I reeeally want to say something but I don't want to be THAT crazy neighbor.

a reply to: kosmicjack

Being totally honest I think you are being a bit spoilt and over the top creating a problem from the smell of a few clean sheets, etc. May be you might want to think about bringing this to ATS when so many of us have rather hard lives and a lot more to worry about than the smell of next door's clean laundry. This kind of selfishness is ruining life and society. There will be nothing left if you carry on like this. Think hard about the sterile, empty and obtuse society such attitudes create.

Jeez.

OP lets face it you want to say something

What you are really looking for is validation that you should say something and some idea of how you say it with out being the crazy one.

Its quite simple,

you invite baby and mummy over to yours for a coffee and you have a chat "ooohhhh what a lovely bundle of joy" and all that crap. Then you lie, you start spinning some BS about how little baby is the first baby in since your sisters kid and then you get the "what age is he then" and then you said...... "died of cot death at 7 months".

BOOM!!

you open up a conversation that allows you to let slip in conversation that your fake sis's fake doctor said it might have been the excessive use of fake fabric softer that caused the fake little one to die. Then you start with how you and you fake sis starting looking into it, about how dangerous it is and so on.

You don't even mention her overuse of fabric softener because one of two things will happen

She will either say nothing but in the back of her mind next time she puts that softener in the washer think about your conversation and either put less or not put it in atoll.

OR

She will say to you "omg i use 3 bottles a week", at which point you say "oooohh do you, check out this website this is where me and my fake sis got our info."

If you even try to say "hey your sheets smell amazing you must use loads..... be careful" she will smell a rat, by our very nature we humans do not like being told when we are doing something wrong, we put up our defences. This way she does not even know you what you have done.

Might seem a little underhanded and dishonest but you get to feel a little better about informing her of these dangers with out seeming crazy and you never know you might grow a little closer to your neighbour.

a reply to: Revolution9

OMG! You're right. I'm a horrible person and I'm going STRAIGHT to hell. In fact, admins should just ban me and I should be shunned from polite society.


reply to: OtherSideOfTheCoin

I said as much - I want to mention it, my husband thinks not.

a reply to: kosmicjack

You are a very kind soul, Kosmicjack.

Whether or not to say something...i can't opine as I don't know the subtle dynamics of them, you, and your relationship. But statistically, the baby will grow up fine and die from heart disease or cancer in about 70 years.

a reply to: kosmicjack

I said as much - I want to mention it, my husband thinks not.

If you want to say something, say something, its not for any of us to tell you what to do, I personally would not say anything because I think it would be perceived as tell them how to raise their kid, as good as your intentions may be.

But you have already settled on saying something in your mind.

now you just need to figure out how you say it with out it coming across as crazy.

Follow my plan and you can't go wrong, just spin it how ever you have to to bring it up naturally in conversation.

Best part is your hubby does not even need to find out.

She is a new mother so will probably even ask you "do they know what caused the cot death?"

I use this technique all the time with good effect, make people want to know or make people want to do something with subtle communication manipulation.

PS: thank you for dealing with that other thing!

a reply to: kosmicjack

Do whatever your heart tells you to do. Don't be over-elaborate like many on here are saying (creating flyers, secretly placing them, etc.), but just be polite about it and say that it's something that you've read and noticed a heavy scent of laundry products. It's not as if you're telling them that they smell like sewage or anything--those scents are generally pleasant--but just let them know that you have seen this as a possibility and would hate to see anything happen to their baby.

If they're reasonable people, they'll look into it, whether or not it changes their behavior. If they're unreasonable about it...well, like you said, it may make things awkward, but if something like that causes a negative reaction, I'd be questioning whether or not you need them as a 'friend' anyhow. I have plenty of neighbors that I don't speak to, but we're not enemies.

a reply to: kosmicjack

Honestly, if you truly believe that a child's health is at stake, you have an obligation to alert them to what you know.
Who cares what they may think...at least they will be informed and can decide for themselves for their child's sake.
As a neighbor, you'll have many opportunities to show them what a good and friendly neighbor you are.

