How to tell if a person has a huge ego (is extremely self-centered)

Originally posted by Premierwest
Here is the ultimate ego behavior: it's refered to as overlapping.
Because YOU are like this, I must be like that.
Because YOU act like this, I must act like that. Because I am this way, YOU must be that way. Overlapping boundaries are present in most relationships and destroy the independent spirit of individuals.

But I am human and so are you. It's people who can make everyone believe at a young age they are different, for example more intelligent which generates the self esteem and faith to remember or retrieve vital information at exams from the brain without knowing exactly how it works which sets a tone for life. Or those who have parents who did something so they don't fight which allows their child to think clearly and connect information so they can grasp more than average.

The problem is not overlapping boundaries, but the inability to set and express boundaries and disallow anyone to be able to cross them. Then there are the many people who unknowingly believe in untruths as if they were truths and those are the fantasies which must be worked hard on so they don't fade, unlike truth which can never fade and doesn't need anyone to believe in which is always present except to those caught in webs of untruths and/or lies to whom it is covered.

The spirit of an individual can only be destroyed by the individual him or herself, it's only those individuals who want to believe it is possible because they want to be able to destroy others that is what makes it possible in the first place. Which is why so many people are enticed by it and would want everyone to accept it, even though it is clearly evil.

Originally posted by Aleister
If I just hadn't forgotten those damn eye holes.

You blew it right there. A sociopathic, arrogant, self-centered nutjob must ALWAYS blame someone else for such mistakes. You are normal. Sorry.

Originally posted by RedCairo
(continued)

3) They are very controlling [ 3 main forms mentioned]
(Calling people names)
Person 1: "It's ok if you don't want to do what I say, I understand."
Person 2: " You are so selfish and lazy for not doing whatever I ask you to do."

Having trouble with your parents that day, were you.

That is another example, like the violence one, that is not really 'just' ego; it's not appropriate to 'call names' (that is verbal assault, if taken far enough, just as the above was physical assault; this goes beyond 'mere' ego to me, even giant egos).

4) They think that they are better than everyone else, but give false humility.
Person 1: "If you continue to do this, eventually you will bring yourself into a world of drama."
Person 2: "I'm not perfect, but my way is better than your way - you need to stop that and be like me."

Alternative interpretation of your example:
Since we are not identical, and since our brains operate within a seemingly linear reality, pretty much any opinion a person holds, they are going to think is likely better than one that differs. If they didn't, they wouldn't hold this opinion, they would hold the other one.

Person 1: Keep walking that way, you're doomed.
Person 2: I realize you probably expect me to be perfect to give advice, which I'm not. But I at least have the experience to see that your path is doomed, and here's an example of a better one.

Another Example:
Person 1: "We obviously disagree, but if you want to debate it, that is fine."
Person 2: "Your point of you is irrelevant you are just a sheep, brain-washed, or deceived by the devil."

I see you have been reading ATS.

EDIT: Two more clues that hints at extreme self-centeredness
4) Making assumptions (especially if that assumption is just to get attention or argument)
Extermely self-centered person:
"There is nothing wrong with having ego and knowing the difference and boundaries between "me" and "you", we need it to survive"
The actual theme of the thread:
"How to know if someone is EXTREMELY self-centered"
... All of this is an assumption to argue - to argue against something that wasn't even said.

Alternative interpretation of your example:
Poster makes thread.
Contributor posts on thread and perhaps has different view or over-interprets what OP intended.
OP modifies original post to personally insult said contributor.

PS: Anyone who posts on a thread you begin, unless they are an outright troll, is doing you a good service. Taking the time to converse with you, let alone to support a thread you began, is a form of 'like' even if they are completely disagreeing with you. Understanding this may improve your enjoyment of online forum interaction. Understanding that insulting people, and even modifying a past post to do so, who contribute to your thread, is disincentive for others to participate with you, may improve your eventual friendships online.

5) Conformity - Doing what everyone else does out of fear of being "criticized"
moderate person:
"It really doesn't matter what they think, everyone has their own opinions."
extremely self-centered person:
"I need to do this and that, I don't want people talking about ME."

Alternative interpretation of your example:
I actually agree with your moderate person example here. However, for your self-centered, I would say:
"I care about my reputation and the impact which my behavior may have upon other people; or how my behavior may by proxy represent other people or topics I am involved with. I want to consider how I behave in public and the likely consequences of that. If there are to be consequences, that is fine, but I want them to be of my choosing, not just the chaotic side-effect of acting without thinking."


The funniest part of all of this: both your post, and my post, evidence plenty of ego.

The funnier part of this: I have a 17 year old, and you remind me of her.

This was stated excellently. Filled with compassion, intellect and understanding. Grazie.

--MJ

Originally posted by TarzanBeta

Originally posted by seabag
reply to post by arpgme

 

Is it better to speak for the group or share personal opinions?

Person 1: This thread is ridiculous!

Person 2: This thread is ridiculous IMO!

You can’t please everyone!

I've always thought that saying "IMO" or "IMHO" was silly. I was resorting to saying it on here for a year or so only because I was told by a few that I should really state whether something was my opinion or not.

But whatever you say, unless you're quoting someone else, or offering an anecdote of some-sort, is most assuredly your opinion; even if you are playing Devil's advocate.

I think it is a sign of a lack of deep thought, a sign of cowardice, and a sign of conformity.

