My marriage has been dying...today it died.

reply to post by MagesticEsoteric

My marriage has been dying...today it died.

Fight for it ,don't let it die,Remember the beautiful moments you had,because those moments will never come back,but those beautiful moments can continue,if you will fight for them.

Originally posted by Barthandelus

The beta-males NEVER get the hottest women.

So suddenly this is you ranting about how you can't get "the hottest women?"

Of course you know that the guy who bitches this particular aria is deflecting, because he lacks the balls to actually approach ANY woman with an advance that a real live woman would respond to affirmatively.

Matter of fact all women view beta males as tools to be used. You exist to DIE for her, Protect her, work for her, make her feel good. Everything is about HER needs and never the beta loser. The Alpha male places his needs first and rewards the female for obeying his desires.

More rationalization for not scoring, huh?

Lots of guys are getting it dude. If you aren't, it's not because "the game" is rigged....

How is marriage an adventure? If your too beta she'll cheat on you, child support, weddings are scams, society will always take her side if anything goes wrong. Let's not forget women can take all your damn hard earned money.

It's about the one you pick. Picking a loser (or picking one who picks a loser!) always ends in tears.

Your replies have nothing to do with the OP, and are just examples of you raging about how all women are whores, since they won't come to you without being pursued, and you haven't got a clue as to how to please a woman.

So pipe down, and start your own thread about how you cannot get anywhere with the opposite sex. quit derailing. you'd rather talk about yourself, so go into a new thread and do exactly that.

And have a nice day.

Originally posted by tovenar

Originally posted by Barthandelus

The beta-males NEVER get the hottest women.

So suddenly this is you ranting about how you can't get "the hottest women?"

Of course you know that the guy who bitches this particular aria is deflecting, because he lacks the balls to actually approach ANY woman with an advance that a real live woman would respond to affirmatively.

Matter of fact all women view beta males as tools to be used. You exist to DIE for her, Protect her, work for her, make her feel good. Everything is about HER needs and never the beta loser. The Alpha male places his needs first and rewards the female for obeying his desires.

More rationalization for not scoring, huh?

Lots of guys are getting it dude. If you aren't, it's not because "the game" is rigged....

How is marriage an adventure? If your too beta she'll cheat on you, child support, weddings are scams, society will always take her side if anything goes wrong. Let's not forget women can take all your damn hard earned money.

It's about the one you pick. Picking a loser (or picking one who picks a loser!) always ends in tears.

Your replies have nothing to do with the OP, and are just examples of you raging about how all women are whores, since they won't come to you without being pursued, and you haven't got a clue as to how to please a woman.

So pipe down, and start your own thread about how you cannot get anywhere with the opposite sex. quit derailing. you'd rather talk about yourself, so go into a new thread and do exactly that.

And have a nice day.

You failed this debate as soon as you said I wasn't getting any sex. That's an extremely feminine passive aggressive way of devaluing a male users post. I find it interesting that you seem so mad at the use of the word beta-male. Truth is I hit the nail on the head and it made you go into denial about your own existence.

reply to post by MagesticEsoteric


a flag in hopes more would notice and...

and star for the courage for posting..

Nothing wrong in doing the right thing, but, as I riveted to my couch about 18 years ago when Gloria Estefan's mother told her before she married Emillo.. .."you never marry unless you're in LOVE..."

however.. life has it may happen.. I married because I was in love and married my first love.. but, she had a change of heart 3 months later..

But, I know I married for love.. and no one can take that away....

Jerry Maguire also riveted me to my chair in the theater at the scene where Cuba, Marcee, Jerry and Renee are all at the table in the restaurant and Cuba and his wife are kissing and smoothing and calling each other pet names..just before she goes to the hospital to deliver..

...while Jerry and Renee' are sitting there ..smiling politely at each other..

if that's NOT a contrast of what love is and is not.....I don't know what is !!!

That really sucks. I really believe (or want to believe) we were meant to "mate for life". I know in my own relationship, we both have changed greatly since we coupled 20 years ago. This was to be expected as we were 20 and 23..,,luckily we were able to readjust even with many bumps along the way, but it was touch and go sometimes. Sorry I digress, I hate to hear this kind of story, especially after a decade or more.
Best of luck however, I am required by "man rules" to side with you soon to be ex...

reply to post by MagesticEsoteric

Wow...hold on here! You say YOU SCREWED UP....I dont buy that, and you shouldnt either. There are many things that cause a marriage to fail, and blame has to somewhat be divided between both parties. Might be like 60-40, or 50-50...maybe 85-15%....but you did the best you could under all available circumstances and pressures. That is admirable and shows dedication for the kids.This is just another event in your life and theirs. An ending...but better to think of it as a new beginning.

The world is full of possibilities ahead for you and them. Its just the close of one chapter and the beginning of another. Look at it that way: as your new chance to becomes something else you want to be and better for them...and you. The disappointment is normal and wont be easy...but you will overcome it. If not for yourself, for them. And youve already assured us here at ATS youve been the best mother you could be....I think it shows here, and I believe you.

