concept as well.

I wonder what causes more damage to a childs development, being socially isolated because of your nutbag parents or playing video games?

I would say it is one thing to play at pretend with a stick, and another thing to see it graphically depicted complete with blood spray using realistic weapons. Imagination is fairly limited without something to give it reference. Games can leave nothing to the imagination.

For example, my kiddo has been talking about vampires. I guess he got it from school since I haven't seen any vampires on any of the shows he's been watching. That doesn't mean I am going to open up the movie cabinet and let him watch some of the vampire flicks his daddy and I own. For one thing, I happen to like sleeping at night rather than staying up with a kid who can't sleep because I showed him things on TV he's not prepared to process yet.

I'm 51, have 3 kids, 2 boys, 1 girl, ages 27, 18 and 15, so I have a spread of ages to compare.
Stop second guessing yourself. You're doing fine.

Nope. No shooter games for my kid. No horror movies. No smart phone. No unsupervised web surfing. The TV has tight parental controls. I don't care what other kids or their parents are doing. Period. My husband and I reevaluate it all evrry few months just to make sure he's not suffering from any ostracism. So far, the kid is fine. Tween, good grades, sports, activities and lots of friends.

a reply to: corvuscorrax

IMHO, the world will bring trouble to your door soon enough - all by itself, it doesn't need any help or to have the way paved. IMHO, kids should deal with world issues, social issues, sexual issues and personal issues organically - as they naturally occur to them - not have them shoved on them by media and the madding crowd.

a reply to: nonspecific

I know the question wasn't directed at me, but I feel that I am a good example to calm some parents down.
I started playing adult games when I was 4. But in those days things were a little different, Day of the tentacle, Indiana Jones and the fate of Atlantis, Sam & Max, Monkey Island... Oh who can forget the comical antics of Guybrush Threepwood and the evil ghost pirate Le Chuck. These were great games made for adults, but if you were a kid playing these you learned A LOT.

Something folks always have to remember is that it's not about the violence or the little innuendo jokes once in a while. It's about characters that are relatable, it's about a story that affects you, whether it's for humor or conveying serious messages.

Please parents, let your kids game! Just look at what they are playing. Something like Mass Effect has a beautiful story and teaches very important lesson. You must remember there is a lot of mindless crap out there, but there a true works of art, and I consider banning your kids from these is a crime.

If anyone needs advice about which games to let your kids play, please ask (: I am an experienced gamer, and I'm always looking for those works of art. I believe that all kids should play the Kerbal Space Program, if they are interested in it of course. No violence there, just pure science!

a reply to: kosmicjack

Yes, they should learn to deal with these things, and you have no idea how well games have taught kids to handle situations and cope. All you people hear about are the mainstream games. Call of Duty and GTA. Really, please get your kids to play the other games. Just give it a google!

Why should kids even have a XBox, Wii or 3DS?
My kids can live very good without them, and they even don't miss them. Because consoles are not necessary for a kids life. And better still, this works for all the kids around, too! One has an older console, but no-one cares about this, only thing is that he likes his Super-Mario t-shirt.

And we would have enough money to buy these things, but we like to spend it more on family-related things like sports-equipment, going for a swim or such, even for books. My kids love their books.

a reply to: NobodiesNormal

the manners and decorum you are teaching your kid may have little place left in our social structure

I'd have to disagree. My youngest 2 have very good manners compared to their peers and those kids sort of "straighten up" when my kids are around. They stop all the constant cursing and lewd language, because my kids will call them on it. I've heard my daughter ask a friend "Do you really need to say fu*k every other word?" Their teachers and principle have commented they are mature beyond their years and are actually a pleasure to teach. They are in no way considered "straight laced" or nerds or ostracized because of their manners, they are actually well respected. Other parents comment on their manners when they are at friend's house and are always welcome any time they want to go.
Have you ever seen a group of kids being jerks and then when one kid joins them, they stop, because they don't want to look immature compared to that kid?
That one is mine.

a reply to: GreenGunther

KSP is great. My kid does play video games, Just not FPS games.

