Questions about MKultra Divisions, researchers, and the like.

Onesmartrat
reply to post by Onesmartrat

 

Ooops....not sure whose post I was responding to in last one....well...whatever...my points are still valid and those they were directed towards can surely discern for themselves whom I was responding to.....this system seems to only allow direct quoting in order to respond...and no other way to just post a general reply. Limiting format.

Okay well I said my peace....

Pro Libertate!

-OSR

There is a reply balloon at the top of the page for a general reply.
The heart, the bookmark, the plus sign and the reply balloon see those symbols across the top?

Honestly this post is to no one and everyone.
This thread is starting to read like some Robert Ludlum novel.
I don't know... people who claim mkultra control, another with a tragic family story about a communications system in Alaska and an unsavory grandfather, then the handler who apparently knows the other two from someplace else on the web and is not too savory himself to hear tell. Intrigue and mystery abound. My only question is Is this for real? If so why is this playing out on this stage?
No disrespect meant to anyone here. I'll be honest I started reading and was all ready to be my smart alecky self and in fact started out just that way but then I started reading and well anyway whoa. What's going on here?

reply to post by LizardSlicks


Thank you. I'm definitely getting there. Of course, you know by saying that you are "clearly trying to handle me", lol. I follow Mill's harm principle and always have because it resonates with me. I'm getting there. Like I said, it just takes that self introspection and some digging.

There are so many sites out there that claim a whole lot of things and try to homogenize victims of a variety of abuses, whether domestic or external. When I looked at those type of cites, including Springmeier's writings, what stuck out to me is that it was actually using the same kind of methodology that astrology or cold readers use. I think a lot of it functions to basically create a wide net in which a few fish might be caught within it (uh oh metaphor!). That's a problem. Another problem is that proponents of such things make claims that there are things within that one isn't aware of. In the case of those with dissociative disorder, like myself, that can potentially resonate because just about everything is held at a distance depending on the severity. However, what ultimately helps a person with such a disorder isn't isolating the differing aspects of personality but re-integration of the shattered psyche. That, to me, is the most noxious aspect of this kind of stuff for anyone along the dissociative spectrum as it builds a total distrust of self. It's working against actually healing and very potentially mislabeling what is actually going on.

OSR has declared several times that my purported alters are working against me. She's making a lot of assumptions about what's going on in my noggin. Thankfully for me, what she is declaring is totally inconsistent to my own personal experiences. The thing is, with someone like that, it's all a lie. You can't trust yourself but hey, you should trust somebody that doesn't know you, is running under the guise of anonymity and writes in run on sentences. Pass.

AutumnWitch657
Honestly this post is to no one and everyone.
This thread is starting to read like some Robert Ludlum novel.
I don't know... people who claim mkultra control, another with a tragic family story about a communications system in Alaska and an unsavory grandfather, then the handler who apparently knows the other two from someplace else on the web and is not too savory himself to hear tell. Intrigue and mystery abound. My only question is Is this for real? If so why is this playing out on this stage?
No disrespect meant to anyone here. I'll be honest I started reading and was all ready to be my smart alecky self and in fact started out just that way but then I started reading and well anyway whoa. What's going on here?

LMAO. Yeah, it does, doesn't it? The WACS system story isn't tragic per se; hence why I called it rather sad. My grandfather worked around WACS and my mother, on a visit there, spotted it and said "oh look, there's White Alice". He stopped the car and slapped her, completely freaking out that she knew the name of a glorified radio tower. That's all. I use it as my username because it's kind of testament towards the varied effects that the concept of national security can have in the most unexpected ways. Hope that clarifies that.

As for the rest, sad to say, it's absolutely real. Welcome to the wonders of human diversity, lol. I don't personally think OSR is a "handler" because I do not believe in the fundamental ideas that would give credence to such a term. OSR is consistent in her behavior and beliefs. She absolutely believes what she says and has a minor following. That might explain the public stage bit. As far as OSR goes, perhaps the universe aligned to bring me back in her path. You can do the math.

