Is it me who is old fashioned as a parent or just responsible?

This is a question I find myself asking more and more as my child is growing.

My son is 8 and in my eyes is still a little boy. He still likes cuddles on my knee etc and still as the insecurities of a child. Like most children these days he is into his games on Xbox 360 and plays on multiplayer on Xbox Gold with friends. He mainly plays Minecraft and lego games but this past 12 months his friends from school, cubs and it seems everywhere have stopped playing these games and have started playing games such as Call of Duty and Grand Theft Auto.

In all honesty I've never seen these games but have heard they are really violent and there is really strong language. When boys at school are playing they have started incorporating these games into imaginative play and David has started feeling like the odd one out.

I'm quite easy going as a parent in many ways and have a good relationship with David. We play together, bake together, go swimming and bike rides and both love theme parks and rollercoasters but with regards to games and films I won't budge. I feel the age guides are there for a reason, Don't get me wrong he has at times played games that are slightly older such as Goat Simulator which is a 12 but that is because I think sometimes a bit of common sense as to prevail.

Where I am beginning to think I am old fashioned is because I hate swearing in front of children and never do in front of David, although he tells me many children swear at school I just believe I am setting a good example at home and hopefully he will never think it is OK to swear in front of me as he gets older. The same with manners I always remind him if he forgets when we are in shops etc and yet many children his age I have noticed hardly ever say please, thank you, pardon. I have also bought him up to give up his seat on public transport to elderly, ladies etc and yet again I have seen many children sat with their parents on a train and the parents dont even prompt then when the train is packed. Its for these reasons I dont want him on games such as GTA when I think children should be children and innocent for as long as possible.

I am an older mum and didnt have him till I was 40 so wonder whether that comes into it and I certainly cant say I have always been sensible because I havent if anything in my past I've been a wild party animal. I just find myself conflicted at the moment between wanting to show him the right way but at the same time not wanting him to feel resentful because he cant play games his friends are playing. I dont want to think I am holding him back because I realise children in today's society grow up far quicker than they did in my era.. I just want some reassurance that I'm correct in my thinking on this and should stick to my guns or whether I should compromise. What do other ATS members think who are parents?

Nah, you aren't being old fashion. Things are different now. A lot of the mature subjects that bother you are more readily available these days because of the internet, video games, etc.

I have a 2 year old. I'm can't really say what the answer is. You don't want to shelter them, but at the same time, bombarding them with too much adult stuff cannot be good either.

Parents are really stupid about their kids and video games. I'm not sure if some parents just say "oh well, it's a video game, it can't be that bad." A friend of mine had his friends family move in with them because they lost their house, and they have an 8 year old that plays grand theft auto all the time... and quite frankly, i'd be concerned. That kid runs around all day telling adults and kids bigger than him to "Fu** off!" and far worse things. He got suspended from school the first week he started for punching kids.

Do not let your young CHILDREN play Call of Duty, and for GODS SAKES don't let them play Grand Theft Auto.

Its one of the reasons I went back to PC gaming, I got tired of hearing voices that obviously haven't even gone through puberty yet spewing abuse at everyone all over chat.

I'm older than you and not a parent, but it seems to me that you are doing a fine job. He will be seeing enough violence and whatever in the years to come. You have taught him respect and to be polite and that is good parenting in my eyes. Besides, I'm sure he will be playing those games with his friends at their house and isn't missing much. Kids learn from other kids. At least you are trying to guide him.

a reply to: anxiouswens

n all honesty I've never seen these games but have heard they are really violent and there is really strong language. When boys at school are playing they have started incorporating these games into imaginative play and David has started feeling like the odd one out.

There it is, first the violence in "games", then in "role play", finally for real. Its up to you to let that go on. He feels left out, these people role playing violence aren't his friends, they're just the 'in' crowd, the click.

How to teach him to avoid their fun time practice breaking the law, bullying and killing in todays world, dunno.

I was lucky to outgrow my own early versions of that, playing "Army" and "Cowboys and Indians", the pressure of TV violence to promote war and hating on Native Americans. Somehow, eventually I came to my senses. Your son will too, hopefully.

originally posted by: anxiouswens
What do other ATS members think who are parents?

I am not a parent, but I wish more parents would take their job as seriously as you apparently do. Things ARE different now. That's why it's so important to communicate with your children about WHY you don't like the game and instill values in him. If I had a kid, I'm not sure he'd have access to video games at all, much less be permitted to play GTA...

GTA isn't for an 8 year old.

COD especially isn't for an 8 year old.


That's not old fashioned it's reasonable and responsible.

For the most part, if the game states it's for 13 and older, or Mature audiences only (18+), it really does mean it's for those ages.

Call of Duty is meant to replicate war, so if you can think of anything that occurs in war that you don't want your child to see, then don't allow him to play it until he is older.

Grand Theft Auto is a game surounding violence and criminals, where your goal is to be the best criminal. You can sleep with prostitutes, and you can kill them afterwards to get your money back. There are torture scenes where you are the person torturing someone else. There are robery missions, there are murder missions, there are assassination missions, there are missions where you're steeling drugs so you can sell them.

Now, these sound like horrible disgusting games, but really, both are a work of art, especially Grand Theft Auto. They are incredible games and are excessively entertaining, but they most certainly are not for children under 13, or even under 18..

The behavior of the kids who are under 13 that play those games is absolutely revolting, and I assure you it will only serve to give you regret from giving it to your child.

