How to tell if a person has a huge ego (is extremely self-centered)

reply to post by arpgme

It is always the smart ones that cause all the trouble. As in the bell shaped distribution curve, it is the Mean that moves mountains not the Six Sigma to the right.
Six Sigma Wiki:

The term Six Sigma originated from terminology associated with manufacturing, specifically terms associated with statistical modeling of manufacturing processes. The maturity of a manufacturing process can be described by a sigma rating indicating its yield or the percentage of defect-free products it creates. A six sigma process is one in which 99.99966% of the products manufactured are statistically expected to be free of defects (3.4 defects per million)

Got to watch out for those defects...
ETA: When you are manufacturing human beings.

reply to post by arpgme


I guess you just really can't account for style. One can be humble in heart, and awesome in life. Sorry if this offended you, arpgme.

--MJ

Imo,spoiling one's children can lead to extreme self-centeredness+selfishness plus a downright preposterous sense of entitlement.
A very good example is a teenage girl that was one of my youngest daughter's 2 best friends for many years,since primary school.The parents are very decent good people-but the girl is the only child of the woman in the couple,it is a second marriage for the man,he has 2/3 sons from a 1st marriage-so its his only daughter,

Since she was a little girl I watched the parents make this horrendous mistake of spoiling her rotten-more clothes than she could possibly have ever worn,every toy+gadget,Birthday+Xmas presents,so many she could not even recall all the gifts when telling my daughter what she received.When she lost an expensive cell-next day she got a new one-when she lost a garment of her school uniform like jersey or sportsshirt-next day the replacement was bought.

I noticed very quickly+told my child since an early age-Maryjane uses you+her other friends like toys in a toybox-some days she would play with my child,next day discard her to play with another-sometimes she would them all together,about 4/5 girls who went to school with her+my child.This I saw at an early age-"friends" and people are toys or used for entertainment value only.

Now that she is in her teens,this girl is worse than ever-in fact she has narcissistic personality disorder-of that I am convinced.She treats her parents badly,is rude to them+completely ungrateful,as she always had been,for a charmed life-these 2 people have devoted their life to giving her a charmed life with everything she could ever want,within their means,which was not wealthy but the woman earns a big salary as a chief pharmacist at a state hospital.

This girl will flounce around all weekend with her boyfriend+then Sunday night bbm my child to ask to borrow her homework/books-when my child refuses because she needs to finish her own studying-this irresponsible lazy spoilt brat will have the audacity to call my child selfish.
When she wanted to borrow my child's sportshirt for school because she carelessly lost hers,as usual-and my child refused because she was wearing it at the time for a sports things-yes,she accused my daughter of being unhelpful.My child learned at a very age responsibility for her belongings because we are not well-off and often a lost item can only be replaced after quite a long while-or not at all.

When they went to a Swedish House Mafia concert,Maryjane held both their cells in her handbag-and of course were so lackadaisical about looking after it properly that it got stolen from under her nose by a pickpocket.
Because 2days later,she had a new one,as usual,while my child had to wait for months for a replacement+had to make do with a borrowed one.The list goes on+on...you don't want to give her what she completely unreasonably demands-YOU are the selfish,spiteful,inconsiderate one.

After my daughter cried her eyes out the other day because such a longtime friendship died-i had a very very very long+serious talk with her-and she had to admit that Maryjane was a psychotically selfish,spoiled,self-centred,ME ME ME little cow.The original "F you Jack,long as I am ok" type.

In fact that girl's parents could almost be accused of child abuse-in a way that would never conventionally be seen as abuse-out of love-they created a monster.Who is in for a rude awakening when she finds one of these days that the whole world and everyone+thing in it-do noy exist to cater for+to her every whim+want.

reply to post by MJMEochaid7

Originally posted by MJMEochaid7
reply to post by arpgme

 

I guess you just really can't account for style. One can be humble in heart, and awesome in life.
--MJ

That is true. A person can be humble but still appear to be awesome.

reply to post by Raxoxane


Yea, there's also grown people who act this way too - talking hours about themselves without an interest in the other person, entitling themselves to take without asking...

Originally posted by seabag
reply to post by arpgme

 

Is it better to speak for the group or share personal opinions?

Person 1: This thread is ridiculous!

Person 2: This thread is ridiculous IMO!

You can’t please everyone!

