Why does life become so boring, meaningless and dreadful the older you get???

a reply to: lavatrance

I hate to say it (but I'm gonna...) Only boring people get bored.

I just hit 51 and moved to a new house. The trip to the local bar in town is uphill most of the way and I was contemplating getting a skateboard for the ride home.

a reply to: nerbot

At 51? I say go for it.

I'll pray for your hips.

But seriously only boring people get bored?

Is that a claim that you've NEVER been bored in your 51 years?

If not great I guess but someone that easily entertained certainly can't have all their brain cells firing.

originally posted by: corvuscorrax
........ but someone that easily entertained certainly can't have all their brain cells firing.

And killing a few of them along the way has been Oh such fun.

a reply to: ketsuko

You get to school and find out your kid spit on another at recess ...

yikes.....*sucks in breath* Where'd he learn that kind of behavior????

then you get home and discover your ragdoll cat got into a flystrip somehow

Yikes again.....
A flystrip? (I know what it is - but, how was it somewhere your cat could get to it?) We have a ragdoll cat, too - pretty, aren't they? This is our third one....and he is really smart.......although a bit disabled: someone stepped on his left rear leg when he was a kitten so he's 'lame' now and he got thrown out by whomever was his caregiver - our neighbor found him under the next house over Thanksgiving weekend in 2014......
and called us to come and get him. We did. And took him in, no questions asked. He'd have frozen to death if we hadn't.

His name is "Steve." He would not have survived if we had not taken him in and cared about him, and taken him to the vet, and cared for him...... and made sure he was safe, and provided with shelter, water, attention, and GOOD FOOD. He's an AWESOME, totally cool, and very sweet cat. Loves to run around and play.....(well, he 'thumps' more than 'runs' - and has to climb up a ladder-back chair because he can't jump)
just like our other cat and the two dogs.....and they all play together, too!!!

Go figure.

a reply to: corvuscorrax

I've got a long way to go barring a lucky fatal accident and it's going to be a grueling test where everything I once loved turns to ashes in my mouth. Some days it's easy to accept others you pray for something different. 

Happiness is not a gift that anyone else can give you. It is a gift that you can only give yourself.

I shared with an ATS member that is facing the possibility of a life threatening medical illness my story, I don't feel like going through it again, but my goal was not to judge but to show the OP there are other possibilii and choices.

I function out of self defense. My other options are to be drugged out of my mind every second of everyday or to be bedbound. I opted for a functional life, a busy life, filled with distractions, and as much happiness, purpose, and love, that I can manage. It is not easy and I don't win on many days, but to give up on life is the same as to end life for me.

I hope my sharing helps others, it is not to judge them.

a reply to: BuzzyWigs

Not really sure.

He's an only child with very intense emotions and a very developed competitive drive. The child in question is one who is faster and they were playing tag and ours got caught. Unpleasant hijinks ensued. Aside from today, he's never showed any interest in spitting aside from his toothpaste at night. He's certainly not seen it modeled as appropriate behavior from any of his family or our friends.

So who knows exactly where he picked it up ... for all I know, he caught sight of something on TV or saw someone in passing and it stuck in his head. We are talking about a child who had many of his favorite picture books memorized before age 4. He constantly pops stuff out that we had no idea he knew or had picked up from obscure places he could only have seen in passing.

As for the flystrip ... cat has pica and the strip is plastic. It drives him nuts and he has a 6th sense for finding such things. You can think you have stuff put away and he'll still worm his way into them and chew, chew, chew. He popped at least one door, navigated several high places, and successfully dug them out of the box to get it stuck all over him.

a reply to: lavatrance

You get wise.

a reply to: ketsuko

Oh wow.
Your cat has "pica"? That's very unusual.....even in humans. Maybe a mineral deficit?

And your kid has exhibited behavior that you don't understand?


Welcome to parenthood.


Good luck.

a reply to: ketsuko

He's an only child with very intense emotions and a very developed competitive drive.

Hmmm. Super-sensitive, smart kid. I have one......(well, I have two; both of whom were reading and writing before they got to school).

That kind of kid - yeah, they need extra support....and even when they get that support, they don't always just "shape up." All you can do is try to keep up.....pay attention, and think on your feet.....ask them age-appropriate questions, listen to them.....no matter how tired you are....
it's hard work.


