Scientific Dating Advice for Women

originally posted by: theabsolutetruth
a reply to: MimiSia

Thanks.

Nice feedback is welcome. Sometimes ATS for me has been rather negative.

I think sometimes you just come off wrong.
For me it's your avatar..
It makes me think I make you sick or something. (pls no offence to take from that cause I do like your avatar)

But I like a LOT of your posts as well.

a reply to: KnightLight

Thanks, that's insightful.

I guess sometimes my posts might appear something they aren't intended to be, my intentions are good.

My avatar is me, I increased the contrast of the photo as a way of hiding my face a bit, it is a weird angle. I wondered if it looked like smoking, the light is a reflection of a necklace and the original photo less scary looking.

I never thought of it as looking as you described.

a reply to: KnightLight

Curious, what does my avatar make you think of me?

Theabsolutetruth is one of the few members I actually like to see weigh in around the site. I usually like her slant on things, not always but usually. At least she comes across as tactful and witty. And I like her avatar

Seriously not kissing ass, but it bums me out to hear about people having negative experiences here.

As for on topic-OP, most women I know would say they'd under no circumstances be attracted to a married or otherwise spoken for man but I also know women that seem to expressly go for men in committed relationships. One or two may admit to it but some may not. Not sure how much bearing age has, probably quite a bit, but most of the women I know are 25-35 age range. And no, this doesn't apply to ALL women.

a reply to: Ashirah

First @theabsolute truth.. If I look at the avatar it looks pretty and mysterious. as I am typing or reading your words.. out of the corner it's a darker picture.. More lips tight.


@ashirah
I like how she is always her. I can trust she is saying what she means most of the time.

You KNOW i like your avatar. It does't have as much energy in it as hers does. Well it's different. hers feels personal. So for me it comes off like you are into enlightenment or mysteries.. and that you are a bit monotone.. haha

You Know I had Dog as my title before I just changed it???

a reply to: Ashirah

Thanks, it's nice to hear some nice things.

a reply to: KnightLight

Thanks, that's good to know.

KnightLight sounds better than'dog'.

a reply to: theabsolutetruth

it was the avatar for me too

a reply to: theabsolutetruth

but it is a default of being new to the forum nothing else
now I can't imagine not seeing it and I like it

originally posted by: MimiSia
a reply to: theabsolutetruth

but it is a default of being new to the forum nothing else
now I can't imagine not seeing it and I like it

And look at us all improving our RELATIONSHIPS with each other.

Communication is key to dating, and almost any other human endeavor.

And now I have even learned a new thing to do.

From now on I will be looking directly at your avatars before I hit reply. Make sure I get my words straight.

a reply to: KnightLight

Hmm ... Mysterious and monotone. Thanks I think?

Why did you have dog as your title? When I first joined up I used a picture of myself as an avatar, but then I read many disparaging remarks made here about members (primarily female members) that used their own likeness as an av. Being one of the new kids I didnt want to be seen as "that girl". Now I'm kind of glad I did, this wolf is #ing awesome.



Eta My bad for going off-topic

originally posted by: Ashirah
a reply to: KnightLight

Hmm ... Mysterious and monotone. Thanks I think?

Why did you have dog as your title? When I first joined up I used a picture of myself as an avatar, but then I read many disparaging remarks made here about members (primarily female members) that used their own likeness as an av. Being one of the new kids I didnt want to be seen as "that girl". Now I'm kind of glad I did, this wolf is #ing awesome.

Haha. Most of what I write can mean more than one thing. The Monotone was both a poke, and a way to say I like you. I don't think I want to say more than that, except the poking part of the "monotone" was that the vicious LIT up part of the picture that gives the top portion contrast, is hidden under gray maskingness...

The Eye is killer though, and My what Big Teeth you have.

Eta My bad for going off-topic

I tried to bring it back on topic.

a reply to: Ashirah

Picking on you cause your Avvy "speaks"....
Black Wolf, no direct eye contact, sooooo....this to me, would say you know you are a Wolf, analytical, yet not quite comfortable in your own skin. OR....definately know you are a Wolf but are holding back letting people look completely in to yourself. Like you are holding some back?

Grins....

Unless you are just hiding behind the avatar and aren't really a Wolf-like person?

And when I say Wolf Person my context is you like to circle things before you make up your mind about them, good at tracking, whether it be patterns, things or data....a "runner"....sometimes a team player, sometimes not.

OP sorry you didn't like my comment. If you wanted to discuss the psychology of mating criteria maybe you should have jumped in and redirected the 3-4 pages of #show? As it stands it's a mess of whining and a train wreck.

The whole idea men & women can be overall stereotyped is ludicrous....Life isn't a Jerry Springer show.
People are people FFS!!!
Some good, some idiots.

Forget who said this a few posts ago but getting someone via action instead of traditional dating hit the nail on the head. You are less likely to be hiding or posing while doing something that takes your attention. Historically someone who has genuinely mastered a skill is attractive to the opposite sex and "used" to be criteria to go by generally speaking.

One thing no ones mentioned yet is....looking at someones family. A chick can be attractive at 20, but look at her Mom & Dad cause the apple usually doesn't fall far from the tree. THIS from my father in law .....LOLOLOL!!!
Cheetahs don't usually change their spots without MASSIVE work & effort.
Altho it can be done...

a reply to: KnightLight

BINGO!!!