I've always thought that saying "IMO" or "IMHO" was silly. I was resorting to saying it on here for a year or so only because I was told by a few that I should really state whether something was my opinion or not.

But whatever you say, unless you're quoting someone else, or offering an anecdote of some-sort, is most assuredly your opinion; even if you are playing Devil's advocate.

I think it is a sign of a lack of deep thought, a sign of cowardice, and a sign of conformity.

As for the OP, I don't agree with everything arpgme says, but when I do, I prefer two horses. (I wonder how many will catch the various intended meanings?)

Originally posted by arpgme
Just in case you haven't realized yet, I wasn' t saying that there was something "wrong" with having an ego or that an "ego" shouldn't exist. I simply made this thread for people to identify *extremely* self-centered people.

You mean people who can make someone feel their center is more important than one's own and it should be considered leading to the other? Because there's always one that is better out of two and that one is normally the dominating one. Or with the world, there's always one center closest to the absolute truth, even if no one knows it or can express it. Or in the universe, the same system applies, at any given time out of all intelligent beings who believe they have a center there is one the closest. Sometimes it can be hard to tell if someone uses the ego for evil or good, is the others' center closer to truth or just their own version of it.

me, myself, and I
don't believe it.

we all have an ego and life is about figuring out how to manage it. some cultures get to use ... special techniques that would really help everyone these days

Forgive me OP but you did put it out there. I don't know why -- some twisted giant ego? LOL or just twisted -- but all I could think, all the way through your opening post, was of the devil's advocate stance on nearly everything. So here is your feedback. :-)

Person 1 = less self-centered
Person 2 = extremely self-centered
1) They continuously bring up their own experiences to relate to the topic.
Person 1: "It is better to forgive then to hold on to hatred."
Person 2: "It's better to just forgive because when I had that fight with James it just made things worse."

Alternative interpretation of your example:
a) They keep their advice to others grounded in the real world of real events and not idealism.
b) They keep their perspective centered within the compassion of their own experiences, not merely in projections about everyone else.
c) They understand that preacher-like advice is limited in usefulness to most people, but that example of how this situation has affected them too, both shares with the person that they have also had such an experience ('you are not alone'), and that having learned the hard way, they would spare the other person that pain.
Person 1: Here is my philosophy which I say is better.
Person 2: Here is what worked for me, and here is what happened to lead me to that understanding.

PS: A human has only their own experiences for insight. It is reasonable that observations and suggestions are borne of experience in nearly all cases.

2) They give their opinion when it isn't need.
Person 1: "Religion allows us to see into the mind of ancient society."
Person 2: "Religion allows us to see into the mind of ancient society, but eww I hate that word."

Alternative interpretation of your example:
They share something of themselves with others when they communicate, so their opinions are usually in the context of their feelings.
Person 1: My opinion.
Person 2: My opinion, and my feelings for context.

PS: Some people never share feelings, some people always do. This is part of what makes humans individuals. Opinions are not better than feelings when shared as you example, merely different.

3) They use the words "my" a lot instead of "the".
Person 1: "I want to use the computer."
Person 2: "I want to use my computer."

Alternative interpretation of your example:
They feel a sense of ownership and familial with the things and probably people in their life.

PS: A sense (subtle or bold) of ownership is part of what tends to make people take care of things and be responsible for the well-being of people, objects and environments. This is one of the things that age (e.g. working for a living and having to pay for things yourself) tends to bring, a quality in which younger people (e.g. teenagers) are often found a bit (...) lacking.

2) They only care about their point of view.
Person 1: "Your anger winded up embarrassing everyone we was with."
Person 2: "You made a scene and was embarrassing me (not considering others)."

The grammar is so hideous in both of those....

Alternative interpretation of your example:
a) They understand that 'projecting' social peer pressure is making psychic assumptions about others and they can only speak for themselves.
b) They don't try to use other people not present to manipulate someone.
Person 1: Your social status just went down and others may not like you so much now.
Person 2: When you were emotional, it made me emotional too. Now that you've expressed how you felt to everyone, let me express how I feel to you.

PS: One can only fairly speak for themselves, unless defending someone young or helpless.

3) They are very controlling [ 3 main forms mentioned]
(Trying to force others to be like them)
Person 1: "It's not healthy to think so negatively, but of course we all have a choice."
Person 2: "You need to stop that and think more positive, you are always being so negative!"

