Charles1952. I Could Use a Word, or Something. (A Whining Post with a Twist.)

Dear ATSers,

Many of you have referred to this site as "family" in some way. I'm in a little bit of a spot, and I'm failing at the goal of "Sucking it Up" and putting on my big boy pants. In an ideal world, I could mention this to a friend over a few beers, and leave feeling that everything was resolved, and I was ready to kill some more enemy. I hope, if you're a guy, you understand what I mean.

Here's the whining. Like everybody else, fiances are tough, enough so that I'm being introduced to lawyers through the mail. My mother is 93 and it seems she's beginning to slip a little. I spent Monday and Tuesday with an hour's sleep, worrying about, and taking care of my daughter, as the the result of the first of her several surgeries. My disability is not quite as manageable anymore, and the pills just aren't picking up the slack. I injured my back about a week ago in the dopiest fall you've ever heard of. OK, enough whining.

Now for the twist. I had a dream upon returning from the hospital on Tuesday. Most of it doesn't matter, but the end was "odd." I was standing in a darkened, but not black, enclosed area with sufficient space to be comfortable. That is, it seemed enclosed, but i couldn't detect walls. There was no sound, scent, taste, or touch. The only item I could see was a pedestal table, maybe something like a baptismal fount with a flat top, or a stand in a museum to display a crown. There was something on it, but I couldn't tell what. After watching it for about thirty seconds, the space on top of the table was filled with a bright ball or disk replacing or covering what was there before.. My guess? Three or four feet in diameter.

In the bright light of the ball, which disappeared fairly quickly, I saw three shapes. They were, as far as I could tell, identical. Blocky, rectangular, shapes, with the short side on the table, like books standing up, or childrens' blocks. On the top, center edge of each block was a small dome shape, a little like an onion dome or a beehive. Each shape was in it's own "panel" or "plane," very much like the three reflections you see in a tailor's mirror, except the angle here was very slight.

Across the surface of each of the three "blocks," information came at a very quick pace. I saw some of the information in the bright light, and some in the after-image. The information was in the form of writing, but it conveyed information to me without my understanding the writing. There was also a moment or two when I seemed to get the information directly.

In the first "block," I was informed that my name wasn't Charles, and the rest of my personal "data' was false. The second block told me that the people I thought were my parents actually weren't. The third block let me know that they were still running tests, but that there was a fair chance that I wasn't human.

I woke up and felt "strange," for you men, and "crushed, desolated, isolated, and hopless," for those of you with a more sensitive bent. The one thing I wanted most int the world was to reach out my hand to some human, have someone assure me I was real and that my mind and body were both functioning, and that the world hadn't ended. (And yes, to get back to my whining, my tear glands were a little overactive.)

I ran across a friend a little while later who asked if I was nursing a hangover, then he laughed. (He knew that I may be the only person in the world who has never been drunk or used illegal substances.) He told me that my eyes had developed very large bags and my skin was either pale grey or flat white.

Sorry to bother you guys, but as I said, I could use a word, or something. I'm still very disturbed.

With respect,
Charles1952 (Assuming the blocks are wrong.)

its lack of sleep .. too much stress along with reading all the ufo posts on ats latenight ... take a holiday .. get some rest .. have a couple beers and life will return to what passes for normal in this insane world ...

reply to post by Expat888

Dear Expat888,

Thanks, that may be it. However, I don't go on the ET sites, some things I just can't accept. But maybe, three or four Stouts will take care of it. Thanks, again.

With respect,
Charles1952

reply to post by charles1952


Dear charles1952,

Just posting to show support. I don't know that I have anything of value to offer; but, my recommendation is to get a few beers and watch old comedies. Airplane and Young Frankenstein come to mind. Peace.

reply to post by AQuestion

Dear AQuestion,

Thanks for your kindness. That's two votes for beers. I'm glad to see a thread with agreement among the members. The movies will have to be put off for a time. I can't really do it right now. Thanks again.

With respect,
Charles1952

reply to post by charles1952


That's a striking nightmare to have. I don't know what to say to you except try a glass of milk before bed. You'll sleep better.

I wish you peace, C.

reply to post by suz62

Dear suz62,

I'm very grateful for your support and suggestion. Your kindness and concern will be valuable on ATS if you're not stomped into cynicism. Be full of love, and persevere.

By the way, three or four Stouts and a glass of milk? It seems some compromise will have to be made.

With respect,
Charles1952

reply to post by charles1952


Ditch the alcohol. Drink the milk.

reply to post by charles1952


Dear charles1952,

I shall post a link to a funny clip.

YouTube - Foster Brooks roasts Don Rickles

Best.

reply to post by charles1952
I think you have a lot on your plate Charles, and your subconscious is trying to work things out while you sleep. I think you probably feel a little helpless, and that is unusual for you. Through your postings I have learned that you are one of those rare people for whom the saying "Knowledge is power" rings very true. But sometimes when you can't pick up a book that tells you what you should expect or what to do it can leave you feeling very unsettled- thus the symbolism in your dream. When we are worried, afraid, feel helpless our dreams interpret that in strange ways such as imparting doubt (like telling you that you aren't who you think you are).