So lighten up a little on yourself, and accept the things you cannot change...and change those you can....because you have the wisdom to know the difference. (quote not attributable to me...but applies here)
Good luck to you and the kids....the worlds' your oyster now...so go get some sauce....!
God Bless....MS

I want to sincerely thank all of you that replied. I truly mean it....Thank You!

reply to post by MagesticEsoteric


All I can say is good luck to you and think through your decisions carefully.Not to frighten you but just so you make the best decisions for yourself and children.I too had to make that choice,for me I waited till my sons were grown.I think we all have to decide when is the right time (for those of us that leave) for us.No one can tell you when that is.I grew up in a 'broken' home and it was a total nightmare for all of us kids.We are all scarred from it.I told my parents that I wished they had divorced,that we would have all been better off if they had.So I've seen both sides of the coin in my life.Things will be rough at times,but you will see that it will work out for the best.

reply to post by MagesticEsoteric


It seems you have made a lot of changes. What about your husband? Did he make any changes with you? Leaving the kids aside for a moment, do you both still want it to some small degree, even if its hard to see? What brought you together in the first place?

My wife and I have been there a few times. I married her when I was 16 and she was 18 and we are still married almost 30 years later (I am 45 now). There were times when I was red hot mad but I still love her more now than I did when I first married that infuriating woman... I think our marriage today is stronger and it is partly because we did get though those years of raising two daughters and had such differing opinions of how to raise them. We always got though it...

We didn't have a perfect home but both our daughters have told us more than once that they are very grateful we stayed together. Most of their friends had single parent families and a lot of their friends got into a lot of trouble and more than a few are dead from overdoses.

There is nothing wrong with staying for the kids sake. Others may disagree but it does take two full time parents to raise kids. As we can see in today's society, the single parent family is not the golden utopia we were all told it was..

To be a bit blunt, your kids are your legacy, not the grass on the other side of the fence.Both you and your husband need to realize that. Your kids are a lifetime achievement to be proud of and that is worth more than any career or hurtful fleeting affair.

If you reboot from the "kids are our legacy" perspective maybe it can work? Maybe work on getting back to what brought you together would help too..

Anyway. maybe you both can try this?
www.amazon.com...

I came from a home where my mother stayed home with the kids and even brought in some money by starting a daycare.

Then we all grew up and mom still had the daycare. Pops didnt like it to much he lived the life of having babies in the house 3 times and I could tell he was done. He wanted a mature relationship not one where his significant other was catering to kids rather than herself and him.

I appreciate everything they BOTH did for me. Him providing the opportunity that only money can buy and HER for the nurturing only a heart can provide.

However I cant deny the imperfection of this cooperation between the two.

I like to put myself in peoples shoes to understand what it might be like and then rationally see possible outcomes.
When putting myself in my Dads shoes I felt detached and lost from my family never really seeing them cause I was engulfed in work to the point it was all i knew. Wanting more but stuck in a career that ate my life so that I could provide for my kids. His love was run dry he was now a drone.

As for my Mom in her shoes, I was scared yet comfortable with where I was. scared to go out and find the job that I might not qualify for and comfortable with the love and happiness kids provide. having multiple C section takes a toll on the body and a damage body doesnt keep a figure well. So she was probably insecure with how she presents herself and i could imagine not being confident at interviews.

So this is my 2 cents. Stay at home moms OR dads is only a good thing till school starts THEN ya both need to get back to work. both sides would respect the other for going out and working for the family well being. both would get self time which is always needed and both would miss each other from not seeing each other.

Marriage requires a balance and if one side is doing more than the other or is happier than the other then there will be problems.

you did the right thing nuturing your kids but there comes a time that kids need to grow on their own in these times. maybe, maybe NOT things would have been different. maybe your kids would turn into drug addicts cause your gone I DONT KNOW.

for me tho i would want to see my partner trying as hard as I was to provide for my family, cause its NOT easy to provide and I would appreiciate the help.

Originally posted by Barthandelus

Originally posted by tovenar

Originally posted by Barthandelus

The beta-males NEVER get the hottest women.

So suddenly this is you ranting about how you can't get "the hottest women?"

Of course you know that the guy who bitches this particular aria is deflecting, because he lacks the balls to actually approach ANY woman with an advance that a real live woman would respond to affirmatively.

Matter of fact all women view beta males as tools to be used. You exist to DIE for her, Protect her, work for her, make her feel good. Everything is about HER needs and never the beta loser. The Alpha male places his needs first and rewards the female for obeying his desires.

More rationalization for not scoring, huh?

Lots of guys are getting it dude. If you aren't, it's not because "the game" is rigged....

How is marriage an adventure? If your too beta she'll cheat on you, child support, weddings are scams, society will always take her side if anything goes wrong. Let's not forget women can take all your damn hard earned money.

It's about the one you pick. Picking a loser (or picking one who picks a loser!) always ends in tears.

