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originally posted by: InTheLight
a reply to: Entreri06
My point was that for you to make a scientific determination as to if women are or are not using or aware of using preselection, that would require you to acquire specific personal data from these women, which means asking questions of them and not just asserting some unproven theory in a general manner, then creating a thread to appear as if you are giving women 'scientific' advice on how to date. Which, you also failed to provide any advice, nor provide any scientific, reliable research or study source that we can peruse.
originally posted by: InTheLight
a reply to: Entreri06
My point was that for you to make a scientific determination as to if women are or are not using or aware of using preselection, that would require you to acquire specific personal data from these women, which means asking questions of them and not just asserting some unproven theory in a general manner, then creating a thread to appear as if you are giving women 'scientific' advice on how to date. Which, you also failed to provide any advice, nor provide any scientific, reliable research or study source that we can peruse.
originally posted by: InTheLight
a reply to: Entreri06
If a man I was dating (with an understanding) or my husband ever gave me a reason to be jealous I would feel threatened. I want my man or any man interested in jumping into a relationship (head first), to not give me any reason to have to think twice about his loyalty or fidelity and vice versa. Period. It really is that simple.
originally posted by: Bluesma
What you aren't taking into consideration here is that evolution is still happening.
It is not something that is in the past and is now finished.
How does evolutionary behavior work?
Variations in behavior continually emerge, and according to the environment and conditions, some become bigger factors of survival and procreation, and some become less, dying out. This is called differential fitness, and is what allows a species to adapt to the environmental changes.
We have, and continue to, adapt and change.
There is a general underlying split we can see in mating strategy- short term or long term. Short term mating strategies for women include being attracted to physical characteristics in a male which suggest good genes (body symmetry, low vocal pitch, facial features, and behavioral dominance). These are indicators of health, disease resistance, and behaviors which would be passed on and increase the offspring's chances of survival.
Then there's long term mating strategy, which focuses more on ambition and social status, and fidelity, as indicators of their access to resources, and whether they would invest those in the survival of their offspring.
These tend to show changes according to different environments- like the ratio of marriage-age men versus marriage-age women in the population. That ratio influences the mating behaviors. The more abundant sex will increase competitivity for the scarcer sex.
The need for bi-parental care also, influences drastically the behaviors- in nations where it is more necessary for two people to provide for a child, the cost of having uncommitted sex are much higher. Long term strategies become more active than short term.
-The threat of infectious diseases is also a powerful influence- in countries where there is a large pathogen prevalence, women are more attracted to the physical characteristics which can indicate good health and resistance (more than behavioral indicators of loyalty and ambition). Short term strategies are more active.
So take these into consideration... in your particular environment.
In the USA, disease prevalence is less important than, say, some parts of Africa. Physical attributes are going to be less what women look for than ambition and loyalty.
Thus you get the observation that "women like men with money" - in our current environment, having money is perceived as a result of being ambitious, driven, and being able to stay focused on a goal in an enduring fashion despite challenges, competition and obstacles.....being LOYAL.
The observation is true on a superficial level, and is probably all a guy interested in getting sex needs to know,
but the intelligent guy could look into the reason for that, and find other ways to attract and display that ambitious loyalty- like being dedicated to a cause, or sport, or hobby, or person, in a long term, determined and focused fashion.
The first guy could give an appearence of material abundance, and attract females- except that he'd be attracting ones interested in long term partnering, who will react quite negatively with time as the truth becomes clear that he is NOT a man of ambitious endurance and loyalty, just a horny one who put up false appearences. Then you get the "I don't understand, she just changed into a hostile nut for no reason!" complaints! LOL!
The concept of loyalty, or fidelity, is an important one. Males have a real reason to prefer females capable of loyalty, to increase chances that their offspring really are genetically theirs.
Especially in environments where there is high need of bi-parental care and they will be taking part in protection and providing for that offspring.