As for the OP, I don't agree with everything arpgme says, but when I do, I prefer two horses. (I wonder how many will catch the various intended meanings?)

edit on 9/1/2013 by TarzanBeta because: "saying it on"

When it comes to Horses, I suppose the "neighs" have it on this thread.

Eh? EH?

--MJ (drinking)

reply to post by arpgme


ha ha I shouldn't laugh its all TRUE im working with a prime example of such a person but in geordyland I just come out with it get a life and tell him to his face sort yasell oot but mainly fires them up and you have a perfect explosion just stand back and show no emotion to their childish behavior it took a while where I am but I swear it works be stronger than they are if that makes any sense.

Thanks for this thread, arpgme

It helps me to be more aware.

reply to post by loveguy


Sociopaths were one of my favorite subjects in my psych classes. The one thing we learned were you could be a lot of things and not be a sociopath, but you had to be all 20 or so things to be a sociopath. Sociopaths are narcissistic and pathological liars. You can be one and not the other and not be a sociopath, but you have to be both of those plus many other traits to be a sociopath.

We were also told that you could have 10 of the worlds best psychologists put in a room with 20 people and tell them that 1 of the people is a sociopath and after four hours they psychologists would never guess which one because they are chameleons and blend in to whatever the situation requires.

One of the best books you can read is called, "People of the Lie" . Truly "evil" people will never seek help to stop their painful behavior which drives loved ones to seeking help who end up thinking they are crazy. In that book you learn some really interesting facts about the psychology of evil, and well, there is no cure for a sociopath according to psychology. I think anything can be cured, but I also believe in God.

Adding this:

I just searched on youtube "People of the Lie" and this video came up. I just saw her other video the other day that has gone viral about liars and politics. This video deals with that section of the book I mentioned deals with pathological narcissism and it's causes.

It's usually called narcissism, isn't it? And people can be diagnosed with narcissistic personality disorder, whereby their feelings of self-importance and sense of entitlement can lead to diminished empathy and pathological needs for admiration.

The problem is society is largely career-driven, a lot of people come to realise self-centredness is the best way to achieve success, it certainly happens in organisations with a career ladder. Think about a job interview, they want you to "sell yourself" and talk in depth about all the great things you've done, you can imagine self-cented people finding that a much easier task.

There are many ways to find out if someone is (extremely) self-centered.
The simplest way is to ask for their opinion a couple of times and simply hang out with them.
Thing is, people are mostly dynamic. I don't believe that anyone is in any "extreme".
The few that aren't, seem to have either some mental disorder or have never been shown that it's not just about them.

Parents, family, friends, what-have-you; especially parents make the incredibly stupid decision to:

1) Let their children believe they themselves are the center of the universe (this is manifested many different ways of course).
2) Tell their teens to focus on their own problems instead of helping their friends.
3) Tell their adult progeny to focus on their own problems instead of helping their friends.

If us parents are so foolish as to make our children so self-centered (and yet, ironically brown-nosed) because of our fears for their security, or whatever other silly, worldly, short-sighted, perverted, selfishly living vicariously through our chillen's reasons...

I don't know how many adverbs and adjectives I can fit without screwing up. But the number of words I have for those people that pretend on the first 3-layers to care, but all they are is a blind, rotting, core...

Can you see that I have an extreme dislike for unhealthy narcissism?

I believe what society perceives as narcissism sometimes is actually a good thing, and is not the "selfishness" that it appears to be. And what appears selfless, sometimes, I believe, is truly where some of that negative connotation really lies.

You see, those that shine light in the dark shine it to show people what they want them to see. But those that shine brighter than the sun cause those that think they see to be blind.

idunno what about something like this?


person 1 "hey i found the oil leak"

person 2 "where? oh man now i'm gonna have to get on the ground, i just washed and i'm wearing a white t-shirt. sheesh"

person 1 "you want it fixed or not?"

person 2 "how the hell does a guy fix something by having someone else look at it with them?"

person 1 "i'm trying to teach you something here would'ya participate?"

person 2 "aww my shirt this better be worth it"

you me knows what me you wants me you knows what you me wants and it's granted

I really wanted to jump in, guns blazing when I read the title...

...however, you can actually learn a lot from this. I have been through some really good courses when it comes to verbal communication. One of the reasons that I tend to be a smart-arse most of the time, for instance, is purely to provoke a response... when I make an offhanded remark to Mrs. 5150 first thing in the AM, it isn't mean spirited... the reaction that I get, especially the non-verbals (which is 80% of communication) gives me a great indicator of exactly what I will be able to get away with that day.
I have about 40 "tells" that I look for with her, because I know her very well... even the smallest things can be extremely insightful. For instance, if she is upset with someone (not me), and needs to really vent BUT she knows I am having a bad day and tries to put on the "happy face"... she pops her left thumb. Every time.

You will notice all of the bolded "I"s to this point. I is essentially ego. You have to use "I", however, in normal communication as a means to relate to others in most situations, especially with the written word. It explains veiw-points, relates shared experiences, etc.

Verbal cues are extremely important as well... verbage, context, inflection can tell me a lot about someone very quickly. I think with the EGO in question, however, you absolutely have to have the non-verbals as well. You can take the exact same sentence, word for word, and change the intention dramatically through slight vocal inflections, body posturing, eye contact, even tiny changes in facial expression... you can take one of those ego-centric statements you listed and go from jerk, to confident, to bully, to insecure, to guarded, to light-hearted, to even quite self-deprecating...

S&F... because I say so!