Edited out post due to inadvertant double posting.

reply to post by spearcarrier


As most of what was done initially was done to create extreme states of dissociation via trauma...the states of concsiousness then being fractionated parts of self divided only at that point by the inherent amnesiac barriers...which were and are necessary biological survival tactics....in cases where there is an iminent threat of survival at hand...let's say you are a hunter...and you end up getting mauled by a bear...okay...let's say you get away.....but you are wounded....the mind will dissociate and fraction off a part of the body that is wounded...so you can flee to safety and not be bogged down in disabling pain....its a kind of temporary 'amnesia' of the affected area of the body...physically....but of course...you still have conscious knowledge of what is happening....and what just happened....but your able to perform physically....in fact...you are able to perform with what may seem like super human strength....physiologically....then...after you reach safety...the pain of the wound returns....and you and your body remember together....okay....this effect is often called being 'in shock'.....but its a natural survival mechanism. What happens during Monarch Programming is the same....except the programmers intervene and basically hijack this natural process. The child cannot fight because he/she is out powered by the adults....they cannot run for the same reason....so they flee inward.....or sonetimes they leave their bodies in OBE experiences....but the programmers are aware of this and know how to get the child to go inward....now when I say inward...I don't mean in a meditative or reflective manner....I mean as in a completely dissociated state of consciousness where the child is directed to create....with specific instruction...an Internal World Reality Set....and these can comprise any type of themes...many of them will reflect popular culture at the time or era in order to provide a feedback effect later on ...but at the time this is being done....simultaneously...the child is still being alternately subjected to intermittant pain....and psychological trauma....the emotions must be shunted off because the emotional 'body' is intimately connected to the physical....in terms of how a human being is 'wired' ...in the way we naturally are in how we experience the world...the programmers...many if not most of whom are doctors...and trained in human anatomy and physiology know that the child must be fully dissociated into the fractionated state ....and emotions are dangerous because they can trigger re-association into an integrated state.....back into the natural whole state....where the child feels pain and terror and is 'conscious ' of what is occuring.....this is why many people have fragmented recall of 'alien abductions'.....because of this natural process to reintegrate after the trauma....and belief me...they also know how to manipulate the child in this state as well....this is where all the cover stories come in...such as in the idea that this us a MILAB....or an ' experiment' in the MKULTRA sense....or where the person believes they are being communicated with by aliens and chosen for a special mission to save the planet.....or are 'shown' images of doom....or a nursery.....this would of course involve Monarchs who are also 'abductees'....ALL abductees are Monarch Multiples....I do not believe all Monarch Multiples are abductees.....it seems to be determined by your 'pedigree status'....more than anything else....well...there's the propensity to go deep into trance states and a higher level of Intelligence (IQ) and creativity....etc. among abductees statistically but that's because of genetic predisposition....and the pyscho-emotional make-up of the parents.

Anyway...I digress....back to core programming. It must be understood that human beings operate in various states of conssciousness ALL THE TIME.....this is normal.....what is not normal is the aberation of associated...or an integrated sense of consciousness towards a repressive dissociated state...or 'states' as the case may be with Monarch Multiples....and what happens during the core foundational programming process....which by the way goes on for all the years from infancy into childhood up into the 'formative' years.....and then of course is reinforced through 'maintenance' sessions the entire adult life......is the deliberate creation of PATHOLOGICAL DISSOCIATION......within the child......and thus this type of extreme state of dissociation which is done in a manner intended to create a profound form of PRETENDING.....and this pretending involves the repeated exposure to systematic trauma...both physical and psychological on the part of the programmers/handlers so that these fractionated states of consciousness can be isolated independently and 'conditioned' and like Pavlov's Dog they will only acess these discrete 'alter' states upon certain 'cues' and commands issued by their assigned 'masters' and triggered into 'states-switching' via the Internal World Reality Set to perform certain functions....trained to do certain jobs...educated to become specialists in certain fields....inculcated to hold certain beliefs and ideology....and all this will be completely transparent and unrecognized by the child's 'mundane mind' as I call it....or rather the 'persona' they present to the 'everyday world'......the world in which they have to 'survive' on a daily basis.....and because its transparent to their consciousness ....so to will it be transparent to all others....except of course....those in the know...the programmers....handlers....who serve as contractors to others also in the know.....but this takes us off track.

