Am I wrong to HATE my mom?

There's no such thing as unconditional love, especially in this case. I'm even disgusted to even to refer to her as mom in the title.

Anyway, my "mom" is pretty much the worst person I've ever known or heard of. She's completely selfish and indifferent to everything and would willingly sacrifice her kids for her needs.

Basically, due to circumstances I have been looking after my mom for the past 3 years and basically living it hell. I had put my life on hold to watch after her and my little sister who's handicapped, but mom is making it extremely harder than it needs to be. She has put many of our lives in danger and had burnt holes into our pockets. I had to quit my job because of her because of how abusive she could get around my little sister. She the devil...

At this point I'm ready to abandon her and, let her live on the streets, perfect time ofyear for that right? My slight sense or morality is holding me back, but I have thrown morals out before.

Well, she sounds like a perfectly lovely person.

No, she doesn't sound like she deserves your love.

But, she also doesn't deserve your hate.

Here's why - It takes a lot of time and energy out of you to hate. That's time and energy you need to take care of your sister who surely does deserve it from you (at least nothing you said suggests she's worth anything less than your best and your fullest efforts). Why would you allow your mother to rob her of it?

And if you mother absolutely makes it impossible for you and your sister to live safely, then you may have to find your mother another living arrangement until she can clean up her act. She does have some obligation toward the two of you, too.

reply to post by ketsuko


I would like nothing more then for her to live far away from us. But here's the thing...My mom came to this country as refugees from another, so she doesn't know English. When my dad died, he had told me to look after her no matter what. Being the amazing dad that he was he felt obligated to care for my mom despite the things she did

reply to post by Versus


If you don't mind me asking, what are the circumstances that have called for you to take care of her for three years? Is she ill?

reply to post by TruthLover557


My dad died 3 years ago and I was the only one she can turn too. Also, yes she ill; recently diagnosed with diabetes and a liver problem.

Hmm.. tough call .. but she is the one who carried you for nine months and most likely cared for you before turning into what you describe her as now .. its only proper that children should care for their parents when they can no longer care for themselves .. even if it may be difficult to do so.... life is short you only have one family - treasure them.

Sounds like your mom needs psychiatric treatment as well .. try to get her to see a counselor ..
Good luck and dont give up on your mom..

Believe me theres far worse people walking this planet ..

reply to post by Expat888


My mom has always been the same ever since I can remember. Everything she does is only for the money. She won't even cook for us if my dad didn't promise her half of his check.

reply to post by Versus


I really feel for you.

An abusive relationship is horrendous as it is without circumstances forcing you to be a carer! That's really harsh. And let me guess, her disability gets suddenly worse if you put your foot down or stand up for yourself.

How old is your younger sister? Remember, the two of you could get a place together if she is old enough, Could you get government assistance to live alone with your sister? Is there anywhere the gov could put your abuser like a nursing home or sheltered accommodation? Could you admit her into a hospital and sever ties so she is their responsibility?

There are bound to be things you can do but it's hard to think of them. Could you tell us more so we could get a better idea of possible solutions?

Think positive, take actions wherever you can and make as many preperations as you can.

Feel free to PM me if you want to rant in ways you can't on a public forum, I have a lot more to say.

reply to post by Versus


Hey, you reap what you sow.

In her case that is.

Just because she's your mother, does not give her the right to mistreat her children for the sake of her own amusement.

You have to put you and your sister above her petty needs. She's a grown woman, she can either shape up or ship out.

Sorry to be so cold about it, but don't put up with crap like that.

~Tenth

reply to post by Versus


It is admirable that you have stuck by her in keeping the commitment you made to your father. Is there any way to distance yourself from your mom? Continue to be there for support but not allow her to run your life? I'm sorry for your hardship.

reply to post by tothetenthpower


It doesn't. But I'm at home with her 24/7 so I pretty much have to put up with her. She does really stupid things when I'm not around...I'm at my wit's end.

Update

I see you made a promise to your father who sounds like he was a very decent man, but, if he was enabeling your mother in life he could be enabling in death. It is very possible that he didn't understand how much damage she could cause. I think if he knew the truth he would put you and your sister first.

What your father asked of you is very unfair, I think.

I don't think he would want to see you or your sister in danger.

reply to post by TruthLover557


No there isn't. If only she new English and learnt how the world worked. My mom is 63 years old, live in America and had always depended on other to take care of her. She has weird self-entitlement issues.

reply to post by Versus


I've told my parents. "I don't like you, but I love you." Pretty sappy aint it? But it's the truth.

It goes back to the old saying, "You can pick your nose and you can pick your friends, but you can't pick your family."

I've already been told by my father that the family will probably fall apart when he and my mom pass due to how the will is set up.

I told him to give it all to family who needs it and are responsible. I don't need it...and want no part of the break up of my family. I'd rather advert that.

Maybe you should confront her acid with a dose of her own. That's what I did and we get along a bit better now.

reply to post by Versus


I completely understand, and I would never advocate you turning her out unless she is a danger to you. You said she was.

If she is putting you and your sister in danger, then you need to do something to make sure that your and especially your sister who cannot look after herself like you can are safe before you worry about your mother.

Safety has to come first.

But maybe when you said that it wasn't how I took it to be?

reply to post by Versus

I'm at my wit's end.

The truth of the matter is, that YOU and your SISTER are more important than she is..

So screw her, take care of your own.

reply to post by Expat888


Very well said Expat.

Your mom may be going through some difficult time right now. Talk to her, give her time to understand your feelings and try to understand hers.

It's worth the fight of making things right.

She is after all, the only mom you have.

reply to post by ketsuko


I know. My sister, aside from being physically handicap also has downsyndrome thanks to my mother. Back when she was pregnant my mom admitted to not wanting her and so started drinking. Years later when I was old enough to know the sense of things I told my.mom she better feel obligated to look after my sister or else.

For anyone who knows people with DS they are gentle, warm hearted people and I have caught my mom yelling at her for petty things. I can only imagine the emotional stress my sis is in...

Sounds like you both need to get away, but first if you can find some kind of help for your mom, so she doesn't end up alone. In that case that she's dependent(borderline), and or histrionic as she sounds things will even turn for the worse when having those afflictions. It's never easy and it was harder for me because of a loss of a parent at a young age due to homicide and how it ripped apart our family, to have to see my husband's mom deteriorating mentally and brining the rest of us down with her. My mom-in-law was like that and it was the death of her, despite all the help and caring put forth by many. Please weigh the options to help her but unfortunately know there's only so much that can be done when someone does not want to help themselves.

reply to post by MrLimpet


My mom is the devil. She has:
- Stolen money from family
- Cheated on my dad 3 times
- Abused her children
- Caught her smoking in front of newborns
- ruined my home, tabacco spits and cigarette ashes all over my house very unhygenic
- prayed for my death
- thrown away thousand of dollars worth of electronics; laptop/games

And many other things.