I reeeally want to say something but I don't want to be THAT crazy neighbor.

a reply to: AnonymousCitizen Whoops you beat me to it. I just posted a similar way to go about it. A gift basket is always a nice neighborly gesture.

originally posted by: OtherSideOfTheCoin

originally posted by: Restricted
I repeat, in this pathetic, wide-open, no privacy society - mind your own f***ing business.

I am just proposing this as a thought experiment, i am not being literal.

put your self in the OPs shoes, you believe 100% that this child is at risk of SIDS due to the unintentional actions of the child's parents.

Now i can understand you saying "mind your own business", i totally get that mentality, I probably would not say anything either.

But lets pretend we are talking about something else, its not to much detergent, the child's parents are feeding the kid on nothing but MacDonald's and they spend all day chain smoking in front of the kid. You know full well the huge health risks the young child is at, would you still not say anything, would not at the very least feel compelled to act?

i changed my mind. at the very least the OP should call the cops and child services.
i also think you should make sure the temp in their house is optimum. make sure mommy is breast feeding.
none of that baby formula stuff for your neighbors little bundle o joy

knock on their door with a gift basket of safety # for them to baby proof their house then give them a checklist of all the things you think they should do to properly care for their child.

cant believe you are seriously thinking about bringing up the fabric softener smell.

if you knocked on my door and said something like that i would let my dog after you

a reply to: kosmicjack

Maybe put whatever information you want to share into an envelope, put a stamp on it, and mail it out? It will arrive at their house like a regular piece of mail, stamped and everything. Chances are they won't assume their neighbors right next door sent it to them.

I think you are in the right for trying to bring this to their attention. I can't imagine how it would feel had you not said something, only to find out something happened to that baby because of the detergent, etc.

P.S. Don't put a return address on the envelope, obviously.

Find a way to tell them anonymously. Print out a demi official looking 1 page "newsletter", go mail it from one of those public mail drop boxes, or from the post office itself, put a fake return address and gor the name, make up some organization that cares about babies (you and your partner care about babies right? and you are organized in your efforts?

So its not a lie, you just dont have to admit that you are the organization, but it still is a legitimate organization...), but make sure you mail it to everyone on your street, so they don't suspect they are the only intended recipient of this information. They will just think it was sent out to "everyone". And that will give you an opening to talk about it. "Hey, did you guys get that newsletter? Bob across the street said he got one, too... I took it upon myself to do a little research on wgst they were saying and here's what I found, in case you were interested."

Chances are, if they have some weird habit or obsession with using tond of detergent and fabric softener dryer sheets, yhey are not going to stop if they havent directly observed any issues with their baby. They will just say to themselves "our baby must be one of the ones who is immune to this problem..." because to think otherwise would be a big inconvenience to them because they'd have to change their habits which they are so used to. But its still worth a try!

a reply to: kosmicjack
It really is none of your business. But here is a suggestion. Make up a baby gift basket for them. Include a couple packs of wet dryer sheets from The Honest Company brand (plant based). Include a couple of dryer balls- the plastic reusable non scented ones. Include a couple of containers of natural detergent for baby clothes- new parents always are in need of such things. Include some other baby items like onesies and diapers. Include a print out of why plant based dryer sheets/detergents are better or a print out from the Honest Company website....and write on it - "In case you need to get more".

None of the SIDS stuff and fragrances is proven, I used snuggle dryer sheets and Wegman's brand baby clothes detergent when my daughter was a baby- on her clothes. I doubt what my clothes smell like or what the dryer vent pumps into the outside would effect an infant.

It's like the neighbors who don't think I trim my shrubbery enough...if they don't like it, they are welcome to it.

It's like the people who leave christmas lights up all year...the complainers should ask if they need assistance taking them down.

I understand your concern, but there are good and bad ways to go about it. Telling them directly or leaving a paper anonymously would only cause them to think there is a nut amongst them.

The expenditure would be about $30. If you care that much, it is certainly worth it.

You're a busy body and it's none of your business. It's the same thing if you were to go over and say the kid has to be baptized because if he dies without being baptized he will automatically go to hell. You've got a thing about fabric softener. You've decided it's a bad thing. You can say the same thing about sugar, salt, eating meat, dyes, chocolate, hydrogenated oil--you name it and you'll find someone here who will say "This is Bad." You don't have a "moral duty" or anything else. You're "duty" is to leave other people the hell alone. If you do mention it I hope you get your ass kicked or at least yelled at.

originally posted by: schuyler
It's the same thing if you were to go over and say the kid has to be baptized because if he dies without being baptized he will automatically go to hell.

That's the most compelling argument so far, sans the insults and bad wishes.

a reply to: schuyler

West Texas is a good place to get an ass whooping for doing nothing at all. And even here I don't think that one would be dished out for this. Maybe a good cussing out from one of the crazies. Most normal folk would be polite, thank them for their concern, and move on throughout their day without the risks associated with fisticuffs.

a reply to: schuyler

Seriously? Perhaps it is none of their business. But at the same time, being a new parent doesn't come with a manual. Just maybe the family with a new child just doesn't know some of the things to watch out for. Just maybe this new family would be grateful to get some tips and pointers that might just assist them. And being as how they've been neighbors for ten years, I don't see how it would be some God awful thing to bring up in a casual conversation. They're not forcing themselves on their neighbors.