The profound pretending that occurs within the child's mind is due to the fact that because they cannot escape the pain and intense terror physically...they dissociate so completely from it and with the 'help' of the programmers....although many children initiate this on their own....they get explicit direction in creating....IN PRETENDING to be SOMEONE ELSE......and in THAT state of being someone else....they escape the pain and trauma....but this is really an illusion....as the mind has created such a powerful dissociated identity....it has dissociated from the body.....like the hunter running from the bear except that because of the intervention of the programmers and their 'engineering' and manipulation of the process....the mind itself becomes conpletely immersed in this construct if a separate identity and becomes 'anchored' to this state instead of reintegrated with the body....which is actually an inverse of the natural state of the intrinsic survival mechanism I spoke of earlier. It is important to recognize how even during these states....or what will become alters....that the body of the child.....and what might be called 'core' consciousness....although that term is problematic because the programmers manipulate the child in a way that this term becomes mistaken for another identity....or alter....so let's call it BODY CONSCIOUSNESS......that is the continuum upon which the entire life history of the child....the person.....the human being rests....it knows everything and it retains that 'knowledge' through out the life of the individual....regardless of how the mind has influenced it...and the mind does influence it ...and vice versa....

Anybody know what the current record is for the world's longest run on sentence? Just wondering because we may have a contender for that title.

Spear--Dissociative disorder is actually one of the most prevalent disorders in any given population (roughly 10% of the population) and basically a spectrum of effects. In other words, not everyone who has dissociative disorder has a split personality. One can be depersonalized (feeling as if the world is like a movie/my body is not my own), suffer from dissociative amnesia where the traumatic events are essentially compartmentalized in the brain in order to protect the brain from what is technically chemical trauma, and the extreme of dissociative identity disorder. DID has a much lower prevalence and whether it actually exists is a matter of debate.

As someone who has been clinically diagnosed as dissociative, I can attest to a kind of sense of a wounded child within. To me, it makes sense as I know for a fact that I've compartmentalized much of my childhood memory and, right along with it, those emotions that I felt experiencing them. That is actually fairly normal for a dissociative, particular those with dissociative amnesia because there is basically an unresolved hurt that may get triggered up by events such as a very angry person or any other situation where one may feel threatened. Although I was diagnosed as being dissociative, DID was not a part of my diagnosis because I very specifically lacked the loss of time. One of those hallmarks of DID is basically finding oneself in places and even wearing different clothing without any recollection of how one got there. I have not had that happen ever and those who live with me, including my children, all state as much. The only time that I do lose awareness of self is by passing out. I basically zonk out for 15 minutes and wake utterly depersonalized if given the right trigger. In my case, what specifically sets me off is feeling extraordinarily alone.

My specific trigger links back to really having no safe quarter. CPS and my school did try to intervene in my homelife and my parents were able to get them to turn right around. They were really good at living a lie and that even caused some of my closest friends to question whether I was telling the truth about home abuse. Not hard to see why I felt very crushingly abandoned. There wasn't a single soul that actually looked out for me when I was a kid and that awareness definitely left its mark. In my case, that issue was compounded because my mother got it in her head that she could somehow influence my memory by using rather unscrupulous psychiatrists for which she actually shopped around for. She bounced me to one after the another, dismissing those who looked at her with suspicion as being "deluded", until she hit gold. She was a grade A psychological abuser extraordinaire. That's how the tape came to be.

The point is, being dissociative and having that hurt inner child sense is normal. It doesn't necessarily equate to DID or having a half a dozen alters. One of the things that I've done is acknowledged that sense and basically mothered myself because that was what I was absolutely lacking. That process, along with being in a safe circumstance, basically functioned to unlock a lot of the memories of my childhood that I had forgotten. Some of these memories will be fragmented and I see it as basically the brain trying to access memories that it hasn't touched in decades. Like I said previously, I test these recollections for accuracy and work through them and the feelings associated with them. The level of my dissociation has decreased dramatically doing this. I went from being someone who rarely cried to being able to cry. To me, that's monumental.