a reply to: GreenGunther

Do you have kids? Until you are responsible for the positive/healthy growth and development of another human, it's difficult to fully understand the challenges and implications.

a reply to: kosmicjack

I completely agree, perspective is something that cannot simply be envisioned. And I do not have kids, but what I do have is very fond memories of my childhood and the games that accompanied that. Don't close them off in a box when it comes to games. Obviously certain games like GTA should not be played if you know your kid is a dumbass, immature, doesn't know much about the world and will re-enact something like that. To raise a kid that is world-weary is very difficult, but denying them certain truths that games can teach them, as well as new ways to think about things is very wrong indeed.

I'll never forget how Mass Effect changed my view on same-sex relationships. These days everything is PC and the LGBT community scream for rights left and right, while I believe that they are just whores. You don't need to be part of a community to live your individual style. Mass Effect reminded me that it's not about terms like "gay" or "straight" it's a bout loving the one you're with, male or female, and being true to them and nurturing a healthy relationship.

The world is a terrible place, no argument, but once in a while a game with some good commentary can remind you how things should be.

Bioshock infinite is an FPS that looks into quantum physics and multiple universes and by the end, when you realize whats really going on, your mind is bent and new understanding is gained. Don't bad mouth FPS games. They can tell a fantastic story, it's just that not all of them do.

I will repeat this one last time, just choose games wisely. The vast majority is a waste of time.

No. You are not old fashioned, you are just reasonable parent.
Today parents work to much and do not have time for their kids, so the easiest solution is lets our kid play a video game, until I have a nap. Wrong. Kids need someone who will speak with them,show them the real values.GTA is not a game for 8 old boys.
So please keep being a good parent, take your boy to the park, walk together, go to swim together, do not let him to be in front computer a lot.
Wish you all the best.
M.

a reply to: Slanter

My 9yo son plays GTA. He knows the difference between a game and real life,and he also knows swearing in real life at his age is not acceptable.And he sure as all Heck does not go around bullying or punching other kids,or being rude to adults,or telling people to f-off. Because he knows in real life that type of behavior will get him a paddling on his backside,and his pc and PS privileges revoked for a very,very long time. He knows in real life there are Consequences to actions,and even to words.

Because we raised him to know that in real life you treat your elders with respect,and if you are crappy to other kids you end up alone and friendless. You basically get back what you put out there,and bad behavior shall not be tolerated,not by us,his parents-and will have unpleasant consequences from anyone else too. Also that in real life people who conduct their lives like Trevor Philips,tend to have exceedingly short lifespans.Mix with the garbage and you get devoured by the swines.

Please don't generalise,which is basically what you have done,and not just you,but other members who share the same sentiments you put forth.

Do you know what i honestly think is far more to blame for the shoddy behavior,attitude and language of the child you mentioned?

The absolutely witless pc attitude of the past 2 decades or so,which holds that giving a naughty,rude child a good old-fashioned spanking is child abuse. Society has Never been in as bad shape re the attitudes,lack of respect and crummy behavior of so much of today's youth. Because the formula that has served mankind well for untold centuries- the spanking of a naughty,rude,disrespectful little hooligan of a kid has now become "child abuse"

Well here in South Africa sensible parents still do things the old-fashioned way,at least the Afrikaners do,and that is why Afrikaner children are Still of the most respectful and best behaved children you will find on the planet. If you have not taken the time and trouble,given of yourself,INVESTED your time and energy in raising a decent,sensible,polite,respectful child with a set of firmly entrenched moral values that they stand for,well then yes i guess GTA may be an influence on the behavior of your brat. Because a child(and adult) who stands for nothing,will fall for Everything.

ETA: Not being querulous with you,or anyone in particular-just i am sick of parents blaming anything and everything for what often amounts to their Own lack of INVOLVED parenting. My apologies if i came off as angry or rude,it is not my intention. I just feel strongly about providing a good foundation from babyhood,because that will go a long way to safeguarding a child from the pitfalls and negative influences in Real Life.