Alcoholic/Anorexic Parent - I can't cope with this anymore!

I hate annorexic and i really hare alcoholics, they are the worst people in the world. I just hope that you distance yourself from anyone that claims to be an alcoholic or anyone that is annorexic, they are just horrible people. Deep down on the inside they are just evil stupid people that deserve to be alone. Im sorry that you had to put up with a person like that but just hold your head up high that you are not dumb enough to be one of them.
Anorexic people are just attnetion whores that think people will feel sorry for them. Alcoholics are the same thing, its a terrible combo. To make matters worse is that many people think that it is a disease. I think its a disease but i think the disease is called laziness and irresponsibility, FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU i hate poeple

Thank you so much for all of your lovely replies!!!!

Very much appreciate them and Thank you again!

I told my mum last night that i might be moving to my granparents and she didnt like one bit of it, caused a massive row like everything as per usual!!

Not sure whether to move to theirs or get a place at the YMCA. If i got to the YMCA i will need to find a place to put my pets for tempory as i have a dog, 2 ferrets, 2 hamsters and 2 rats lol! I will be able to get a place quicker that way i guess..

I was genuinlly concerned today as over a space of time ive notcied her belly swell, so i told her and she agreed and said she has notcied it to and she knows its to do with her liver. I went out of a bit and so did she and when i came home my mum arrived back about 30 mins later ranting and raving because i called her fat.

She is really really getting to me, i cant stand her. Most of the time i think well its not her fault its the illness but shes had more than help to get herself better if she wanted to get better anyway!

So many times ive tried to tell her how i feel and how she makes me feel and i point out to her its because of her (Theres alot of other stuff thats happend in my life aswell) im suprised im not insane! but she doesnt like it, she denys it or comes out with stuff thats happend to her, its always her her her and no consideration for me ever i find it so irresponsible and mean!

On the other hand though, You guys have been a Giant Star!!!!

reply to post by BloodSister


will your grandparents let you bring the pets? If so, try that. Since your mother is not talking with them (and vice versa), you should be left at peace there. That way, you can keep the pets and be in a safer place. Just start working and saving like crazy so you can build up money to move out and maybe share a place with a nice girl your age or even the boyfriend if you two are getting serious.

wishing you best of luck

Today my mum let my ferrets loose out of spite and it was by pure luck that i found them if it wasnt for a young boy neighbour telling me his friends mum found a ferret and luckly that woman who had (alfie) knew who had my other ferret (ralphy).. I feel so blessed that i found them but i cant believe a supposed ''mother'' would do such a thing!!!

reply to post by BloodSister

I am so glad you found the ferrets. That was just plain mean-spirited to let them go. They could have been lost forever or killed. You have to get those pets out of there and you too!!

I am sad to hear about your mother.

Right now, you need all the love you can get, and nobody gives unconditional love like animals. So, I suggest you take the animals and go to your grandparents.

I hope your mother sees what she is doing to herself, and you. What she must do, she must do alone.

reply to post by BloodSister


www.dailystrength.org...

Try this place it might help.

You will find that addicts and some with untreated mental health issues, do all they can to manipulate people into taking care of them and taking on responsibility for them! its perfectly normal for your mum to behave in this way, given her circumstances.

However, you are not her parent, her nurse, her therapist, nor her nursemaid. This is not your responsibility! you didn't cause it and you can't fix it.

While you are living with her, you are protecting her from herself on some level. If you are not living there, she has to face herself. Addicts do not recover unless or until they hit rock bottom. They have to seek help out themselves, if you do it for them, you are enabling.

!st thing I would do, is google enabling and co dependency, you may find some interesting and thought provoking information.

2nd thing, move out! Do not abandon her, just build your own life. You could find some details of organisations who will help her, tell her you love her, but you are now going to put your self first.

After that, its up to you how much you involve yourself. I have dealt with similar but with my ex and my child. I explained I chose to not have such destructive influences in my life, if I wanted that lifestyle I would drink/take drugs myself. I stepped back. I did make it very clear that if they wanted to change their lifestyle and were prepared to put the effort it, I would then step forward and support them.
But at all times, they should make their own choices, they have the right to do so, but so do I!!!!!!!!

Its hard to live with after leaving, but gets easier over time. Your mum is a person, she has choices, she chooses to drink, to not eat etc. I stuck this out for 7 years and the emotional damage it caused me was dreadful at the time. I am now much more healthy on an emotional level, my child is a changed person and we are rebuilding our relationship! It can work, but you need to stop being drawn in to taking responsibility.

If you want more personal advice, send me a pm, ive done some training in these fields, have an eating disorder myself, been through so much with addiction, im happy to share what I know,

Do not allow your mothers illness to control you any longer. You are worth more than that.

Hey, wondering how things are going in your life? Were you able to move out? Get a job? Find help with the pets?
Thinking of you.

--Galadriel

Living with an addict or alcoholic is a unique situation. Being the child of one, in their household, exposes you to types of stress which are very hard to relate to.

Others have suggested you attend an AA meeting, which I strongly support, so that you can view the functioning network of support, and see that people do recover. In addition to that, you may find a group in your area called Alanon, which is intended particularly for those who are family or friend to an alcoholic. You may find others in this type of group who are going through the same things you are.

The important thing, which these groups will help with, is seeing that many of our attempts to 'help' the addict in our lives are in fact letting this person dig themselves deeper. In these groups, you can discuss the nuance of what is helpful for you, and helpful for them; and what simply enables their addiction.

She is your mother, but it sounds like very little 'mothering' is going on. You have nothing to gain from staying there, and it gives your mother some comfort in the 'status quo.' It may take her seeing her life fall apart, people abandoning her, to realize what she's messed up. You can be in her life during this time, but try and keep it mediated and recovery oriented (e.g. you'll see her, even buy her dinner, but then you go to AA together).

You will not be able to have a rational discussion with her over these things, until she has been off of the substance for a considerable time. Until then, the chemical circuits which underlie rational are hijacked, and your words will not have an effect. This is not a situation between just two people: the substance has such a powerful force, you will need a team. Alanon and AA meetings happen every night of the week, in even the most modest of towns. These are real people you can speak with, who want to help: you need to go to them.

reply to post by Galadriel


Hello!

Thank you for seeing how i am, Thats very nice of you.

Things with my mum has become worse but i'm riding it out for the time being as i am writting a massive essay on her to give to my doctor so hopefully my housing application may move more quickly, as i have no way of getting £1500 to get a private flat.

It's got so bad at the moment that i have actually put it down to her Bullying and Harassing me, she just won't leave me alone. But i know the more infomation i can get on paper the more i will have a chance of getting out quicker.

Hope your well, and thank you again for your concern
x

reply to post by BloodSister


Hang in there! Sounds as if you have a plan of action to help yourself and I hope things work out well for you.

Just think: If you can get a flat, you can have peace and quiet, have fun, have privacy, have safety...and start building a future and a great life. You can love your mom from a safe distance. Maybe she'll get help once you leave, maybe she won't. She is an adult, and she has had opportunities for help that she has refused/ignored. People have free will. You are not responsible for another person's choices, no matter if they are a family member or friend. You are important too. You matter, too.

Wish you all the best!