Am I wrong out of town gf partying for work?

originally posted by: Bluesma
There are other possibilities, I insist. You cannot say you know this person so well as to make such a judgement. Neither can I. We can only offer some of our various experiences and knowledge as possibilities.

I know enough to see enough red flags to make a bull go crazy.

If someone wants to stay in a relationship like that that's on them. I prefer working relationships. Just don't complain when the house of cards with an anvil already dropping over it get's crushed.

originally posted by: OccamsRazor04

originally posted by: Bluesma
There are other possibilities, I insist. You cannot say you know this person so well as to make such a judgement. Neither can I. We can only offer some of our various experiences and knowledge as possibilities.

I know enough to see enough red flags to make a bull go crazy.

If someone wants to stay in a relationship like that that's on them. I prefer working relationships. Just don't complain when the house of cards with an anvil already dropping over it get's crushed.

Once again, I did not counsel staying together. (see my first post in this thread, I suggested that if you cannot trust her enough to even consider waiting until she gets home to discuss and then judge, then this is possibly a relationship which lacks so much in trust and respect, that there is no hope for cultivating it.

I like having my decisions and choices being "on me", and also letting those of others be "on them". I'm not real big on telling others what they should do and having them obey me, in their private lives.

Because even if I am right, in taking that responsibility, I also take from them the opportunity to learn from their experiences and grow from them.To gain self awareness from successes or failures.

If this OP is right about his suspicions of this woman, and he breaks up with her without discussing with her and learning more about her and himself, he will go on to repeat this choice of mate who is not compatible with his needs.



I was not perfect when I got married, and neither was my husband. But we were pretty good for each other and helped each other grow.
But we each came from broken relationships, in which our previous partners had cheated.

Of course, each of us had put our foot down and left- after discussion with the other.
We each had examined why the other did such things, and why we were initially attracted to them, and how those factors intersected. It helped us to learn that certain qualities we were looking for in a mate were not actually what we wanted ultimately. They had side effects we were not wiling to live with.

That is how we were able to move on to choosing "better" next time.

If I had just decided, my ex was a-hole, nothing more to see here, move along (as tempting that is to my ego, who wants nothing more than to believe it had no responsibility in this mistake)

or just broken up with him because someone else told me to (again, as much as my ego would love to duck out of that responsibility for choice and accountability),

I would not have examined myself and gained knew knowledge, and become more capable of creating better choices in the future.

But hell, let him do what he wants. I suggested dialogue, a receptive mind, and gathering more info, before making a definative choice. You and I disagree on that. So be it.

He is still in charge of his life experiences and his choices, and in our disagreement, perhaps watching us present our differing views has at least been thought provoking for him.

That's really all I would like to do- provoke thought in others.

originally posted by: smirkley
a reply to: HighDesertPatriot

Actually, the pdf for that book is available for free. Just search google for the title. I downloaded. An interesting read.

In my experience (and a friend's as well) it is dead-on. This guy has done the homework and has seen positive results from his books and work with couples.

originally posted by: Nyiah

originally posted by: leemachino
She works in the medical field and she doesn't do sales. I don't see this as part of the job.

A WHOLE BUNCH of really dense posters missed this part. She's NOT in sales, the wining & dining for making client pocket books open easier doesn't fly.

IMO? She's getting wasted & likely spreading her legs every night. JMO from watching friends during their sowing of wild oats years, ruining relationship after relationship because they weren't serious abut it to begin with. A person (of either gender) satisfied in their relationship, secure in it, doesn't do this ish. Immature little children not ready for serious relationships/commitment do that.

Kick her ass to the curb, you deserve better.

Just because she is not in sales means NOTHING... When sending my techs and operations people off to conferences, I expect them to engage in after work events for team building and networking with peers in their industry. Sales people are not the only types who are expected to attend these types of "parties."

I agree that her behavior is suspicious, but don't get boxed in by her job title.

I think maybe you should go out and have a drink yourself. That's my best advise, also don't let the paranoia get to you it can only cause more problems, i know from experience. Although i was right most of the time, so scratch that. ill just say go with your gut and put some beer in it too

originally posted by: CIAGypsy
Just because she is not in sales means NOTHING... When sending my techs and operations people off to conferences, I expect them to engage in after work events for team building and networking with peers in their industry. Sales people are not the only types who are expected to attend these types of "parties."