Thus, you get women showing their capabilities of loyalty- through showing the many potential mates at their door, that they are capable of refusing.
You also get them looking for that characteristic in men- how capable are they of being loyal to a chosen goal, with endurance? Whether it be their career, or their current or past love life, it is the ability to remain tightly focused upon their chosen path that is attractive.
It is not whether other women chose him- it is whether he is loyal to HIS OWN choices! That's why a man who shows lack of loyalty to his mate is not attractive!
He's probably not going to be very loyal to protecting his offspring.
This is what is at work with the women that get involved with a married man, and find him irresistable despite his repeated refusals to leave his wife- it is his capability to stick with his investments that makes him attractive!
These environmental factors come into play in studies all across the world. I often get into discussions elsewhere on the differences in french mating and coupling behaviors, which make no sense to Americans...but they have less need for bi-parental care, because of their system, so fidelity is less of an issue for either sex. Both look more at physical indicators of health and immunity- even dominant male behavior is not an issue too much, with less competition for resources. Though males will look more for ambition and maternal-type loyalty in women, to insure they will securely provide and protect the young, whether he decides to stick around or not.
Evolution is not just about "survival of the strongest" it is about survival of those the most adaptable to the environment.
originally posted by: InTheLight
a reply to: Entreri06
If a man I was dating (with an understanding) or my husband ever gave me a reason to be jealous I would feel threatened. I want my man or any man interested in jumping into a relationship (head first), to not give me any reason to have to think twice about his loyalty or fidelity and vice versa. Period. It really is that simple.
originally posted by: Entreri06
Because of technology we really have stopped a lot of evolution. We still have a social evolution, but good ole fashion "survival of the fittest" doesn't apply to us anymore. We protect our weak and infirm.
In 2007, a team led by University of Wisconsin-Madison anthropologist John Hawks estimated that positive selection just in the past 5,000 years alone -dating back to the Stone Age - has occurred at a rate roughly 100 times higher than any other period of human evolution.
"In evolutionary terms, cultures that grow slowly are at a disadvantage, but the massive growth of human populations has led to far more genetic mutations," says Hawks. "And every mutation that is advantageous to people has a chance of being selected and driven toward fixation. What we are catching is an exceptional time."
The human female, on the other hand, runs into a real problem: the human mind. Remember that females must apply more criteria to select a male than males apply to a female. It is not the nearest possibility, but the best possibility that she desires. (Ehrlichman & Eichenstein, 1992) A woman's mind allows her, and indeed forces her to examine possible criteria to a much greater extent than any other animal. She can also project the consequences of choices into the future. What constitutes an alpha male, the best male with which to mate and produce the best possible offspring, depends on far more factors than any other animal on earth. The criteria for her to desire sexually a man can include strength or health or fighting ability, like the lion or the wolf. However, they can also include intelligence, money, power, prestige, position, status, attitudes, political or religious convictions, any number and combination of factors. It's whatever she believes a man should be that will result in 1) the best possible genes for her offspring, and 2) the offspring's best chance for survival and ability to pass on its genes. It is the human mind that allows her to consider the possibilities, the criteria, the future outcome of her actions. She does not go into heat and mate with the closest best bet. She makes plans, examines her choices, makes conscious decisions. Only the human female can make conscious, planned decisions about her sex life.
Women's ability to think consciously about their sexual lives does not mean she doesn't have instinctive desires as strong as a man's. What it does mean is she will often subordinate that desire: she may desire a physically attractive man, but she will not actually have sex with him until he has satisfied more than physical criteria.
I'm not seeing how anything you posted changes anything. Even if we still used survival of the fittest. You would still have evolutionary throw backs, that hang around for millinia.
originally posted by: Bluesma
a reply to: Entreri06
originally posted by: Entreri06
Because of technology we really have stopped a lot of evolution. We still have a social evolution, but good ole fashion "survival of the fittest" doesn't apply to us anymore. We protect our weak and infirm.
