Why does life become so boring, meaningless and dreadful the older you get???

a reply to: opethPA

oh no it's great here. Everything is peacy keeny, hunky dory. No issues at all in this country. Infact it's the greatest country on earth. cuz you never know who might read this right ha ha

a reply to: lavatrance

Seems to me that if you make a statement as ridiculous as this ,"Like I actually have a good understanding of that the jews went through in WW2. They lived under tyranny. That's essencially what it's like up here."


You should give some examples of it..

a reply to: opethPA

that's a long long book. That's not some examples. that's a dictionary.

I think it depends on two very important things in life, a happy relationship with a significant other, and if your not independently rich, a job you enjoy doing that pays enough for you to be at least solid middle class with little debt.

If your relationships are strained/separated/divorce and your job sucks at 40, then you become jaded about life.
In the past for me debt was a big issue, it isn't today, but when your around 40 and you have life crushing debt and lose your job, yeah life does become dreadful, been there done that, thankfully I have moved past that stage in life.

originally posted by: lavatrance
a reply to: opethPA

that's a long long book. That's not some examples. that's a dictionary.

So in other words, it's hyperbole because claiming you understand what the Jewish people went through in WW II based of living in Canada is sort of ridiculous.

All I can say is that this has been and likely will continue to be a thread filled with interesting responses that should be helpful in many different paths. Best of luck to you OP in finding joy in what can be at times a bleak landscape... such is life. Each day has it's share of badness but goodness too. The answers are out there but not all have asked or know where to find them.

a reply to: opethPA

yes I know what it's like to live under oppression and tyranny, but I really can't write about it all in here just in case.

I understand exactly where you're coming from because I too have had those feelings, but right now, at age 37, I've been feeling pretty good about life. I have a 2 year old son and a baby daughter on the way. I'm divorced, but have a long time girlfriend who eventually I'll probably marry (we're engaged, but that's a whole other story).

My theory to why we seem happier in our youth is this:

- Our brains are still developing until our late teens which means our pleasure centers are constantly being activated thru the act of discovery. It's also no coincidence that a lot of teens (including myself) get "senioritis" or become depressed their senior year. Our brains are done being excited by learning by 18.
- Many will be excited about the prospect of college or earning a living or becoming independent. This explains happiness in your early 20's.
- Many will also start feeling the itch to get married (like I did) or have children/start a family by their mid-to-late 20's.

By 30 years old you're going to fall into 3 catagories....married, divorced, or single. All 3 of those carry tremendous emotional history and as you mentioned the older you get the more tragedy/heartbreak you'll experience.

However life is what you make of it. Personally I refuse to let depression ruin my fun. I've built a life around my hobbies and what I love. I love my kids and girlfriend (although our relationship could be better) and I love my family and friends.

I can tell you this for sure. Retirement is going to kick ass!

a reply to: lavatrance
Well when your bored then your boring. And when you boring then your just bored. Reading your thread OP has just made me both. That is to say I kind of fell asleep half way through reading your opening post, then woke up and finished the last sentence.

So to answer your. "Or am I wrong?" question.

No your not wrong, but your just not right. Your in a place I like to call wrong-right. Basically your right but your wrong, kind of like being wrong but right at the same time, only not really as your right but not quite wrong in your presumptions, its like taking a wrong turn on a right street, only to later find out its a one way street with left turns only.

Need I go on?

a reply to: lavatrance

Curiosity
Awe
Wonder

All I need is a bike or car ride outside my default position to find any one of the three or all of them. Beginning of life is full of "firsts". Go on an adventure and find some "firsts". Trust me, it doesn't have to cost anything. I'll admit coming from a cold climate, it's more of a challenge in winter.

I went bowling earlier with my wife and a friend.

a reply to: StopLookingAtMe

Your life is exactly the same as mine, I feel for you I really do.. Well put by the way.

I suppose in some respect when I really think about it, life is kinda dull right not for me. But I have a lot of plans for the summer. I should probably refine those plans and work on them more. That's not that far off anymore either. in 3 months it's already sping here. Maybe there's a light at the end of the tunnel

a reply to: lavatrance

You are wrong,

Life,

is what its all about. Just by even asking all those questions your answering your question.

You have a beautiful wonderful amazing curious mind and you are asking the right questions.

And you and everyone else around us is also asking them and its happening now.

Chin up, Love.

a reply to: lavatrance

originally posted by: lavatrance
I should probably refine those plans and work on them more. That's not that far off anymore either. in 3 months it's already sping here. Maybe there's a light at the end of the tunnel

Sounds like a great plan, to start working on those summer plans. Personally, I need to see sunshine after a couple days, or else I start to feel gloomy like the weather. Probably what was called "Winter Blues" in the old days, or SAD now. Or maybe "cabin fever". Geography can affect us, and that's why I haven't moved to some other places, even though those places are beautiful.

Anyway, yeah, there's always light at the end of the tunnel, but some tunnels are longer and others shorter. One thing I've found out over time is "it all works out", so I no longer agonize or try to "control" a situation. Stuff happens, and maybe I'm just playing in someone else's karma. I think less and do more.

I have a story I rarely share, but it's about the week before my Dad died in his 70s, in pain and wasting away but still treasured each day he was alive. Good Lord, that man even asked for me to hand him his shaver brush so he could clean his shaver after shaving in bed.... Dad, as I came to realize as an adult, was probably a little OCD, but he was strong. .....