Alternative interpretation of your example:
Person 1: Do what you want and fail, I don't care. We're all the Grand Oneness with free will, you know. OMmmm.
Person 2: I care deeply about your well-being, and I am emotional and frustrated about why you don't see the potential I do, and how you harm yourself by that limited vision.

continued

(continued)

3) They are very controlling [ 3 main forms mentioned]
(Calling people names)
Person 1: "It's ok if you don't want to do what I say, I understand."
Person 2: " You are so selfish and lazy for not doing whatever I ask you to do."

Having trouble with your parents that day, were you.

That is another example, like the violence one, that is not really 'just' ego; it's not appropriate to 'call names' (that is verbal assault, if taken far enough, just as the above was physical assault; this goes beyond 'mere' ego to me, even giant egos).

4) They think that they are better than everyone else, but give false humility.
Person 1: "If you continue to do this, eventually you will bring yourself into a world of drama."
Person 2: "I'm not perfect, but my way is better than your way - you need to stop that and be like me."

Alternative interpretation of your example:
Since we are not identical, and since our brains operate within a seemingly linear reality, pretty much any opinion a person holds, they are going to think is likely better than one that differs. If they didn't, they wouldn't hold this opinion, they would hold the other one.
Person 1: Keep walking that way, you're doomed.
Person 2: I realize you probably expect me to be perfect to give advice, which I'm not. But I at least have the experience to see that your path is doomed, and here's an example of a better one.

Another Example:
Person 1: "We obviously disagree, but if you want to debate it, that is fine."
Person 2: "Your point of you is irrelevant you are just a sheep, brain-washed, or deceived by the devil."

I see you have been reading ATS.

EDIT: Two more clues that hints at extreme self-centeredness
4) Making assumptions (especially if that assumption is just to get attention or argument)
Extermely self-centered person:
"There is nothing wrong with having ego and knowing the difference and boundaries between "me" and "you", we need it to survive"
The actual theme of the thread:
"How to know if someone is EXTREMELY self-centered"
... All of this is an assumption to argue - to argue against something that wasn't even said.

Alternative interpretation of your example:
Poster makes thread.
Contributor posts on thread and perhaps has different view or over-interprets what OP intended.
OP modifies original post to personally insult said contributor.

PS: Anyone who posts on a thread you begin, unless they are an outright troll, is doing you a good service. Taking the time to converse with you, let alone to support a thread you began, is a form of 'like' even if they are completely disagreeing with you. Understanding this may improve your enjoyment of online forum interaction. Understanding that insulting people, and even modifying a past post to do so, who contribute to your thread, is disincentive for others to participate with you, may improve your eventual friendships online.

5) Conformity - Doing what everyone else does out of fear of being "criticized"
moderate person:
"It really doesn't matter what they think, everyone has their own opinions."
extremely self-centered person:
"I need to do this and that, I don't want people talking about ME."

Alternative interpretation of your example:
I actually agree with your moderate person example here. However, for your self-centered, I would say:
"I care about my reputation and the impact which my behavior may have upon other people; or how my behavior may by proxy represent other people or topics I am involved with. I want to consider how I behave in public and the likely consequences of that. If there are to be consequences, that is fine, but I want them to be of my choosing, not just the chaotic side-effect of acting without thinking."


The funniest part of all of this: both your post, and my post, evidence plenty of ego.

The funnier part of this: I have a 17 year old, and you remind me of her.

reply to post by RedCairo


RedCairo, I like you.

Everyone is self-centered. It's a matter of overcoming that self-centered-ness and not allowing it to become what is called selfishness, but I just call it envy, arrogance, and recklessness.

the "self" is how the individual relates to the material world. If someone is self-obsessed it just shows that they're more trapped in the physical world, not that they're any "better". Think about the good-looking people you've known- did they get wiser with age? Probably not so much.....

reply to post by arpgme


Self-centeredness is just one aspect of a "strong" ego.

Judgement, for example, is another example of a strong ego, as well as defensiveness, and also someone who reacts often with unchecked emotions.

Observation...

A thread to draw in the the self centered who will then defend that position.

The observations made in the OP are really more of a measurement of "Materialistic versus non-Materialistic" than they are a measure of self-centeredness or non-self-centeredness.

As far as self-centeredness is concerned, selflessness being the ultimate goal of one not being self-centered.
True Selflessness is possible only in death, but then after death it's all meaningless anyway.