That was a momentary fad belief- but is largely rejected nowadays.
Without going into the common misconception of "survival of the fittest" as being part of Darwin's natural selection (it was Herbert Spencer that coined that, in reference to his economic theories). Evolution and adaptation continues.
In 2007, a team led by University of Wisconsin-Madison anthropologist John Hawks estimated that positive selection just in the past 5,000 years alone -dating back to the Stone Age - has occurred at a rate roughly 100 times higher than any other period of human evolution.
"In evolutionary terms, cultures that grow slowly are at a disadvantage, but the massive growth of human populations has led to far more genetic mutations," says Hawks. "And every mutation that is advantageous to people has a chance of being selected and driven toward fixation. What we are catching is an exceptional time."
source< br />
But besides the biological changes occuring, what the OP is refering to is
evolutionary psychology and behavior.
I meant to point out that that that area of research is much more complex than he seems to be suggesting. There is a lot of research out there, studies done which compare a lot of subjects, under different conditions, from different parts of the world!
The hypothesis he has presented is over simplified, does not take into account the many influencial elements involved.
I used one aspect - the different behaviors of short term and long term mate selection- which make both men and women act totally different in their rituals.
The pre-selection hypothesis has been proposed before, but hasn't been supported well by evidence. Yes, the evidence is clear that married men will tend to be seen as attractive more often than females, but the reason behind that has not been well defined and established as pre-selection.
Here is one hypothesis I ran across and found thought provoking-
The human female, on the other hand, runs into a real problem: the human mind. Remember that females must apply more criteria to select a male than males apply to a female. It is not the nearest possibility, but the best possibility that she desires. (Ehrlichman & Eichenstein, 1992) A woman's mind allows her, and indeed forces her to examine possible criteria to a much greater extent than any other animal. She can also project the consequences of choices into the future. What constitutes an alpha male, the best male with which to mate and produce the best possible offspring, depends on far more factors than any other animal on earth. The criteria for her to desire sexually a man can include strength or health or fighting ability, like the lion or the wolf. However, they can also include intelligence, money, power, prestige, position, status, attitudes, political or religious convictions, any number and combination of factors. It's whatever she believes a man should be that will result in 1) the best possible genes for her offspring, and 2) the offspring's best chance for survival and ability to pass on its genes. It is the human mind that allows her to consider the possibilities, the criteria, the future outcome of her actions. She does not go into heat and mate with the closest best bet. She makes plans, examines her choices, makes conscious decisions. Only the human female can make conscious, planned decisions about her sex life.
Women's ability to think consciously about their sexual lives does not mean she doesn't have instinctive desires as strong as a man's. What it does mean is she will often subordinate that desire: she may desire a physically attractive man, but she will not actually have sex with him until he has satisfied more than physical criteria.
source
Now that persons hypothesis on mate selection in men was very simplistic- men are instinctively looking for healthy fertile females- so beauty, in the ways we mostly understand it (symmetry of features, good skin with a healthy color and quality, etc.).
That is the most common hypothesis on male behavior. If men are happier with a female mate that other men find unattractive, as the OP suggests, that counters the theory!
I'm not seeing how anything you posted changes anything. Even if we still used survival of the fittest. You would still have evolutionary throw backs, that hang around for millinia.
It questions and challenges the hypothesis, that is one of the best ways to develop your idea- is through such feedback from peers. What changes about his idea here is up to him to develop.
Uh, I am not sure what your second phrase meant? I think most of the world these days accepts evolution and evolved behaviors as fact, that is not something I would question. The only questions that arise in this area is "why" adaptations grew- in response to what part of the environment.
originally posted by: Entreri06
A: This study might not have confirmed preselection but it sure as hell didn't debunk it either.