Mine are "grown" now (27 and 25), both doing okay out there - but still need their parents...when they need their parents.

originally posted by: BuzzyWigs
a reply to: ketsuko

Oh wow.
Your cat has "pica"? That's very unusual.....even in humans. Maybe a mineral deficit?

And your kid has exhibited behavior that you don't understand?


Welcome to parenthood.


Good luck.

It's a stress related thing. He gets more insistent about it if he feels like he's being neglected. He likely needs some more love or the kid is getting on his nerves or both.

a reply to: BuzzyWigs

Yep.

We know. It's probably partially inherited. I was a hell-raiser right through kindergarten and my husband didn't settle out until 3rd grade. I'm high IQ/gifted and he's only a few pointed shy of Mensa. If that stuff is heritable, then we've got a handful to look forward to.

We're thinking about having him assessed to see if it's that or if there is a behavioral issue or a mix. But we're leaning toward the former given some of the things we've seen from him. But you never want to be the parent that goes into the school and says, "I think our kid is gifted and that might be why you could be having some of these behaviors ..." Every parent thinks their kid is gifted.

originally posted by: NightSkyeB4Dawn
a reply to: corvuscorrax

I've got a long way to go barring a lucky fatal accident and it's going to be a grueling test where everything I once loved turns to ashes in my mouth. Some days it's easy to accept others you pray for something different. 

Happiness is not a gift that anyone else can give you. It is a gift that you can only give yourself.

I shared with an ATS member that is facing the possibility of a life threatening medical illness my story, I don't feel like going through it again, but my goal was not to judge but to show the OP there are other possibilii and choices.

I function out of self defense. My other options are to be drugged out of my mind every second of everyday or to be bedbound. I opted for a functional life, a busy life, filled with distractions, and as much happiness, purpose, and love, that I can manage. It is not easy and I don't win on many days, but to give up on life is the same as to end life for me.

I hope my sharing helps others, it is not to judge them.

I know this. There are those of us who find it hard to convince ourselves to be happy.

That was the point I was trying to make.

In my experience (your mileage will vary):

• When you're young, everything is a new experience to be had. Every product is the first of its kind you've encountered. Every story is one you've not heard before. Every activity is one you either haven't already engaged in before, or one you have boundless energy and enthusiasm for. As you age, you find that nothing under the sun is new. Everything is a variation on something you've already experienced - often many, many times. The novelty of things wear off. Experiences lose their new-ness and become chores. What were once adventures due to their unfamiliarity, become trodden ground.
  
• When you're young, your idealistic beliefs - many of them central to the integrity of your sense of personhood - have yet to be challenged or, worse still, shattered. As you age in life, inevitably your heart is broken, your dreams prove either impossible or, at least, not feasible in the way you imagined them being, and your preconceptions - both good and bad - are often rendered invalid. Sometimes this is a good thing as it teaches us valuable lessons. Other times it just leaves us disappointed and disillusioned.
  
• When you're young, your perception of time is different. You subliminally, unconsciously, KNOW you're young. You know you have "all the time in the world." This brings with it a beautiful, and too greedily squandered gift - the sense of being nearer the beginning than the end. There's a security and a safety in that. It affords the luxury of nonchalance and a care free, full, visceral enjoyment of things. A sensual experience of things to their fullest which, when older, it can feel like there's simply not time in the day - or in the time you have left in life - for. As you age you know you are nearer the end than the beginning and even if we strive not to let it, it does affect how fully we drink from life's cup. To quote a musician I love, Chris Smither, "If I were young again I'd pay attention / to that little known dimension / the taste of endless time. / It's like water and it runs right through your fingers / but the flavor of it lingers / like a rich red wine."
  
• When you're young, barring chronic illness and disease, you tend to be healthier and to rebound more readily from trauma. As you age, even if not consciously or rapidly enough to notice fully, you find yourself increasingly protecting your body, avoiding activities that might cause injury, having to worry about your diet, etc. Once you get, say, kidney stones and can't eat sugar or chocolate anymore... that tends to put a damper on holidays for instance.
  