Your entire post is another thing I find wrong with the world. People are too uptight and would rather not hear advice from anyone or anything.

a reply to: kosmicjack
I want to mention something about their fabric softeners

get tough,..the time for talking is over...call it extreme if you like, but the prefered proposal is too hit them hard and hit them fast with a major leaflet campaign and while they are reeling from that, follow up with series of charity drives, t-shirts and possibly even a benefit concert.

originally posted by: AttitudeProblem

get tough,..the time for talking is over...call it extreme if you like, but the prefered proposal is too hit them hard and hit them fast with a major leaflet campaign and while they are reeling from that, follow up with series of charity drives, t-shirts and possibly even a benefit concert.

Here is my actual, unedited comment you are referencing:

I want to mention something casually but I don't want to overstep and be that looney, babbling conspiracy nut neighbor.

So, as you can probably see, none of what you suggest is in line with my actual sentiments.

a reply to: OtherSideOfTheCoin

You misunderstood me. I did not tell you to piss off. It was meant for those who stick their noses in other people's business.

a reply to: kosmicjack
The deal is - they reek of dryer sheets

undoubtedly the tentative hypothesis suggests your dog is defecating in the vicinity, attracting flys and other nefarious insects, and excessive dryer sheet utilisation is an attempt too repell these pests ...

a reply to: TinySickTears

a good idea is to stop worrying about other people and their family

You're right. Next time I see my neighbor's kid playing with a sprayer full of RoundUp, I'll just ignore it.
But, OP has a point and if I didn't know and had a newborn, I'd appreciate the warning. It's not invading their privacy. We're not talking peeking through their windows and going through their mail, just a friendly word of advice to new parents.

healthwyze.org...

www.life.ca...

www.cbsnews.com...

www.wolfsonintegrativecardiology.com...

a reply to: DAVID64

ill tell you, being a young parent is nervewracking nd very difficult. some pointers are always helpful, if they are listened to.

originally posted by: kosmicjack
Our neighbors just had a baby and we are super excited for them. We're not overly close because they are typically quiet and reserved and so they don't typically socialize with hardly any neighbors but we do occasionally chat and they have been wonderful neighbors for ten years.

The deal is - they reek of fabric softeners, dryer sheets and detergents. When they do laundry, the smell wafts all over the yards on our corner. When they have been to our house, the dryer sheet smells linger long after they've gone. All of that is simply background but has no bearing on me or our family.

My only concern here is their new baby and the growing link between Sudden Infant Death Syndrome (SIDS) and detergents, fabric softeners and other fragrances. It's thought that the smells overwhelm tiny nervous systems whose natural, automatic defense is to stop breathing. And when they are so tiny and sleeping, sometimes they forget to start again.

I want to mention something casually but I don't want to overstep and be that looney, babbling conspiracy nut neighbor. But I'd rather endure a hundred awkward moments of them avoiding me later than to not say something and risk tragedy.

My hubby and I disagree on mentioning it to them so I'm hoping you all can weigh in with some other perspective.

What would you do ATS. Any suggestions?)

Listen to your husband sids is a name they give when they don't know how the child died

a reply to: kosmicjack
Casually ask them what type of detergent the use like you're interested in buying some, then segway into the infant info.

I don't have any children of my own, yet, but all my girlfriends that are moms are super sensative to receiving unsolicited parenting advice. Especially from casual acquaintances. Even one that is relatively thick skinned brokedown in tears after someone nicely suggested something. It takes awhile for the hormones to regulate after giving birth and being a mother is the most important job they'll have in their lives. They can take anything as suggesting they're not doing well as a mother, which would be understandably devistating.
With that said, sometimes there are situations where our moral obligation trumps "staying in your own backyard" (pun intended). I'm not aware about the specifics of the concern you are speaking of but you seem to have plenty of knowledge on the topic. You also, obviously, are passionate about this view and your intentions are seemingly good (you want to decrease the risk of SIDS). I don't see how they'd be selfishly motivated. I personally wouldn't bring this up to your neighbor but if it's been on your mind enough, maybe YOU should. But there's a way to do it without seeming intrusive:
Maybe buy products that would be safe(r) for the baby and say that you give them to all the new moms you know. Then attach literature about the dangers or risk of using fabric softener around or on things used by the baby.

I am also in the mind your own business camp. Now I am not going to say I hope you get beat up or cussed out, or anything like that. That is just silly talk. Your heart is in the right place. But is there really good enough evidence to butt into someone else's life. Someone who you do not know that well and did not ask for your advice.

No one knows for sure what causes sids. The how and why is always changing. In a few years it will be something else that supposedly causes it. With the massive amount of air fresheners and dryer sheets and other scent based items sold. Wouldn't the amount of sid cases also be massive. Your wanting to give advice on a might be. Dryer sheets might cause sids. They might not. Millions upon millions of people use them with no adverse affects happening to their children.

Some people are saying you have to say something because you could be saving the childs life. Which would be true if you for example saw, multiple knives hanging by masking tape from their kitchen ceiling or a swimming pool with freaking sharks with freaking laser beams in their back yard. But dryer sheets. I am not so sure about. Especially since the science behind scents causing sids. Is not anywhere near being a hundred percent proven.

Imposing your beliefs on someone else when they did not ask is almost never right. Especially when that belief is in the nebulous territory. But that is just my thoughts. Good luck with whatever you decide.

I think that I would be rather conflicted on whether to say anything or not. If I were to say something, I would most likely do it casually. Say something to the effect of "I don't know if you use dryer sheets or fabric softeners, but I just saw a report about the dangers of using them with an infant...(cause of SIDS or whatever else to make your point)". It would be in a lighter tone, just passing along information that you have heard - as long as you've never actually mentioned that you can smell their choice of laundry products, it shouldn't come across as being condescending and hopefully will get the point across and they will either listen or research further and stop, or they won't...at least you will have been able to say something without offending them.