Women commonly parade a new boyfriend in front their friends to see what they think about him. Guys don't do that. Guarenteed this ritual prob leads back to preselection as well.
everything in your extremely intresting well done post was about the logical thinking process. Not the first impression and attraction. It was on the long term logical decision that women make. Not the initial, when I thought they were cute and worth a closer look. Which is where preselection would come in anyway.
originally posted by: Bluesma
originally posted by: Entreri06
A: This study might not have confirmed preselection but it sure as hell didn't debunk it either.
There are lots of different studies and theories out there, I was kinda hoping to stimulate you to go looking for them!
There is a team of two researchers, in particular, who did some interesting work and assertions about the existence of pre-selection behaviors in females......if you fin them, they may provide some good backing for your hypothesis!
Women commonly parade a new boyfriend in front their friends to see what they think about him. Guys don't do that. Guarenteed this ritual prob leads back to preselection as well.
Ever hear the term "trophy wife"?
What is it that "guarantees" the root of this behavior is pre-selection for you?
everything in your extremely intresting well done post was about the logical thinking process. Not the first impression and attraction. It was on the long term logical decision that women make. Not the initial, when I thought they were cute and worth a closer look. Which is where preselection would come in anyway.
Okay, agreed, in part. I would consider the physical appearence the "initial" attraction though, then this pre-selection the "secondary" and then analyzing all the rest of the criteria as "tertiary".
For someone who is dating, and wanting to use these observations to help them out, it would be useful, in my mind to take it further beyond the secondary, and what happens to that determination under the further scutinizing that will happen...
For example, a guy stopping at that information could think, well, if I just wear a wedding band and claim to be married (or otherwise partnered with a woman) then that will attract women!
But that could backfire if they mix that with expressions of being wildly disloyal from the imaginary wife- it could repulse women!
Mind you, I am only challenging you here in a friendly way, as a stimulation to develop further your view.
In some ways, what another poster said kind of applies- we will do what is right for us anyway, if we just follow instincts and natural drives. Trying to use consciously what behaviorism shows us can often end up creating problems! Like maybe you'll attract women who have different goals than you. Our behaviors may often work as "screening" techniques- they will turn away some, but maybe those ones are really wrong for you anyway!
Another thing to consider in modern mating ritual behavior is the recent changes in our environment- the internet!
This will have an effect on our behaviors! I seem to remember a line from some movie, something like, in the past, you'd go to the hairdresser and buy some clothes, now all you do is change your profile pic...?
With so many people meeting online, and dishonesty about physical appearance being a concern, people might be gaining added behaviors of putting out "evidence" or witness to their physical attractiveness- "to back up that photo, I can tell you 9 out of ten men in my vicinity validate my physical attractiveness...."
Some of the behaviors we are developing through this medium get carried on into RL- like saying "LOL!" (instead of just doing it).
originally posted by: Entreri06
Trophy wives are for him. Not for his friends. What our friends or strangers think is irrelevant when deciding who we are attracted to.
originally posted by: Bluesma
originally posted by: Entreri06
Trophy wives are for him. Not for his friends. What our friends or strangers think is irrelevant when deciding who we are attracted to.
Can a woman others around you find ugly be a trophy wife?
A trophy wife is referring to a mate as a status symbol that others recognize.
The term refers to men who are narcissistic and desire to impress others,
As well as implying that the woman in question has little merit besides her physical appearance,
and does very little of substance outside of remaining attractive.
There are superficial and narcissistic people out there- men that wish to impress others with a beautiful status symbol,
and women that dream of being such a trophy, with nothing expected of her than to work on maintaining her looks.
This is what I referred to as the psychological variations that emerge, and constantly produce different and new behaviors, which, through time, will prove to be effective in the environment, or not.
To say men don't do this is making a mistake. Perhaps more accurate to say would be "not all men do this", or "the majority of men don't do this".
That would still leave what I think the women you've been interacting with are fishing for- those rare narcissistic men, that would provide them the context for being a "trophy wife".