I'm sure that there are things about your life, like mine, that concern you and are making you wonder what the heck was up. In the 80's, hypnosis was all the rage, especially for so-called "troubled" children. That can make it difficult because two questions right off the top of my head: 1. what was attempted? and 2. was it effective?. I look at it all this way though. The answers to those questions will become self evident over time and through that process of reintegrating oneself to become more whole again whether that disconnect is depersonalization or amnesia. Use caution because there are a lot of people out there who are going to tell you what they think is wrong with you. Really, the only way of knowing what really went on is through that process of recollection and dealing. It's slow and painful but ultimately, I'd say it's worth it because what you find is you.

reply to post by WhiteAlice


Uuuhhhhh....firstly .....you fail to comprehend that I get your username source.....yes. You are the radio tower in your mother ' s story....or however you want to project it....okay. The idea that that story is just a 'sad' story and nothing else would be laughable if it wasn't so telltale in itself of what I said when your username told me a lot about you. The idea of your mother knowing the name of a radio tower on a military instillation ...as a child ...and her father immediately slapping her across the face after....in your words "freaking out" might give anyone cause to wonder....since her father freaked out according to you....and instantly slapped her across the face....behavior...which by the way is less a product of freaking out and more in line with exactly the kind of profile I am describing for Monarch Multiples....in terms of immediate pain to dissociate the child from forbidden knowledge ...as is common practice in Monarch families where one member is a KNOWING handler/programmer ....I had heard this type of thing before. Your mother sounds like she had spontaneous breakthroughs into her alter states....and obviously most would ask HOW your mother...as a child 'visitor' ...and I would put money on it she wasn't just a visitor
and obviously had been there
before....how would she have known the name of that radio tower....a" national security " name...according to you?

But since you deny me any validity...well....okay that's fine. It 's all purely incidental that you chose that username.

Also...in another post...you seem to think I took offense at your links to Aquino and whoever else you pasted in the post that I replied to...the one you said you just want to 'direct' me to ...out of what was it...kindness or helpfulness...whatever...punctuated by a rather smartass 'your welcome'....as if you were doing me a favor and I was just to arrogant to notice...so you were gonna let me know it. Right?

The problem is you completely missed my point...which seem to be a chronic issue with you....!

I said the reason I came into this site in the first place was because someone on the other site said Michael Aquino was in here a doing a Q & A right then and there....yesterday ...and in fact the term "right now" was in the OP's thread as I said...and I said ALL that because you directly insinuated that I showed up here on this thread where you happened to be posting and talking in part...about having worked with ....basically me...but had not mentioned my name...and you inferred it was somehow intentional as if I showed up here on purpose...as YOU were posting about working with me....making me seem sonehow nefarious in my intentions here...and giving other's that impression.

Paranoid to say the least....but did I call you that? No...I patiently explained the reason and motivation as to why and how I got here...even reframing it in a positive manner...so as not to make you look...well...really paranoid. I made it clear that my intentions were to locate Aquino LIVE as I had been told...NOT to read a six month old transcript...which you wanted me to 'thank you' for pasting in here that six month old link ...but nevermind that you missed my point completely...I wanted to confront him online WHILE he was here as the OP on the other board led me to believe it....therefore no 'thank yous' were in order.

As for your seemingly endless supply of marginalizing pseudo-psychoanalytical remarks about me...my 'pysch' profile ...according to you and whoever else you buddy up with here...including an obvious handler character....frankly, I could care less about your opinions about me...remember...I worked with you on another site....that you feel so abused and sonehow damaged by it that you are still rattling on about on this site and who knows where else...as evidenced from your posts previous to me showing up here ...is sad...and is as I stated to you previously much to my regret that I failed to assist you to WHICH I HAVE APOLOGIZED for my lack of skill level to do so when you came to me for assistance. However...the idea that anything I did could have somehow done you harm is really ludicrous...partcularly when we are talking about an interaction online. The damage my dear was done a long time ago by people far more capable and intending on doing you 'damage' by creating you into what you are....whether you want to admit it to yourself or not...a. ...well...why say it?