We're just a bunch of animals, like those one's we consider pests and vermin, the ones we shoot and poison and run over with our cars, and that's why we treat each other so well too.

We are really just animals that think we can think, but really can't think very well at all.

More like Arrogant little critters that believe the rules don't apply to us....

Anyway..........

reply to post by arpgme



Is this a thread declaring you have a huge ego and are extremely self-centered?

I simply made this thread for people to identify *extremely* self-centered people.

Thanks for the effort and time you put into doing this.


Do you consider yourself extremely self-centered?


I hope you can admit that you do because without doing so, your own words contradict any validity your thread might have identifying such.

Unless you actually know what everyone else thinks (otherwise your mind is just making assumptions), you can only truly speak for yourself.

This is wise and something we all know yet forget quite too often.

Which is why I ask if you consider yourself that which you want show others how to identify.

I like your threads arpgme, I like your mindset from what I assume by reading your threads and posts,

Just this one has me a little confused, as in your OP you added this edit

EDIT: Two more clues that hints at extreme self-centeredness 4) Making assumptions (especially if that assumption is just to get attention or argument) Example: Extermely self-centered person: "There is nothing wrong with having ego and knowing the difference and boundaries between "me" and "you", we need it to survive" The actual theme of the thread: "How to know if someone is EXTREMELY self-centered" Nothing to do with Ego being "good" or "Evil". Nothing to do with getting rid of the Ego completely. All of this is an assumption to argue - to argue against something that wasn't even said.

That is just one more of the clues you added but If you would of stated first of in your OP that you are "extremely self-centered" and have a huge ego then this edit of yours wouldn't completely contradict the rest of your OP, at the same time if one was to use your identifying it would make you look extremely self centered by making assumptions would it not?


So back to my first question,

Is this a thread declaring you have a huge ego and are extremely self-centered?

reply to post by MyHappyDogShiner

We're just a bunch of animals, like those one's we consider pests and vermin, the ones we shoot and poison and run over with our cars, and that's why we treat each other so well too. We are really just animals that think we can think, but really can't think very well at all.

Humanity or the human condition in a nutshell.

Here is the ultimate ego behavior: it's refered to as overlapping.
Because YOU are like this, I must be like that.
Because YOU act like this, I must act like that. Because I am this way, YOU must be that way. Overlapping boundaries are present in most relationships and destroy the independent spirit of individuals.

reply to post by Premierwest

The term you refer to there is MARGINALIZATION.

Because one looks this way, is poor, is not the same color, is a different religion, doesn't speak your language, has body odor....shove them aside, put them in this box, make them live in that neighborhood........

reply to post by InhaleExhale

Originally posted by InhaleExhale
Is this a thread declaring you have a huge ego and are extremely self-centered?

No, this thread is not about "me" at all.

Originally posted by InhaleExhale
Do you consider yourself extremely self-centered?

No, I am not extremely self-centered, not based on this thread anyway.

Originally posted by InhaleExhale
I hope you can admit that you do because without doing so, your own words contradict any validity your thread might have identifying such.

This thread has nothing to do with me. These are simply clues to identifying whether or not a person may be extremely self-centered.

Originally posted by InhaleExhale
Which is why I ask if you consider yourself that which you want show others how to identify.

You don't have to be a part of something in order to be able to identify it. I am not a religious extremist fundamentalist who believes in a holy book fully and literally but I still have clues to identify it.

Originally posted by InhaleExhale
That is just one more of the clues you added but If you would of stated first of in your OP that you are "extremely self-centered" and have a huge ego then this edit of yours wouldn't completely contradict the rest of your OP, at the same time if one was to use your identifying it would make you look extremely self centered by making assumptions would it not?

Yes, you can say that these clues are assumptions but I've already gave caution at the beginning of the original post to not automatically assume that someone is self-centered if they do these things, but if they constantly do it then it is more likely that they are self-centered.

Originally posted by InhaleExhale
So back to my first question,

Is this a thread declaring you have a huge ego and are extremely self-centered?

No it isn't. This thread has nothing to do with me. It is not personal - it was not based on "me" or directed to any specific "person". It is just general clues.

Other people were making the assumption that I was saying that having any idea of self is "bad" or that any level of self-centeredness is "bad". No where in this thread did I say any of that. This thread is not about the idea of "self-identity" or "self-centeredness" in and of itself, it is about the extreme.