He says he Loves me, but I am not his type

leira7 I fell in Love with the person I believed him to be.

Welcome to the world of adults, everyone does that. We lust after what we want and fall in love with what we think we need. Our upbringing determines how well we bridge that gap and time is what tells us whether or not we made a mistake after we tried.

You need to remember that men and women look at this type of thing entirely differently, and what a person writes is more of a magnifying glass into that person than a true reflection of the person doing the writing. That's why some people write a lot. They know they can't actually live the way they feel, so they have to let it out somehow.

If men like that have a fault, it's that they feel too much in a world that feels too little. You didn't misinterpret what he wrote, you just took it too literally. You have to look at it from his vantage point if you want to connect with him, and if you connect with him on that level, trust me, it won't matter what you look like. At least not as much as you think it does. He'll obsess over your body, and you personally, more than you do and, apparently, that's saying a lot.

In a way, you're both narcissists. You obsess over your body more than you think any man ever could, and he obsesses over things that he wants to be but that he'll never live up to. You're both so intense about it that you shut everyone else out in the process. Including the one you claim to love. You both need to stop what you're doing and have a heart to heart about all this. If you don't, you'll both be settling for a partner that doesn't live up to individual expectations. If you do, you'll be settling into the real thing.

Leira7

edit on 30-1-2014 by leira7 because: words

reply to post by leira7

If I understand you, you only read what he supposedly thinks...or at least what he thought...when he wrote it.

As a guy, I can tell you in general guys can think about what they have got, would like to have and what they wish they had. All are vastly different.

Personally, I am super overly happy with my love, but may think about what I might have wanted once and think occasionally about something Ill never have...but thats all it is: thinking...or reflecting.

If he/she's with you, and you both...you with him, and seemingly him with you...then I think you may be overeacting on his printed word.

You need to ASK him. Tell him it matters to you and is important to you. You dont want written words....you want to hear them.

reply to post by leira7


My advice: Don't worry about it. I'll give you a little idea of why. My "type" of person falls into one of three main categories:
1. Musically inclined,
2. Nature lover
3. Spiritual New Ager (NOTE: Not the "Hippie" style New Ager, but a "normal" person who happens to have the same outlook on life).

Guess how many, out of all the women & girls I've considered dating, made it into one of those types? None.

People rarely consider marriage on a whim - if he says he loves you, why do you have to be one of his types? My longest relationship was with someone who was a polar opposite (mentally, emotionally, and spiritually), and she was someone I never thought I'd end up with.

Relax, and enjoy being engaged

-fossilera