• When you're young, you are necessarily naive. That's not a bad thing - it's just a fact of life that the less experienced you are, the fewer things you know or are privy to. As such, you tend to be much more open and receptive to interactions with other human beings. You haven't yet learned that there are some truly horrible people walking the planet, or that you can be hurt, or that you yourself WILL hurt others in one way or another at some point, despite your best intentions. As you age, you learn all of this and more. Even the most optimistic and people loving among us become more guarded and hesitant, our enthusiasm for what was once the adventure of first contact with another human being becoming ever so slightly muted by the risk, however small, of damage.
  
• When you're young, your perception of the future differs. I know when I was young, the prospect of "the year 2016" conjured mental pictures of science fiction. I thought for certain we'd be on our way to living in Star Trek by now. Obviously, that was an example of the aforementioned naivete. You get disappointed. In humanity. In yourself. In society. You cling to hope, sure. But your grip on it becomes more conditional on far flung future prospects you probably won't live to see. You become forced to make peace with the notion that while there may be a better future, your own direct experience of it will be limited to only a small incremental step forward, and maybe one or two steps back in some respects.
  

So, how do we overcome this? How do we cope with these seemingly unavoidable internal ravages of aging?

For me:

• Your imagination was the thing which fired the exuberance and wonder of youth that you miss. Cultivate, protect, and exercise it. Dream. Create. Write. Look up at the stars. Get a telescope. (Seriously. Even just one that can let you see the craters of the moon can be remarkably inspiring... if you're receptive to it. If not, find something else.)
  
• On the same note... find hobbies. Find things to be passionate about. Keep finding things that interest and excite you, and DO them. Don't make excuses not to. Just do them. If money is a limiting factor, find something free to do. Walking. Bird watching. A martial art.
  
• Accept the inevitability of your demise as much as you can (I struggle with this, as I think we all do,) and allow that to lessen the seriousness with which you treat certain mundane concerns. We're not getting out alive, after all.
  
• Go back to being a kid for a day occasionally. Color in coloring books. Do puzzles. Sketch something. Sing in the shower. Watch a nostalgic movie you haven't seen since your youth for the sheer hell of it. Take a walk in the park and, putting aside skepticism and reason, imagine there might be faeries hiding in the bushes. Watch the birds. Go the beach. Watch the waves crashing for a while. Reflect. Ponder. Wonder. Put on some music and dance around like an uncoordinated idiot for half an hour when no one else is around... or even better, with someone willing to be just as silly with you for a while. (Great cardio, too.)
  
• Imagine yourself in the worst scenario you can conceicve for yourself and, assuming you're not already in that (some are - no joke,) take a moment to be thankful you're where you are.
  
• Cultivate some degree of facility with that greatest of cognitive tools: the ability to say, "Screw it."
  
• Laugh sometimes. Truly laugh, I mean. With abandon, uproariously. It's good for you. Cry sometimes. Ball your eyes out. It's good for you.
  
• This one is particularly important online IMHO: Resist becoming bitter. Resist the trend of today, which is misanthropy for its own sake. If you can. And to that end... be charitable and kind with your choice of words. When given the choice between that and hostility or punitive chastisement, strive to choose the former. Too often we seek to make ourselves feel better with an unkind word. I've never seen it work personally.
  

Short of that... it will never be perfect, and to quote another song (this one surely more well known,) "Time is never time at all / You can never ever leave / without leaving a peace of youth. / And the laws are forever changed / You will never be the same / the more you change the less you feel." You can never go back. There's no returning to who you were when you were young. But the last line of that lyric doesn't have to be true.

Fight the cynicism.

Peace.

Well I see that you have received some good advice and inspiration. There is nothing wrong with you for thinking or feeling as you do. Life may have its changes and challenges, but as long as you have hope and inspiration and love in your life, you'll be ok. Take one day at a time.

There are many of us here who have suffered many losses, dealt with diseases and disappointments and yet somehow, we have been able to carry on. What may work for one may not work for another, but keep trying. Spend quality time with friends and family and embrace the small things that mean the most. Wishing you strength and courage, laughter and much love. You are not alone!

a reply to: lavatrance

I feel like when I was a little kid yeah every day was fun and exciting.... but like 12 to 24 it went the other way... Everything sucked. I hated everything.... About 25 on I found it's gone the complete other way. I love life, I have fun every day. I'm always learning, I'm always teaching. I'm more adventurous, with better, safer means.