Anyway, the week before he died, the last day he was able to sit in his easy chair, he was looking out the window when he spotted the bird nest he had been watching for awhile. He smiled, because the eggs had finally hatched, and he could see the babies and watch as they were being fed. To him, every day was a miracle to be lived and enjoyed. And he could find those miracles and joy in places others might not see.

The funny thing is, there had never been a bird nest in those bushes before, and it was like the birds were there so my Dad could enjoy them in his last days. Shortly after he died, my Mom decided to redo the patio and yanked out all those bushes after the birds flew away. But at least they had been there for my Dad.

One of the ideas I had a few years ago is that the meaning of Life is the meaning you give it. I see your surfing avatar. I've never surfed, but I've watched them at beaches. Some days the waves are not there, sometimes they're so so, and other times they're perfect. Sometimes you miss a wave, or you catch it but it doesn't do what you think it will do. And then there's the time it all comes together. So Life is like that, too. Go for it. Give it meaning, no matter what.

a reply to: Blue_Jay33

Yeah, those 40s. That's when my parents died and when I decided to get out of a bad marriage. Past generations a lot of people never made it to 40, succumbing to illness or to infections from accidents or childbirth. "Till death do you part" could have been 6 days, 6 weeks, 6 years. After 20 years, I saw women 20 years older who had never left a bad marriage and decided, "Nope, that's not how I want to be in 20 more years." So I left, but I had it easier than some, having a job and a car and good friends.

One thing, I never wanted bad for my ex, even though family members said I should have gone for his jugular. I had to get on with my Life, and he had to do with His Life what he needed to do. My kids turned out fine. After all his cussing, cursing, and carrying on during the divorce and through custody years, lo and behold he calls me over the recent holidays out of the blue, thanking me for helping to raise good and loving sons (he had custody and the houses).

The 40s... even Jimmy Buffet wrote a song about it ... A Pirate Looks at 40

Oh, and now I'm married to the "good husband", 18 years. So, yeah, we move past.

OP, You are correct. Many people feel the same way as you. I know I do.

When you are young, time is dilated. Remember having to wait an hour and it felt like a day? Remember how a day felt like a week?

When you get older, a day feels like an hour.

Its true that the Joy fades, and my own theory is that its the novelty effect. You gain joy from a lot of the experiences you have because they are new, feel fresh and exciting. Then over time, life becomes too familiar. Some of us have gone through those hardships you mentioned, and yea, it puts a damper on the joy you feel each day. And unlike some, I wouldn't say its depression. Depression is similar, but far worse. Its like others have said- life become familiar and unamusing.

I think its related to personality type though. Some people feel this way when they're older, others don't. It could be related to intelligence or some ability to store memories differently. Whatever it is, for a lot of people, life ends at 40.

Its not as bad as some people are saying- you can find some joy, but it never matches what you remember or seems to last as long. I think its why so many people drink or take drugs- to recapture that feeling.

I did ask someone who was older once about the time dilation effect that fades, and they recognized it and said that at a certain point when you're older and retire it returns. So it may be that life consumes your attention and prevents you from living in the moment until you retire. Of course, this is good news for some, but for many like me who have an alzheimer's gene in their family, this means their end of life is going to go very very slow.

My grandfather once told me that he had looked forward to his "golden years", but when he got there he said they had lied...there are no golden years when you are older. Your golden years are when you are young.

It is all about attitude. I am 30, yet I feel a lot younger than that. I have a friend who is in her late 50's who is very youthful. Basically, realize that you are in charge of your own life and you have the right to live it to it fullest. Sometimes it takes prioritizing, such as putting things that energize you and are worth doing first. This might mean making a career change.

I think that the atmosphere of a job is a lot more important than the money. A lot of people like to say money is important, but I think it actually ties people down and keeps them from seeing and experiencing what is important. I also think that living up to societal standards causes a lot of this depression. Have your own standards and live up to them. Do what is important for you. Make enough money for you to live on, and enjoy what you do. If you don't, find something you enjoy doing.

a reply to: lavatrance

I was reading an article yesterday in a science magazine about happiness, and one of the things that stuck in my head was what they've been able to determine about how we create feelings of happiness in ourselves- which is all about anticipation of pleasure, not the actual pleasurable events.

It was pretty interesting, the theory of how and why that evolved!
I don't feel capable of describing the whole theory before my coffee this morning (and perhaps it wouldn't interest anyone else)
but it requires using the imagination to project future pleasurable events, and that sets off pleasure or happiness chemicals in the brain right away, which serve to motivate and give you energy to go towards making that happen!

In fact, once you get there, the happiness is pretty fleeting - even people who win the lottery revert pretty quickly back to whatever their level of happiness was before winning.
We are made to be constantly using our imagination to put forward new carrots for the pleasure of our inner eyes.

I know that at times when I feel there is nothing exciting ahead of me to look forward to, that is when I start smoking again. It gives me something to look forward to and motivate me (like when at work, I get happy thinking about the cigarette I'll have at my break in a couple of hours).

So imagining the fun stuff you can do in the spring is probably a great idea!!

a reply to: lavatrance

I think everybody is diffferent. Much things bored me when I was young. Now I know life is in fact boring. But I can deal with it. I learned not to drive on adrenalin, but on compassion. I feel stronger the older I get. And I give far more for other people. Try to be happy with the happyness of those you care for. And don't expect too much of life. And never give up.