If he is 11 or 12 and you feel he is mature enough to handle those concepts laid out in a game designed for 18 year olds, by all means you're free to expose them to him, but often it's not the content within those games that is the worst for a child, but the behavior of other children that can effect him the most.

originally posted by: Slanter
That kid runs around all day telling adults and kids bigger than him to "Fu** off!" and far worse things.

That behavior is likely do to a host of other reasons, least of which are the video-games he plays

I've wondered if the same parents who let their kids play GTA would be ok with their kids watching a soft-core porn, because you can get topless strippers to give you a lap dance, not to mention having sex with prostitutes. The 8 year old I knew spent a large amount time getting lap dances.

a reply to: anxiouswens

Logged into this insane asylum long enough to say that you sound like a damn good mother. You are doing the right thing for your child and you are to be commended.

Don't give in. Your heart has you on the right path.

123143

a reply to: Ghost147

Well, his parents just throwing their hands up in the air and saying "I've tried everything, he just won't behave" is a large part of it, but the speech patterns, slang, and violent habits are things he's copying from video games.

We all knew that one kid in the neighborhood growing up that was psychotic, swearing all the time, trying to beat people up... The kid that would show up to play "Ninja Turtles" with real kitchen knives, or shot out peoples windows with BB guns... now it seems like half the kids in a given neighborhood are that kid.

Iam 45 and I have a 7 year old son. There is nothing wrong with your parenting...it is the village of society that is causing children to mature years faster than they should,and certainly years faster than responsible parents are comfortable with. Definitely stick to your guns. Yes,sadly it may come at the cost of your child losing friends,but better that than lose the development of morals. Perhaps introduce a new activity like sports or a club to meet new people. Old fashion parenting is what kids of today are sorely lacking. Don't doubt yourself for another minute.

The MPAA's anti-humanist, bribery-based rating system is absolutely not based on any sensible ideas of age-appropriate material in films.

I don't know enough about the group that bestows video game ratings to know if those are legitimately graded or if its a similar agenda-driven we-can-make-you-or-break-you system as the movie world.

That aside, those first person shooter games are awful and destroy creativity and do increase aggression and, unfortunately, you're going to have to let him play them if you don't want him to start getting ostracized. He may not even like them, but at least he'll understand what everyone is talking about and be able to interact with his peers.

Commendable that you go to great effort to instill politeness and proper etiquette in your child.

The sad truth is that you are the minority in this regard and your child will be exposed to cursing and violent/sexual media by peers at school. The urge to fit in and be more like them is insanely strong in a child and especially into adolescence so it will boil down to will young David be more inclined to please mom or to fit in with the group.

Most children/teens choose the latter unfortunately.

I don't think your being old fashioned, but responsible. I remember whe when GTA first came out I played for weeks. I did start to have nightmares about smashing people's heads in. Which was a bit weird, so I gave it up. Just because of the dreams. I'm not sure how much these things effect kids though in the long run. As a child I had a small Arsenal of toy guns, but never felt a desire to touch a gun as an adult.

I'm sure your son will turn out fine. Sounds like your doing all the right things as a mother.

I'm not a parent,

I'm also very familiar with both of these game titles/series.
It's not only the content in the games,
It's also the online play....game lobbies.
In my opinion it's just as bad as the content.
Not only kids, but adults too...
BARELY ANY care about the behavior they're shelling out.
You should check it out yourself to get a first hand experience on what your kid is exposed to. Friday or Saturday evenings are your best bet to get this experience.
Kids and adults are EXTREMELY trashy in these online game lobbies. Here me now, Believe me later.

But, in online gaming defense....
There are settings.
For example....
If your kid has some buds from school he'd like to play with, you can set a lobby up to where only they can come and go as they please. That would be called, 'Private Party or Private Lobby'.
And still of course, consider the game title/series. The two mentioned, I would highly recommend NOT letting him/her play. Especially Grand Theft Auto for reasons mentioned above in other replies.
Any questions, I'd be more than happy, like others on here who are familiar, to help out.

My ex and I are on two different sides of the spectrum. My eight year old boy sent me one of those clips on Skype of the Melissa McCarthy pooping in the sink scene from Bridesmaids. So I sent him one of John Cleese from Faulty Towers slapping his bum and saying "I'm a naughty boy...I'm a naughty boy". Benign, right?
Or at least I thought so...mine was deemed inappropriate for him and she deleted skype from his tablet. She had no problem with a woman pooping in a sink...smh.

It really depends on the maturity level of the child. My best friend has a 9 yr old that has been playing COD and GTA V for years. And he's better than most adults, but he KNOWS that he shouldn't emulate what he plays in real life. He hates it when he hears adults swear in real life. The kid is more mature at 9 than most people three times his age. My boy is a little less mature so I hold off. He's happy playing Splatoon and Minecraft. If he would ask if he could play something more advanced I would consider it depending on the content. He's still too young for killing hookers digitally. But I do let him watch Rick and Morty...

a reply to: anxiouswens

Not compromising your standards just to be a *trendy mother*

will be the hardest part of bringing up your child. But well worth

the effort when he is grown.


Swearing is basically the lack of language in expressing oneself,

teach him to explore language .... I don't swear, neither does my

daughter, nor her two (late teens) children.


Manners taught early become a habit, a way of life and cost

nothing and goes hand and hand with respect.


Keep going and stop worrying what others think, My daughter too

was an older mother, with what is considered old fashioned

standards...


However while other mothers are caught up in "Where did I go

wrong" my daughter with her 'old fashioned standards' has lost

count of the number of times she has been complimented on her

well behaved and mannered children.

Good parenting will overcome the bad influences your kid will encounter.