Because nice matters.....anyone can be a jerk. My ears perked right up with your post.

a reply to: Entreri06

Hum. I don't buy it. I don't think the generalization is applicable.
Or at least , in my personal experience.

Because my husband is not like you in these respects. In fact it is something I found a bit distasteful - It was years before I realized that for him, having a mate that other men find desirable is very important. Made me feel like a possession when I recognized that.

The way others react to his possessions are what up the value on them, for him. Whether it is his car, or his wife. The first time he told me he loved me happened at a club in Los Angeles, where he saw men staring at me and vying for my attention, suddenly he was determined to get me to commit. I didn't make the connection until years later, when he voiced to me that he loves taking me out in sexy and revealing attire. I had always assumed he wouldn't like other men ogling my cleavage, but he loves grinning at them and knowing they know, he'll be the one getting those tonight.

I am the opposite, I don't like women checking out my husband, I like that he is kooky enough in his way of dressing and being that he isn't a chick magnet. I think it is totally dorky that he goes to miniature model making conventions, and dresses up in costume to take his cars or motorcycles to show, but I like the idea that "nobody knows how great he is under that appearence of nerdiness". It's like my little secret.

But I suspect that stems from my insecurity and lack of confidence in face with the prospect of competition.
He doesn't seem to lack confidence in himself and he is very motivated by competition. He's probably the kind of guy the women you've been talking to are looking for.

-Oh yeah-

But it is true that a man who is "already taken" IS more attractive. It is because it means to me that it is the kind of man that likes being in a couple; is able to commit, and enjoy being a husband or family man. The more loyal they are to their mate, the more attractive they are. Though that also makes them off limits, it means he's someone to keep an eye on in case he ever becomes single again!


But there is nothing more of a turn off than a man who is in a relationship, but who complains and whines about how unhappy he is with her.
When I was young, some men tried to do that to hint at a possible opening to take advantage of, and it just made me want to run away.

To me, it is a blatant sign that he has no integrity, and there is nothing I want to get further away from!

ROFL Bluesma!!!
The whole married yet hitting on you thing....I take it as a kind of test for myself.....how crappy is my self esteem currently and in which way will this little bit of silliness get swatted down?

My favorite right now is pointing out to the "gentlemen" his initials are all wrong & I couldn't possibly.......
It's that pesky little "M" after their name

a D or W would have been ok....

I find clever makes the point pretty definitively without argument or hurt feelings.

There are some excellent studies on dating, not taking pre-selection as the singular motivator for either sex. However, I strongly believe that there are factors, too numerous to address here, at play when meeting - face-to-face - strangers on a first date and subsequent dates.

I would imagine face-to-face dating today would be extremely difficult, in that, people seem to be more isolated (by choice(?)) and the desire to have or work for long-term relationships seems to be, or quickly becoming, a thing of the past.

So has the game changed? Has pre-selection morphed into immediate selection, or weeding out, dating for a today's temporary relationships?

It turns out, that it is not just what you say, but the way that you say it that flags up a successful date. One such indicator appears to be the use of function words such as personal pronouns, articles and conjunctions.

www.theguardian.com...

Do you make snap judgments?

While good looks remains the most important factor in determining whether a person gets a date request, a person's likeability—as perceived by other individuals—is also important. For example, likeability serves as a tiebreaker if two people have equal attractiveness ratings. If someone thought a potential date was more likeable than other people did, then that someone was more likely to ask for a date. - See more at: www.caltech.edu...

www.caltech.edu...

originally posted by: InTheLight
There are some excellent studies on dating, not taking pre-selection as the singular motivator for either sex. However, I strongly believe that there are factors, too numerous to address here, at play when meeting - face-to-face - strangers on a first date and subsequent dates.

I would imagine face-to-face dating today would be extremely difficult, in that, people seem to be more isolated (by choice(?)) and the desire to have or work for long-term relationships seems to be, or quickly becoming, a thing of the past.

So has the game changed? Has pre-selection morphed into immediate selection, or weeding out, dating for a today's temporary relationships?

It turns out, that it is not just what you say, but the way that you say it that flags up a successful date. One such indicator appears to be the use of function words such as personal pronouns, articles and conjunctions.

www.theguardian.com...

Do you make snap judgments?

While good looks remains the most important factor in determining whether a person gets a date request, a person's likeability—as perceived by other individuals—is also important. For example, likeability serves as a tiebreaker if two people have equal attractiveness ratings. If someone thought a potential date was more likeable than other people did, then that someone was more likely to ask for a date. - See more at: www.caltech.edu...

www.caltech.edu...

I was never saying preselection was the only female mate getting evolutionary strategy.

Just that the specific instances ,where in my opinion, they use jealousy thru parading the others that want them infront of their prespective mate. To gain more attention or spur them into action. That that strategy goes goes back to the preselection drive.


Which in most cases males don't have. We have other "evolutionary back doors" to gain the attraction of a male you want. That just isn't one of them. That because of our territorialness, it's far more likely to back fire.


I think because a lot of women know they find men (in part) more attractive if they are being pursued by other women. That they , for the most part subconsciously, assume since "it would work on me". That means it would work on him. But because we have different evolutionary mechanisms, most ofter it backfires.