You are who you are dear, you are just worried and afraid for your mother and daughter. Those feelings are perfectly natural. We can't help but be fearful for our loved ones, and for ourselves. You are only human. Just be there as much as you can for your family and try to get some rest- not easy I know- and know that you are not alone. I wish you and your loved ones well and will pray for your family if that is okay with you.

reply to post by AQuestion

Dear AQuestion,

Thanks. You're right, Foster Brook's work is wonderful. I went through a spell where I tracked down every clip of his I could find. I even toyed with the idea of imitating him for an after dinner speech. Pipe dream. I knew I could never carry it off, so I played it straight.

Which reminds me, full weekend conference in Rochester, MN, this weekend. Have to be better by then. New jobs (unpaid) with state-wide responsibility. Maybe I'll have to stock up on milk.

With respect,
Charles1952

Originally posted by AQuestion
reply to post by charles1952

 

Dear charles1952,

I shall post a link to a funny clip.

YouTube - Foster Brooks roasts Don Rickles

Best.

Makes me miss my childhood. Things were so different then. Good post.

reply to post by littled16

Dear littled16,

I worried a lot about posting this. As I said, guys don't whine, It violates the Secret International Code of Behavior for Real Guys. But I owe you all much gratitude. There are people out there, I mean real, decent, people. You should all wear that honor above any other honor that man can give.

Maybe it's a guy thing, but when something's wrong a guy just has to fix it. Do the plumbing, get rid of the vermin, keep the cars going, do nothing to embarass the family, love everyone, know everything, it's a bit of a list.

But, I'm also proud of being a guy, or at least trying to be.

Pray, littled16, pray, and persevere in your prayers. There are so many things to pray for. Just talk with Him. He loves you, I love you.

With respect,
Charles1952

reply to post by charles1952


Dear charles1952,

Glad you enjoyed it and best wishes this weekend.

AQ

Even the manliest man gets beaten down sometimes, Charles. It is normal and nothing to be ashamed of just remember that

There's not much else I can say as Little pretty much hit the nail on the head. Just remember, you are not alone and you don't have to be superman all the time. You need to take even an hour to just relax and do something you enjoy. Kind of like what my mum always says to me: "A happy mummy makes a happy baby". You will function so much better and FEEL better if you hold your hands up and say "Hey, I need a break. Back in a bit."
Is there anyone who can help you out? For instance, can someone else care for your mother for a day?

Charles,sleep my friend sleep.
Eat and keep yourself hydrated.Take care of yourself.

The blocks in your dream reminded me of when I was young and had the flu with a high fever.
I had block dreams,but was to young to understand them.

Maybe it is away that your body is telling you that you are not healthy.

Just my spin on things,

Take care,
K

reply to post by charles1952

Dear Charles,

Thank you for your touching words. You are well loved by me and many others here. Have no shame in your feelings. Being a real man does not entail being made of stone (although the plumbing and getting rid of vermin thing does put you at the top of the "most manly" list). Sometimes just talking about our feelings, our fears, and getting them out into the open helps to soothe our nerves if only a little. I hope getting a bit off of your chest helps in some small way. We are here with an ear for you (or a shoulder) and no gratitude is required- that is just what friends do, even internet friends. My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family.

With much love and utmost respect, littled16

reply to post by charles1952


It sounds like THEY found you! The disguise that you have been wearing and the name you have been hiding behind are no cover for you any longer! LOL!

On a more serious note, you surely are NOT human, you are a spiritual being!

I can so sympathize with your burden, your daughter's surgeries and your mother slipping. When my mom was "slipping" I was so distracted and loopy, I forgot to show up for work twice! That's just not like me at all!

This too shall pass. I agree with the other posters, get some sleep and take care of yourself. You can only do what you can do, so be gentle with yourself.

You'll be in my thoughts! Best wishes for your daughter's recovery.

I wonder if the mere passage of time will fix things. I know now about the hydration, which was new to me. (Although there does seem to be some discussion concerning with exactly what I should hydrate.) I'm afraid to say much more about the situation because whining is a big no-no (pace littled16), but you are all reassuring me that I am me, even though it might be time for a tune-up.

This makes it even harder for me to understand how there can be so much hatred and anger here. Don't our members realize that some posters are just hanging on by a bit? Thanks for caring enough to post.

P.s. I might just hit the market for some five foot, stuffed, bunny rabbits. - C -

P.p.s. Nah, that's too weird. - C -

reply to post by charles1952


Dear Charles,

littled16 and windword said it so nicely. I know that we are just words on a screen; but, some of us are people too and you matter. You don't matter because I believe you exist, you matter because you exist. Any sentient being matters and the more you care about others, the more you matter. You care about others from what I have read by you. You show manners and concern for others, I like you and you need one more joke to enjoy yourself as appreciation for how nice it is to laugh and how we can matter to one another. Peace.

YouTube - vintage Rodney Dangerfield comedy 1978