Your mother sounds like she was driven mad by the programming and for that I am very very sorry.My mother also...it happened to many....not all reacted in the same way....personality differences...why do sone Monarchs go mad while others wake up...while still others never wake up out of their perpetual trance of denial imposed upon them before they could speak?

Why do some yet begin to wake up and then lock down and refuse to go any further preferring to deny their own truth?

These things I do not know...or perhaps will never know.

But....you will no doubt dismiss this reply as you dismiss me...I have no doubt with added commentary that diminishes and margenalizes me while claiming your independence and pounding your chest (not literally mind you least you misconstrue this)...in a manner that makes you feel superior and so much more on top of your own s**t than poor old OSR.

Well....good luck to you then.....and do yourself a favor...just skip over my posts....so you won't have to keep repeating all that in so many words and you can move on and stop obsessing about how poor misguided OSR really tried to screw you up and make you believe in....Santa Claus...or the Easter Bunny...or whatever you THINK I did to you....or TRIED to do.


Vaya con Dios then....

Pro Libertate!

-OSR

WhiteAlice
reply to post by spearcarrier

 

Like a trophy. Who knows why. Desire to be well known, perhaps feared, or just pure desire to feel needed. Could be any one of those things or half a dozen others. If I had to guess in this particular case, my best guess would be delusions of grandeur/power.

Thank you! Now I get it. I had the feeling, but I wasn't sure... and with this another part of my initial query is solved. :-)

AutumnWitch657

spearcarrier
reply to post by AutumnWitch657

 

You always say something like that. =^-^= So thoughtful. ;-)

Do I?
How do you know that ?
Are you stalking me ?

It could be that voice in my head.
You know, the voice of reason.

I admit I am sarcastic and a smart ass.
So you know, you pointing it out to me is kind of redundant.

Or it could be th a MKULTRA.

Oh it was MKultra. The handlers sat right here next to me and directed me what to say, word for word. They even corrected a spelling error. They were very nice about it. j/k

reply to post by WhiteAlice


"Really, the only way of knowing what really went on is through that process of recollection and dealing. It's slow and painful but ultimately, I'd say it's worth it because what you find is you. "

Awesome explanation. Too long to copy in it's entirety... but to respond at the end, yeah. I know what you're talking about. Why doesn't matter, really. Neither does being told what I know is wrong in not so many ways or any number of things. =^-^=

It is not my experience that when I'm able to recover anything it's necessarily painful. The only time things went haywire and painful was when my boyfriend/roommate tampered with me. Real piece of work, him, but that's not important. Beyond that, even a bad thing that happened is considered a precious gem. They're all experiences, and we all know that we are the sum of our memories and experiences. So.

K, so my next question is... can you list the red flags of a butterfly catcher? How do you know they are this thing?

reply to post by spearcarrier


That's right! Now stop listening...to me...or just stop reading my posts....and keep on listening to your handlers....oh did you say 'handlers'....?

Hmmmm....handlers....wonder how YOU got handlers....and they are sitting right next to you so you say in your next post...all THAT attention on YOU....

hmmm...sounds like you know something about 'delusions of grandeur'....huh?


Pro Libertate!

-OSR

Onesmartrat
reply to post by spearcarrier

 

That's right! Now stop listening...to me...or just stop reading my posts....and keep on listening to your handlers....oh did you say 'handlers'....?

Hmmmm....handlers....wonder how YOU got handlers....and they are sitting right next to you so you say in your next post...all THAT attention on YOU....

hmmm...sounds like you know something about 'delusions of grandeur'....huh?


Pro Libertate!

-OSR

Dude. Dudette. Whatever. I've been polite to you so far and pretty thankful for the conversation, but enough is enough. You want my attention? Okay here it is for just a second.

