Right-Wing Group Seeks Help Rewriting the Bible Because It's Not Conservative Enough

Right-Wing Group Seeks Help Rewriting the Bible Because It's Not Conservative Enough

The King James Bible and more recent translations are veritable primers of progressive agitprop, according to the founder of Conservapedia.

Whaaaaat?????!!!!

Andy Schlafly’s group is on the case, and they have invited you to pitch in. Well, maybe not you, exactly, but the "best of the public,” whose assistance is solicited in proposing new wording for left-leaning Bible verses.

Don’t know Aramaic, Hebrew or ancient Greek? Not a problem. What they are looking for is not exactly egghead scholarship, but a knack for using words they've read in the Wall Street Journal. They have a list of promising candidates on their website— words like capitalism, work ethic, death penalty, anticompetitive, elitism, productivity, privatize, pro-life—all of which are conspicuously missing from those socialist-inspired Bibles we’ve been reading lately.

I wish I could put this in the joke section, and maybe I'd better have placed in OT Religion, but this really IS a conspiracy. Holy Editing, Batman!
Some great Examples here (of what they've already done):

In the several years since their translation project was inaugurated, all of the New Testament and several books of the Old have been thoroughly revised. But lots still remains to be done. If you've got a soft spot for Leviticus, the Book of Amos, Lamentations or Numbers, they are all still available for rewrite, so get cracking!

To give a sense of how to go about your own retranslation, here are some examples of changes the editors have already made.

Hold on to your hats, folks:

“He who is without sin, let him cast the first stone" (John 7:53-8:11).

It might have been a later addition that wasn’t in the original Gospels, according to some right-thinking, or rather right-leaning scholars. So the editors have excised this bleeding-heart favorite from the Good Book, and

they've also removed Jesus’ words on the cross, "Father, forgive them, for they do not know what they are doing."

The latter on grounds that some of them DID know what they were doing, so maybe that part of him saying that was a lie.

Another thing Jesus might never have said at all is, “Blessed are the meek.” Change that one to, “Blessed are the God-fearing,” the translation’s editors advise, which is far less touchy-feely than the King James version.

Another doozy:

when Jesus admonishes hypocrites to, “Cast out first the beam out of thine own eye, and then shalt thou see clearly to pull out the mote that is in thy brother's eye,”....

the conservative Bible replaces the word “hypocrite” with "deceiver," since hypocrite is often “misused politically against Christians.” Good point!

And the author's final suggestion:

But don’t stop there. The Ten Commandments could use a little judicious revision as well. Just add an asterisk after Thou Shall Not Kill*

*Except to blot out terrorists

*Fight neocolonialist wars

*Execute criminals

*Bomb abortion clinics

Be creative. Include some brand new commandments of your own such as, “Thou shalt not ... raise taxes on the rich, regulate the financial industry, permit gay marriage, take climate change seriously, feed the poor, clothe the naked, heal the sick...."

Just in case ANYONE thinks the author is seriously making these suggestions -it is SARCASM.

This is one of the most bizarre and frightening things I have heard yet. I have often called for a revised Bible (as well as updating other "holy books") - but...but...

THIS IS SICKENING. Omg. OMfreakingG.

I weep for this nation.

The few things that we had to hold onto in the teachings of the Bible, and now the Conservatives want to remove those/rephrase them to suit their own "image."

If anyone ever again tells you "The Bible is the literal, original, unedited, untweaked, uncorrupted Word of God, word for word," you will know what to say:

"Nuh Uh!" And then ignore them. Better yet, run away.

When Jesus greets his disciples with the blessing, “Peace be with you” (John 20, 26), the editors cleverly change the wording to, "Peace of mind be with you,"

so that nobody gets the wrong idea and thinks Jesus was some kind of lilly-livered pacifist.

Likewise where Jesus says, “For God sent not his Son into the world to condemn the world; but to save it” (John 3, 17), they change “world” to “mankind,”

so it is clear the Christian savior is not advocating environmentalism here.
Hey, you can’t be too careful!

Anyone want me to post the "Jesus Facepalm" pic again?

reply to post by wildtimes

Maybe they should have started in the book of James that tells us to put off our double mindedness .. Someone can change that term to cognitive dissonance to give it a more modern flavor of understanding .

....I....I mean....I don't even have words.

reply to post by the2ofusr1


Okay, star for participation. But I'm not sure what you are getting at. Trying to "guess" based on what I've seen of your posts before - somehow I feel the need to ask for clarification.

Who, exactly, do you think is showing 'cognitive dissonance' here?

Rewriteing the bible is strictly forbidon in the bible. Read the last chapter of revalation its pretty clear on the matter.

reply to post by wildtimes


It's ok, I got it.

This point I made in the OP:
Just in case ANYONE thinks the author is seriously making these suggestions -it is SARCASM.

THE PEOPLE DOING THE EDITING ARE NOT BEING SARCASTIC. The author if the article is.
Just to make that clear.

Schlafly and Co. are dead serious.

reply to post by wildtimes


Not speaking to you , just trying to put a little humour into a crazy situation ....carry on

reply to post by the2ofusr1


Okay, then, Thanks!!! It worked for me!

crazyewok
Rewriteing the bible is strictly forbidon in the bible. Read the last chapter of revalation its pretty clear on the matter.

