I reeeally want to say something but I don't want to be THAT crazy neighbor.

Our neighbors just had a baby and we are super excited for them. We're not overly close because they are typically quiet and reserved and so they don't typically socialize with hardly any neighbors but we do occasionally chat and they have been wonderful neighbors for ten years.

The deal is - they reek of fabric softeners, dryer sheets and detergents. When they do laundry, the smell wafts all over the yards on our corner. When they have been to our house, the dryer sheet smells linger long after they've gone. All of that is simply background but has no bearing on me or our family.

My only concern here is their new baby and the growing link between Sudden Infant Death Syndrome (SIDS) and detergents, fabric softeners and other fragrances. It's thought that the smells overwhelm tiny nervous systems whose natural, automatic defense is to stop breathing. And when they are so tiny and sleeping, sometimes they forget to start again.

I want to mention something casually but I don't want to overstep and be that looney, babbling conspiracy nut neighbor. But I'd rather endure a hundred awkward moments of them avoiding me later than to not say something and risk tragedy.

My hubby and I disagree on mentioning it to them so I'm hoping you all can weigh in with some other perspective.

What would you do ATS. Any suggestions?)

a reply to: kosmicjack

Ummm....

Maybe print something out that states your claim and casually talk to them one day about laundry and then say oh... I have something you may be interested in reading being that you are new parents and all. Tell them you just read about it and will print a little something off for them and be right back?

Best I got. lol

I understand your predicament. I once worked with a lady who didn't wear deodorant because she claimed she was allergic to it. It got mighty nasty in the summer months. No one would approach it (pun intended). I found an article in one of the Natural Health magazines touting a crystal-like all natural stone in which you rub over the armpit. I left the article (and magazine) on her desk.

Maybe you can leave an article in her mailbox. She doesn't need to know by whom. Maybe you can put in an envelope and sign it "from a concerned neighbor" .

To the OP:

It's none of your GD business. Mind your own.

originally posted by: Restricted
To the OP:

It's none of your GD business. Mind your own.

bingo!

a reply to: Restricted

We're talking about possibly preventing the death of a child. It god damn well is his business, if he can prevent it.

Plan A.
Make a little comment about the relation with detergents & skin irritation on children. Then say how surprised they would be if they knew what other health hazards detergents and fabric softeners have.


Plan B.
Print out a leaflet that over dramatizes what you think and post it anonymously.

FABRIC SOFTENERS CAUSES BABY DEATHS!!!!
[graphic photo]

DETERGENTS CAUSE CANCER!!!! ALSO LINKED TO SIDS!!!
[graphic photo]

you could also banner the whole leaflet with skulls and the background be an under fade of the word death in capital letters
Then add some websites to back up your claims.

This sort of thing is something I would deal with by securing MY living space- NOT dropping hints or ASKING neighbor to CHANGE their routine for YOU. When we share a building with other people, we must EXPECT odors/noises that are unpleasant/unwanted/potentially harmful. The best thing you can do to protect yourself/child/family is to talk to your landlord privately about your concerns and work with them on SEALING your doors/windows/etc. You may also want to purchase an air filtration unit for your entire living space.

I can understand your frustration... I am currently in a situation where I have had to deal with crystal-meth smoke entering my unit as well as horrible booming bass music and other creepy stuff. At some point you have to decide what battles you want to choose, and whether or not moving to a different location might be the only solution that is actually feasible.
Good Luck!

a reply to: kosmicjack
I like MamaJ's idea.

As to whether you should even approach it or not, what if it were you? Would you want a virtual stranger to approach you with information that might save your baby's life?

And what if you don't say something and that baby dies?

I would HAVE to get the information to her, even if it tainted the friendship.

a reply to: kosmicjack

KJ - you know the age old adage - it takes a whole village to raise a child. I would hate for you to come on here starting a thread about the death of your neighbours child from SIDS and you lamenting over not saying anything.

The most that will happen is that they will tell you to piss off and mind your own business, but the human psyche' of the maternal instinct is to protect the child at all costs - so she will listen, even if overtly she rejects and gets defensive.

Say it, don't hold back, and don't mince words. 10 years as neighbours owes HER that.

originally posted by: Restricted
To the OP:

It's none of your GD business. Mind your own.

But a moral duty.

All he's doing is showing somebody something they might not have known about.
Its not like hes imposing on the families duties. If they choose not to do it, so be it.

a reply to: Restricted

I understand you sentiments and typically that's my take on things. Is it so galling to mention something they might be totally unaware of but might benefit them enormously?

What if they were driving down the road with a flat? What if five years from now their kid is playing in the street? Should I not mention it because it's none of my business?

I agree 100%. It's none of your business. None, Nathan, Nada.a reply to: Restricted

a reply to: seattlerat

It has nothing to do with us whatsoever. Please re-read. We've peaceably lived next to them and their dryer sheets for ten years - no conflicts and only the occasional inconvenience, if you could even call it that.

This is about a concern for their beloved new baby.

a reply to: kosmicjack

Suffice it to say, you have their address and know their full name so......send them an anonymous letter with clippings/articles of exactly what you're talking about. This way you're directly not meddling yet indirectly doing your due diligence as a concerned human being.

originally posted by: Restricted
To the OP:

It's none of your GD business. Mind your own.

originally posted by: robbeh

originally posted by: Restricted
To the OP:

It's none of your GD business. Mind your own.

bingo!

originally posted by: openyourmind1262
I agree 100%. It's none of your business. None, Nathan, Nada.a reply to: Restricted

I'll put money on it that you are all republicans?

Get a leaflet from the doctors office, get up early and place it in the middle page of their newspaper. If you care as much.

a reply to: n00bUK

Seconded.From my own experience,nobody actually knows how to raise a first child...it's all new territory.Just preface what you say with:"tell me to mind my own business,but..."

For the record,my two girls are still alive (12+15)

I reeeally want to say something but I don't want to be THAT crazy neighbor.

Be that CRAZY neighbor and save a kids life. What's the problem?

Talk to them, show your concern, what's the worst that can happen? A child lives?

originally posted by: MamaJ
Ummm....

Maybe print something out that states your claim and casually talk to them one day about laundry and then say oh... I have something you may be interested in reading being that you are new parents and all. Tell them you just read about it and will print a little something off for them and be right back?

Best I got. lol

I like that. Casually share some info. I'm 100% sure you can do that in a way that seems neither accusatory or intrusive. You're sharing info you believe would be helpful. If they take offense to that, then that's on them. I find it difficult to believe that any reasonable person would see any ill intent with that action.

I'd go for it. It's the neighborly thing to do.