I feel like I am being pulled back into an unhealthy relationship.

There was a girl I was friends with at first, then grew to love. She seemed smart, funny, classy, and pretty in a sort of nerdy way. She made me laugh, and we hung out, watched movies... It was perfect.

I grew to love her.

She didn't love me back, I think she didn't want to hurt my feelings at first, so she pretended to reciprocate.

Then, one day, she tells me the truth. That she didn't want to lose me as a friend, so she had faked it all to keep me happy.

She said the classic line... "We can still be friends.".

And for a time, I believed it.. But in my heart, I still loved her. She got with other guys, flaunted it in front of me..

I'd ignore her, go into a sort of emotional blue screen of death inside, and try not to act how strange I felt inside.

Eventually, I confessed my feelings for her a second time, and she said she knew. That she enjoyed keeping me around as what she termed, a "Boytoy", but that it wasn't serious. That she didn't find me attractive. But this sort of push and pull relationship went on for four years

I felt awful inside. After multiple incidents after that, I decided not to talk to her.

This worked for about a year of sporadic but mostly no contact.

Now, she asked if I wanted to hang out over spring break...

I do, but God help me, I know it's a bad idea. But I have to.

There is someone out there for everyone. The way she's stringing you along makes her one of the worst type of people in my opinion. Ditch her like a bad habit, trust me you will feel a million times better. I've been there and back again. I know how it feels and it's not healthy at all for you.

reply to post by Grifter42


Ohhh boy...some people love the attention and drama of reigniting a flame only to blow it out shortly there after...sometimes friends are not even a good idea...if your gut is telling you back away..stay far away...your instincts are always correct...you reaching out to ATS is yet another reason why you should not hang with the person...

reply to post by chrismarco


I know, I know... Everything in my head and gut are telling me this is a bad idea, that I shouldn't, but my heart is telling me yes, that I should, that there's a chance she's developed late blooming feelings for me. I mean, it's possible.. But not probable.

I wish I could just snuff it out like a light, not feel it.

Grifter42
reply to post by chrismarco

 

I know, I know... Everything in my head and gut are telling me this is a bad idea, that I shouldn't, but my heart is telling me yes, that I should, that there's a chance she's developed late blooming feelings for me. I mean, it's possible.. But not probable.

I wish I could just snuff it out like a light, not feel it.

Please, listen to your gut. Your heart is only the wisps of wishful thinking. To spend time with her, will only lead to more pain.

"The best predictor of future behavior is … past behavior"

Good luck...your *gut* doesn't *lie* to you...

Des

Grifter, this story is as old as the hills. You're in the "Friend Zone." Even if she pretends you're more than that, it's just until someone better comes along. She'll string you along for decades if need be knowing you, as a good puppy dog, will follow her anywhere, do anything for her, all because you think in your heart of hearts that if you don't reject her she will come around eventually.

It's not gonna happen. Really. When something is supposed to happen between two people, it does. There's no stopping it. And when it does it can be truly magical--at least for awhile. But it CANNOT be forced, and there's no "waiting around" for it to happen. If it was supposed to happen, it already would have. That it has not tells you that it isn't going to--ever. This cannot be intellectualized. It cannot be rationalized. It is neither.

What you need to do is get-away-from-this-woman-now. Period. She is NOT going to be the love of your life and this idiocy of "we can still be friends" is complete lunacy and delusion. She ought to know this, but as long as you are still at least marginally "useful" to her, one way or another, she'll still play this bogus "friends" card knowing you think if you just stay cool it can amount to more than that. She's not playing fair either with you or really with herself either. Shame on her.

Be smart. Get away. Don't waste another minute on this. It may take awhile, but you will thank yourself.

reply to post by Grifter42


Your heart is a glutton for punishment...there will always be someone better out there...I'm reminded of that quite often by my wife...

Grifter42

I do, but God help me, I know it's a bad idea. But I have to.

You know it's a bad idea, yet you're going to do it anyways. (And probably pay for most of it financially)

OK...got it. You've made your bed and decided to sleep in it. Just don't come back crying how she screwed you over. You see her for who she really is, but yet refuse to accept it. This one is on you and you alone.

TDawgRex
You know it's a bad idea, yet you're going to do it anyways. (And probably pay for most of it financially)

OK...got it. You've made your bed and decided to sleep in it. Just don't come back crying how she screwed you over. You see her for who she really is, but yet refuse to accept it. This one is on you and you alone.