I agree that her behavior is suspicious, but don't get boxed in by her job title.

Does that include mandatory staying until the bars close and getting so drunk they pass out?

The problem does not appear to be her going out, it's how late she stays and the condition she leaves in, and the fact she won't even say she got to the hotel room safe.

Do you have someplace to go?

The best advice I have is to rip it off like band aid and sever all ties. Don't look back, change your number if you have to and close your Facebook. You can always start a new one in a few months using your middle name or something so she can't track you down and bother you. A clean, fast break is usually the best and the quickest to recover from.

Oh, and start hitting the gym.

originally posted by: MystikMushroom
Do you have someplace to go?

The best advice I have is to rip it off like band aid and sever all ties. Don't look back, change your number if you have to and close your Facebook. You can always start a new one in a few months using your middle name or something so she can't track you down and bother you. A clean, fast break is usually the best and the quickest to recover from.

Oh, and start hitting the gym.

Best advice, do NOT remain friends.

Sorry to say that you should dump her...

Few reasons for doing so:

1. She does not seem to care about your feelings.
2. You do not trust her.
3. You need to ask a bunch of strangers on a Conspiracy Theory website about relationship advice.

...If you do not like my advice, don't ask in a public place....

Trust ,...

The easiest thing ever to lose,
And the hardest thing to ever get back.

originally posted by: OccamsRazor04
Does that include mandatory staying until the bars close and getting so drunk they pass out?

THAT ^^^^^^^

Who puts her to bed

originally posted by: OccamsRazor04

originally posted by: CIAGypsy
Just because she is not in sales means NOTHING... When sending my techs and operations people off to conferences, I expect them to engage in after work events for team building and networking with peers in their industry. Sales people are not the only types who are expected to attend these types of "parties."

I agree that her behavior is suspicious, but don't get boxed in by her job title.

Does that include mandatory staying until the bars close and getting so drunk they pass out?

The problem does not appear to be her going out, it's how late she stays and the condition she leaves in, and the fact she won't even say she got to the hotel room safe.

I already addressed all of that in my previous post. Please read before making assumptions....

a reply to: OccamsRazor04

Remember, different people, different lifestyles. Just because you aren't a fan of what I would do, doesn't automatically make my advice invalid. OP asked for advice, and I gave it - we can debate via PM if you want to go that route. I'll just say this: If I were out, you wouldn't need to call, because you'd know that I wouldn't get myself to the point of being smashed.

Back on topic, OP, what did you end up doing? I'm curious.

-foss

At this point it doesn't matter if she's being faithful or not.
You are not at fault.
A persons job is part of who they are.

In short her job's late night duties will never sit well with you.
That's why most men do not marry call girls.
You should not have to be sitting around staring at the phone for a text.
It's eating at you. I've been there.

The best thing that could happen to you is to move on.
Tell her the truth as to why. You can't deal with her job duties.
Don't accept her apologies. Just move on.
If she truly loved you the bell will go off in her head. She will change for the next guy.

Don't listen to these other webies who say you have the problem.
Her life style is not for you.
Find a woman who thinks the same way as you.

It's one thing to wine and dine with clients, but to get so drunk you pass out and can't make a phone call to let you know she is ok is not a good thing!

Have to agree here. This is a pretty reasonable request, so if she failed at this each night, that's pretty crappy (and getting THAT wasted can NOT be good for her career advancement, UNLESS she's banging them.....of course.

a reply to: leemachino

yeah man, how is this looking good for her job if she is drinking like a child and getting black out drunk?

There is nothing wrong with that, but adults just do things they like to do and say as much. There is no need to say work made you do it.

Also, where is her respect for you? It would be very odd if you did similar things. It would be disrespectful to her.

She cant love you. Not if you told her this sucks /it hurts and she responded with "tough crap".

You dont need anyone LIKE THAT.

Mystiks advice is the best so far. 86 her. don't take her back. don't look back.