Is there a guy out there who doesn't cheat?

I admit I have cheated before ............ by folding one piece of toilet paper too many times, I regret it even to this day.

a reply to: TealFox

Yes, they do exist. I have never cheated on a girlfriend, fiance, or wife, and never even came close to it. And that's coming from an individual who works away from home 2/3's of the year in a line of work where EVERYONE seems to cheat (oil patch).

I find the thought not only incredibly disrespectful and pointless, but rather disgusting anyway. The whole point of being in a relationship with another individual is to be monogamous and faithful. If a person can't see that from the beginning, then they clearly aren't intelligent enough to be with.

The biggest mistake would be to forgive and forget. With this incident it isn't just "oops, sorry, it was an accident", the person made their choice and will likely make it again. There are 7 billion other people out there, stressing out over one that can't respect you or your relationship is not worth the time.

Also, just to add a bit more information, simply because an individual is sexually active in a relationship (perhaps excessively so) does not necessarily mean they are more than likely to cheat. Both my wife and I are the most sexually active/kinky people I have ever known, yet neither of us have ever cheated on anyone else for the same reasons.

We both value respect, loyalty, and intelligence.

Good luck with your relationship, I hope it works out for you

EDIT: Just as another thing i wanted to mention. For whatever reason, everyone's friends and family of any individual I have ever dated has always speculated that I either would cheat, or was cheating on that individual. Gut instinct isn't necessarily totally accurate, and everyone seems to have a ill-taste in their mind towards the opposite gender.

The men at the oil rigs are always saying how their women cheat on them, and the women here are always saying how their men are cheating on them. Most without a shred of proof.

a reply to: TealFox

Yes loads but you women just lable us boring "nice guys" dump us in the freind zone then run off with a typical meathead douche bag thats cheats on you.....then whine you got cheated on.......



Noooo im not bitter

a reply to: crazyewok

Aha! There is someone else here who feels my pain!

a reply to: crazyewok

There's a few possible reasons for this. You could be drawn to and put faith in the wrong kind of women-most likely reason.

You could be too nice in the begining which can sometimes be viewed as trying to worm your way in under the guise of friendship.

You could be too friendly in the begining, too easy to talk to and too available which means she's happy confiding in you but friendzones you because she's given away too much at the start and doesn't feel comfortable having a partner with that much emotional leverage that early on.

You may be a genuinely nice guy but too submissive for her liking.

There are definitely women who go for nice guys and specifically look for it. For guys that look like meatheads trust me man there are whole sets of problems they deal with too. I spent years dealing with shallow, vacuous women that looked great but had nothing to say for themselves and were incredibly superficial. It's better to be alone than take on that kind of headache.

a reply to: TealFox

I could ask the same question about women, ridiculous generalisation.
Never cheated on anyone myself but I've gone out and found no-strings sex within hours of breaking up from every relationship.

Been single for a few years now by choice, last GF cheated on me, and nobody I've met since has had the wow factor that has drawn me towards commitment.
I prefer no-strings sex to be honest, and I have been with a few women in the last few years who I know were in a relationship, quite a few.

Call me morally bankrupt if you like but it doesn't faze me, my only rule is if I have looked a man in the eye I won't sleep with his partner, anyone else is just 'Joe public' to me, not my problem.

a reply to: crazyewok

He's not your typical "doucher" he's a nerd...

Well thanks for your input guys. I know what I have to do now.

Nerds can be douches in this day and age. The old stereo type that nerds never get laid is not true anymore. A nerd can be a ladies man that cheats. But that is neither here nor there. I sincerely hope everything works out for you.

a reply to: TealFox

Nerd has been redefined in this day and age. Everyone plays video games and we all have access to better education than we had in the 80's. It's easy for a nerd to be popular, a douche, and a nerd at the same time.

Just a few bits to add, I haven't read every response here so I am sorry if something I say is repetitive.

First, in response to the question in the subject, yes. There are men who don't cheat. I'm not using the word "guy" like you did, or the word "boy" for a reason. MEN don't cheat. Real men.

Now, I've been cheated on. It's a horrible feeling and I wouldn't ever wish that on someone I truly care about, a complete stranger, or the biggest a-hole I know. I'm sorry, if in fact you're being cheated on.

In the interest of full disclosure: I did once kiss a girl (using the word "girl" here on purpose) who was adamant she was going to break up with her Nazi boyfriend. Literally, this guy was a Nazi. I kissed her, felt bad about even that, convinced her she'd have to leave him if she wanted anything else from me. She did leave him, but it wasn't a very well-founded relationship. I was her out and she was my damsel in distress, so to speak. I learned that lesson, won't ever do that again.

The only other thing I really have to say is in regards to hiding his phone. Yeah, it COULD mean he's cheating. Or, it could mean that like me, he just doesn't want his phone touched. I'm weird about even handing my phone to my best buddy I've known for 15 years so he can look at the latest internet meme that made me laugh.