You came in with what I was going to post. Andy Schlafly may be just trying to drum up some promotion for his website, which is totally fine -- fine with God!

If I were to rewrite the bible I'd make sure Jesus' words about "Love thy neighbor as thyself" also included animals and nature as 'neighbors'. And to add to the line "Jesus wept", I'd edit it in: "Jesus wept - with laughter!"

Another agenda being driven down our throats by those militant Christians. Its a slippery slope, next stop a religious theocracy. They probably want to change Jesus into a gun totting,white, long haired blue eyed all American hero. Jesus wept, not this time, crying is for wussy liberals.

reply to post by crazyewok

Read the last chapter of revalation its pretty clear on the matter.

Pfffft!!

Like these crusaders are going to care??? They can always just, um...wait, let me think....TAKE THAT PART OUT!!

Unreal, isn't it??

reply to post by SgtHamsandwich


Nice, thanks. You posted yours same time I pulled mine up. I wonder how many we can find to post? I have another couple of them:

reply to post by wildtimes

I hate to break up the party before it gets really good here...but I need to note a couple things.

I've never heard of this nutcase before and Conservapedia? Really? Okay..HE claims his site is some standard for conservatives in America or some such crazy delusion, but it reads like a typical hate site and extremist nonsense right from the top. He'd be comfortable and find much in common with the Westboro fruit loops by what I just read of that thing.

..if I'm not mistaken this satirical article the OP is highlighting is talking about them "re-writing" The Bible through that little hate site they have running...and that's personal judgement of course but "Causes Of Homosxuality" being a sub heading right on the main page is a BIG hint to intolerance and blind hate ahead.

I've been conservative my entire life and I've never heard of him, that silly website or anything I'm "supposed" to be following as a conservative, which he seems to think matters.

He needs psych help, not a public platform to spread his darkness from..and I find it terrible how quickly people assume he represents anything beyond his own hateful delusions and those immediately around him.

reply to post by Wrabbit2000


Yep, he reminds me of Fred Phelps.
I hadn't heard of him either, and I'm glad you haven't. What worries me, wrabbit, is that there are people who DO believe in this kind of 'conservatism' - including the New Apostolic Reformation, the Seven-Mountain-Dominionists, and people like Pat Robertson.

MANY people have not heard of them, but they have big guns (heh) like Sarah Palin, Newt Gingrich (seriously..who would want to be called "newt"?), Sam Brownback (current gov of KS), Michelle Bachmann...
and they have POWER.

It's very, very disturbing.

Also, I'm glad your post wasn't a "mod warning"...

reply to post by wildtimes


Naww.... no mod warning by any means and I know I'm not the usual Mod in being so active purely as a member ...but believe it or not, it's encouraged of all of us. It just doesn't seem to work out that way enough I guess. Still, I keep my side separate on two things, just for future reference. 1st... I never mod where I participate. Not only a good idea....but you could call it an ATS commandment of sorts... Second though, Mod stuff is cold, official and usually headed by a big ** NOTICE ** or signed as a Mod. Never casual and conversationally topic related

(I kinda wondered how long it would be before someone asked about that with how active I've picked back up being)

Ack! I may have misunderstood ya! I thought you were saying he was representative of Christians in general or Conservative Christians. It's easy in these topics to mistake meaning I suppose. Looks like I may have.

Very disturbing indeed on this guy though, and I'd say in ALL seriousness? Where I'm Happy Happy Happy to support Phil's right to free speech as other news today is covering? THIS guy reminds me of how free speech also demands tolerance of things we'd very happily silence, if it were a question of personal desire. I suppose he has the right tho...and we have the right to ridicule his public efforts. He deserves no less, IMO, eh?

reply to post by SgtHamsandwich


SgtHam: I really like your avatar. It could work as a reaction to the article, too!

Sorry - back on topic:

This story makes it obvious that the Bible, in fact, HAS been rewritten, tweaked, mistranslated, edited, redacted, injected, and otherwise 'defiled' by reilgious 'leaders' - many times over the centuries.

It worries me that in the hands of the wrong people, this could happen in the USA, and the agenda of the Far-Right could become "law" - making a theocracy. Then we'd need to post pics of all the Founding Fathers doing facepalms and gagging, too.

How do we stop these people? They LIKE to stay under the radar, and they work hard at pushing their agenda.

Another article I saw on the same source shows that The Southern Bible Belt offers the LEAST opportunities for economic improvement:
Economic Opportunity Is Lowest In the Republican Bible Belt, Major Study Finds

From the conservapedia bible rewrite project, their take on the two Revelation verses/statements about not changing a word of the book. The King James version in "quote", their rewrite not in quotes:

"For I testify unto every man that heareth the words of the prophecy of this book, If any man shall add unto these things, God shall add unto him the plagues that are written in this book"

I warn every man who hears the words of the prophecy of this book: If any man adds to these things, God will add to him the plagues that are written in this book.

"And if any man shall take away from the words of the book of this prophecy, God shall take away his part out of the book of life, and out of the holy city, and from the things which are written in this book."

And if any man subtracts from the words of the book of this prophecy, God will subtract his portion out of the Book of Life, and out of the holy city, and from the things written in this book.

Methinks if they actually believe the words of the bible, Andy Schlafly will have to be looking over his shoulder for those plagues to be following him, and will not get a key to the holy city, and don't even get me started on his place in the Book of Life.