1. Lighten up. OMG.
2. To be honest, I can't read your posts. As someone stated above, they're basically run on sentences. I honestly gave it a try. My husband stood here to give it a try for me and translate what you had to say. We couldn't. It's not that we're not interested in what you have to say so much as you're not presenting it in a readable manner. I suppose if I sat here and read it out loud that would be different. I actually gave you the courtesy of considering reading your posts out loud so I could consider what you have to say, but I'm not fond of running my vocal chords to the ground. So truly nothing personal so much as a bit of self preservation on my end.
3. Remember when I said the thread had been hijacked quite professionally? Just a reminder.
4. Hopefully you can cut your paragraphs down in a more concise manner so I can look at the obviously vast amount of information you have to offer. But I also hope you can be courteous in doing so. I'm not anybody important, especially not around here, but I'm also not being forced to read anything. And neither is anybody else. I'm certainly not interested in reading an argument exchange that has none of the information I seek within. My time is short, as I may have mentioned before. I don't have a lot to waste.

And yes, I said handlers. In jest. But for the record I can count my handlers on one hand. How 'bout you? ;-)

reply to post by Onesmartrat


She wasn't a child. She was 19 years old and technically a legal adult. How she heard it? She overheard my grandfather talking about it to another officer. No more, no less. I don't even think it was that secret. How do you hide a big block of concrete swooping up into the air?

I never once questioned your appearance on this thread and, in fact, stated several times that it was a hilarious coincidence. Never implied or meant to imply that your appearance was deliberate. You're the one that envisioned it into being some twist of fate or turning of the universe, not I. Was quite clear in being humored by the coincidence and was dismissive of that nonsense. A coincidence, by definition, is basically an accidental happening.

I didn't doubt that you came for that Aquino AMA and my remark that you were a little late was simply saying that it was already done. If you had a question for Col. Aquino, he probably wasn't going to answer it for that reason. That's all--no more, no less. I wasn't alleging anything and like I said, I gave you a link to the Aquino AMA to be helpful as well as the Alexander AMA, which I thought might interest you as well. I was trying to be nice and save you some footwork as the search engine is known to be buggy here. I've already stated that a couple times now. Even if I'm not particularly fond of someone, that doesn't mean I can't be nice and give a couple links to the desired information. I actually do that all the time.

As for everything else, think what you will. It's pretty clear that you have a heavy distaste for anything contrary to your viewpoint as evinced by your repeated statements of my being programmed, conditioned, and whatnot. If you cannot even correctly interpret the use of the word "coincidence" or a basic statement of "the AMA passed a bit ago, here's the link", then why in the heck would I value your interpretation of anything else in regards to me?

Have a nice day.

reply to post by spearcarrier

"Beyond that even a bad thing is considered a precious gem."

Does your left brain know what your right brain is doing?

Not insulting you....just curious if you realize the GEM in that statement?

That metaphor is actually packed full of gems...and the idea that bad things are good. Interesting.

Pro Libertate!

-OSR

Onesmartrat
reply to post by spearcarrier

 

"Beyond that even a bad thing is considered a precious gem."

Does your left brain know what your right brain is doing?

Not insulting you....just curious if you realize the GEM in that statement?

That metaphor is actually packed full of gems...and the idea that bad things are good. Interesting.

Pro Libertate!

-OSR

Well, considering that calling something a precious gem is a very common metaphor that's quite old I would have to step back and ask myself if I were trying to read more into things than are really there. The whole lying to yourself thing, right?

Everything can be good or bad. Double edged sword and all that. Perspective. When I was younger I twisted my ankle. It's not good. It's not bad. It merely happened. I turned it into a joke with my husband and now it's part of my story.

When you get that down, facing things becomes a lot easier. Sure there will be things that upset you. But not as many as someone who, say, decides to feed the pain with a negative outlook. But that's just my take on the matter.

reply to post by WhiteAlice


Your lack of capacity to be intellectually honest is only a disability for yourself. I know what you said and the tone and manner you inferred it...and as far as the links pasted in and the ' Your welcome' comment...well...anybody else reading that would certainly interpret it in the same manner as I as it was intended.

Your mother at nineteen...a full adult getting slapped in the face by your father...like she was a child....which by the way would most ceryainly induce age regression as I bet that wasn't the first time he slapped her....and of course she overheard your grandmother telling that to someone over the phone...did your grandfather slap her across the face too?