Before you go beating yourself up, convincing yourself your SO is cheating, you'll need some hard evidence. No use jumping to conclusions, even with a few things that give you suspicion.

a reply to: Krazysh0t

Nerd/Emo/blah, they're all just stupid and pretty much meaningless labels though outside of the obvious indicator.
My late teen son would be labeled a 'Jock' from what I understand from lame 80's US college films.
What does that mean really though, he plays competitive rugby and goes to college.

As far as treating girls right, he is an absolute gentleman who uses his physical strength and presence to protect his female friends, of which he has many who trust him. He is kind and gentle when he is not being a psycho tighthead prop on the pitch, will help old ladies cross the road, and is quick to stop any unkind behaviour wherever he sees it.

Yep, labels are lame as far as I'm concerned, although that said, he came back from a rugby tour in Italy yesterday and the silly twat lost a drunken bet and revealed to me that he got a fellow team mates name tattooed on his butt cheek.
I did laugh though, as I suppose that is an indicative example of obvious Jock style behaviour in my opinion.

a reply to: TealFox

There has to be a lot more to this story.

originally posted by: TealFox
Just the usual, hiding his phone, not initiating sex as much, taking calls outside, going out to drink by himself, working late, up all night online and not coming to bed with me...just shady things.

Sounds a lot like how I was - I never slept in bed with her (mostly because at my place, the bed is a twin...and at her's, last I checked, her parents weren't too keen on both of us in the same room ). My phone calls would be done outside as well, especially if it was with a friend that she's never met, work-related, or family emergency. I worked and still work late hours some days; drover her nuts (she didn't work - so she couldn't understand how I could just come home, and immediately make for the bed without talking). Also, I stayed up late as well - because between work and her, my days were claimed, so where was the time for myself?

Maybe, all he needs is some space and privacy - Like someone else suggested, give him a reason to want to pursue you: I can't speak for all guys, but I know this: My ex gf was a very wonderful person, and like you, she would have (and on several occasions) did/done anything to make me happy. However, she didn't give me my space either: It's a horrible feeling to want to do something by yourself, or with a friend, and have someone almost crying on the voicemail because you weren't doing something with them. Obviously, I'm no longer in that relationship.

If you want proof that he's cheating - then couple's therapy may bring it up; the therapist will pick up on things that you are missing. However, I'm also going to recommend that you try giving him some space, or do something that you know he likes, but you haven't done in a long time.

-foss

originally posted by: Staroth
a reply to: TealFox

There has to be a lot more to this story.

There is, but I don't want to say it here.

a reply to: grainofsand

Lol I had to give you a star for the story alone.

a reply to: Krazysh0t

...lol, unfortunately I am not creative enough to have presented it here as fiction, just another true tale I am happy to share on the anonymous platform which is ATS.
I like having a kind and compassionate 'jock' son though, felt well safe on Sat night with him and his mates haha

There is a lot missing from this story. I don't buy into it.

For the OP....What is it you are offering this man that another woman cannot offer him more or better??

You come across as insecure ...




Though many men and males seem not to be able to define it in words...most do not want a insecure woman but a secure woman. They also do not want a woman who is "Trying out for their approval..and crowding them"

I'll put it another way..marking out territory...and obviously so doing.


Another thing...and this is of importance as many males cannot also define this one..

Piece is not it in it's entirety.

Piece is not a good substitute for Peace in a mans life...

This provided a man even knows.



Peace ..which may include Piece but not entirely...it involves much more...Peace is the drug a woman provides for a man and for which ..once he knows..is a drug for which a knowledgeable man never wants to get off it.

Peace is the drug for which a man finds rest...not exclusively Piece....understand now Teal Fox/?

I detect none of this understanding from reading your posts. I do not detect this drug.



A woman who can put a man on this kind of drug is priceless...and a rare commodity among women. So few women know this today in lieu of cheap merchandizing . The sad truth is that also so few men or males know. So how would the males ever be able to communicate this to the females??



A male who is a man ...understands that it is not difficult to get a female or woman to take off her clothes. Hence sex is not exclusively the most valuable commodity in the marketplace..Peace is...not Piece..but Peace.

This is also why a secure woman is more valuable in the marketplace than a insecure one. Because an insecure woman will tend to project her insecurities onto the man to control him over to her agenda.

A woman who shows potential..is a woman who can provide from her labors..a place a man can come to rest...not just take her clothes off..but real rest and sanctuary from the outside world.

An insecure woman can crowd a man to where the outside world is more restful and a sanctuary than under her care and rest.

I do not detect Rest or Peace in your posts Teal Fox.....only Piece.

What is it you are offering this man ..that another woman cannot offer more or better...what drug???

It is not sex. It is also not beauty.


As for the cheating...That is between you and him..not the board per se.

I am aware of how many men cheat. I am also well aware of how many women cheat ..having dated older women most of my life.

I am not impressed with the argument.

The question still stands..what are you offering this man as a drug for which this man never wants to get off it.. ..for which another woman cannot offer more or better??


Thanks,
Orangetom

I think trying to catch people out is ridiculous. You are only bringing yourself to their level...sneaking around and being deceitful. Why not just ask the question? Insecurity and jealousy are not attractive qualities. If your spouse is being unfaithful then the sex should not matter, the lies should!

Not all men lie and cheat, the same goes for woman.