Life is awesome.

Well I certainly didn't mean to tell the op how my life is going swimmingly and they have something wrong with them!
I did as I usually do- I considered the topic in a general way, asking myself "why some might be unhappy with the present and highly nostalgic about their youth?" - and looked at my own experience for some clues.

But I guess anyone can make out a post to be of positive or negative intent, depending upon what they want to perceive
(where there's a will, there's a way)

I noticed that the people close to me who tend to be unhappy with the present are often very nostalgic about their youth.
I told my kids once, when they complained about where we lived (out in the country, in a very old stone farmhouse) that we couldn't make their childhood situation too great, 'cause then they'd never want to grow up and out of it!

It was a joke, but with some real meaning to me.... I suspect it is adversity and difficulty that gets us moving our butts, being creative, and discovering the world.

How come, when I look at the people I knew in my childhood, those that seemed to have such happy easy lives are stuck in the same place, usually married and divorced a few times, complaining about the present, trying to re-create their youthful glory days in whatever ways they can (be it their appearence, or activities)?

While the nerds, the ones who were bullied, the ones who were obviously basket cases of depression, timidity, or social anxiety, are out doing amazing things all over the world, usually have a lot more success of every kind, both in relationships as well as career; doing exciting hobbies and sports...?

It's a stereotypical story, but I , at least, have seen it to be true.

Made me think- if your youth was too good, it is like a trap- you'll be stuck there.
My husband and I talk about this a lot because he's one that love to cling to the past and is very nostalgic, I am the opposite. I have virtually no photos of my childhood, few of my adolescence. I did a fair amount of modeling so had lots of photos but just let people have those with time, I didn't care who kept them.

The reason, I have come to think, is that I CHOOSE to see the negative in retrospect; almost always. I do so in order to learn from "mistakes', to see what was less than positive, what I'd like to do differently later, using my own actions or those of others as examples to study.
What that ends up with is me seeing the past in a dark negative light and being quite happy to leave it and look forward to the future.

My husband tends to look back at the positive, as part of how he forms himself and his relationships with others (very important key there- he nurtures and holds on to relationships better!) which results in him being happy in memories fo past, and always searching to get back to those days.

While I left my country and family to explore the unknown, he is in his homeland, not far from where he grew up, with the same friends from childhood, and a real problem with hoarding and difficulty making changes in his life.

From this long analyzation I have done.... if there is a such a desire on this site to get personal and tell the OP about their self and give them advice (which I am not crazy about, but adapting to environment is valuable), I would offer this-

Back to the earlier "where there's a will, there's a way"

Try remembering the negative aspects of that time of youth! Focus on every negative, painful memory you had at that time (ever get injured skating?? Have a girl you were in love with dump you, cheat on you with your best friend? Your father said somethings that destroyed your ego?..)
Spend a few days doing that, then start contrasting with now- (is the person you are with now better than that girlfriend, more trustworthy? Is your relationship with your parent more peaceful? Do you have more security?)

When you start to create a sense of progress in some areas, that things have been getting better, and not worse, then start looking forward, in that same way- what might be able to get even better?

The thing is, which keeps some of us from doing this, is that question of relationships. Darkening the past this way can have a negative effect upon our relational bonds of the past, and even present. We often cling to those as a source of stability and have difficulty letting go. We tie ourselves down, then with time, our protective walls and chains become prisons instead.

I can't tell a stranger that they should do that. Each person must weigh their happiness their self. But the more time you spend idealizing your past, the less happy you'll be with your present, and the more bleak the future will seem.

It might all be in perspective.

a reply to: SaturnFX

funny you mention that because that was my plan, to get a dog. but I was gonna wait until retirement to do that. Maybe as soon as I'm settled again then get a dog or something.

a reply to: StopLookingAtMe

Ya I hear you. Life can get hard. Like my thought was that if some of my ideas don't work out then just go live off the land somehow. I don't know if that's even possible though. Would be hard too but it would be a very refreshing change to all this brainwashing, oppression and slavery that we are caught up in.

a reply to: EmmanuelGoldstein

smart thinking

a reply to: Ghost147

well said