I want to break the cycle. I really do. But it's like... I dunno, quitting smoking. But quitting smoking was easier, because cigarettes couldn't leave me cryptic messages that could be interpreted one way or the other.

You can only be pulled back if you want to be.

If not...MAN UP!

Peace

Grifter42

TDawgRex
You know it's a bad idea, yet you're going to do it anyways. (And probably pay for most of it financially)

OK...got it. You've made your bed and decided to sleep in it. Just don't come back crying how she screwed you over. You see her for who she really is, but yet refuse to accept it. This one is on you and you alone.

I want to break the cycle. I really do. But it's like... I dunno, quitting smoking. But quitting smoking was easier, because cigarettes couldn't leave me cryptic messages that could be interpreted one way or the other.

OK...you are admitting you are addicted to the fantasy of having a healthy mutually respectful relationship with her.

Cold Turkey. In the world of relationships it's called going NO CONTACT. That is what you have to find the strength to do. You've already lived the failure of trying to be friends. You don't accept only friendship from her, and friendship is not what she is offering you.

She is a user. Do you really want to be her scrap she yanks out to play with when there is no one else to fill her selfish needs?

You can do this if you want to live in reality.

Des

jude11
You can only be pulled back if you want to be.

If not...MAN UP!

Peace

She just told me her dog is dying, man...

What if she really does need a friend?

What harm could come from trying to console her?

A lot.. I can see how awful this is going to turn out. I don't want what's actually going to happen.

I want what would happen if this were the movies.

reply to post by Grifter42


I had a girl like that once. Knew her for years, loved her, wanted to marry her and take care of her and her kid. She kept acting like she cared about me, but I would always get kicked to the side when another guy came along that piqued her interest.

I was tired of getting pushed to the side over the years, so I finally let her go. Told her I loved her and her kid, but never wanted to see or talk to her ever again because I was tired of getting hurt.

You've heard of the saying "If you love someone, set them free" or "let them go". If you know she'll keep hurting you, let her go and move on. It's hard at first, but you will eventually get over it, and you'll thank yourself later.

There are so many other women out there looking for a caring person such as yourself, that there's no need to waste time on this one particular person that won't reciprocate.

reply to post by Grifter42


its a trap.
emotional vampirism.

Best thing best, move on find a chick twice as hot as her, watch her feel how you feel right now.

Grifter42

jude11
You can only be pulled back if you want to be.

If not...MAN UP!

Peace

She just told me her dog is dying, man...

What if she really does need a friend?

What harm could come from trying to console her?

A lot.. I can see how awful this is going to turn out. I don't want what's actually going to happen.

I want what would happen if this were the movies.

Where did all her other friends go in the past year when she was too busy to think of your pain. So what if she has real life to deal with. We all do in some way or another.

In the movies, you'd have grown up enough to see her for what she is, and have moved on to thinking about what a healthy relationship is and what your needs are. NOT jumping back into a semi-codependent temporary role in her life.

Des

reply to post by Grifter42


I've been down that road a few times to many. I like to say that I am happily bitter now. But they were all lessons well learned if I would have listened to both my heart AND gut. I have found that if there is a conflict between the two, then it probably is not meant to be.

But I won't say I told ya so as that would just be cruel. (notice how I got that out of the way before hand...LOL)

OR

Just ignore everything anyone has said to you, grow a pair and just go over there and face the music. Maybe you'll find something you weren't looking for.

I mean what are you other options?

Assert yourself either way instead of lying in a hole of self-pity.

Should I at least tell her sorry about the dog?

Grifter42
Should I at least tell her sorry about the dog?

Do you want to?
Obviously you want contact with her, why not go for the hail mary at this point if the other route is bitter on your palette although its probably a taste you should acquire.


I mean in all honesty, have you not already made up your mind, you are just hoping one of us will tell you YES?

It's cool I understand, I'm just telling you, you going to be taking the hard road I can tell

Grifter42


I want what would happen if this were the movies.

Well, write this experience as a screen play. It's an old story and depending on your spin and characterization you might have a marketable product.

You know the outcome so you might as well profit from the experience and you might even learn something form the process.

Start with this....

www.celtx.com...

and if you do write this as a screen play.....we should talk!