New parents are very receptive to any information regarding potential health and safety hazards, where their newborns are concerned...especially concerning their firstborns. Most new parents want to know as much as possible.

Make up and tell a story about your niece dying at 7 months a cot death because of fabric softener?

Cmon man..

originally posted by: Revolution9
a reply to: kosmicjack

Being totally honest I think you are being a bit spoilt and over the top creating a problem from the smell of a few clean sheets, etc. May be you might want to think about bringing this to ATS when so many of us have rather hard lives and a lot more to worry about than the smell of next door's clean laundry. This kind of selfishness is ruining life and society. There will be nothing left if you carry on like this. Think hard about the sterile, empty and obtuse society such attitudes create.

Jeez.

Is this satire? I really hope that this is satire, otherwise I'd have to point out the irony that is you trying to bring someone down who is just trying to help by projecting a feeling of guilt because you want to cite people who may have a harder life than she does.

Everyone has a harder life than someone else--get over it and do the best with what you've got, but don't bring others down just because you subscribe to the cliché that misery loves company.

originally posted by: bigfatfurrytexan
a reply to: kosmicjack

But statistically, the baby will grow up fine and die from heart disease or cancer in about 70 years.

Not sure if or

LoL! A classic reply from you my friend. My husband will love it and claim victory. .

a reply to: lightedhype

Gets the message across, may very well save the life of the infant, the OP does not look crazy, nobody ends up offend or hurt by it.

Its just that it does against what we think of as being right and wrong when it comes to a lie.

you big meanie!

Offer to do their Laundry and babysit, of course.

We all know that "laboratory fresh" and actual CLEAN, can be mutually exclusive. Febreeze is really just air freshener for example.

Ever seen the movie, "The incredible shrinking woman" with Lily Tomlin? She shrunk to the size of a mouse, due to household chemical exposure...Its a comedy though.

I might say something quick and dirty..just to get it said.
like, "
I LOVE the smell of your Laundry!!!! what brand are you using...My Husband has allergies, had them since he was a baby, got HORRIBLE rashes. but I'm looking for something we can use. Doc said it was from over exposure to "Bounce" OR "Downy" or something..Fortunately, they caught it before it started causing Anaphylactic shock."

a reply to: spacedoubt

LOL...or...you could just lean over the fence and say something like:
" Hey, did you happen to notice that all the plants and animals near your dryer vent appear to be mutating, retarded, and deformed?"

Then drive your point home by showing them this photo you took:
files.abovetopsecret.com...

Honestly it couldn't come at a better time. October is the Awareness Month for SIDS, Pregnancy and Infant Loss. Here is what I would do. I would gather some information to create some sort of pamphlet with one of the area's specifically talking about detergents and fabric softeners. You could do it anonymously or in person but just present it as this being the month for Awareness and how you just wanted to drop off some information. You could even buy them a card to congratulate them and include this information as an FYI.

a reply to: spacedoubt

a reply to: IAMTAT



What sparked the debate is my husband's first reaction to my suggestion that we at least mention it: "This isn't the internet. We have to live here, next door to them. You can't just nose in like it's your anonymous opinion and present some 'factoid' about how they're doing it wrong."

That was harsh.

a reply to: kosmicjack

If it is for the safety of a child then I would contact a congress person and have them make a law making it illegal for parents to use fabric softener. Isn't that what government is for? (sarcasm)

a reply to: DBCowboy

Maybe a White House petition and a hashtag.

a reply to: kosmicjack

#Nofabricsoftener

#BLM (babies lives matter)

It won't go far though. The fabric softener lobby has probably paid off too many politicians.

originally posted by: DBCowboy

#BLM (babies lives matter)

LMAO! Just one more reason I'm going to hell.

How will you feel if you say nothing and the baby dies from SIDS?

To err on the side of caution seems the logical thing to do imo.