It will of course, turn off the men who aren't of that sort, and perhaps that will be the majority... but that is as it should be! Do you really want a woman like that?
originally posted by: Bluesma
originally posted by: Entreri06
A: This study might not have confirmed preselection but it sure as hell didn't debunk it either.
There are lots of different studies and theories out there, I was kinda hoping to stimulate you to go looking for them!
There is a team of two researchers, in particular, who did some interesting work and assertions about the existence of pre-selection behaviors in females......if you fin them, they may provide some good backing for your hypothesis!
Women commonly parade a new boyfriend in front their friends to see what they think about him. Guys don't do that. Guarenteed this ritual prob leads back to preselection as well.
Ever hear the term "trophy wife"?
What is it that "guarantees" the root of this behavior is pre-selection for you?
everything in your extremely intresting well done post was about the logical thinking process. Not the first impression and attraction. It was on the long term logical decision that women make. Not the initial, when I thought they were cute and worth a closer look. Which is where preselection would come in anyway.
Okay, agreed, in part. I would consider the physical appearence the "initial" attraction though, then this pre-selection the "secondary" and then analyzing all the rest of the criteria as "tertiary".
For someone who is dating, and wanting to use these observations to help them out, it would be useful, in my mind to take it further beyond the secondary, and what happens to that determination under the further scutinizing that will happen...
For example, a guy stopping at that information could think, well, if I just wear a wedding band and claim to be married (or otherwise partnered with a woman) then that will attract women!
But that could backfire if they mix that with expressions of being wildly disloyal from the imaginary wife- it could repulse women!
Mind you, I am only challenging you here in a friendly way, as a stimulation to develop further your view.
In some ways, what another poster said kind of applies- we will do what is right for us anyway, if we just follow instincts and natural drives. Trying to use consciously what behaviorism shows us can often end up creating problems! Like maybe you'll attract women who have different goals than you. Our behaviors may often work as "screening" techniques- they will turn away some, but maybe those ones are really wrong for you anyway!
Another thing to consider in modern mating ritual behavior is the recent changes in our environment- the internet!
This will have an effect on our behaviors! I seem to remember a line from some movie, something like, in the past, you'd go to the hairdresser and buy some clothes, now all you do is change your profile pic...?
With so many people meeting online, and dishonesty about physical appearance being a concern, people might be gaining added behaviors of putting out "evidence" or witness to their physical attractiveness- "to back up that photo, I can tell you 9 out of ten men in my vicinity validate my physical attractiveness...."
Some of the behaviors we are developing through this medium get carried on into RL- like saying "LOL!" (instead of just doing it).
originally posted by: Gazrok
Strange but true...
The only times I've had multiple women interested in me, was when I was already with a gal. (whether they know it or not, it's like they can "sense" it...somehow).
Of course, it could just be that we're more confident when with someone....
The OP is right on the money when he suggests NOT trying to make a guy jealous. Most of us don't respond well to it.
originally posted by: Bluesma
originally posted by: Gazrok
Strange but true...
The only times I've had multiple women interested in me, was when I was already with a gal. (whether they know it or not, it's like they can "sense" it...somehow).
Of course, it could just be that we're more confident when with someone....
The OP is right on the money when he suggests NOT trying to make a guy jealous. Most of us don't respond well to it.
Exactly. It happens to both men and women that suddenly they become more interesting to the other sex once they are in a relationship already. Even if you are alone when they see you, and you wear no ring or other sign of being "taken".
My earlier point was that some men get jealous and it spurs them into action. If they feel something negative about a situation, that stimulates them to change it actively. Not run, not sulk, not isolate themselves from the world.
Some women want to be with that kind of man, who is active in his life and responds to it. They try to test for that with provoking jealousy.
The big thing they don't understand is-
If it is her trying to provoke it, she is the instigator, it just shows how she is insecure and lacking in self confidence to be active herself.
It shows she has a NEED for that.
That's unattractive.