15 Y/O Daughter Lost Virginity to Boyfriend Then He Broke Up With Her

My fifteen year old daughter had sex with her boy friend...maybe 4-5 times and then be broke up with her. I really never expected this would happen to me as a father. She is very smart, somewhat conservative and we had all the talks about waiting and I trusted her to do just that. Last night she told me about her having sex with her boy friend and that they broke up. I feel heartbroken and also as if I failed her.

I really thought she was listening to me. I may have made some mistakes along the way. I told her I would love her no matter what which in retrospect almost seems like condoning what she did. I also gave her condoms just in case for her and her friends. I didn't expect for her to use them (although I found out she did which is a good thing). I did these things to be realistic. I did these things because I love her. Now I wonder if I didn't make it easy for her.

When she told me I think I must have turned white as a ghost. I didn't react. I wanted to be 'cool' about it. I felt good that she had trust in me to tell me even at the same time I was really disappointed in her. I knew enough not to judge. She told me it was a 'logical' choice for her because she really loves/loved this guy and she didn't want to end up doing it with someone later in life that she didn't care for like she did him.

I actually like this guy. He is smart and is probably going places, but like most 15 year old boys he rally wasn't ready for a relationship. He used my daughter and then discarded her. I really feel like crap because I warned her of this very thing. She is a smart girl...I just don't understand this.

Anyway, I needed to vent a little and share. She hasn't told my wife so I can't talk to my wife about this. My daughter trusted me and told me to tell no one. Only her two best friends know other than me.

What say you ATS? This community is a lot like a surrogate family to me. I am confused. Angry. Proud? I am not sure. Lots of emotions. I am trying to process all of this right now. Your thoughts would be appreciated.

reply to post by Metallicus


It sounds as if you have an amazing daughter. You gotta give her a lot of credit for being able to tell you the truth and being honest.

Unfortunately, the only thing you can do is teach her that her situation is just one of many life lessons to learn from.

Maybe the young man will come to his senses and realize that he lost a good thing and try to reconnect with your daughter to make things right.

All is not lost, my friend. Your daughter seems to be a strong individual and I'm sure she'll come out of this situation a better person.

I actually like this guy. He is smart and is probably going places, but like most 15 year old boys he rally wasn't ready for a relationship. He used my daughter and then discarded her. I really feel like crap because I warned her of this very thing. She is a smart girl...I just don't understand this.

Part of the problem this happened is merely how you view it. Your daughter is "an angel" and he "used her" and that's the only way you look at it because you've conditioned yourself and your daughter to look at it like that.

You probably scared the crap out of the kid. Conditioning her first, her trying to condition him "OMG and were gonna love each other for ever and ever and ever and ever"

and once he saw that he said "I need to get the *#&$(# out of Dodge!"

Kids are young and by no means ready for long term commitment. If she were more casual with the kid and more realistic he might have wanted to stay with her. Sounds like your ideals of conformity suffocated the kid so he left with a trophy instead.

Human nature, no blame to go around either. And by no means is it the end of the world...

Do the right thing now and don't let her turn into a man hating "OMG ALLL MAN ARE JERKS" idiot, because it's going to happen to her on the regular if she does.

reply to post by Metallicus


You warned her. She let you down not the other way around.

My doughter is 19 now, she went through what you just described at the same age or so.
I just said to her- That was the first one, you propably going to meet more of that kind before you meet the right one...Have fun but be careful.

Sex is a good thing not a bad thing, she will be fine just like my little girl is fine, they learn some valuable lesson's during their life, tell her to remember those lesson's, and she will end up doing great.

Don't blame youself, enjoy your kid growing up

reply to post by Metallicus


She was responsible about it, and like it or not teens will explore their sexuality.
That she was willing to talk about it with you I think is a great thing. It means she trusts you and is willing to come to you for advice.

Take some time for yourself, and sort out your thoughts. And don't demonize the boy, there could be any number of reasons for their relationship to have gone south.

I appreciate the responses. She is actually going to be fine. Her dad might take a little longer, lol.

I guess the biggest thing is it took my by surprise. I suppose she did everything right. She used protection and made sure it was someone she cared about. I'm the one that wasn't ready.

I am proud that she felt she could tell me. At least I know that she can tell me just about anything she needs help with now and in the future. I will be there for her always and I am glad she knows that at least. Hopefully the don't get pregnant as a teenager message will resonate better.

That's what horny 15 year old boys do

reply to post by Metallicus


I just think it is good that she can talk openly to you, that alone makes you a good dad, and from what it sounds like you did what you felt was right before all this, And as parents that is all we can do. i would just explain to her that teenage boys are mostly aholes and this will happen again if she doesn't choose her partner wisely even when she is an adult. Make sure she knows that takes time and honed character judgment. Try and teach her to be a good judge of character, that is all you can do till she leaves. Good luck and I hope is all is well in the future for you and your daughter.

p.s.
and thanks for reminding me what i will have to go through in about 10 years

Dude, youll have to search far and wide to find many 15 year old virgins... Its not that big a deal

reply to post by Metallicus


I'm going to say just one thing here, and that is: You need to tell your wife.

Parents are supposed to be united in the way that they deal with their children and with their children's problems.

Besides, she's her daughter too, and maybe between the two of you, you can find a way to cope with this properly.

You may not think so, but your daughter will get over you discussing this with her mother, your wife on the other hand, may not be too thrilled with you not telling her something this important.

Other than that, I got nothing. Good luck!

reply to post by Metallicus


I am sorry for your loss but beyond happy with you and your daughter relationship to be able to have those discussions. Unfortunately the rites of passage is for the young and learning stepping stones they are. What cannot be replaced is the kind of relationship you two have...

So on that I say congratulations and look on the bright side - it was going to happen sooner or later and at least the boy was someone you did not dislike!

I hope for her healing time. Take her somewhere special to get her mind off things!

Thanks for sharing what a caring relationship you have with your daughter!

I though most American's kept a shotgun above the fireplace just for events like this...you just mention that the gun stays on the wall as long as they keep daddies little treasure untouched while cracking open some Brazil nuts just to drive home the message

But in all seriousness everyone knows it goes on but no one wants it to be their kid and hope she was at least being safe when playing, but she'll have learned a valuable lesson that us men at that age are ruled by the evil bits and men will say/do anything to try and get into a girls pants

reply to post by Metallicus


If I may ?

Don't feel like you failed your daughter ..................... far from it

That you spoke about this is an honour to your relationship.

To be honest if I'd lost my virginity with a feeling of love rather than teenage prowess? I'd be a much prouder man today when I speak of it.

The first rule of dad.........................love your kids, be proud that they can talk openly, and love that hug that only your kids know how to give........................... a lesson I'm just learning

Just a thought

Cody

reply to post by ProfessorChaos


You are very correct that I should tell my wife. I have been married over 22 years and I have always felt relationships are only successful where communication, honesty and respect are paramount. However, in this case I could be betraying my daughter's trust which would prevent her from being honest if something else comes up that she is reticent to tell me. Anyway, it is one of those things where I must choose the lesser of two evils.

Thank you for pointing this out to me!

That's creepy I would never talk to my dad about sex. Ewww bleah ugggh.

Originally posted by deadeyedick
reply to post by Metallicus

 

[snip]

You sir, are not funny...well, maybe a little.

reply to post by Metallicus


I could tell my dad everything, my mother nothing. I know exactly what you mean.

What she did is a natural part of growing up, she needed that experience to learn from her mistakes.

I wasn't interested in sex at that age and am still not entirely into it as I probably could but I made other types of mistakes centred around the idea at the time that I wouldn't trade as they helped shape who I became.