Your replies have nothing to do with the OP, and are just examples of you raging about how all women are whores, since they won't come to you without being pursued, and you haven't got a clue as to how to please a woman.

So pipe down, and start your own thread about how you cannot get anywhere with the opposite sex. quit derailing. you'd rather talk about yourself, so go into a new thread and do exactly that.

And have a nice day.

You failed this debate as soon as you said I wasn't getting any sex. That's an extremely feminine passive aggressive way of devaluing a male users post. I find it interesting that you seem so mad at the use of the word beta-male. Truth is I hit the nail on the head and it made you go into denial about your own existence.

When I hear this i can only think how sad it is that you will probably never understand.
Yeah yeah I know your fine and great whatever. I have been married 20 years and cannot
Put into words the feelings that can be experienced with a life long connection.

reply to post by MagesticEsoteric
I was married for 15 years to my first husband and I was miserable. My daughter was unhappy also because of the fighting between her father and I. After my divorce I met a wonderful man and I have been married to him for 26 years. Couldn't live without him. So hang in there life does have a way of working out.

Life is about choices and the repercussions or benefits that are the result.

Empower yourself by accepting that you ultimately made the choices in your life, then you won't blame other people and fall into a victim mentality. So many people want to blame others, but with relationships we do have the ultimate choice.

Also remember this saying and you should fair well in your journey.

“Holding onto anger is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die.” - Buddha

Also do what's right by the children first it's not their fault that you and your husband are having issues.

And also any idiots that tell you to start dating right away are FOS, take time to heal yourself and discover who you are again. In a nutshell, get comfortable in your own skin first again. Find your confidence, then tread lightly.


Peace,

RT

P.S. I personally respect what you did for your children because to many women have forgotten their roles as nurturers and comfort givers for children. The results are obvious in today's society.

Their is nothing more comforting than a mothers love, and this has all but disappeared these days

reply to post by MagesticEsoteric


So the main thing is you are bored and going crazy not working? Or your husband treats you bad and you have a awkward relationship? Or your kids are brats?

reply to post by Barthandelus


Why do you think a beta male or you, deserves 'the hottest women'? Why do you think other individuals should do what you want your think they should?

ya it happens. Just say "I love myself unconditionally no matter what", "I forgive myself", "If I knew better I would have done better" (but you didn't so you can't anymore)

reply to post by tovenar


Wow! I had never viewed the issue of divorce in quite that way. I've been divorced for about 10 years now. I essentially married for the wrong reasons, the twist being that I'm a male.

The issue of remarriage for a Christian has definitely "nagged" at me for some time.

If you have some biblical references for a more in depth exploration would you please point me in the right direction?

Thanks.

Originally posted by Dimithae
reply to post by MagesticEsoteric

 

All I can say is good luck to you and think through your decisions carefully.Not to frighten you but just so you make the best decisions for yourself and children.I too had to make that choice,for me I waited till my sons were grown.I think we all have to decide when is the right time (for those of us that leave) for us.No one can tell you when that is.I grew up in a 'broken' home and it was a total nightmare for all of us kids.We are all scarred from it.I told my parents that I wished they had divorced,that we would have all been better off if they had.So I've seen both sides of the coin in my life.Things will be rough at times,but you will see that it will work out for the best.

I can honestly appreciate what you have said.....

Thank you.

reply to post by Sagitaris


Thank you so much for your reply...I understand exactly what you're saying too.

Going back to work once the kids are in a good place has always been in my plans so, we can agree on that note.


I tried working with my first born.....I couldn't do it....I couldn't let someone else do what I was meant to do for him.

With my second son....well, nothing changed there either.

Another year though....I should be able to let go a little bit.

Originally posted by Realtruth
Life is about choices and the repercussions or benefits that are the result.

Empower yourself by accepting that you ultimately made the choices in your life, then you won't blame other people and fall into a victim mentality. So many people want to blame others, but with relationships we do have the ultimate choice.

Also remember this saying and you should fair well in your journey.

“Holding onto anger is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die.” - Buddha

Also do what's right by the children first it's not their fault that you and your husband are having issues.

And also any idiots that tell you to start dating right away are FOS, take time to heal yourself and discover who you are again. In a nutshell, get comfortable in your own skin first again. Find your confidence, then tread lightly.

Peace,

RT

P.S. I personally respect what you did for your children because to many women have forgotten their roles as nurturers and comfort givers for children. The results are obvious in today's society.

Their is nothing more comforting than a mothers love, and this has all but disappeared these days

edit on 28-8-2013 by Realtruth because: (no reason given)

Falling into the victim mentality has never really been my cup of tea.....I've always been good at accepting my decisions as my own and, dealing with the consequences.... whether they happen to be good or bad.

I've accepted both the good and bad in my marriage. I'm just as equally in fault as my husband...... we both entered into this relationship together.

I read the quote you referenced many years ago and, it actually helped me in a lot of ways....It helped me release a lot of poisonous baggage. Thank you for reminder.

As far as dating any time soon....not a chance!!!!!!