Nevernind...you are just posting on a mind control thread for yaks...I get it.

And as far as your thinking I wanted to ask Aquino 'question'......for now the fourth time.....I SAID I WAS LOOKING for Aquino to CONFRONT him.....NOT ask him a question.

But thanks...now I know why I could not help you back then....nothing to do with my lack of skill...its evident you have s serious lack of capacity for reading comprehension...in my experience of you...this above interaction with you continuing to completely and repeatedly misinterpret what I said.....three times before about why I came in here and still...I imagine a fourth reiteration of it...you still just won't get it.

Thus...the pitfalls of working with people online. Reading and comprehension are fundamentals to successful outcomes.

Therefore....in this respect....it was not my fault you failed and now have such a sour taste on your mouth...and in your words about me here....you just could not comprehend what I was saying to you then ....or now.

I retract my apology...I feel exonerated.

Thank you for that....

and have a lovely day.


Pro Libertate!

-OSR

reply to post by spearcarrier


I've had my share of bad boyfriends so I hear you. The one that broke it all for me was the worst I'd had by far. I was so depersonalized by the time I was able to get out of his hands that I was half convinced that I was dead. I just didn't feel anything more and nothing moved me. I swear that having a rough childhood with manipulative pieces of **** for parents basically turns a person into a human light bulb for every nut job in their environ. My last was deliberately pushing me to the point of passing out simply so he could recalibrate the argument to his liking. The frustrating part was that I knew that state well and the effects of it. It was terribly unfair. There's some serious cretins out there in the world. I'm glad you're away from the guy that was mucking with you.

It's hit and miss and really subjective as to how I respond to various recollections. Remembering where I caught the school bus was absolutely joyous. Can't even explain how good that felt. Other memories were more difficult or had that curious emotional blank. As time has passed, I'll cry regardless of whether or not it was a good or bad memory because it is getting one more piece of me back. Totally agree, even the bad memories are good because they give some sort of explanation for previously perplexing behaviors. Having amnesia really, really sucks. Especially when you are missing a whole bunch of chunks. The way I explain it is that everybody has that foundation from which they sprung up from. Having childhood amnesia is like having little to no foundation at all. Just one big freaking black hole.

I did have my mother claim false memory for one of my recollections. I was really careful about how I worded it. I even told her that I had always been good at that one thing from the first time I did it and that I had positively identified the location as being where I recollected it having taken place. She did the whole false memory thing. Couple weeks later, she rescinded it in person and shared her own experience with her father that was similar. I don't know why she changed her mind but it was really annoying to have her try to pull that with me.

As far as the butterfly catcher thing goes, I wasn't the person who used that phrase so I don't know if there are things that say this person is that. I'd honestly say that the best thing is to follow your gut. Think about what people did in the past to manipulate you and if you see those signs, it's time to show them the door. Mine are based off of that really noxious ex boyfriend--moves to isolate, assuring dependence on only them, big promises, and etc. That kind of thing. Whether that could be described as a "butterfly catcher" or not is really debatable, but what it definitely describes is a person with a penchant for controlling/manipulating others--especially for us being human light bulbs to psycho moths, which is one hell of an image, lol.

reply to post by kwakakev
I agree with kwakakev keep a note book with you at all times. Write everything that comes to your mind. You might get bits and pieces like a puzzle. Eventually those bits and pieces will start to create a picture of your memory.

This is what Kathy Obrien did to help get her life back and most of her memory. She did not talk to others, even her husband didn't want to hear everything because he didn't want to influence her memory in any way. She kept a note book which in turn became her story. She wrote down her thoughts and memories and her book is called "Transformation of America pdf" you can find it in pdf word format on the internet. After reading her story I felt so bad for her that I purchased one of her books. The sad thing is it's full of triggers and should not be read by someone that has already been programed. But it's a great story about how she got her life and memory back bit by bit.

She basically deprogramed herself through her notes. It takes years to get your life back just remember it took years to program you. Deprogramming yourself will take years also.